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Sick, tired, and bored of gaming! So I'm quitting.


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Today was day 4 of my 90 day detox.

I'm probably not going to really return to gaming the way I did before with my 30 and then 60 day detoxes, which were just to reevaluate my relationship to gaming.
I actually did learn to moderate, and all was well for a good long while. But I had a couple weeks of binging recently due to the loss of my first pregnancy,
and that helped me get completely sick of video games and ready to "declutter" them from my life. They no longer *spark joy* haha. 

This time I'm just doing a detox to completely cleanse myself of anything that even resembles gaming.
I want to re-learn how I used to live as a child before games took over my life. 
There's a few games out there I can use as creative tools, like the Sims for architecture and interior design for example,
but that will also remain off limits until August just so I don't slip up.
I want to focus on screen-free activities for a while, though I'm not setting any hard limits on that right now, I can focus more on that again later on.

I recently started drawing and journaling again, and I also picked up the psaltery and kalimba (instruments). These have been really good for me!
I haven't really been actively learning any songs or trying to relearn how to read music yet, I've mostly just been messing around, but it's awesome.
There's something so sensory pleasing about the whole experience. I love how tactile it is. Really good replacement for gaming.
I've also been reading and listening to audio books more frequently again, which has been good. 

My family set up a private NA meeting for my wife* and I to attend so we can have face-to-face meetings again,
something I've been dying for. Zoom just doesn't do it for me in the same way.
So yeah I'm also a recovering drug addict alcoholic etc, addiction is something I've known well since I started cutting myself at age 12. This is nothing new to me. 
Getting sober is actually the only reason I ever realized I had a problem with gaming,
only reason I realized I was a hoarder, and a whole lot of other things. Best decision I've ever made!
But anyway these face-to-face meetings are going to be really helpful for this too, we talk about all the aspects of life that addiction touches so they will support me 100%. 

I have found blogging to be quite helpful for me... I seem to like writing. So I'll probably keep doing this daily journal thing, if not necessarily daily.
*(yes we're gay just to clarify, I was the pregnant one, don't want to confuse anyone lol.)

Edited by GrainSiloEnthusiast
fixing formatting
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Today is day 5.

I have been watching a no-BS just-story "playthrough" of FFIX. I had been playing it right before I sold my switch to my best friend, I had been planning on playing through it one last time (with all cheats on to make it faster and less "game-y") it as my way of saying goodbye to games. But I ended up just selling it to them because they were available the next day, I figured that there's no time like the present, and I can just watch the rest. The day I sold my switch was Day 1

I know a lot of people have struggled with addictions to streams and let's plays, so I don't recommend this to everyone.
I am a recovering YouTube addict but I have been doing very well in that regard since I unsubscribed from all non-music channels and deleted the app from my phone.
The music channels very seldom upload too, so I typically check YouTube once a day at most and it's only for 30 seconds to see if there's any new songs.
I also have a chrome extension that hides recommendations, comments, and other YouTube rabbit hole triggers as I see fit. 
Since I share my PC with my wife it is a lot easier to moderate, and the 2x speed feature is a huge time saver, I think I really made the right choice to just watch the rest.

Just seeing how long the videos are, about 14 hours total, makes me realize how much time I'm saving by not gaming.
I'd have easily spent 30+ hours even in an all-cheats playthrough, because I do a lot of wandering around and opening every chest I see.
I also watch maybe 30 minutes at a time on average, when I'd play it'd been 1 or 2 hours at a time, that being moderation! Sometimes I would play even longer.
I know this because the last game I played all the way through during my final binge weeks was FFVII. Over 60 hours even though I was using all the cheats!

On top of time saving, it saves my mental energy and emotions. I don't get angry when watching someone else play the way I do when I play. 
I don't have to do anything frustrating or tedious. I don't like who I am when I game. I still have anger issues in general but I'm working on them and avoiding triggers is helpful.
Even with the times I've been irrationally angry recently I'm a WHOLE lot better than I used to be a few years ago... scares me just thinking about it!

