So my journey begins

[Edz]

Oh boy, where do I even start?

Hello my fellow gamequiters, my name is Edgars (Or you can refer to me as Edz(That is how my friends and colleagues call me )). I am 30 years young/old man who's been playing games since the age of 7. I never saw myself as a game addict up until the internet era (which for me began in late 2003). Around that time I was introduced to my very 1st MMORPG - Ragnarok Online. Who knew the things would go crazy from there? I fell in love with the online games, spend every possible free moment towards getting my levels up, and had a strong grinding urge for in-game items.
It affected my grades drastically, I would barely do anything towards getting my grades up to a good standard and it's mostly because I was young, naive, and addicted to pc gaming. It boiled my blood and I would swear a lot if things didn't go my way within a game.
World of Warcraft came next. This game was like a drug to me. In secondary school, I would skip my lunch every day just so I could save the money that I was given by my parents for a WOW monthly subscription fee.

After barely graduating, it was time for me on deciding on my path(university-wise). I didn't know what I wanted to do and there was nothing really I was good at, except for playing games.
So I simply followed my parent's advice on applying for the Maritime academy. And guess what? I dropped out after 1st two months. I simply couldn't get things done in time and it has a lot to do with my gaming addiction at the time. Of course, I didn't really like the idea of becoming a Mariner/seaman but maybe I would if I did well in the academy? Who knows, it's a past now.
Nonetheless, after I dropped, I had to make a living somehow, so I started to work as a construction worker. As not having much skill in that field I would usually end up doing some dirty/ hard work on site. And after my shift would end, the very 1st thing I did coming home was enabling my PC. Once I had my shower and supper I would play the games until 1 AM and that was my daily routine for the following two years.

Boy.. If I would be more of an extravert type of guy, maybe things would go a different path, but as being quite shy of a person - this was my ideal life. Games.
Don't get me wrong, I still had some great time with my friends in RL, but there wasn't much going on. I mean I had a job, a roof over my head, friends and even a girlfriend, but was I happy? I thought I was, but something bothered me. I felt like I am not the person I would love to be. So I started exploring things online, and I thought to my self - What if I could create the things I see in games, wouldn't that be awesome?
So I got myself into 3D modeling, and Blender was the right software at that time because it was free and had loads of cool tools available within. At last, I found something that would keep my attention form gaming so much, but unfortunately, it didn't last for too long. More and more exciting games kept on coming out and I simply couldn't resist(At that time it was the year 2012 and games such as Diablo 3, Dishonored, CS:GO and many more kept me away from anything else).

I feel like I could go on and one with how my life was spent up to this very moment, but it would be very much the same where I simply kept on living regular - gamer life and feeling like it is OK to live like this, so I will cut it short here.

The very reason why I am here is that up to this day, I was getting more and more depressed. And there were many reasons for that, but the major killer, the biggest impact was done by the games themselves.

I am not blaming games or game developers for anything that they've produced and delivered. I learned and gained a lot by playing games (such as friends, better English knowledge and some positive emotions on singleplayer games with some outstanding plot), but I realized that I've lost so much more... and at this point, I am angry at my self for not being able to control my addiction over the games, and if it can't be controlled then I would be more than happy to completely cut away gaming from my life and start living life to its fullest potential.

I feel like I should've been here ages ago.

I am very excited to be a part of this community and I believe that together we can make wonders and become happier versions of ourselves. Stay strong people and the best of luck to all of you. 

P.S. English is not my 1st language so I apologize in advance for any senseless sentences and typos!

[chiliflavor]

Welcome to the forums, @Edz! Good luck and remember this day when things get hard! 😄 

[Edz]

Much obliged, @chiliflavor ! Funny enough, it's my 2nd day games-free and I don't have an urge to play anything.Hope it stays that way! Maybe it's because I cut myself off from using discord too! It is where I usually would get some invitations on playing games and such. Maybe I will come back to discord at some other time, but for now it seems like it had an affect on my gaming addiction aswell, so I will leave it be for now.  
Apparently it's going to get harder as you say 😅 Have to stay strong. 
Thanks once more!