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How I’m quitting Overwatch


WhoCares
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36 minutes ago, dasvira said:

@WhoCares I am glad you are back! I believe you will succeed in overcoming this terrible addiction. However, if you can't do it, I think there is no point in stopping trying to abandon video games, even if only to damage control eventual relapses.

 

 

That is very good advice, other-izing helps me to deal psicologically with many hardships in my life. Here is an excerpt of Massimo Piugliucci that i read recently:

 

6. Other-ize. “We can familiarize ourselves with the will of nature by calling to mind our common experiences. When a friend breaks a glass, we are quick to say, ‘Oh, bad luck.’ It’s only reasonable, then, that when a glass of your own breaks, you accept it in the same patient spirit. Moving on to graver things: when somebody’s wife or child dies, to a man we all routinely say, ‘Well, that’s part of life.’ But if one of our own family is involved, then right away it’s ‘Poor, poor me!’ We would do better to remember how we react when a similar loss afflicts others.”

This exercise is a fascinating one: Epictetus reminds us here of just how differently we regard an event that has affected other people when the same event affects us. Naturally, it is far easier to maintain equanimity (which, again, is not to be confused with emotional impassivity!) when little inconveniences, or even disasters, happen to others rather than to ourselves. But why, really? What makes us think that we are the universe’s special darlings, or that we ought to be?

Of course, even if we can bring ourselves to realize and internalize (which is far more difficult) that we are just like everyone else on the planet and should have the same attitude about an occurrence when it happens to others as when it happens to ourselves, we could still flip the argument on the Stoic and say that the right thing to do is to feel the same degree of pain and empathy for everyone’s misfortunes as we do for our own. The Stoic has two responses to this argument—one based on empirical evidence, and the other from philosophical principles. The empirical fact is that human beings are simply incapable, physiologically, of that much empathy. To feel truly sorry and distraught for every life lost on planet Earth as we normally feel when our own loved ones die is, simply put, inhuman. The philosophical argument is that we are, if not entirely right, at least closer to the truth when we say to other people, “I’m truly sorry, but it is a fact of life,” than when we tell ourselves, “Poor me! Poor me!” Accidents, injuries, disease, and death are unavoidable, and while it is understandable to be distraught over them (presumably in proportion to their gravity—breaking a glass is not the same thing as losing one’s spouse!), we can take comfort in knowing that they are in the normal order of things. The universe isn’t after anyone—or at least, it isn’t after any one of us in particular!

I found both interpretations of the “other-ize” exercise useful in a number of recent experiences. Sometimes I tend to dismiss the feelings of people who are close to me on the grounds that they are overreacting to whatever is happening to them. But Epictetus reminds me that I tend to feel differently when similar things—like a cutting comment from a friend or a colleague—happen to me. By the same token, when it is my turn to be on the receiving end, I now instantly recall that pretty much everyone I know has experienced whatever it is that is upsetting me at the moment, or will experience it at some point in their lives. This constant habit of adjusting my own reactions to others’ misfortunes and putting my problems in context by remembering that they are common to the broader humanity is—I think—gradually helping me see things with an equanimity that I definitely lacked before I got interested in Stoicism.

 

I tend not to display that much emotion, will try to say something reassuring and encouraging and it feels like i’m acting, but this acting is important to the other person. I think many gamers tend to be so withdrawn they miss important moments when they have to speak. But on the whole I tend to do better if I’m using minimal conversation.

I try to be consistent in how I treat others and myself but I never really tracked how well I’m doing in this regard.

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16 hours ago, WhoCares said:

Since I stopped posting my life is getting worse every day. This week is probably the lowest point I’ve been in my life. I started playing again and it ruined everything. Now it’s 5 AM, I am tilted after the game, so I uninstalled. I can’t do this anymore. It feels so wrong. My physical condition is horrible and my mental condition is questionable. 
 

It feels like I miss something. With every new relapse I lose a bit of hope. All my enthusiasm is gone. I feel empty. Not sure how long I can last. 

