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How I’m quitting Overwatch


WhoCares
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6 hours ago, WhoCares said:

My cravings are back and I want to play Overwatch more than ever. I'm tearing myself apart.

Breathe through it man! This is the hardest part. Talking to friends worked best for me, but you might really want to get some exercise in, maybe do something creative for a while. 

 

The first month is brutal. The first 2 weeks were the worst for me, but I felt the reward. After that it stretches out and the flareups are horrible. I know that. But it really is worth pulling through. Have you found something to replace gaming yet? Art? Chess? Exercise? Anything? 

 

Stay strong! 

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It’s been 4 weeks (27 days 23 hours 29 minutes) and I’m not in the mood today.

Disclaimer: this one’s gonna be sad and depressing, so if you’re reading journals to find inspirations or something to make yourself better, then please, DO NOT READ THIS. I have a lot of shit on my mind and I’m sure it’s not healthy to read if you’re struggling with video game addiction. I’m not seeking attention so just leave.

Also, because I’m Russian and English is obviously not my native language, sometimes I’m having troubles with finding right words and I cba this time, so I’ll use a lot of bad language.

First of all, I did not relapse and worked 3 more days in a factory, finished all tasks and earned money. Read a bit of a book I mentioned before (not as much as I wanted tho). That’s the only good things I’ve done. During the day I was thinking what I’m gonna write here and thought something like “I worked, earned money from it, read a book, had fun hanging out with friends, wasn’t very productive, I’ll try better next week”, but after that I saw a post by BooksandTrees (I don’t want to mention him via @, this shit should not be seen). He was talking about that most people are writing one post and relapse, or abandon this forum after time and he receives no feedback from his daily posts. And I felt so bad for him for some reason. And now I am fucking depressed. Like what’s the point of this shit? In reality I’m lonely as fuck even tho I hang out outside and make/support conversations almost every day in real life. I just don’t feel satisfied. I am opening this forum like 15 times a day to see if there’s something new and even if not I’m just reading old journals. I don’t use social media because I fucking despise Instagram/Facebook cunts for their cringe show off posts like “look how perfect and friendly I am in my life” when you know these brats in real life. You know how pathetic they are, how they hate everything and everyone but keep smiling on fucking camera. Everything is fake. And today I realized that I’m doing the same, I fucking seek attention on this forum. I want to be perfect. I want people to open my journal and say “Wow, he’s so good and strong during he’s journey out of addiction”. But in reality I suck. In Overwatch I was feeling like god because I was better than most players. Since I quit I just switched to “leveling” my GQ account. I fucking use a forum as a game. And I caught myself on a thought: is doing this shit actually better than going back to Overwatch? I am a miserable cunt either way. I failed everything I started. Is it even worth trying to change something, no matter what I do I am sad and disappointed. I fucking hate myself. Maybe I should just go back to gaming and play until I die because at least I feel good sometimes from dopamine. I was doing good actually until I masturbated 2 times in 2 days. Now I see that NoFap and GQ actually a decent combo. I got dopamine from masturbation and now my brain wants more. So yesterday I had terrible cravings to play Overwatch as the only other source of dopamine for me. I am ashamed if someone read all of that shit. I am emotional bitch so I don’t want to decide anything now. I’ll wait till it get’s better.

 

Update: I won’t give up.

Edited by WhoCares
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It's gonna be ok. Everyone is allowed to get down on themselves and want attention. In all honesty people are intimidated to give me advice on my diary because it's the largest diary on the website and has lots of readers. 

This place is a vulnerable one and people can be afraid to open up. Addiction is hard. Right now it's harder than ever. 

I know people read my diary and respond. I have almost 60,000 views and a few thousand replies. A lot of people don't get more than 5 replies in their diaries. I am grateful for them and you. I was being selfish in my post because I was lonely and recently pushed away a woman I'd gotten close with because she was not right for me. When that happened I pushed everyone and everything else away. Including this community. 

It's true people relapse and disappear on here. But others stay. Others return and others start fresh. It's inspiring seeing their stories and your stories. I might have the longest streak on here and I think people look to me for advice more than give me advice and sometimes I miss getting the advice. But I know I'm the most knowledgeable next to Cam on the subject on this website. So that means I gained responsibility whether I chose it or not. 

Don't be depressed and keep fighting. Going back to games doesn't fix anything. Trust me.i relapsed for 10 years until this website. 

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28 days 22 hours 18 minutes since I quit. I realized that posting weekly doesn’t work for me. Since now I’ll post every day. I figured out that I’m kinda addicted to this forum so now I’ll moderate my time on GQ. Also I want to put less effort into writing here for same reason, so there might be much more mistakes. 

