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How I’m quitting Overwatch


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10 hours ago, WhoCares said:

I can't stop playing.

Sorry to hear about the troubles coming back up. Things sounded much better for you in your earlier posts--I was really grateful to see that.

Though, I'm not so sure that you can't stop. I mean, you said this just two weeks ago:

On 2/2/2021 at 11:08 AM, WhoCares said:

I wanted to watch Overwatch streams on Twitch, but decided to read a book instead. Feels good. Guess I’m getting better.

You've taken a step back. That sucks, honestly. But, you've also taken steps forward. Compared to when you were gaming, now that you are attempting to quit permanently, do you game less overall? If so, you just practice the habit of not gaming, and eventually, it sticks. I know I've mentioned this before, but my mom was an alcoholic for 25 years. It was actually getting worse over time too. My mom will be seventeen years sober this June. I can tell you, from the person who took the brunt of her shit when she was drunk when I was a kid, it didn't look like she was ever going to change. There was one time where she somehow managed a year sober and then threw it all away in an epic extravaganza, driving and basically abandoning us while she was completely hammered, and I was thinking "This is probably the last I'll ever see of her alive, because she is going to drive into a tree and that'll be it." 

She got through it all with her support group at home, at Alcoholics Anonymous, and her family and siblings. Eventually, she was able to deal with her demons and find the purpose that got her through it. That's the hardest part, but the only chance of it happening comes with a lot of work and time. Shit, I'm still working through my own. I'm not 100% there yet, and I have my setbacks too, but over time I'm WAY better off. 

I still believe in you, 100%. I've seen how much people can change. I know you can too. Find the root of what's causing this, and fight it. 

This is really weird for me to ask, but can you do me one small favor though? Those exams you talked about, they seem big.  Can you please just set a timer for one minute, and study any one of the subjects you'd like? If you want to keep studying after a minute, that's up to you, but I figure you do spend at least eight hours of your day sleeping and not playing games, and 1 minute would not be too large of a penalty. Usually the hardest part is starting because we psych ourselves out with thoughts of failure. If you do this, at least you can say that you didn't "never" study for the exams 🙂 

And congrats on reading that book!

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On 2/13/2021 at 10:01 AM, WhoCares said:

I can't stop playing. I hate myself. I'm full of shit

Overwatch has ruined me, now I'm nothing. I just watch my life going to shit. I have the most important exams in my life in 2 months, people prepare for them for years, I haven't even started yet and not sure if I will. The saddest part is that I could change it, I'm not stupid and I have access to crazy amount of money. I could do whatever I want, but all I do is sit on my ass and play stupid shit all day. I am ashamed of existing, I don't deserve it.

I think that right now you are getting into this loop (I had the same thing) where games aren't as pleasurable anymore, but you also don't quite have the energy yet to push them aside. Took me 3 years to gain that energy- so give yourself time, it's not the end of the world. I simply recommend you try to create some (or one) very simple goals (from getting up before 11AM, to doing your dishes once a day, to reading a book 10 minutes a day), and stick to it no matter what. That should help you hang in there- you're already so much ahead of where I used to be around your age; don't rush and push yourself so much- you will succeed. You can take the test again next year, etc. etc.. You inspire a lot of us here to do and be better- I am always looking forward to every post you make. So please don't leave this place no matter how good/bad your journey seems to be. I'm still rooting for you 🙂

Po

 

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  • 4 weeks later...
1 hour ago, WhoCares said:

Every single bit of hope is dead. I watch my goals slowly slipping away. But I’m still resisting for reasons unknown. I can’t take it. Fuck Overwatch. 

Hey, so happy to be hearing back from you! I'm sorry to hear that you aren't doing well, but I'm glad to see that you refuse to give up 🙂

 

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Day 1. I think I’ll try quitting again. This time all my focus is on Overwatch, I’ll allow myself play other games unrestricted, because I’m not addicted to them at all, but I think it’ll be a bit easier to beat urges by playing Battle Field 4 or something. My goal is 90 days without Overwatch. I have very important exam in 3 months, so it’s a good timing. 
 

