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How I’m quitting Overwatch


WhoCares
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@Pochatok 

On 6/17/2021 at 1:43 AM, Pochatok said:

Yet, if you continue to play every day like you used to, you could gradually get back into binge gaming

Yeah, I think you're right, but I feel like something has permanently changed in me. I don't feel good after gaming anymore, nor do I enjoy it even slightly as before. 

 

On 6/17/2021 at 1:43 AM, Pochatok said:

we shall see! Who knows what will be happening in a whole year...

I've just got my math results, I have 62 points out of 100. It's a very shitty result, l completely fucked up with this one. It's so bad that I can't enter any good universities with this shit. So 99% I'm going to the army for a year.

On 6/17/2021 at 1:43 AM, Pochatok said:

Gaming, essentially, is a way for some people (like me) to numb my stress

Since I finished my exams, every time I play I actually feel bad, because instead of doing something productive I'm wasting my time on gaming and understanding it vanishes all enjoyment from it. I'll try to update my journal sometimes to systemize my thoughts and goals. 

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2 hours ago, WhoCares said:

 And when I'm free of any responsibilities, it makes me much more motivated to do productive stuff. 

When a task is perceived as an obligation, you may not be as enthusiastic about doing it.

Look at the difference 1) i have to call 3 clients with a prospective offer.

2) i have an option to call 3 clients with a prospective offer.

Approach number one means you are proceeding in autopilot mode. 

Approach number two engages you. You become aware of your priorities, and vision of where you want to go with this action. You even start seeing what is wrong with how you execute it on a habitual basis. 

It is a much more wholistic approach. Even your sales pitch is going to be different. 

Edited by Amphibian220
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On 6/21/2021 at 10:48 AM, WhoCares said:

I've just got my math results, I have 62 points out of 100. It's a very shitty result, l completely fucked up with this one. It's so bad that I can't enter any good universities with this shit. So 99% I'm going to the army for a year.

Hmmm, have you thought of retaking it? A friend of mine has done that!

Edited by Pochatok
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3 hours ago, Pochatok said:

Hmmm, have you thought of retaking it? A friend of mine has done that!

Sure, but I can do this only next year. And since I’m not in uni, I have to go to the army. I’ll come back and redo all exams.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've just sold my GPU. I was using my GTX 1060 for 4 years and sold it for the same price for which I bought it. Thanks for microelectronics shortage and miners. There's no reason to buy GPU now for such a high price, so I decided to buy a GPU only when I come back form army. So I'm left with just my ThinkPad T440P for the next 3 months. It means that I won't be able to game. Alright, I'll focus on learning programming then. 

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  • 2 months later...

I'm back I guess. I've spent last month constantly playing in Russian Overwatch team, but 2 days ago I quit and uninstalled. Tomorrow I'm gonna meet my teammates IRL and spend some time chatting with them in the evening. After that I'm done with Overwatch related stuff. Currently I'm trying to understand USB protocol and HID (Human Interface Device) specification. My goal is to make USB keyboard from scratch, including firmware and PCB (electronic board) design. Also it turned out that I'm not going to the army, so I'm also commiting to prepare for next year exams.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

So in your case gaming is a time filler and a form of stress relief.

Have you found any activity that is as good a stress relief like that game?

What are the criteria to serve your needs, get your mind off your daily schedule?

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@Amphibian220 For me gaming is for sure nothing close to stress relief. It’s the most stressful thing I do actually. When I play with top tier players, my hands are cold and shaking and I’m literally sweating. I haven’t tried to find anything that gives me the same feelings as gaming and I’m not sure if I need that. I just want to move on, but currently I’m too weak for that. But maybe one day I’ll come up with something.

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It’s been around 2 weeks without Overwatch, I feel empty and emotionally destroyed. Usually I don’t care about this mental bullshit, cause before attempting to quit I’ve always felt fine. But it seems like quitting process makes me severely depressed. I’m not sure why though: is it because I’m unsatisfied with my life and/or myself and I’m escaping the problem by gaming, so when I quit and see the reality I can’t deal with it. Or is it because constant failures and relapses make me lose my shit and I feel like I’m stuck in this loophole forever and ain’t making any progress (even if it’s not so). Or is it because I have no social skills, so outside of online game I feel alone. I don’t know what’s causing this mental breakdown, I’m clueless. I can just start playing again and everything will come back to ‘normal’, but I won’t be satisfied with myself: living like a useless brat that is only consuming and can’t provide anything to anyone. All I feel is emotional pain, I’ve lost my motivation to study or to even talk with someone. I don’t know why I’m here and I don’t know what I’m doing. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

So I relapsed 2 times since last post, but my mental state got way better. I’ve made a bet with my brother that I have to give him $1.5k if I ever play Overwatch. I think it was like 2 weeks ago. So far it’s been fantastic. No urges, not even a single thought about playing. I am fully committed to studying. I started by studying 1 hour a day because I was getting tired quickly and losing ability to concentrate. Today I’ve pushed myself to almost 5. I’m going to increase it little by little and my goal is around 8-10 hours. Also I’m going to the gym regularly 3 days a week. 
 

Overall, even with constant relapses, my life changed a lot since my first post here. I think I’m going in a right direction. 

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I’m sure that my sleeping schedule is a big issue that keeps me unproductive, so I decided to change it fundamentally. Most of the time when I was gaming, I was waking up at 1-3 PM and gaming till 3-4 AM and sometimes I skipped sleeping at all. Yesterday I went to bed at 8 PM and woke up at 5. Tomorrow I’m planning to do the same and see how it goes.

Speaking of today, I studied for about 7 hours and I’m very proud of it. I worked on very complicated topic for me and it went very well. I finally found peace in my life and that’s worth living for. I am extremely tired so it’s hard for me to express my thoughts, I guess I’m gonna sleep now.

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