I’ll fly back home tomorrow and then I’m gonna hang out with friends for a week. Before that I’m not really committed to set exact goals and reach it. My school has started (it’s online tho) so I’m doing homework daily, also I’m reading my book every day for a bit. I guess I’ll keep it like this for a week or two till my friends haven’t left the country to go study. After that I’ll set a couple of daily goals that I should reach. 

My cravings are gone entirely (today). I would say that my mental health is okay, so after writing last post I didn’t feel bad and forgot about it. I just might say bad things when I’m not in the mood. But I still think that all of what I said is true, but I’m not that pessimistic about it now.

I’ll try to be productive and do a lot of stuff. Probably writing in the evening is the best time because you can summarize everything you’ve done during the day. Also I want to get rid of all motivational crap like “I’ll do it!” because I feel like I’m talking much more than I’m doing. Actions first, words second. 

I realized I didn’t actually write anything about my day. Well fuck that it was pretty mediocre. I mean I had fun, went for a walk with friends and had lunch in a restaurant, but I barely did 50% of what I wanted to be done. I’ll write something tomorrow. 

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On 8/31/2020 at 5:37 PM, WhoCares said:

My cravings are back and I want to play Overwatch more than ever. I'm tearing myself apart.

Change your environment. I would go outside or call someone when I felt the really strong urges, because if you stay sitting at your computer or the desk where you used to play games, the cravings will not go away. If you still need to work on your computer, try moving to a different room, heading to the library, etc.

 

That's awesome to hear you are confident with your Linux system so quickly. I love Linux, but all my attempts to learn more advanced tricks or customise it more to my liking always result in me breaking things. So I have just accepted that I am an 'everyday' or 'desktop' user and just leave it how it is!

Edited by giblets
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I skipped 2 days because I was busy and tired. I went back to Moscow and spent 2 days in a city with my friends. After that I went to some kind of open air quest in a countryside. After that I slept in a camp in the forest. Today I feel horrible urges to play. I can't resist anymore. It's been 34 days and it's horrible. I'm suffering. I'm constantly out of my house busy with something, socializing or studying, hiking. But it never feels as good as Overwatch. I can't help myself. I can't hold anymore. Now I'm going to the cinema with my friends and if after the film I'll have the same cravings I'll relapse. 

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Hey Max! Hope you are doing well, it seems you are doing great! I just started my journey the other day and was about to write up my second day journal. Anyways I see you have been struggling more and more lately, I also know you have an interest in IT and learning more about computers and electronics. Do you think you are by chance missing out on the competition? That feeling of kickin butt?

Have you looked into hacking? I mean ethical hacking of course, penetration testing and bug bounty hunting. It may offer you that challenge, competition that can meet your urges. I am not sure if I am allowed to link things here, but check out Try hack Me. You have a mind for it, and you have some IT knowledge, hacking may scratch that itch you have, check out try hack me and play around with it for awhile. It is free to play with some of the rooms, I pay for the pro or whatever it is at $15/month or whatever it is now (I have neglected hacking on it because video games, which is changing now) trust me, it will likely save you from relapse!

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4 hours ago, Zarvic said:

Hey Max! Hope you are doing well, it seems you are doing great! I just started my journey the other day and was about to write up my second day journal. Anyways I see you have been struggling more and more lately, I also know you have an interest in IT and learning more about computers and electronics. Do you think you are by chance missing out on the competition? That feeling of kickin butt?

Have you looked into hacking? I mean ethical hacking of course, penetration testing and bug bounty hunting. It may offer you that challenge, competition that can meet your urges. I am not sure if I am allowed to link things here, but check out Try hack Me. You have a mind for it, and you have some IT knowledge, hacking may scratch that itch you have, check out try hack me and play around with it for awhile. It is free to play with some of the rooms, I pay for the pro or whatever it is at $15/month or whatever it is now (I have neglected hacking on it because video games, which is changing now) trust me, it will likely save you from relapse!

Thank you! I think I’ll give it a try. 

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On 9/6/2020 at 3:50 AM, giblets said:

Change your environment. I would go outside or call someone when I felt the really strong urges, because if you stay sitting at your computer or the desk where you used to play games, the cravings will not go away. If you still need to work on your computer, try moving to a different room, heading to the library, etc.

 

That's awesome to hear you are confident with your Linux system so quickly. I love Linux, but all my attempts to learn more advanced tricks or customise it more to my liking always result in me breaking things. So I have just accepted that I am an 'everyday' or 'desktop' user and just leave it how it is!

My environment isn’t the problem. I’m barely being at home. Constantly busy. None of my friends are really into gaming. I tried so many things already, nothing can replace Overwatch for me.