@Pochatok Thank you buddy for all your support. You’re a great inspiration to me.

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no u 

 

haha you're welcome, and honestly yes you are quite an inspiration to me too.

Around when I was 17/18 years old, online games began to disgust me- I had quite a big ego lol and would have trouble tolerating toxic players, and also didn't have any "gaming buddies". So, by the time I decided that I really wanted to quit, I was playing only single-player games, which I find so much less addictive. What you're going through is much more difficult than what my situation was around your age, and I'm so amazed at how far you've been able to get, just from what you share on this forum. Your forum posts show some incredible dedication, and it is so inspiring to see you continue quitting no matter the relapses.

That is to say, you're awesome!!! Please keep posting from time to time, no matter what- I'm always rooting for you 🙂

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Day 2 & 3.

I've been thinking a lot lately: what I actually wanna do? Life is cool, I like it, but for some reason all I do is play Overwatch. There's a lot of stuff I'm excited to try, but in the end I'm just sitting in my room all day and play. I wanna know why. Maybe because I don't want to be bad at something, but I think it's not the case, cause my performance in Overwatch dropped significantly and I kinda suck now, but I still wanna play. Everything I do I try to do perfectly and sometimes it stops me from trying. I'm very conservative and even if I like something, it's very hard for me to start do it. Even with Overwatch, I started playing it just because open beta was free, I would never play this game otherwise. I think this is it. I don't wanna change. Even when I hate myself and my life, I'm not committed enough to make a move. My second question was: is it really that bad to do what you enjoy even if it's useless? I mean, I'm not sure if things would've been better if I didn't find Overwatch that day and started playing. I really don't know. The more I live, the more mistakes I make, the more confused I am. I'm sure I fucked up English grammar really hard in the last sentence. But maybe this is what make myself me. I'm not native English speaker and maybe this imperfection is what I really am? For example, if my English was perfect, I'd be like everybody else. If I had no problems with Overwatch, I'd be mediocre guy with nothing interesting? I don't fucking know.

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Fill up every minute of the day with something that isn't gaming. If you start to feel bored go do something else. Watch videos of Cam on youtube. Look for alternative hobbies. Don't give up keep trying.

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@WhoCares 

What do you think about Speaking to your parents and discussing solutions with them?

genius insight you’ve got there: Losing in a game has no consequences. Messing up a job does have consequences. This is why you are man. You are there to get to an ideal through some mistakes. Forget hedonistic functions. They come only from your physical body’s needs. This is not what men are made for. You are made for a greater purpose. You are to test others and to be tested by others and to do things not because they are easy but because they are hard.

the whole thing with fighting laziness makes good sense. Take care of yourself and look for great relaxing exercises. I know that back stretching and cardio exercise clears the mind. 

 get into a job that you love doing and push the boundaries. research & development in your field of study or just taking a mediocre organization and raising it to a whole new level.

 

Edited by Amphibian220
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Relapsed again. I've deleted Overwatch already. My video game addiction is so strong that most of the addicted people on this forum are just amateurs compared to me. I can be literally sick of Overwatch, shut down my computer and then come back in a few hours. If I wanna quit, I need to focus on my study/work/hobbies.

@TheNewMe2.0 Yeah, I'll try to keep myself busy as long as possible. Well, I think I'm just unable to give up. I relapsed so fucking much lol, but for some reason I'm still hating that shitty game and uninstalling it after a couple of days each time. Guess I'm never gonna be satisfied if I have it installed.