It's so much easier now for me to just go outside when I see how pretty it is and just enjoy my cup of coffee or whatever.
I used to feel pulled to keep working on finishing up the game so it was harder to slow down and smell the roses.
I also spend more time with my 3 cats, and the time I spend with them is higher quality. I can tell they appreciate it!

All in all I'm quite happy with how things are going so far. I'm already happier and more relaxed. I wonder what a whole 90 days will bring...

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Well TIL Kalimba is an instrument. I thought it was just this banger tune from Windows 7: 

 

Anyway good luck on your journey. I agree music and blogging can be quite therapeutic. Also it is amazing how much time we spend on screens, I think it is good you are looking for other types of hobbies.

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You’re doing good. Keep it up. Live will always be an up and down. But when we are sober we are not in the game of our addiction anymore. Live will be more stable

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Today is day 7! Made it a whole week!

I'm writing this entry from my phone so the formatting will probably not be as I would wish. Just a disclaimer because I'm weird about that kind of thing lol.

My wife isn't quitting gaming, but she doesn't really game that much anymore anyway. She's more likely to just watch a game on YouTube than play it herself. It's not going to become an issue for me unless she neglects me for games, but in the past it's more been me neglecting her, I don't really see it being an issue. However she doesn't really understand why I want to quit forever.

I was talking to her and I brought up deleting my steam account and she was quite confused by the whole thing, wondering why I don't just change the password or simply not use it. We went on about it for a while, to ease her mind I decided I would just give her the account. She can change the password to something I won't know, and she won't have to feel like I deleted the account for dumb reasons. I don't even have that many games on there anyway. The only game I was thinking about keeping was audiosurf, but I'll find some other sort of visualizer. It's not that big of a deal.

That leaves the only game on my account on the computer being The Sims 4. As I've mentioned before I want to keep it because I really enjoy building houses, and I can't find any replacements. If I could find a dedicated program for building houses and doing interior design, I would probably just try that instead. I can't find anything I wouldn't have to pay out the ass for, they're all designed for professionals, they probably have a very large learning curve anyway. But if having The Sims on my computer becomes an issue, I'll delete that too. It's not something I ever spent any money on *cough COUGH* so it's not really that painful for me to go ahead and be rid of it if necessary.

One of the arguments I brought up with my wife about why I want to quit, was that I really don't like who I am when I'm gaming. There was a time a couple weeks ago when I got so frustrated at a stupid puzzle in FFVII, that I couldn't advance without completing, that I tossed the controller. It ended up hitting her hand and hurting her. I never want anything like that happening again. Even when I wasn't trying to do anything harmful I still ended up doing so. The level of anger I experienced when playing video games is dangerous.

In general, gaming no longer lines up with my values, no longer fits into the way I want to live my life.

I want to be a good wife. I also want to be a good mother to our potential future child. I want to be a good mother to the cats I already have! I want to be an illustrator. I want to play instruments. I want to spend a lot of time outside. I want to read and listen to books. I want to live a peaceful life filled with simple pleasures. These things are my motivation, my reasons to quit. 

I know now that cold turkey is probably the only way for me. As each day goes by I realize this more and more. I feel free now, like a weight has been lifted. I tried moderation. It worked for a while. But honestly I just feel so much better with it out of my life completely. The fact that I'm writing this sitting in our giant backyard, soaking up the sun, listening to the ambience of the birds and bugs and the traffic from the nearby road, is a miracle to me. If I was still gaming I would probably be inside right now, sinking into my bed.

Find the reasons you're here right now reading this. Cling to those reasons. Fight for those reasons. You never have to pick up a controller again.

Just for today my thoughts will be on my recovery, living in enjoying life without the use of games.

Edited by GrainSiloEnthusiast
Forgot to add the day
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6 hours ago, GrainSiloEnthusiast said:

As I've mentioned before I want to keep it because I really enjoy building houses, and I can't find any replacements

Blender 2.83 is free and a professional software. You can also use Google sketchup or Autodesk visual studio 360 for free. 

