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MuMuMelon

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Day 65!

I haven't added to my journal in a little while so here I am. Life is moving pretty fast for me these days. The actors strike is still going on but, fortunately for me, my friend asked me to come to Montreal for two months to help him with the finishing touches on a building he's been renovating. I leave for Montreal on November 12 and I won't be back until mid January. I think this will be a very nice change of pace. Hopefully the film industry will have it's act together by the time I get back. 

I'm really not missing the video games these days. It's like a burden has been lifted off my mind. When I was playing video games I wasn't just thinking about them while I was playing them. I was watching videos, reviews and podcasts about the industry. I was thinking about video games when I was at work. They really took over my mind. I'm very happy to say that this currently isn't the case. I know I can never really let my guard down but I feel like I'm in a good place right now. 

I wish everybody here clarity of mind and a lack of desire for video games. 

Have an awesome day all!

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Day 74

I've been getting my bearings while in Montreal. I've only been here a few days but so far things have been great. I spent my first day wandering around downtown and doing some shopping. The last two days I've been doing renovations with my friend. Although work is the main reason that I came here, I am also using this time to make some changes in my life. I have been paying close attention to what I eat and (most importantly) how much sugar I consume. I'm working towards a nearly 100 percent sugar free lifestyle. Also, I've cut out almost all caffeine by replacing my coffee with raw cocoa. I find this gives me much more energy and it has numerous health benefits. 

I'm maintaining my Yoga and meditation practices while I'm here and I intend to continue doing regular breathwork sessions as well. I use the Meetup app and I've noticed that there are some local board game groups around town. The next opportunity I get I'm going to force myself out of my comfort zone and hang out with some complete strangers. Should be fun. 

So far coming to Montreal has been very nice. I get to spend some time with one of my oldest friends and experience a whole new city for a couple of months. At first I wasn't sure how I would feel when I got here but now I'm just trying to soak it all in. Two months may sound like a long time but I know that's it's going to blow by before I know it.

Take care all you quitters. Keep up the great work!

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Day 75

Started the day off with meditating and a quick yoga session before getting to work. Unfortunately we were only able to get a few hours of work in before it started raining. 

I've been doing my best to eat healthy and to eat within an eight hour window. I feel like this way of eating has been improving my energy and focus throughout the day. Of course, that could also have to do with the fact that I've been eating healthier as well. 

All in all, this trip to Montreal has been a great opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and focus on making changes in my life. 

For the next little while I intend to put more focus on researching remote work opportunities. While I don't mind physical labor, I'm not getting any younger. I think it's time I find a job that I can do at a computer. This may involve heading to night school or taking some online classes but I'm up for it. I'm currently in the question mark phase. In a way it's exciting to be here. 

Night all. 

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Computer work that is set against time limits can have a stronger toll on the health than physical work like building or repairing. It impacts the eyes, wrists, posture and sleep a lot.

Spending 4-6 hours per day with a computer monitor that is designed to reduce strain on your eyes is ok. There are monitors with a very strong emission of glare and other more user friendly monitors (matte).

Edited by Amphibian220
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Day 82

I have an issue. It's Black Friday. I needed a new computer (My last computer is from about 7 years back) so I purchased a laptop today. I purchased a decently beefy machine to future proof me for a few years at least. 

As somebody who has never really gamed on a PC, I didn't really consider how I would feel when I got it home. I'm not going to lie. It's already occurred to me that this is the best video game console that I've ever owned. I hate that. I wish that thought never entered my brain. 

I considered not posting this. For a moment I considered abandoning this site, as I have in the past, and just giving in to the addiction but F that! I have to accept that keeping up with the modern world involves owning machines that are powerful tools, but also just happen to be capable of playing video games. 

 

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What is the grace period for your purchase? Depending on Ts and Cs, you may be able to exchange it. 

from this forum some people do well without external blockers or access limitations, but others need them. I know some members who got linux operating systems because they are not game friendly.

 

Edited by Amphibian220
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10 hours ago, MuMuMelon said:

Day 82

I have an issue. It's Black Friday. I needed a new computer (My last computer is from about 7 years back) so I purchased a laptop today. I purchased a decently beefy machine to future proof me for a few years at least. 

As somebody who has never really gamed on a PC, I didn't really consider how I would feel when I got it home. I'm not going to lie. It's already occurred to me that this is the best video game console that I've ever owned. I hate that. I wish that thought never entered my brain. 

I considered not posting this. For a moment I considered abandoning this site, as I have in the past, and just giving in to the addiction but F that! I have to accept that keeping up with the modern world involves owning machines that are powerful tools, but also just happen to be capable of playing video games. 

