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How I’m quitting Overwatch


WhoCares
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Hey! Way to go day 5. These cravings, I found journaling to really help, writing down what you’re feeling and then why you want to quit. But keep it up, I’m rooting for you and also on day 5 🙂

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Yeah, thanks @Theresa. Journaling is indeed a good way to systematize what’s on your mind. It makes me think about my life way more. 5 days ain’t much, but it’s honest work 🙂

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Day 6. Urges are getting stronger. 
 

I’ve spent most of the day learning Python, I’m slow at solving problems and learning theory, my code is also shit. But I’m happy with it because at least I’m trying. Past 5 years I was only thinking about getting better in Overwatch, while not giving a flying fuck about anything else. So I have a very pleasant feeling for putting my effort in something else. Since I quit, now I have more time to cook, which is especially important now, because I started working out. Needless to say that proper nutrition is the key. 
 

I need to start learning physics. I’m so afraid to start, because I’m pretty shit and I don’t want to experience failures. But practice makes perfect. I need to accept being bad and move forward. The only areas I’m relatively good at are the areas I’ve practiced the most. I wasn’t waiting for a perfect moment to start, or perfect material to rely on. I was just doing it. I think I need to stick to this logic.

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Hey good job at learning Python. I can totally relate to these feelings of failure. I started learning programming and Linux some time ago and always gave up in between. But in the end I am pretty okay at coding and got a lot of general IT-Knowledge form it which I can use at my job. So, it was worth it even if I felt like I made literally no progress.

I recently learned that the best way to learn is to ask yourself a question about the topic you can't answer and really trying to answer them by yourself. If you then study the material afterwards and actually can answer the question they stick more to your long-time memory. Interestingly, everyone who used this method in the experiment had the subjective feeling of making slower progress than with the common method of just rereading the content until you have shoved in your short-term memory.

Another resource you could look into for studying is Anki (https://medium.com/swlh/level-up-your-learning-with-anki-and-spaced-repetition-3c1a84003ced)

Especially in physics it is important to not just know the context and how things functions but also to know the formulas by heart. It's boring to learn them, but they are necessary to do any exercises correctly. That's exactly the use case I would use Anki for. Unfortunately, I didn't know spaced repetition as I was studying chemical engineering. Maybe it helps you to be more successful than I was (only mediocre, and I hated all that physics stuff 😉 )

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Day 7. Very weak urges.

Programming takes almost all my time. I’m a bit unproductive, because I’m not used to learn so intensively. I don’t have much time to procrastinate or be bored, so I don’t wanna play anymore. 
I went to the gym today and had an awesome workout! I decided to record a video from there.

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Day 8. No urges.

Today I woke up from nightmare: I was playing Overwatch, we were winning at the beginning, but when started losing that match. It is especially tilting when you’ve already imagined your victory, the game was going great, but when your teammate has made a crucial mistake, so your chances to win became minimal and there’s nothing you can personally do about it. In such situations I often just quit or brake something, and while being severely depressed I’m dreaming about quitting forever. So, in my dream I rage quit, uninstalled Overwatch, but soon after this I reinstalled because I am severely addicted. And then I woke up. Holy shit. It took me a while to get rid of anxiety from that nightmare.

I’ve spent most of the day learning Python. Can’t even think of anything else right now. I don’t have much more to report, I’m just trying to study as much as possible. 
 

Can’t wait to know what kind of horrible shit I’m gonna see tonight. I think Overwatch is the thing I fear the most in my life. Because it’s stronger than me. Yet. 

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@WhoCares As you've said it yourself, it's not that games are the issue for you, but rather a game like Overwatch. 

Take a moment to dig into that a bit more. What is it about a game like Overwatch do you like? You';ve shown that you are quite skilled at the game, placing top 500. I myself have played OW and don't have the skill you had, but ask yourself, how is this skill in OW translating in the real world? How was playing this specific game directly impacting me? 

I would consider looking at other master games, such as chess or perhaps a sport. It appears that you're able to quit playing, but eventually the need to have the essence of what you enjoyed about your experience returns.

Try and really discover what that is and see if it's possible to substitute it.  