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40 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

Blender 2.83 is free and a professional software. You can also use Google sketchup or Autodesk visual studio 360 for free. 

I truly appreciate your comment, unfortunately these are not suitable as a replacement for me, as I would have to render everything myself from scratch basically.
At that point I might as well just be drawing. I can't conceptualize nonexistent 3D spaces in my head alone, otherwise I would just be doing that. 
The reason the Sims works so well as an architecture sim is because that's exactly what the original game started out as anyway. 
I really wanted there to be something out there that was like the Sims without the "live mode", but that doesn't exist yet. 
The Sims has so many tools that make building simple for someone like me that really just doesn't get it otherwise,
and I tend to renovate preexisting houses rather than start from complete scratch anyway.
It's certainly a pickle to be in. But as I type now it's the only "game" still on my computer, and I consider that alone to be a victory.
I started to hate the actual game play of the Sims anyway, so hopefully it won't seduce me haha.

EDIT: I tried googling "something like the sims but just build mode" , I hadn't thought of trying that exact search before, and I think I might have hit a gold mine.
This reddit thread helped me find this free program and I think I might cry, I'm so happy... I'm going to have to try this!!! I might have found what exactly what I needed!

Edited by GrainSiloEnthusiast
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23 minutes ago, GrainSiloEnthusiast said:

I truly appreciate your comment, unfortunately these are not suitable as a replacement for me, as I would have to render everything myself from scratch basically.
At that point I might as well just be drawing. I can't conceptualize nonexistent 3D spaces in my head alone, otherwise I would just be doing that. 
The reason the Sims works so well as an architecture sim is because that's exactly what the original game started out as anyway. 
I really wanted there to be something out there that was like the Sims without the "live mode", but that doesn't exist yet. 
The Sims has so many tools that make building simple for someone like me that really just doesn't get it otherwise,
and I tend to renovate preexisting houses rather than start from complete scratch anyway.
It's certainly a pickle to be in. But as I type now it's the only "game" still on my computer, and I consider that alone to be a victory.
I started to hate the actual game play of the Sims anyway, so hopefully it won't seduce me haha.

EDIT: I tried googling "something like the sims but just build mode" , I hadn't thought of trying that exact search before, and I think I might have hit a gold mine.
This reddit thread helped me find this free program and I think I might cry, I'm so happy... I'm going to have to try this!!! I might have found what exactly what I needed!

I'm taking credit for helping lead to this lol. I'm glad you found it though in all seriousness. 

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12 hours ago, GrainSiloEnthusiast said:

Yes, please do take credit! If it wasn't for your comment I really think I wouldn't have thought up that search term. You rock ;D

Lol thanks. Now get to those hobbies!

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Today is day 9.

(Another entry written from my phone.)

Yesterday I was able to share my intention to quit gaming with my recovery community. Just as I expected, I was congratulated for a week free of gaming and told I was making a good decision. I enjoy bringing to light that anything can be an addiction and that all addictions that cause problems in your life are worth fighting.

Today I woke up at noon yet again. I was having a rough night last night and we stayed up until 3 😕 I'm tired of waking up this late. Readjusting my sleep schedule is always utter hell... I don't have any time sensitive responsibilities on a regular basis, so I should take it slow. I'll make it a point to go to bed earlier tonight at the very least.

The best thing about the Animal Crossing series for me was the music, so we've decided to learn some of the songs on our instruments. We've figured out some of the notes for 3pm from Wild World, probably my favorite song from the whole series. 

Most of the songs I have interest in learning are from video games actually haha. This makes sense tho because a lot of the games I played are known for having excellent sound tracks. I think it's a good way to honour the nostalgia without having to go waste time by playing the games again. 

My life feels like it has been refreshed now that I'm not gaming and have intention to truly quit. Yesterday was a very busy day filled with ups and downs but overall everything feels a lot better and more real. I want to be in tune with my body and the world around me. I like this new way of life.

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2 hours ago, GrainSiloEnthusiast said:

My life feels like it has been refreshed now that I'm not gaming and have intention to truly quit.

