Journal of Kanelikorppi

[Kanelikorppi]

I made a promise to myself not to play only 7 hours ago? Crazy. Time sure is going differently when you actually getting things done instead of staring at the screen all day. Anyway, my introduction can be found here:

https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/9109-first-step/

Although I count this as a beginning of my journey, I stayed up all night playing so I slept 2 hours or so. It is hard to write anything coherent in such condition, really. Make plans and figure out routine, as I supposed to do. My task until the next Monday is very simple - focus on my physical well-being rather than starting something new. Cook for myself, go to sleep at the normal time, move. It would be nice to find a way to bring my concentration and attention span back, but I have no clue on how to approach this. On Monday I am relocating myself to the student dorm (and probably also start studying on that day). It will be rather stressful, so I won't make any strategical plans until I settle down, meet my roommate and look around the campus. 

Until then I need to keep things short and sweet -  look after myself and avoid gaming. Today I figured out some dorm-related issues, talked to my current landlady, cleaned the apartment, read some stuff for college and cooked for myself. My dinner was the tastiest porridge in my life. I couldn't think that something as simple can be such a pleasure, but I have really been ignoring my diet lately. Then I went for a walk near the lake which was very enjoyable - I saw some swans and a hare. 

I didn't want to be so off-topic on my first day but I am falling asleep as I am typing this so that will do. I hope to get to the gaming problem part tomorrow as I get some sleep and restore my humanity.

[Amphibian220]

Welcome to the forum. May this post change your life for the better. It is good that you are beginning to look after yourself by taking care of the diet. The more you look after yourself, the more self esteem and confidence you will gain. 

Can you share more about yourself, what are you studying and what field do you want to work in? Don’t limit the answer to these points I listed, you can describe things that you see as important in yourself and the things that you need to change.

Edited August 19, 2020 by Amphibian220

[Kanelikorppi]

@Amphibian220 Hello! Thank you for the greetings! 

Yes, I think I need to make a whole other introductory post, I am on it now.

[Kanelikorppi]

So it's been a while, but first I was overstressed and then I moved in and was really really busy... I am on my day 3, actually. Glad to make it this far.

I need to write a bit more about myself, rather than about my problem.

I am Alli and I currently I am studying to become a baker-confectioner in Finland. The field is really new to me, I've just started and I am very excited about my studies (and my future work) has in store for me. I've been baking at home before, but nothing professional. This is one of the reason I am quitting video games. First, I need to gain practical skills that will help me in my life, not something imaginary and obviously video-game related.  Second, I just love creating things and feel appreciated for what I am doing.

I used to be a very creative person. I used to enjoy painting with watercolours and writing short stories. A year ago or so gaming took that away from me, so I guess the plan is to bring it back. Other my hobbies include swimming, biking, fitness and yoga so I want to bring movement in my life too. My relaxation hobby is probably reading. I love science fiction and fantasy, but I can read pretty much everything except non-fiction (haven't found my book yet). I will track all my new habits daily.

I moved here from one former Soviet Union country, that currently has some political problems (and it doesn't narrow the list, like, at all), so English is not my native language. Sorry for any possible mistakes :) I am also learning Finnish and since the teaching is in Finnish, I need to keep up. I like learning languages and in this situation my knowledge is crucial. And in my home country, we don't really believe in addiction (if you are addicted to something, that is because you are inherently weak) and it is considered inappropriate to go to therapy. I also always have to worry about saving face and not to let my family down. Two main sources of anxiety and paranoia in my life.

I think I am more of an introvert, I am really bad at communicating people online especially now. But I still need connection in my life, but I figure it on my way to somewhere.

So, that's what I have to say about myself apart from my addiction. If you happen to pass here after all these many words, nice to meet you:)

[Kanelikorppi]

Day 3

Since Monday I was keeping myself very busy since I need to buy a lot of things. I walked 52 km during these three days. That's one way of staying away from laptop. Today I went to the big city nearby to buy working clothes, for example. I spent so much on that and there is no way I can start making money until next year, I think, so I feel anxious and stupid. Do I want to numb this feeling? Yes, but I also need to figure out so much.

Another thing that worries me is that I don't like doing theoretical tasks or dealing with emails or anything that involves laptop. After gaming spree I really forgot how to study and I am afraid that I won't bring it back. It is hard for me to sit down and concentrate... 

Finnish: a lot of practice and conversations in the mall and work clothes shop. The last one even got me a discount since I keep asking for a better (money-wise) option. I don't think I need the expensive set yet, because our school promised to provide us with some items. The joke Finnish saleslady made almost passed me.

Movement: 20 km! Also some heavy lifting. My feet, back and shoulders will and should kill me tomorrow. 

Reading: I started to read Ancillary Sword by Anne Leckie, I read the first part this May or so. It is a sci-fi trilogy about a sentient ship component and I loved the first part. I was reading on the train, so I didn't read much.

Creativity: Nothing:(

 

[Amphibian220]

You walked 52 km in 3 days? What a heart. I cannot walk long distances at the moment but perform back strengthening exercises. Are you completing the respawn workbook at the moment?

With regards to the laptop, I would go to my library, print out learning materials and work with that. It increased productivity greatly by removing all distractions. Another thing i can recommend is getting one of those reading tablets that are text only and allow you to upload, store and read documents.

 

[iveyott]

On 8/27/2020 at 1:59 AM, Kanelikorppi said:

Day 3

Since Monday I was keeping myself very busy since I need to buy a lot of things. I walked 52 km during these three days. That's one way of staying away from laptop. Today I went to the big city nearby to buy working clothes, for example. I spent so much on that and there is no way I can start making money until next year, I think, so I feel anxious and stupid. Do I want to numb this feeling? Yes, but I also need to figure out so much.

Another thing that worries me is that I don't like doing theoretical tasks or dealing with emails or anything that involves laptop. After gaming spree I really forgot how to study and I am afraid that I won't bring it back. It is hard for me to sit down and concentrate... 

Finnish: a lot of practice and conversations in the mall and work clothes shop. The last one even got me a discount since I keep asking for a better (money-wise) option. I don't think I need the expensive set yet, because our school promised to provide us with some items. The joke Finnish saleslady made almost passed me.

Movement: 20 km! Also some heavy lifting. My feet, back and shoulders will and should kill me tomorrow. 

Reading: I started to read Ancillary Sword by Anne Leckie, I read the first part this May or so. It is a sci-fi trilogy about a sentient ship component and I loved the first part. I was reading on the train, so I didn't read much.

Creativity: Nothing:(

 

I really can feel where you are at. I am the same.