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Posted (edited)
8 hours ago, Octsober said:

@WhoCares As you've said it yourself, it's not that games are the issue for you, but rather a game like Overwatch. 

Take a moment to dig into that a bit more. What is it about a game like Overwatch do you like? You';ve shown that you are quite skilled at the game, placing top 500. I myself have played OW and don't have the skill you had, but ask yourself, how is this skill in OW translating in the real world? How was playing this specific game directly impacting me? 

I would consider looking at other master games, such as chess or perhaps a sport. It appears that you're able to quit playing, but eventually the need to have the essence of what you enjoyed about your experience returns.

Try and really discover what that is and see if it's possible to substitute it.  

I think that the main reason I’m so addicted to OW is that I am already good at it. So I don’t have to learn that much, I can just start playing and it would be rewarding from the very beginning. This is why other games aren’t so appealing to me, if I play something else I have to start from scratch.

Edit: I started talking why I like OW and it might be triggering, so fair warning. 

I also like Overwatch itself for fast paced gameplay, that requires a lot of decision making on the fly. I kinda like the community, where everybody in a match knows each other on high rank. I like that OW requires synergy in a team in order to win. I like my role in a team, I was a main tank, it’s the one leading the whole team, it’s positioning, target focusing etc. So you have to be very active in voice chat. I liked all of that. I like to talk in English and OW is the only place where I’ve done it. And yeah, I liked having a goal set. Improving your skill and climbing through rank was just fascinating. It felt so good when I finally reached grand master and played with top OW streamers with 10k viewers or even more. 
 

So yeah, I can’t think of anything that could replace OW, even other games. My bet is if I master something, I’d enjoy it as much as OW, so now I’m learning programming. 

Edited by WhoCares
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Well hopefully programming works out as a substitute. Since I quit gaming I meditate, exercise and watch TV. I guess I work more too, pray, journal, memorize bible quotes. Speaking of bible quotes. There's one that I always recite at night that goes 'there may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning'. Because every night is a struggle for me not to masturbate like it is for you dealing with gaming nightmares. Take it one day at a time, good luck. Also I think 'well done my faithful servant' when I get up after not masturbating today.

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6 hours ago, WhoCares said:

I also like Overwatch itself for fast paced gameplay, that requires a lot of decision making on the fly. I kinda like the community, where everybody in a match knows each other on high rank. I like that OW requires synergy in a team in order to win. I like my role in a team, I was a main tank, it’s the one leading the whole team, it’s positioning, target focusing etc. So you have to be very active in voice chat. I liked all of that. I like to talk in English and OW is the only place where I’ve done it. And yeah, I liked having a goal set. Improving your skill and climbing through rank was just fascinating. It felt so good when I finally reached grand master and played with top OW streamers with 10k viewers or even more. 

Hmmm. Although you're going to be graduating soon and going to a university probably, have you thought of doing some sports, even casually? Seems like you enjoy very much working in a team, and thinking in the moment. 

I think that finding a community-based activity with a similar way of thinking/participation would be helpful, although it is difficult due to COVID grrrr. 

Must mention, I do still think that nothing truly replaces gaming for me- my favorite games were such unique experiences... But, over time, I just begin to value different experiences more- instead of spending hours on taking pretty screenshots, I am learning painting. They ain't similar at all, but I've found more value in painting, over time, that in video game photography

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@TheNewMe2.0 Thank you.

3 hours ago, TheNewMe2.0 said:

Well hopefully programming works out as a substitute.

Well I think that programming is not just a substitute, it can be much more exciting and rewarding, but it takes time to be able to see programming in a full beauty. My brain is so used to instant gratification, so it's hard to commit a lot of time writing a program, going through all kinds of mistakes and errors, but at the point when everything works as intended, dopamine rush is insane, I think I've never experienced such emotions in games. 

 

3 hours ago, TheNewMe2.0 said:

'there may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning'

Very wise words. And the meaning is pretty similar to coding process.

Good luck quitting masturbation. If you were able to quit gaming, then you're able to quit that as well.

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2 hours ago, Pochatok said:

have you thought of doing some sports, even casually?