@Amphibian220 Well, my parents don't understand what gaming addiction is and I can't blame them for it. If you weren't addicted, you can't get it I guess. For example, I can't understand alcoholism, for me strong alcohol tastes like shit and I can't imagine drinking it on a daily basis. I'm pretty sure that from the side gaming addiction looks like stupid shit kids are referring to in order to avoid doing their duties. And maybe that's not that far from truth. I mean, I made myself believe that Overwatch is a root of all my problems, but maybe I'm just irresponsible shit, and if not gaming, I'd have found something else to blame for my misery. 

But I think you are completely right about finding a job. I'll try to improve my programming skills and find a job by summer. 

 

Today I've made my first steps into video editing. Programming teacher at my school is extremely bad at everything, watching her lessons is completely useless, half of essential information to do homework is not covered at all. I have no problems with that class only because I have 5 years of experience in programming (Well, if % years of playing Overwatch and then learning something for a few weeks or months counts as experience). But most of not so tech savvy students are struggling a lot. So I decided to make a YouTube video explaining basic Pascal programming and how to actually do stuff. I'm hoping to finish doing it by Monday.

And I really need to improve my physics during next month, I have difficult exams and I almost know nothing. That is gonna fuck me up for sure.

Well, anyway, I think I need to mention positive things too, usually I forget about it because I like bitching myself. Starting next Monday I'll write every week about all things I've learned or accomplished (probably gonna be video editing, programming, math, physics, reading; small stuff like fixing door bell etc.)

I think it's time to stop being a fucking loser.

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You know. I struggle with stopping masturbation. This morning I barely made it out of bed without masturbating. I was like trying to think about how it's bad for my self esteem and when I don't masturbate I'm much more able to love people instead of just looking at them as objects for sexual pleasure all the time. Yep. I also meditated on great tao and moving sexual qi around the dan tiens like it said to do in the multiorgasmic man/couple. I guess when I was struggling with gaming I would think about how bad I felt at my worst times during gaming. How I was living off microwaveable food, all greasy from the gaming stress, not exercising hardly at all, always pissed off at the toxic players, and just relatively unhappy and unfulfilled feeling. But yeah I still had that addiction where I didn't care and wanted to just game anyways and was like whatever I can just game the rest of my life and be fine with it. Idk one day I decided I wanted to quit and started trying and failing like you. Once I found GQ though and watched the videos and posted I started feeling like I could do it somehow. You gotta just keep trying and looking for ways to stop gaming. Hopefully eventually you'll find a way to stop. The willpower and motivation will just appear somehow. Praying for you.

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Day 1. Slowly getting things done. 
I’ve been thinking a lot about Overwatch today, quitting cold turkey is hard, I’m craving a lot, but it’s the only option because I can’t control myself. Since gaming is gone, I feel kinda empty, and from my experience, it’ll get worse during next month. Probably depression’s gonna come back, constant suicidal thought etc. I’ve rejected all my friends and I’m absolutely alone. And because Overwatch is gone I can’t numb the pain, but even gaming wasn’t helping that much recently. 
But I don’t care about that shit, I’d better kill myself than play that game.

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@TheNewMe2.0 Thank you for sharing your story. I’m alway interested in learning something from other people experience. So far I know that quitting is a slow process, I just need to find a key that gonna work in my case. 

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17 hours ago, WhoCares said:

Day 1. Slowly getting things done. 
I’ve been thinking a lot about Overwatch today, quitting cold turkey is hard, I’m craving a lot, but it’s the only option because I can’t control myself. Since gaming is gone, I feel kinda empty, and from my experience, it’ll get worse during next month. Probably depression’s gonna come back, constant suicidal thought etc. I’ve rejected all my friends and I’m absolutely alone. And because Overwatch is gone I can’t numb the pain, but even gaming wasn’t helping that much recently. 
But I don’t care about that shit, I’d better kill myself than play that game.

Hi @WhoCares!

One thing I believe would be helpful to you, from my own experience, is to find ways of feeling accomplished/successful/valuable as a person. To me it appears that you have a lot of negative self-talk, and getting rid of that would be helpful to you, methinks. It helped me tremendously at least. Here is a small article that someone shared with me about this: https://www.powerofpositivity.com/silence-negative-self-talk-one-easy-trick/  

Hope this is the tiniest bit helpful.
Po

P.S.: I totally did not delete like a wall of text about my own experience lol. 