That sounds good to me. That's cool that you're into music and are playing some songs. As long as it's not triggering for you then that's good. 

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Today is day 10.

Hard to believe I'm already 1/9 of the way through the detox! 

We went for a late night drive so I didn't get to bed until 2, probably didn't fall asleep until 2:30 or even 3. So not much better than yesterday. Wife needed that drive for her mental health though, and I'm always down for a drive. I woke up at ~10:45 or so but couldn't get up and kept drifting in and out until ~11:30. Woke up before noon though, even despite the rain, haha! I am extremely groggy this morning though.

Yesterday we got a small electric keyboard, 3 octaves, battery powered. I've Always wanted a keyboard, ever since I was a little kid. Even though I'm practicing minimalism I don't think 5 instruments is too many... It feels like the perfect number actually. Jasper (wife) figured out some more notes for 3pm, so now it's really starting to come together!

I almost forgot to fill a page in my sketchbook again, so i did a lazy pattern. "Lazy art encouraged!" Is right there in the rules I've made for myself...

I just realised I haven't actually posted anything about my sketchbook use it up challenge here. I will post more specifically about my daily goals in the next post, sometime a little later today unless real life gets me caught up in other things.

 

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Ok so, daily goals post. Here we go...

I use the "Goal Tracker" app on my phone to keep track of my daily goals because it's exactly like the X effect, just digital, and I can keep it going longer than 49 days.

My daily goals are: Fill at least one page in my sketchbook, fiddle with my instruments, and don't game.
My other general goals include: staying clean and sober, not overusing the internet, and spending time outside.

Not gaming is really self explanatory. Super easy now that I've rid myself of my Nintendo Switch and 99% of my PC games.
(Sims is still hanging out on my computer for now, I'm going to try that architecture program and see if I like it though.
Might be nice to have both, for variety. Unless I actually relapse on it, it's allowed to stay.)

Fiddling with my instruments is a really simple goal... I just need to pick up an instrument.
I don't have any set amount of time I need to play or study, once I pick it up those things tend to come naturally anyway.
I'm not really in a good enough mental place right now where I can reliably dedicate an hour or more a day to actual practicing. 
I want to get more serious about it in the future, but for now it's baby steps.

Perfect segue into my "Fill It Up!" Sketchbook Challenge [Easy Mode]
Here's the "rules", transcribed from my actual sketchbook:

  • #MAKE BAD ART
    Tolerate mistakes, just keep moving. Patterns & lazy doodles encouraged!
  • NOT JUST DRAWINGS
    Just fill pages, by any means necessary. Journal, paste stuff in, whatever! All efforts count toward daily quota!
  • BETTER WITH FRIENDS
    Friends & family can fill pages, and it counts toward the daily quota!
  • JUST DO IT, DAILY!
    Fill one or more page a day till done!

I've done this before, but with more rigid rules. I had to draw on at least one page a day and it had to be me doing it, anyone else filling a page was just a bonus. 
I was still allowed to do lazy drawings and patterns, but I pushed myself to at least do a mandala most days. There were at least 5 gingham pages though lol.


This time I started on May 17th, only a little over 2 weeks since we found out I miscarried, so I decided I'd go easy on myself.
I needed a way to slowly reintroduce my routine. I had stopped drawing when the pregnancy fatigue began to completely kick my ass,
and then the severe depression from the miscarriage did not help matters. Before that I had successfully drawn #At Least One Line for 242 days in a row.

I also just really want to be done with this sketchbook, it's too big for me. The pages are slightly bigger than printer paper.
I prefer to work a lot smaller, so it's been a struggle. Who knows, maybe this whole thing will change me! Haha.

I have missed one day of page-filling so far, and made up for it the next day with a whopping 3 pages.
However I am not the slightest bit upset about that missed day!
I missed that day because I was busy being intimate with my beautiful wife who I love more than anything!
Before I more likely would have stayed up too late binge-gaming and passed out before remembering to draw.
Relationships are the most important thing in my life, especially the relationship with my wife.
I will happily trade getting an checkmark on my goal for quality time with her. But I would prefer most to be able to balance all of these things 😉

I don't really keep track of daily staying clean and sober anymore because I've been doing it for over 19 months now.
I celebrate each month, especially the coin and key tag worthy milestones, but I don't really need to check off a box every day for it anymore.