 

Good luck, wherever this takes you! I absolutely relate- I need to occasionally upgrade my desktop for creative work (which is, though old, a gaming one). Every time I purchase a new part, there is a strong urge to try a game I couldn't run well before or reinstall something older... Or even to just test the capacities of the machine in other ways- it's all an appealing way to "play" with the new tools. 

Sometimes I manage to stay out of it, sometimes I end up w/ regretful decisions for a couple days. Either way, I trust myself to not become stuck in the same patterns- I am no longer the person I was. 

You are different, too- I am so glad you've found the courage to make this post. Change can be slow and quiet with addiction, but I am glad you're noticing it.

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Day 83

I slept on things last night and I'm feeling much better about it. I'm very glad that I decided to post last night. Thanks @Amphibian220 for adding your thoughts. I don't feel as though I'll need any serious blockers or a different operating system (I would have to relearn so much if I did). 

I just have to keep reminding myself, as I already do, that I must remain vigilant. When thoughts of gaming enter my brain I need to get them out of my head and onto this site. Or do some yoga or meditation. I have avenues to get my mind under control. I just have to be more conscious of how I use them.

Take care everybody. I hope you all have a beautiful morning. 

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Also, @Amphibian220, to answer your question. The grace period to fully return is 15 days. I will very seriously consider my mental state over the next two weeks. If I find myself constantly considering the gaming potential of this new machine, instead of what I purchased it for (video editing and music creation), then I may just have to return it. While I hate even having to consider that, I can't pretend that having a machine like this might come with repercussions. 

I will remain vigilant and aware. 

And thanks @Pochatok for the message. For better or worse, it's nice to know that somebody has experienced the same thoughts. 

I am very grateful for this site today!

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I am one of those who needs a blocker, and it has done wonders for me. It's not for everybody, but it's a solution that I think could save many people time and trouble. The aversion is usually that it's either too strict or that it's too difficult to set up in a way that can't be avoided (not true, just gotta take the leap).

12 hours ago, MuMuMelon said:

I hadn't really considered the long term impacts of a jobs where the main tool is a PC. I will look into ways to minimize exposure to bad posture, eye strain and wi-fi emissions. 

I work remotely and am using the computer between 8-10 hours a day. The two biggest factors in your well-being are ergonomics and movement.

For the first, you should research things like:

  • Chair position (back, height, movement of seat horizontally, etc.)
  • Height of monitors and distance from your face (can be done with monitor arms that clamp to the table/desk - I have one that lifts my laptop screen as well since I use it as another monitor)
  • Wrist position for keyboard and mouse
  • Rule of 20 (every 20 minutes, look at something at least 20 feet away for at least 20 seconds) - I find using the pomodoro method helps with both this rule and movement, as you need to get up during your 5 min break
  • Glare-reducing monitors, as Amphibian said. I have refurbished Asus monitors that I picked up for cheap on eBay. Haven't failed me yet

For the second:

  • Make sure you get up every now and then, moving around and taking a break with both your body and eyes
    • Again, pomodoro is helpful as it forces you to be conscious of taking breaks
  • Exercise in some way
    • For me this is weightlifting, but others like cardio work, etc. Something to keep your body strong and remind it of things other than sitting down
  • Stretch
    • It's important to stretch and feel where you might have tension because it could indicate a problem in your setup

Just some things to consider. I've been working remotely for almost 5 years now. You can find ways to be ergonomic with any chair, but if you get a job and plan to stay remote, I would eventually invest in a good chair. It's worth it.

I agree with @Amphibian220, desk work can take a toll on the body if you aren't careful. Though, I will say I was in welding before and jobs like that have their own ways of destroying your body like nothing else (accidental UV exposure, aluminum oxide dust that makes it past your mask, burns - I've got a nice scar from hot metal trapped on my neck - etc.). Desk work damage is sneaky because it seems benign; the damage is slower and harder to notice.

Once you have everything set up though, it's usually easy enough to maintain it since you shouldn't need to move things very often.

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7 hours ago, MuMuMelon said:

@FDRx7, I'm looking into blockers as we speak. I just found one called Cold Turkey that sounds pretty good and doesn't require a monthly fee. I'll have a think on things. 

Cold turkey works very well with websites, but is a bit more tricky with apps. I tend to uninstall apps, and then block any/all websites from which content can be downloaded. If you're looking for web apps, I also recommend "undistracted", it has done wonders for my social media addiction.

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Day 84

I'm getting my thoughts and emotions under better control today. I woke up this morning with a strong desire to get my life in order. Last night I was putting together a life of things that I need to do and things that I want to achieve. Tonight I intend to elaborate on this list in much greater detail. It's about time that I sit down and really evaluate my situation and my level of happiness. 