Hey man, if you'd like I can try to set you up with a professional therapist for one or two sessions for free. I know some people, I think it's worth a try given how difficult the last few weeks for you have been.

In your posts, I noticed your tendency to make "promises" like "Today I'm quitting forever" or "I'm done with Twitch". Never say never. It's impossible. We are humans living in a world where nothing stays constant, especially ourselves. "Forever" and "never" do not exist. Everything has a limited amount of time to it.

I think you are being too hard on yourself. I was just like that, making myself "hate" video games by playing too much, and making BIG promises on how I shall never do X again. Being always disappointed in myself resulted in suppressed confidence, lack of motivation, which resulted in more relapses, which resulted in more disappointment... See the loop? Throughout your entries, I see that progression. You have made a lot of progress, like actually. You're not doing any worse than I used to when I was your age. It took me 4 years to overcome gaming; you are not even a year in. It's not easy. You're only human, allow yourself to make mistakes.

Now, how did I quit? I went to college. Okay okay, it wasn't just that, but rather finding actual replacements to video games. It wasn't an instant. It took me 2 weeks to find the person I really love, more than a year to make good friends, and a year and a half to develop hobbies that bring me so much joy that I actually prefer them instead of gaming. Throughout that time, I've had multiple relapses in gaming; I defeated and then re-developed addiction to porn and social media. Even now, I am not sure if I am quitting gaming "forever". I am doing my best, but that might be enough. But someday, it will be. 

So, I say you stop making promises you know you can't fulfill. Stop saying never, say "today, I will play 1 minute less than yesterday". Stop saying how disappointed in yourself you are, and instead try to accept your mistakes and learn from them. Make goals you know you can achieve, even if they seem really plain. It's like running- you can't beat the world record for one mile(uhh I suck at examples) on day 1. Start out in your comfort zone, and SLOWLY!!!! improve from there. Track your progress weekly instead of daily. Failure is crucial to succeeding, it's what causes success, not hinders at it. 

No one ever makes the same mistake twice, but we often like to think that way just to get mad at ourselves. No matter how little progress you seem to make, it's there- after all, you're still on this forum, you still haven't given up on GQ. Keep breathing!

Sorry, lots of ramble. Take all of this with a grain of salt; I am no therapist and this is just my biased opinion. Please take care, and I hope to hear from you soon.

Po

 

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On 12/4/2020 at 7:31 AM, Amphibian220 said:

Another really good tip for you. If you do play, try to not get too mentally involved. For a change, look at the buttons you are pressing when you play, the noises outside on the street or in the room. Try to look at yourself from a third person perspective, so the gaming process fades out into the background and you are more aware of yourself and how banal and simple the algorithm of this game is.

Thanks for advise, but it won't work for me. I am competitive gamer on high rank. Even one minor mistake would make my whole team lose and I would be blamed and insulted by angry teammates. I can't even lose focus for a split second.

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On 12/4/2020 at 7:50 AM, DaBest said:

If you don't mind me asking--had you cut down on your gaming since your last post? if so, GREAT, that's PROGRESS!!! Even if you hadn't--WHO CARES?! (see what I did there 😉 ) You TRIED. Think back to the person you were when you weren't trying to quit and compare that to the person that IS trying now. That IN ITSELF is progress. 

I am playing more than ever before. All my progress is entirely gone. And to be honest, I'm not even trying anymore. I just say that I'll try, but in reality, I relapse and rush to game even after minor thought of playing. I have no willpower anymore. When I wasn't trying to quit I was happyly gaming half a day. Now I play non stop all day while being depressed as fuck.

Edited by WhoCares
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19 hours ago, Pochatok said:

So, I say you stop making promises you know you can't fulfill. Stop saying never, say "today, I will play 1 minute less than yesterday". Stop saying how disappointed in yourself you are, and instead try to accept your mistakes and learn from them. Make goals you know you can achieve, even if they seem really plain. It's like running- you can't beat the world record for one mile(uhh I suck at examples) on day 1. Start out in your comfort zone, and SLOWLY!!!! improve from there. Track your progress weekly instead of daily. Failure is crucial to succeeding, it's what causes success, not hinders at it. 