Well I think that sports are just way too boring. I used to play football a lot (3-5 hours a day, I played only because I had nothing to do in school), but I didn't like people I was playing with. So while in a game you have different teammates every match, in real life you're stuck with same people, and if they are retards you can't change it. But finding decent people isn't a problem, I just never liked sports. Rules are too basic and the pace is extremely slow compared to Overwatch. So in terms of physical activity I'll just stick to going to the gym.

 

2 hours ago, Pochatok said:

I do still think that nothing truly replaces gaming for me

It just takes time to adapt. If I were programming past 5 years, I wouldn't be even looking at Overwatch now.

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Day 9. Weak urges.

Had an awesome workout today. Then I cooked some delicious chicken. Rest of the day I’ve spent coding and I finished my final project, yay! All that left is to publish it on my GitHub, I’ll do it tomorrow. After that I’ll solve some problems on pascal programming language and finally will begin video editing. It’s 2 AM already, I’m tired af, gonna sleep now.

078EA463-769A-4690-A22F-C38964E207F4.jpeg

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20 hours ago, WhoCares said:

@TheNewMe2.0 Thank you.

Well I think that programming is not just a substitute, it can be much more exciting and rewarding, but it takes time to be able to see programming in a full beauty. My brain is so used to instant gratification, so it's hard to commit a lot of time writing a program, going through all kinds of mistakes and errors, but at the point when everything works as intended, dopamine rush is insane, I think I've never experienced such emotions in games. 

 

Very wise words. And the meaning is pretty similar to coding process.

Good luck quitting masturbation. If you were able to quit gaming, then you're able to quit that as well.

Thanks for your encouragement. I'm gonna keep trying till I die. So there's hope for me to quit. And you too. Good job making it to day 9 and getting on top of working out.

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Day 10. Weak urges. 
 

I published my project. Well that’s all I’ve done today. I’m so unproductive. I’ll try to set timers tomorrow to figure out where my time goes. 

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On 3/31/2021 at 6:25 PM, WhoCares said:

Day 7. Very weak urges.

Programming takes almost all my time. I’m a bit unproductive, because I’m not used to learn so intensively. I don’t have much time to procrastinate or be bored, so I don’t wanna play anymore. 
I went to the gym today and had an awesome workout! I decided to record a video from there.

Hi!

I know that entry is kind of old, but just wanted to mention something I find important.

Rather than simply going to a gym every now and then, where a bunch of people always made me feel weak/insecure about my physical appearance(there's always someone more buff), I took a break from going to gyms, and spent some time figuring out how my body functions and what kind of workouts will result in most muscle gain. 

For me, it turned out that since I am pretty much an ectomorph, and so I stopped doing weights completely and developed my own exercise routine, a mix of calisthenics and regular body weight exercises. Since then, I've been only exercising 15-20 minutes a day while getting as much gain as I would by spending 1-1.5 hours at a gym lifting weights. 

Gyms, in general, encourage very few, very specific kind of exercises that simply do not work best for 40-50% of people who visit them. For some, gyms are the place to go, but for me it was a complete waste of time. Although I have no idea where you land, I kindly suggest that you do some research- what your body type is, how people that have a complexity similar to yours exercise, what foods you enjoy eating and why, etc.. 

Took me a whole 7 months to sort that out, but it has saved me weeks if not months worth of time already 🙂 

Po

 

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@Pochatok I get what you’re talking about. And I take that stuff pretty seriously. First of all, I’m exercising with personal trainer 3 days a weak. Past year I was exercising with body weight only (it was inconsistent), so I have no experience with weights, thus in order to develop a good technique and not hurt myself, I decided to take a trainer for a few months at least. And what I’m doing with a trainer is not only lifting weights, we’re doing some body weight exercises as well. He’s very experienced, I’m sure he knows how to approach this. Plus I’m planning to start independent body weight only routine (15-20 minutes a day as well). And yeah, nutrition is very important. 

4 hours ago, Pochatok said:

where a bunch of people always made me feel weak/insecure about my physical appearance

Although I look like shit at the moment, people at the gym are always very kind, so I only feel proud that I’m one of them and trying to get better.