I don't have any set measurements for not overusing the internet or spending time outside at the moment, so no boxes to check for those either.
They're more just things I keep in the back of my mind, and I try to be mindful about my internet use rather than habitual.
I have a personal value about not using the internet when I'm out and about unless it's immediately necessary for reference, so I try to hold myself to that.
"Don't get caught on your smartphone!" I tell myself. I want to set a positive example. When I answer a text, I put my phone right back in my pocket, just things like that.

That about wraps that up. Lord knows I love to type too much so let's just shut me up here!

 

 

 

Edited by GrainSiloEnthusiast
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Finally, I'm done watching that playthrough of FFIX. The story is so good, I definitely don't regret my decision to finish it up.
Knowing I can just watch story supercuts makes it a lot easier on me to let go of gaming entirely.
I'm not going to watch any other games until after the end of my detox though. There's not any I can even think of that I'm dying to watch anyway.

I want to now focus my attention on filling that sketchbook and learning about music and instruments, and even more away from screens.

We live in my wife's dad's house. The house came with a piano, as I've heard is not uncommon lol, people don't want to deal with moving the pianos.
My wife had actually bought a book to try to learn to play it before we met... "Alfred's Basic Adult Piano Course: Level 1". Talk about perfect??
I'm definitely going to be reading it. I also found a really good YouTube channel for learning as well.

All these things I always wanted to do but never had the motivation or energy to do... and suddenly I'm actually pursuing them.
What a god damn miracle!

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@GrainSiloEnthusiast Congratulations on the 10 days, you will reach your goal in no time. Well, the piano seems like a great opportunity to try learning something new. I am kind of jealous, haha. I wanted to learn the piano when I was younger but never got to it. Although I was never good with music, so there's that, I guess. Keep up the good habits. 

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9 hours ago, Marek said:

@GrainSiloEnthusiast Congratulations on the 10 days, you will reach your goal in no time. Well, the piano seems like a great opportunity to try learning something new. I am kind of jealous, haha. I wanted to learn the piano when I was younger but never got to it. Although I was never good with music, so there's that, I guess. Keep up the good habits. 

I was never good with instruments, it's never too late to learn!
Remember, skill matters way more than "talent." Anyone can build skills! No matter how "naturally gifted" someone is, hard work and perseverance is the only thing that gets you anywhere. I was considered "talented" as a kid when it came to drawing, but I soon fell out of practice, and became too insecure to continue, setting me back by several years. I had to work like hell to get back to just being an average artist! You should totally snag yourself a cheapo keyboard and start learning, it's so much fun! I got mine for $60 at a pawn shop, which is cheap for an instrument. Even if you have to save up a little bit for one, I think it's well worth it. Music is so therapeutic, even when you have no idea what you're doing!

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Today is day 11.

Woke up at 10:50, fell asleep not long after 2 last night. So a little bit better than yesterday, because I didn't spend another 45 minutes in bed nodding off.
It's so completely impossible for me to wake myself up without checking my phone lately, and it's so annoying... just laying in bed and thinking makes me drift back off,
and I don't have enough energy to just jump out of bed like some people can. I wake up completely exhausted and fatigued no matter how much sleep I get.
I don't have that much going on on my phone though, no social media or games, so I just check my email... check my messages if there are any...
usually by then it's easier for me to not fall back asleep. There's probably an underlying issue causing the fatigue but there's a LOT of factors so I'm not sure what.
I'll do whatever it takes to not sleep until 14:30! Checking my phone for 10 minutes is not going to ruin my life. I can change that routine later anyway. Baby steps.

Today will be my first day of detox where I'm also not watching that FFIX playthrough, or any other games.
I have an ebook to read, an audiobook to listen to, a sketchbook to fill, several instruments I can play and/or study... and I can just sit around outside.