Well, I read your advise yesterday that I should take it slow and immediately reinstall Overwatch. After gaming straight for 6 hours, in 5 AM I realized that I don't wanna live anymore. I don't want to do anything. Nothing brings me joy. I want to end this. I want to be freed from this life. I want to fall asleep and never wake up. The only thing that is stopping me from commiting suicide is that my family would be sad. If not them, I would end this constant suffering right now.

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Hey maybe you could go see a therapist. Try to do an emergency call through your insurance provider just call them and say you're having thoughts of suicide and they'll get you to chat with someone. They may try to make you go to a facility so if you don't want that then don't go.

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It sucks balls that you have to feel that way right now. You seem severely depressed.  Depression is something curable by professional help, even if it doesn't feel like their could be help right now. This is one illness where psychological  professionals actually habe good odds of succeeding. I know that therapy and pills work out of personal experience. Talk with someone you trust (family / friends) about your feelings and let them help you. You don't have to do this alone. 

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9 hours ago, WhoCares said:

I am playing more than ever before. All my progress is entirely gone. And to be honest, I'm not even trying anymore. I just say that I'll try, but in reality, I relapse and rush to game even after minor thought of playing. I have no willpower anymore. When I wasn't trying to quit I was happyly gaming half a day. Now I play non stop all day while being depressed as fuck.

Your progress is not entirely gone--you tried to take away your "drugs" and now you're seeing what withdrawals and addiction are like. Games are great at repressing emotions. When I gave up gaming last year--again--it was constant pain and agony. It was excruciating as all of the negative feelings I pushed down came welling up and I didn't know what to do with them. If I got frustrated at work and started to beat myself up in my head, when no one was around, I would literally beat myself up and punch myself. You're going to have these kinds of days from time to time. That's normal. Unlike gaming, there is no linear path to success here. There are going to be times when it is easier. There are going to be times where its harder. 

And depression sucks. I know, because I've been dealing with it for about twenty years now, and only started seeing a therapist last year. I used to game and still use the internet to run away from those feelings. I even did that a bit today, but it's better than it was before. And the battle against depression isn't a linear path either. It requires a lot of humility, acceptance, and perseverance. 

If you don't mind me asking, what kind of life do you want to live? If you gave up gaming, what would that let you do?

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Also, I just read your other post. 

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get professional help if you can. I think you mentioned you were in Russia, and this number seems to be a hotline there: 007 (8202) 577-577. This has resources for other countries if you don't live there.

I know you're feeling unimaginable pain right now. I know it feels like it's never going to get better, and I won't promise that it will either, but YOU are important. It might not feel like it, but you are. You are to ME. Why? Because I would be sad. Not just your family...me too. And not just me...but a whole lot of other people who know you IRL and on this forum. I know that might matter nothing to you as I am some rando on an online forum, but I see a lot of my old self in you and what you write. 

I'm going to overshare a bunch right now. 

I was nine the first time I really got close to committing suicide. Weapon in hand. The only things that stopped me were making my family sad, and that I'd go to Hell (I'm Catholic). This was ironic since my mother was an alcoholic who was emotionally abusive when she was drunk, and my dad was just plain-old emotionally abusive. I became hypersensitive as a result and started to get bullied incessantly at school, which just made it worse. I thought I had no value, and if I had no value, why deal with all that pain? 

I felt like that for years. I felt like worthless shit all the time for about twenty years. Even last year, those same thoughts started to creep in again, which was the true reason I got a therapist. And the biggest thing we discussed during the start of our sessions, was that games were the only thing that kept me alive. The internet kept me alive. Numbness kept me alive. It's perverse, but the thing that keeps most drug addicts alive is the drug itself. 

