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J.J. - Jonathan's Journal


jpespenan

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Well,

this is interesting. Can't say that I've ever done any journaling online, but I have done a lot of journaling on paper. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to structure this to explain it to other people, or just write it like noone would ever read it. Gonna check some other posts and see. Anyway, today is my first day, and the main things I wanted to do were to (1.) set up barriers from downloading games on my phone and laptop. I've made them both password protected and I threw away the password. Although, in my addicted state I have overcome barriers like that, right now I feel like I am in a good place. (2.) Make it through the day without playing games. For the past week or so I have been playing about 5 hours of games in the evening. Much less than the past few months, but still at an amount which is unhealthy. So today's goal was to just not do any. (3.) My last goal was to get started on this game quitters. I started Module 1 on the Respawn program, which led me to this forum. 

So I've accomplished all of my goals. The things I'm worried about are that I'm going to have to be studying for the next 3 weeks, like about 8 hours a day or so. I have lots of clerkship tests that I need to get caught up with, because they were postponed. In the past, I would reward myself with studying hard by playing games as a coping mechanism. So I think I am a little bit worried about finding something that will help me to cope with studying alot. But going through the Respawn program today, and writing has been really helpful. I think that journaling and the writing process could be good coping mechanisms that I will use to replace gaming. 

Plan for tomorrow.

1. Study for like 4 hours after Clinic.

2. GameQuitters goals: Module 2 and worksheets (or whatever is next), Journal post, and comment on other people's posts. Continue not playing games. Tell my DnD/MTG group that I will only be doing DnD with them in the future. 

3. Noom. 15 minutes. 

4. Meditation. 1 until I fall asleep. 

-Jonathan

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I just write like nobody's reading, while also keeping in mind that some people are absolutely going to read it... if that makes any sense at all?
Basically I try not to share anything too TMI and I try to keep my journal here focused on the general topic of self improvement, but I write for myself, nobody else. 
If anyone reads my journal, that's their choice, and if they get something out of it that helps them, that's a nice bonus for both of us!

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i write my journal because it reminds me why i started it at the first place . also seeing others writing their own made me write mine because i saw they improving day by day so i hope i keep writing it and improve day by day . 

good luck writing your journal man😊

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Thanks for the advice on journal starting!

6/17/2020: 

I guess 6/15/20 can be my sobriety date, ha. I guess I can make it for games, PMO, and I started Noom recently too. I remember when my sister would reach certain milestones in AA, she would get cool coins. I need to get a coin, haha. Anyway, I think the biggest struggle today was to not watch any of my gaming channels on Youtube. I was studying almost all day, and at the end of the day and during my breaks, some of the gaming channels I used to watch popped up. Even though I have deleted all my games, I hadn't yet changed the youtube preferences. I did that today, unfollowing the MTG and Runeterra channels. I watched some lifting videos, Joe Rogan, and kayaking videos. I also set up the Cold Turkey blocker that Cam recommended in the Respawn course. It required money to set a password, but its just a backup anyway, so it's providing the second barrier. I already set up my NetNanny blocker, a few days ago. It was kind of frustrating though today, because I was trying to log some patient logs for school, and the blocker blocked it in error. I guess I will have to figure out which things mess it up. I also watched a video about Ego-depletion and willpower, and even though I knew about it before, I forgot how powerful setting up my environment to not have tempting things in it can be good for me. I think I will re-evaluate my house environment, and also maybe focus on some minimalism too. My high-school gaming friends are playing on Friday. Luckily I have something else to do, it's my friends birthday, so we are going to hang out. I'm going to just fade out of gaming hang-outs. 

Goals Summary check-in: Did my Respawn modules, Studied, Walked 4 Miles, No PMO, no Gaming, did Noom app but ate way over my calories. I'll talk with my goal counselor person about that. Avoiding gaming channels on Youtube was a big win for today! 

Jonathan

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Yeah keep up the good work. You're starting out good streaks and habits. I write what I feel like writing in my journal while filtering out things I wouldn't want other people to know about. Even though it's anonymous there are still some things I'd rather keep private.

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