Hello everyone!

[Dpesuti]

Hello Game Quitters,

My name is Dustyn. I’m almost 30 years old, single, and I Live in Richmond VA, USA. I have high functioning autism and a rare disorder called panhypopituitarism. Because of my autism, I have an obsession with organizing things. This can range from which box to put an object in to what playlist to put a song in; while the other disorder causes me to have to take medicine every day to function and survive. I believe that my obsession with organization makes my personality an addictive personality.

I am also one of Jehovah’s witnesses, a worldwide organization of over 6 million people, in over 200 lands, united under the goal of sharing life-changing information from the Bible with as many people as possible. So you can imagine how much turmoil I’ve had with games, not just on a mental and emotional level, but also on an ethical and spiritual level. I can’t serve “Jehovah”(God’s own personal name) to my fullest unless I quit games. 

I started having signs of gaming addiction as far back as when I was 15, but then again I always had trouble controlling myself as far back as 6 years old while playing the N64. Nevertheless, my parents obviously never knew that games could be an addiction, so they would punish me constantly for not being able to control it. They just though I was being a rebel.

when I went to college at age 21, it was hard to stop gaming because my roommates were playing them, and I was unable to focus on anything. I was good at Ace-ing the tests, but the homework always was a problem. Even after college, I had problems, and it got so bad that I took an ax to my laptop and split it into about a couple thousand pieces. I thought I’d be done with games, but no, games are one thing you can’t run from, since they are available on every device.

when I moved out at age 23, I made a new life for myself in Richmond, but I was still gaming. However, I was able to control it because I found going out with friends to be more satisfying. I found that having a good social-life and spiritual mindset helped me keep games more-or-less in check, but there were still things that I couldn’t control, like getting 8 hours of sleep. The addiction was still there, dormant, lying in wait for me to slip up.

One of my friends helped me to quit games for a month, and I got a taste of the life I could’ve had, but I didn’t realize that 90 days of detox are needed to quit, so I relapsed gradually. This time though, things would get much worse.

I started to become more distanced from my friends, and I lost my spiritual mindset, and this allowed gaming to creep in. they were much harder to control, and I often had mental battles that lasted for hours and left me exhausted, depressed, and defeated, and this made me want games even more, and numbed my feelings down to the point that I started to question whether I even had emotions toward others. When I played games, I cared for no one, when I did do other things, they weren’t enjoyable, and I isolated myself. I tried many times to quit games and fought hard and long, but I was only relying on myself, and I needed help to fight the addiction. Many times I got to the point where I wanted to die. I felt like nothing more could be done.

Eventually my parents intervened. They’ve been trying to help me quit games, but they were just trying to help me get back on my feet, since my work closed down and I had to come home. they didnt allow me to play games though, which is a plus. But still, part of me fealt like they won’t be able to help.

one day I went out to town and I started to feel miserable because I couldn’t get with my friends due to the pandemic and that made me want to play a game. Somehow that opened my eyes to my main reason for gaming, it was to escape stress and negative feelings, and that was how I found Game Quitters. Finding out why I played games was enlightening, but seeing Cam’s presentations regarding gaming addiction was exponentially more enlightening. 

so here I am now, at 3Am in the morning, looking through respawn. It’s already been 5 days since I’ve played, so I have a head start, but I still have a long way to go. When I look back, I wonder how I could’ve known any different than I did and whether I could’ve joined y’all earlier, but I guess I’ll never know that. All I can do is act on what I know now.

Apologies for the short novel of the drama that is my life, and I look forward to embarking on this journey with y’all for the next 90 days and beyond.

Edited July 29, 2020 by Dpesuti

[Arthur]

Hi @Dpesuti :) Don't apologize about the "short novel" :) It's important to speak your mind. Welcome to the community! I highly suggest you to start writing your daily journal here, it has helped me immensely (I'm 87 days totally free of gaming now)

I just wanted to say - 90 days are a decent amount of time in which you are released from the grips of impulsive and frequent cravings. But many of people (even from this forum) started to play again years after they quit. You will always remember the enjoyable parts of gaming, so you will from time to time have to remind yourself of the decision you made. 

[Dpesuti]

3 hours ago, gargamel said:

Hi @Dpesuti🙂 Don't apologize about the "short novel" 🙂 It's important to speak your mind. Welcome to the community! I highly suggest you to start writing your daily journal here, it has helped me immensely (I'm 87 days totally free of gaming now)

I just wanted to say - 90 days are a decent amount of time in which you are released from the grips of impulsive and frequent cravings. But many of people (even from this forum) started to play again years after they quit. You will always remember the enjoyable parts of gaming, so you will from time to time have to remind yourself of the decision you made. 

Thanks gargamel, I’ll start right away on my daily journal. And thanks for the headsup, I want to quit games for good, so I don’t care how many times I’m tempted over the years.