In light of that, I'm going to say you should game as much as you want right now. I want you to accept gaming for this time right now. Do whatever it fucking takes. Lose the battle but win the war. Bait the enemy and ambush them with more forces. 

I am really pulling for you, bud. Honest truth. You shouldn't have to feel this way. 

If you need anything just let me know. Heck, if you need to talk to literally anyone, I'll Skype you if you want. 

Everyone here has your back.

 

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11 hours ago, WhoCares said:

 

05.12.2020 I am mentally destroyed.

 

Please please please, hang on, I understand that you are going through pretty much hell right now, but you all matter to us, and we care about you, and I promise you, though you are going through a rough patch right now, things will get better. Talk to a therapist, or talk to one of us, whatever you do talk to someone. 
 

You got this bud, everyone here has your back. 
 

I'm rooting for you 

Jason

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On 12/5/2020 at 9:07 AM, WhoCares said:

05.12.2020 I am mentally destroyed.

Life can be extremely painful at times.  Don't lose the hope though. Hang in there and take it easy on yourself. The future will be better.

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On 12/5/2020 at 5:33 PM, WhoCares said:

Thanks for advise, but it won't work for me. I am competitive gamer on high rank. Even one minor mistake would make my whole team lose and I would be blamed and insulted by angry teammates. I can't even lose focus for a split second.

Here is where you are wrong. Generally, you should continue your efforts in finding new replacement activities 

Those ranks don’t mean anything. The people that get them, don’t get anything good in return. 

Treat it only as a game and follow my approach- it will help you to see the big picture. Don’t be a person who is constantly looking to please others. If somebody on your team insults you for losing, respond in a way that will embarrass him because he is taking a game too seriously. This very act will make you independent. When you can say to another person your belief without fear of being disliked, this is a major factor that will help you in recovery.

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On 8/25/2020 at 2:13 PM, WhoCares said:


Hey everybody. I’m past 3 weeks milestone (20 days 21 hours 4 minutes). Last week was great and I would like to share my thoughts.

The most important thing obviously is that I didn’t relapse. I don’t dream about Overwatch anymore and my cravings are weaker. I think it is because I’m constantly working, studying or hanging out with friends, so I’m never bored and in need to kill time. Enough Overwatch, let’s talk about something more interesting.

I still haven’t returned to my city so subscription to workout & nutrition plan will wait a bit more unfortunately. But the good thing is I found a job at small manufactory in a town I’m currently staying. They’re making doors, windows and stuff related to that. And they even gonna pay me although I don’t need money that much, I guess experience that I’ll receive from that work is much more valuable. I have been working already for 2 days, I think I’ll work for a week. It is hard physical work and in the end of the day I’m really exhausted. I am learning electronics and programming, hoping I will be able to make a career in IT, but I think starting with something basic like working in a factory is a great life lesson. I start to feel real value of money, how hard can it be to earn something. I’m not a spoiled kid IMO, but I never seriously worked before, I had better things to do (waste my time on a stupid game). I’ll attach a picture of me during a small break at work.

So I started reading a book a talked about last time called “Electronics step by step” and it’s awesome. I never really understood basics of electronics like Ohm’s law (I know I’m dumb) and a lot more, but this book covers it all, so now I understand it perfectly. It’s a bit hard to read because it gives you a lot of information, so to remember everything I started a notebook where I write formulas, constants and other stuff I want to remember. It feels great to finally understand something you’ve been struggling with. Can’t wait to start learning Java after finishing this book but it looks like it’ll take a while.

Well, that’s all for now, see ya’ll next week!

Max.

387411B3-65BA-49F7-B799-E1BA7D882103.jpeg

You didn't play for 20 days in past! you can do it again for sure.

