Day 11

[MuMuMelon]

Okay, day 11. Still haven't played any games. Feeling really good about that. I quit playing video games the same time that I quit smoking cigarettes and weed. I have known for a while now that all of these things fuel each other. Physically, I'm feeling better all around. Mentally though, that's a whole other thing. My mood flip flops from giddy to miserable for no reason at all. Because I've quit these three things at once it's hard to pinpoint what the actual cause is. 

I dream about playing video games. A couple of days ago I woke up and was sure that I'd cheated. Then I realized I was just gaming in my dream. The really tough part for me is finding something, anything that is remotely exciting as video games. I know that sounds f'd up but I can't fly a spaceship in real life. I can't drive a car at full speed through the mountains in real life. I know that over time these thoughts will lessen in intensity but sometimes it's just hard for me to imagine finding something that can fulfill me the same way games have. I hate that I'm even having that thought. Feels so weak. 

I have gamed for nearly 34 years, and I never games mildly. I remember how video games made me feel, even when I was a kid. The excitement they provided was like nothing else I had experienced. I remember always wanting to play. I remember stealing $20 from my mothers purse so I could go play Mrs. Pacman.  I remember taking a hammer to my Sega Genesis when I was a teenager because I knew I was addicted and I remember going out and buying the next console that came out, willfully allowing myself to keep playing. I was a straight up junkie right from the very beginning. I'm really ashamed of the life I led. 

It's hard for me to feel proud of going through this transformation because I know I should have done it years (fuck decades) ago. I feel bad for the kids that are getting into gaming now. I found gaming addictive in it's infancy. These days companies hire psychologists to intentionally make their games as addictive as possible. They strive for it. Crazy. 

Anyway, that's enough feeling like shit for one day. I'm going to sit down and work on my goals. Time to learn some Spanish and make some beats. Hopefully that will make me feel a little better about myself. 

[MuMuMelon]

Ignore this re-post. I am such a noob when it comes to this stuff.....ugggg.

[TheNewMe2.0]

Spanish and beats sound nice. Glad you're on here. I think it'll be good for you. Welcome to the forums.