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Day 11. I have urges, but I won’t relapse anytime soon for sure.

Today was a good day. I’ve made a better GitHub repository structure for my Python educational projects. Studied some Russian language. Then I had a walk in a center of Moscow. After that I went to a minimal techno rave and it was awesome. 

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1 hour ago, WhoCares said:

@Pochatok I get what you’re talking about. And I take that stuff pretty seriously. First of all, I’m exercising with personal trainer 3 days a weak. Past year I was exercising with body weight only (it was inconsistent), so I have no experience with weights, thus in order to develop a good technique and not hurt myself, I decided to take a trainer for a few months at least. And what I’m doing with a trainer is not only lifting weights, we’re doing some body weight exercises as well. He’s very experienced, I’m sure he knows how to approach this. Plus I’m planning to start independent body weight only routine (15-20 minutes a day as well). And yeah, nutrition is very important. 

Although I look like shit at the moment, people at the gym are always very kind, so I only feel proud that I’m one of them and trying to get better.

OH my, that's so awesome, I'm super happy for you! Keep at it then ;) 

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Posted (edited)
10 hours ago, TheNewMe2.0 said:

Sweet rave adventure. I recommend against the drugs though if that's happening.

I tried many kinds of strong alcohol, smoking cigarettes, hookah, weed and some other shit. Nothing sticks. I haven’t drank any alcohol since December 31st 2020. And I don’t want to. I’m so addicted to Overwatch that other addictions can’t get to me. Whenever I try something like that, it turns to be boring. If I would chose between unlimited source of all drugs in the world and 1 day playing Overwatch on decent hardware, I wouldn’t even consider first option. My OW addiction is just something else. I can play Overwatch anytime, even if I’m very tired and exhausted, when I haven’t slept for 2 days and so on. When I’m in Overwatch, I don’t feel any need to sleep and eat, I was always so thrilled while playing, that if I’d finish at 5 or 6 in the morning, I could only fall asleep at 8 or later. So Overwatch had the same effect as adrenaline shot. So if I had to wake up early (before noon), I was usually playing 3 or so matches of Overwatch in order to wake up. But I also have inability to stop, so usually I played as much as possible. Even after deleting OW, I decided to try the same practice with other online games. And guess what, it took me 5 minutes to quit CS:GO from boredom. Today I woke up very early and was sooo sleepy, so I had an idea to play Battlefield after one hour of studying. But when the time came, I didn’t even want to start, the whole idea of playing that game seemed like a chore without even tiny bit of interest. I had several attempts to play something, but in all cases I ended up PROCRASTINATING ON GAMING. Other games are so unpleasant that even when I plan to play them, at the end I’m sticking with something else. I think that Overwatch addiction severed all other ways of enjoyment.

 

Edited by WhoCares
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Day 12. No urges.

I’m tired and I wrote everything I wanted to say in the post above, so this one’s gonna be short. I woke up, studied Russian for 3 hours, went to the gym, had a great workout as usual. In the evening I went to the shopping center and bought myself some clothes, because my old clothes are way too small (I guess I grew up in 3 years). Ended up chatting with friends over Discord till 3 AM (just chatting, none of us was gaming). 

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That OW is a total beast for you. Seems like you'll have it together a lot better as you continue staying off it. That's good you don't mess with substances. I've been off them for 2.5 years. Sounds like a chill day too.

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Posted (edited)

Day 13. No urges. 

Today I studied some math. After that I wrote a chat bot for Telegram. I'll attach a screenshot of it's functionality. I know, it might look very hard and you may wonder how I was able to develop a software on such level of complexity. Well, not gonna lie, it was a tricky task. I've spent a lot of time figuring out how to approach this. But I'm very smart and talented, so I managed to find a solution. I'm very proud of my work, now people can figure out their age on the go by simply sending one number. In such moments I am so happy that I decided to be a programmer and I'm realizing that hard work really pays off. I wish that one day you guys would be as smart and successful as me.  

Screenshot from 2021-04-07 01-48-58.png

Edited by WhoCares
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