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I’m reading SuicideWatch reddit and I can relate to almost everything people write there. My life is shit and I don’t think I need this anymore. I’m so empty I don’t want to even try to change something. I’ve been forced to go to therapist, so I’m going tomorrow. To be honest I don’t really care 

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12 minutes ago, WhoCares said:

I’m reading SuicideWatch reddit and I can relate to almost everything people write there. My life is shit and I don’t think I need this anymore. I’m so empty I don’t want to even try to change something. I’ve been forced to go to therapist, so I’m going tomorrow. To be honest I don’t really care 

I feel like if you are having suicidal thoughts, SuicideWatch might not be the best platform of support. Some posts motivate suicide rather than the opposite. Please be careful when browsing that subreddit. 

If there are any sources of inspiration for you, please refer to them. Anything from stories of people having similar struggles and suceeding or not giving up on themselves is great; there is plenty of material like that all over internet. When I am feeling very down, I simply watch my favorite anime; it reminds me that there is some beauty in this world, that I still can smile. 

Please just hang in there, and let the therapist and family take care of you. I am rooting for you so much you won't believe it. We all are over here. Don't give up on yourself! I really care about you @WhoCares, and I really hope to meet you in person someday so we can have some quality chats 🙂

Po

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1 hour ago, WhoCares said:

I’ve been forced to go to therapist, so I’m going tomorrow.

Good to see you're going to a shrink. Show her the forum and your journal. The therapist might refer you to a psychiatrist because medication in this case might be for the best.

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2 hours ago, WhoCares said:

I’m reading SuicideWatch reddit and I can relate to almost everything people write there. My life is shit and I don’t think I need this anymore. I’m so empty I don’t want to even try to change something. I’ve been forced to go to therapist, so I’m going tomorrow. To be honest I don’t really care 

Hi @WhoCares, glad to see you are still trying but I am sorry to see you are still struggling. I'm glad you are seeing the therapist. They can be amazing people to rely on if you find a good one that will listen. Mine has helped me immensely the past few years. 

Mind if I ask a question, well, technically two? If there's one thing in your life that you could completely change besides gaming, or even simply make better, what would it be? Doesn't have to be big, it could be something really small. You don't have to answer if you don't want, but I've felt that same despair that you're talking about. It's temporary. You are stronger than you even know right now. You have the capacity to make at least some things better. That's something anyone can take pride in. We set a goal, and sometimes we miss the mark, but when we look back and see that maybe we got closer to the goal this time, there's hope we can get better and better. 

It can feel empty and lonely when there's so much that's going wrong in our lives. Heck, I even felt like that last weekend for a bit. It's overwhelming at times and the best way to handle it is to shut off all that feeling, at least in the present moment. Empty does feel better than pain, it's true. But one thing that can help fill that emptiness is that purpose, that you can change things. That leads to hope. 

Stay strong, I'm rooting for you so much. 

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4 hours ago, WhoCares said:

Therapist told me that he can’t do anything and I need to see a doctor. Turns out I’m a psycho. Learning something new everyday lmao.

Most people manage to overcome depression, most of the time it is only a temporary condition. I feel like seeing a psychiatric could really help you right now (specially if you are thinking about hurting yourself).

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6 hours ago, WhoCares said:

Therapist told me that he can’t do anything and I need to see a doctor.

I'm glad you went to the therapist that's a good step. Now did the therapist specifically refer you to a certain doctor or hospital or did he just tell you to go to a doctor in general. If there is a specific referal follow that referal and go there. If not, find a psychiatrist or go to your closest hospital and make an appointment yourself.

PS: If you play your cards right. You could end up with a massive ammount of money because Overwatched destroyed your life (from TV appearances alone). But forcus first on getting your medicine you need.

Edited by Bird By Bird
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I'm glad you got to see the therapist today. Sometimes meds give people the breathing room they need to start turning things around. 

That said, I just read through your whole journal. I think "psycho" is a bit of a stretch. Being in pain doesn't make someone a psycho, nor does struggling with a game addiction after being so focused and so good at something for a long period of time. That's a big hole to fill. You might not feel like it, but for going as cold turkey as you did without something to fill that void is crazy difficult for some. You are a strong person for going through that and not giving up. 

We all have our moments where we all act a little crazy. It's normal--it's human. It will get better with time as you fix the things you need to. 

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