I am super grateful to the members of this site for their insight and willingness to help others out. The advice I have received over that last few days has been very helpful and encouraging. My worry over having this new computer has lessened quite a bit. I'm viewing this machine as a tool to help me move forward with my life. 

Tonight I will strive to keenly be aware of my motivation levels. During the day my mind is strong and I'm committed to the ideas desires of the night before. Often though, I find that by the time the sun sets my motivation to push through with my daily goes tend to fade away. 

I don't like this about myself. It bothers me that I go to work for others and give them the best part of me throughout the day. When the day is over, and I need to make time for myself and my goals, i find I lack the desire to fight for myself and my future. Then, when I have a night like, (where I give in to my mental laziness), I deal with guilt and shame for having allowed myself to be weak when I need to be strong. My life isn't getting any longer. If I'm going to achieve big goals I need to make sacrifices with my time in order to achieve them. 

Nobody really knows how much time they have left. Not that I'm worried that I'm going to drop dead or anything. I just don't want to give myself any more excuses to not push towards my goals. 

Tonight, after work, I'm going to seriously consider my goals and put together a real, workable plan. No more excuses. No more bullshit. I need this in order to feel happy. I know it in my heart. 

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14 hours ago, Pochatok said:

Cold turkey works very well with websites, but is a bit more tricky with apps. I tend to uninstall apps, and then block any/all websites from which content can be downloaded. If you're looking for web apps, I also recommend "undistracted", it has done wonders for my social media addiction.

@PochatokThis is true on the free version, but if you purchase the Pro version, you can block program folders, file types, Windows 10 apps, and even window titles (so for example, if you open a window and it says "Steam" and that word/app is on your list to block, Cold Turkey will block it). I think it's $40 for Pro, but aside from the $67 I spent to purchase my treasured pup, it is probably the cheapest purchase I've made that had that greatest impact on my life. The license is transferable to any device you have, so it's a one-time purchase. It's only downside is they do not have a mobile app due to what they've said is complex mobile software restrictions. That's why I use a mix of Freedom and Apple's built-in Screen Time for the phone. Having no access to YouTube and no way of relapsing, I was forced to find ways to spend that time. I'm not sure yet if I want to lift the block, but I know the habits I've established in its absence are now quite strong - I had no other choice.

Another option if you are concerned about apps and don't want to purchase Pro is to delete the app and then block the URL from which you would download the app. There are some tricks here and there, but the most important thing is to still deal with the reason why you need to block things (filling that void of activity).

The best option for the locked blocks is to have someone you know and trust create a password for your block. There is no way around it unless you sheepishly return to them and say, "I'd like you to unlock my block because I wish to go back to my old habits." And no one is going to say that, are they? If you don't have someone like that right now, then you can set your own locked block based on time (ex. 90 days, you will be unable to access those sites/apps until the time has elapsed). However, in this case, you had better make sure you have dealt with your reasons for blocking because once the block is up, it's on you to make sure you either start a new one or have changed your behavior enough that you don't need it.

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3 hours ago, MuMuMelon said:

It bothers me that I go to work for others and give them the best part of me throughout the day. When the day is over, and I need to make time for myself and my goals, i find I lack the desire to fight for myself and my future.

Man this really hit home...

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  • 3 weeks later...

In the last 18 days I fell off a bit. I started gaming again. Not too much at first, but I noticed that every day I played a little bit longer. Last night I decided to nip this nonsense in the bud. A very large part of me was willing to pretend that I never found this website and to just let myself game. I woke up this morning and realized that I don't want to continue ignoring life and just game my life away. 

So, instead of waiting months or years before coming back here. I'm here now. 

It's Day 1....again. 

I'm working today so I can't add much more at the moment. I wanted to quickly add that I realize that a big part of my problem (and it kinda has been my entire life) is that I don't have a plan. Or when I do have a plan I don't stick to it. I saw a tick tock video last week that explained how "discipline is the highest form of self love". I need to be more loving to myself. 

Tonight, after work, I am going to actually come up with a plan. No more saying things that I end up not doing or following through on. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. 

 

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Day 1 yet again.....damn. 

In a moment of weakness I re-downloaded Tetris (of all games) and snuck in a quick game yesterday. That was it. That was all I played. But here I am again, back to day 1. 

Sometimes I wonder if I'm even fit to be on this site. I don't think I'm a positive influence. I have relapsed at least four times since I found this site. I'm nearly 48 and I still struggle with video game addiction. Needless to say I'm not proud of myself but I'm not giving up on myself either. 

Here's to new beginnings. 

 

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