Speaking of which, I think it's about time I get off the computer and spend some time outside. Bye!

 

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11 hours ago, GrainSiloEnthusiast said:

was never good with instruments, it's never too late to learn!
Remember, skill matters way more than "talent." Anyone can build skills! No matter how "naturally gifted" someone is, hard work and perseverance is the only thing that gets you anywhere. I was considered "talented" as a kid when it came to drawing, but I soon fell out of practice, and became too insecure to continue, setting me back by several years. I had to work like hell to get back to just being an average artist! You should totally snag yourself a cheapo keyboard and start learning, it's so much fun! I got mine for $60 at a pawn shop, which is cheap for an instrument. Even if you have to save up a little bit for one, I think it's well worth it. Music is so therapeutic, even when you have no idea what you're doing!

That's a good point. I might give it a try someday. Unfortunately, I do not think I have the time to start learning the instrument at the time. I 100% agree with that; small steps are the ones that lead to significant changes. Nothing is done overnight. Repetition, repetition, repetition. Thanks for the advice though I had no idea that you could get it this cheap. 

 

11 hours ago, GrainSiloEnthusiast said:

Woke up at 10:50, fell asleep not long after 2 last night. So a little bit better than yesterday, because I didn't spend another 45 minutes in bed nodding off.
It's so completely impossible for me to wake myself up without checking my phone lately, and it's so annoying... just laying in bed and thinking makes me drift back off,
and I don't have enough energy to just jump out of bed like some people can. I wake up completely exhausted and fatigued no matter how much sleep I get.
I don't have that much going on on my phone though, no social media or games, so I just check my email... check my messages if there are any...
usually by then it's easier for me to not fall back asleep. There's probably an underlying issue causing the fatigue but there's a LOT of factors so I'm not sure what.
I'll do whatever it takes to not sleep until 14:30! Checking my phone for 10 minutes is not going to ruin my life. I can change that routine later anyway. Baby steps.

As you mentioned before, baby steps. It takes time. But it is not impossible. Fixing my sleep schedule was one of my hardest habits to change. Now about a month later, I can comfortably wake up around 6AM, and I used to consider myself a massive night owl. The main thing that helped me was to make a good evening routine to slowly wind down before bed. Focus on more non-screen related activities before bed + dimer lights, if possible. And to get out of bed, there are several apps which force you to do something such as scan QR code somewhere or take a picture that forces you out of bed. I used Alarmy in the past, and now I use Sleep as Android because it connects to my smartwatch. I would say that having a smart alarm made a big difference, too, especially in terms of the morning fatigue. 

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2 hours ago, Marek said:

As you mentioned before, baby steps. It takes time. But it is not impossible. Fixing my sleep schedule was one of my hardest habits to change. Now about a month later, I can comfortably wake up around 6AM, and I used to consider myself a massive night owl. The main thing that helped me was to make a good evening routine to slowly wind down before bed. Focus on more non-screen related activities before bed + dimer lights, if possible. And to get out of bed, there are several apps which force you to do something such as scan QR code somewhere or take a picture that forces you out of bed. I used Alarmy in the past, and now I use Sleep as Android because it connects to my smartwatch. I would say that having a smart alarm made a big difference, too, especially in terms of the morning fatigue. 

Yeah... I've fixed my sleep schedule before... it always just takes a while to get me into the swing of things!!! I'm not sure if I'm gonna shoot for that early cause I kinda like my bedtime being around midnight. If I could be waking up around 8 reliably that'd be neat. My wife tends to wake up between 8 and 9 no matter when she goes to bed lol, I feel bad for her sometimes. 

And of course ironically I sit here typing this at 2:25 cause my best friend who I haven't gotten to talk to a lot recently was having an art stream.
I had a really good time so no regrets. I have to wake up by 11 no matter what tomorrow anyway, I have an echocardiogram apt that I have to be at by 13:45. 