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6 hours ago, WhoCares said:

I skipped 2 days because I was busy and tired. I went back to Moscow and spent 2 days in a city with my friends. After that I went to some kind of open air quest in a countryside. After that I slept in a camp in the forest. Today I feel horrible urges to play. I can't resist anymore. It's been 34 days and it's horrible. I'm suffering. I'm constantly out of my house busy with something, socializing or studying, hiking. But it never feels as good as Overwatch. I can't help myself. I can't hold anymore. Now I'm going to the cinema with my friends and if after the film I'll have the same cravings I'll relapse. 

Nothing really feels as good until you've found that overall balance and lack of need for the adrenaline and dopamine boost. It took me 6 months to stop craving. Keep it up.

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After the cinema yesterday I was so tired that my cravings were weak. Now everything is back. I am already thinking about installing Overwatch today and putting back my gaming monitor. But something holds me from this. I know this isn't right, that everything's gonna be the same again. But I can't take it anymore. I would rather play than live with such painful cravings. I know how many people would be disappointed in me. I will be disappointed in myself. But I can't resist anymore, god damn it hurts. I'm so nervous that I'm sweating right now. I don't know what to do.

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I remember feeling strong cravings like you're having when I first quit gaming too. I can only recommend resolving yourself to ride out the waves of desire. Over time they'll get easier to handle. Try meditating might help.

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Day 1. Yesterday I relapsed. I can’t express my feelings while playing. It wasn’t good nor bad. After 3 or 4 hour gaming session I uninstalled. Everyone was disappointed or mad at me.. as expected. My cravings are gone. I don’t know how I feel right now. Was it okay to play to make terrible urges go away? I don’t know. 

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2 hours ago, WhoCares said:

Day 1. Yesterday I relapsed. I can’t express my feelings while playing. It wasn’t good nor bad. After 3 or 4 hour gaming session I uninstalled. Everyone was disappointed or mad at me.. as expected. My cravings are gone. I don’t know how I feel right now. Was it okay to play to make terrible urges go away? I don’t know. 

Hey WhoCares, glad to see you back. Firstly - I want to warn you, now that you have relapsed you have to be extra aware of yourself not totally slip back to your bad habits in the next couple of weeks. I think it is good that you are surrounded by people who are mad because of your relapse, some of us are surrounded by people who wish they relapse so they can game together.

Secondly, congratulation to coming back here and starting again. Just put those couple of hours behind you and I wish you best of luck. You don't need gaming in your life, nobody does. 2 generations ago there weren't even any games, we are not built for gaming. Don't worry, you can overcome your craves.

Edited by gargamel
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1 hour ago, gargamel said:

Hey WhoCares, glad to see you back. Firstly - I want to warn you, now that you have relapsed you have to be extra aware of yourself not totally slip back to your bad habits in the next couple of weeks. I think it is good that you are surrounded by people who are mad because of your relapse, some of us are surrounded by people who wish they relapse so they can game together.

Secondly, congratulation to coming back here and starting again. Just put those couple of hours behind you and I wish you best of luck. You don't need gaming in your life, nobody does. 2 generations ago they weren't even any games, we are not built for gaming. Don't worry, you can overcome your craves.

Thank you for your kind words. I'm not even thinking about gaming now, all that left after gaming is disappointment. I'm looking forward to be better version of myself. I'm sure I'm able to overcome my addiction. 

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At least your had a quick turn around so that is good news. I am curious, did you ever check out try hack me? If you have not yet I highly suggest it, it may work as a good interrupt for you, when you are thinking about gaming just do a couple of the rooms instead. I have not had a real itch to scratch yet, but that is likely going to be my go to if I do get that itch. it also aligns with my interests highly, so even if it is not your thing it may help you find something else that can be. Anyways glad to see we didn't lose you!

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20 hours ago, Zarvic said:

At least your had a quick turn around so that is good news. I am curious, did you ever check out try hack me? If you have not yet I highly suggest it, it may work as a good interrupt for you, when you are thinking about gaming just do a couple of the rooms instead. I have not had a real itch to scratch yet, but that is likely going to be my go to if I do get that itch. it also aligns with my interests highly, so even if it is not your thing it may help you find something else that can be. Anyways glad to see we didn't lose you!

Yeah, I checked try hack me. Looks interesting, I'll try it soon. I'm not thinking about gaming at all, after I played it's all gone. I have a lot of things to do, there's no place for games. 

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15 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

Glad you're still here too. It's a better life to live without games for us. Wishing you strength in overcoming this addiction. Try writing why you gamed and why you want to quit.

Thank you! I agree. I gamed just to get rid of very strong urges. When I was installing, I knew that I will delete it after a couple of hours. I can't imagine me playing daily anymore. 

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