 

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@Pochatok Dunno dude, when I’m blaming myself, I don’t have any voices in my mind, there’s no self-talk. For example, when I see myself as a failure, it just comes as a fact to my mind, no one is telling me this. So I don’t get what this article is about. Maybe I’m missing something..

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1 minute ago, WhoCares said:

Maybe I’m missing something

Our brains are computers--very very complex computers, but programmable nonetheless. You've (and me too) spent the last ~5 years programming your brain to accept Overwatch as a--no, THE--only reward it wants. It's no personal problem with you--we've spent the last five years rewarding our brains with the digital equivalent of Ecstacy. Of course we are going to struggle with normal day activities.

 

What this article suggests is intentionally programming positive interactions with yourself. Every time you catch yourself saying something like...

4 minutes ago, WhoCares said:

I see myself as a failure

Or something like...

On 3/14/2021 at 11:16 AM, WhoCares said:

I think this is it. I don't wanna change. Even when I hate myself and my life, I'm not committed enough to make a move.

This is proof of a **Fixed Mindset**. A fixed mindset indicates that you think you can't change, no matter how hard you try. You need to start reorienting yourself towards a **Growth Mindset** (e.g, instead of saying "I'm going to relapse" say "I'm feeling some strong urges to relapse."). This is critical because a growth mindset allows room for Hope of change. You aren't going to change over a two/three week period, but you are going to chip away at some of the habits, and eventually overcome your habits in game addiction.

 

Here's some practical examples. The moment you think a hopeless thought such as "I'm never going to get better" or "It'd be better if I just played games," correct yourself in the moment! Say stuff like "progress is slow" or "it won't be better if I game, I just need to find another thing." Even if you don't believe yourself, just correcting yourself will improve your mood and ability to avoid games over time! 

 

Quitting games is really, really hard. Don't expect it to be instant but on the other hand, don't give up! 

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Day 2. Good day. I was planning to go to the gym for months and today I’ve done it. Bought membership for a month, perhaps if I’ll get in shape, I won’t at least look like a fucking loser. I also started Learning Python programming language. Pretty easy after C and Java I’d say. I’ve also improved my understanding of Linux this month. Successfully made boot partition for my main system (‘cause I deleted it by mistake and my computer couldn’t load lol). Also my terminal skills got way better. By the way, my main OS on all my machines is Pop!_OS 20.04 and I love it! It’s like Ubuntu, but polished. User experience is fantastic. I was also looking for another SSD to install Arch Linux on, but I couldn’t find it in a store nearby, so Arch gonna wait. Don’t think Arch gonna be my main system, but I wanna try installing it (most people fail on this stage, because it has no GUI and you need to create essential partitions and directories by yourself, pretty interesting stuff). I started learning video editing with Kdenlive, because DaVinci Resolve turned out to be unusable garbage under Linux. 
 

Well, I’m busy as fuck, and I’m actually interested in doing all of my plans. And yeah, I’ll try to post daily. 

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37 minutes ago, Ethan said:

You need to start reorienting yourself towards a **Growth Mindset** (e.g, instead of saying "I'm going to relapse" say "I'm feeling some strong urges to relapse.").

Yeah, I get it, but I’m struggling with being optimistic when I started with 40 days streak without games. And now I can barely make it over 3 days. That fact really broke my spirit to the point that I needed medical help. And the thing is, I don’t enjoy playing Overwatch anymore, I just do it to deal with my cravings, the game itself is absolute shit. I remember how fascinated I was in 2017 while playing it. Now it’s just numbing the pain. Interesting thing is, I still have other games installed on my computer, but I don’t have even a tiny bit of will to play them. Today I was thinking: “well, I’ve done everything for today, maybe I’ll play Battlefield, CS:GO or osu?” And then “nah, boring, don’t want to”. Like I’m not even a gamer, I literally don’t wanna play anything.