I'm hoping I'll be running on almost exactly 7 hours of sleep tomorrow, that's my absolute bare minimum to get me through a whole day without passing out.
That way I will hopefully get sleepy early so I can go to bed early. Once I end up waking up at an earlier time by chance I'll try to make that the new normal until I wake up even earlier by chance, and so on. This whole thing isn't time sensitive at all for me, I don't even really NEED to be waking up earlier I just want to because I like mornings.

I will keep your advice in mind and try to create a good evening routine for myself soon! And maybe some form of morning routine as well...

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Today is day 12.

I woke up at ~9:45 naturally! Our eldest cat screaming at the door helped though. I swear she can SENSE when I wake up.... like spidey senses... lol.
I probably didn't fall asleep until 3 or maybe even 3:30 depending on when I actually got into bed, but given I have things I have to do today, 6 hours is likely doable.
Usually 7 hours is the bare minimum for me to get through a whole day without literally passing out at some point, but let's just see what happens!
I was really lucky today. I usually wake up to pee on 4 or 5 hours of sleep like clockwork. Today I slept 6 hours straight.

Last night after I finished writing my reply, I drafted a quick morning routine:
  Wake up, drink water, make bed, go pee, brush teeth, wash face, feed the cats if my wife hasn't already,
  get my coffee, sit or walk outside and drink coffee, eat something once hungry.

Now I didn't do these things in that exact order, since I woke up before my wife I had to wait to make the bed, but I did all of those things!
Brushing my teeth in the morning and washing my face are two new things for me. I was only brushing my teeth at night, out of laziness and no other reason.
I always feel good when I brush my teeth though, so I'm going to do it more often starting now. I'm going to make twice a day my new bare minimum.

I'm going to try to make 9:30 - 9:45 my new normal wake up time for now. Once that has become normal, then I will work toward 8:30 - 9, and so on.
I'm also going to work on drafting an evening wind down routine and set a bed time that will keep me on track.

Excited for my echocardiogram appointment, I think it's neat as hell to see my insides.
Hopefully having a busy day ahead of me can keep me awake and alert so that I'll be able to sleep early tonight!

 

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So it's 16:20 (420 lmao) and I'm still kicking. Caffeine is helping somewhat. I have to be careful not to overdo it though cause it can give me anxiety. My wife and I like to call it anxiety juice lol.

Echocardiogram went well! Really nice ultrasound tech, the whole thing was interesting and even entertaining.

Edited by GrainSiloEnthusiast
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Today is day 13.

Woke up at 9:45 again. Should be able to maintain this, and it feels so much better than waking up at 11 or later.

We walked our cats today. Yes, with leashes and everything, like doggies. We have dog-cats. Shiro even plays fetch!
They always get a kick out of that, even though they primarily spend the entire time eating grass. We should grow some cat grass...

After that we went to Michael's since they're open again finally and they were having clearance sales + a 20% off entire purchase (barring clearance items) coupon.
I try not to over-shop so Michael's is a place I have to go to only rarely... art supplies my biggest weakness. But I did get something kinda big today.
I got these Zebra Zensations Mechanical Colored Pencils (24 pack) and a pack of refills. They're refillable! I'm big on less-wasteful art supplies, so it's a good investment.
I am excited to use them so hopefully that will get me drawing today. At the very least I will be swatching them. Swatching new supplies is so satisfying...
They'll be better for my colouring book too, since I won't have to worry about having a blotter page and I won't feel like I'm wasting them if I can refill them.

I've also been using this app to practice reading music. It's been super frustrating, but of course it is, I just started.
I really want to learn how to read music, and how to "properly" use my instruments, even though my primary goal is just to have fun.
I don't really care about being "good" at music or instruments. My primary focus is illustration, I don't plan on trying to be a musician.
If I was going to take anything seriously wrt music I would focus on singing because that's what I have the most experience with anyway.

Now my wife and I are cooking lunch together, honey garlic salmon and home made mashed potatoes!
We haven't actually cook cooked.... since some time before the miscarriage honestly. It's been a While so cooking fell out of our comfort zones...
I'm so excited to eat the "fruit" of our labour!

Edit: It was fucking delicious.

Edited by GrainSiloEnthusiast
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