 

43 minutes ago, Ethan said:

You've (and me too) spent the last ~5 years programming your brain to accept Overwatch as a--no, THE--only reward it wants.

I think you are absolutely right. At this point even other online multiplayer games don’t do the trick. My brain wants Overwatch, when it gets something different, it doesn’t trigger dopamine I guess. 
 

I understand that being positive is a good idea, but before changing my mindset, I need to prove myself that I am worth something. Like at least finishing my short term goals for once. 

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1 hour ago, WhoCares said:

Day 2. Good day. I was planning to go to the gym for months and today I’ve done it. Bought membership for a month, perhaps if I’ll get in shape, I won’t at least look like a fucking loser. I also started Learning Python programming language. Pretty easy after C and Java I’d say. I’ve also improved my understanding of Linux this month. Successfully made boot partition for my main system (‘cause I deleted it by mistake and my computer couldn’t load lol). Also my terminal skills got way better. By the way, my main OS on all my machines is Pop!_OS 20.04 and I love it! It’s like Ubuntu, but polished. User experience is fantastic. I was also looking for another SSD to install Arch Linux on, but I couldn’t find it in a store nearby, so Arch gonna wait. Don’t think Arch gonna be my main system, but I wanna try installing it (most people fail on this stage, because it has no GUI and you need to create essential partitions and directories by yourself, pretty interesting stuff). I started learning video editing with Kdenlive, because DaVinci Resolve turned out to be unusable garbage under Linux. 
 

Well, I’m busy as fuck, and I’m actually interested in doing all of my plans. And yeah, I’ll try to post daily. 

You have no idea how much I was smiling while reading this. Always so, so amazing to see someone just being passionate about things they enjoy, even if I completely do not understand what they are talking about hehe

 

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Posted (edited)

Day 3. No urges. 

Today I've learnt a bit of Python and after that I went to have dinner on 85th floor with my family. I didn't do that much today because I woke up at 1 PM and I need to fix this as soon as possible. I also started reading @Pochatok journal from the beginning. I think it'll take a few evenings for sure, so far I'm enjoying it. I wasn't very active on the forum lately and I wanna change it. I was also thinking about shooting a very short videos for my entries to make my journal a bit less boring and give you guys a better view of what's happening with my life. Like Instagram stories, but slightly less retarded. Well yeah I'm gonna do it starting tomorrow. Even if no one cares about it, I think it's a cool way to spend a bit of time. 

Edited by WhoCares
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Day 4. 

I woke up at 10, solved some programming problems. Then I went to my first real workout at the gym in a loooong time. I can barely walk now xD, but it feels good to start doing something positive. I had a long walk after my workout (wasn't the best idea as you can imagine), and after having lunch I went to sleep at 6 PM, 'cause I was just too tired. Woke up at 9 PM to do some programming stuff, but I was so sleepy that I couldn't think, so I decided to play some Battlefield 4 to gain some energy. But the game seemed so boring that I quit after 10 minutes or so, and opened Osu!. Played for about 20 minutes and quit as well, games beside Overwatch are just too boring for me. So I went back to programming, spent a few hours learning and... 

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Posted (edited)

Day 5. I've got cravings.

But I am resisting because I know what exactly will happen if I let myself play. I will have some fun for a day or two, and after that nothing but disappointment. I want to quit so much, I can't afford myself relapsing on 5th day. I think my problem is that I'm not enjoying what I'm doing as much as I should. I was hooked on Overwatch for 5 years, I need some time to adapt to normal life's pace. Anyway, I'm doing my Python course, but I'm sooooo slow. I wanted to shoot a video, but at this point I've nothing to talk about, and I'm so tired and sleepy that I think I'll skip today. 

Edited by WhoCares
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