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NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened

Ari's Recovery Journey


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Have to admit, feeling quite triggered by being in the same room as my wife while she plays Stardew Valley (one of my favorite games) with her nephew.

I try to remind myself that I barely have time to do the things I currently want to do, I have nowhere to fit gaming into my schedule without sacrificing the other things I want to be doing more.

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  • 2 weeks later...

On May 1st it will be 11 months since I last touched a video game.

I've really been missing building in The Sims and it's still something I go back and forth about doing once my year long detox is over.

Even though there's a couple other games I miss, I know my life is better for not gaming. I don't like who I am when I game. There's so many other things I want to do and I won't have time for those things if I'm gaming.

Because I can argue that using The Sims for house building, and Only for house building, is a creative and productive activity... I need to set boundaries so that it doesn't turn into a full blown relapse if I do decide to use it.

I have decided that, as long as I work within the boundaries I am setting for myself, using The Sims to build will not count as a relapse for me personally.

(Drawing comparisons is something I do that helps me make sense of things. The best comparison I can draw between this and my drug addiction recovery is:

I am allowed to use medications, even if said medications do technically get me "high" under the right circumstances, correct dosages, with supervision. As long as I know I am using the substance responsibly, I do not consider it a relapse. I was on opiates for weeks after my C-section and I did not consider that a relapse. It did not Feel the way a relapse Feels. This is an example of using drugs as a tool, the healthiest way to use them.)

Boundaries for using The Sims as a design tool:

>No "live mode". Build mode only.

>Only when daughter is at school or otherwise out of the house.

>Partner gets first dibs at the computer, because it is her computer.

>Still not allowed to consume Sims content for entertainment (streams/YouTube/etc.)

>Have an idea or plan before starting. Don't use this as a way to muck about and waste time. Having fun is allowed but it needs to be a byproduct and not the goal itself.

>Keep a written record of projects for accountability purposes.

(...I'm actually having a hard time coming up with things? If anyone has any further ideas I'm up for hearing them.)

If it still feels like a relapse even with all of these boundaries in place, I will have to remove The Sims completely from my life again and reset my clean time! Hopefully it won't be that way if I do decide to do this, but that's the risk I'm taking.

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  • 2 weeks later...

78 days without Reddit!

6 days of avoiding using my phone around my toddler! And averaging about 1 hour of phone time total.

I also have an unofficial goal to only watch 1 episode of TV a day, which I am flexible with because some days I don't watch any TV at all. I have definitely stopped binge watching, that's for sure.

Last but not at all least... 11 months without gaming since May 1st!

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On 6/3/2020 at 4:09 PM, GrainSiloEnthusiast said:

Today is day 13.

Woke up at 9:45 again. Should be able to maintain this, and it feels so much better than waking up at 11 or later.

We walked our cats today. Yes, with leashes and everything, like doggies. We have dog-cats. Shiro even plays fetch!
They always get a kick out of that, even though they primarily spend the entire time eating grass. We should grow some cat grass...
 

What kind of cats??? I have 2 ragdolls..They are sort of known as dog cats. I would LOVE to leash train them.  I think my 6 month old girl would (zoe).  Frankie 14 months) probably not.  He's huge (16 lbs, not fat, just huge).  Huge but a big olee baby. Lol. We took him to the vet for a check up the other day and he cried so hard they told us they can't see him without some anxiety meds, so we had to reschedule and will give him some gabapentin a few hours before next time.  

I haven't read your entire journal so not sure about what instrument you are playing.  I have a gorgeous clarinet in my closet that hasn't been used for years.  It would be kind of fun to reteach myself how to play again.  

 

I know this post is 2 years old, it just caught my eye because I saw cats!

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On 5/10/2023 at 4:48 AM, Zoe said:

What kind of cats??? I have 2 ragdolls..They are sort of known as dog cats. I would LOVE to leash train them.  I think my 6 month old girl would (zoe).  Frankie 14 months) probably not.  He's huge (16 lbs, not fat, just huge).  Huge but a big olee baby. Lol. We took him to the vet for a check up the other day and he cried so hard they told us they can't see him without some anxiety meds, so we had to reschedule and will give him some gabapentin a few hours before next time.  

I haven't read your entire journal so not sure about what instrument you are playing.  I have a gorgeous clarinet in my closet that hasn't been used for years.  It would be kind of fun to reteach myself how to play again.  

 

I know this post is 2 years old, it just caught my eye because I saw cats!

My cats were a tuxedo, a tonkinese mix (same litter as the tux!!), And a dilute tortie.

I say were because we rehomed the tuxedo recently. She is now my friend's emotional support cat!!

The instrument I mainly play is the kalimba 🙂 ❤️

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14 hours ago, GrainSiloEnthusiast said:

 

I say were because we rehomed the tuxedo recently. She is now my friend's emotional support cat!!

Awww, yay for helping your friend out.  Also tortie's so cute.  I have two things to look up..tonkinese and kalimba!. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I am proud to announce...

I have now gone an entire year without gaming!

Reflections on this feat:

> I didn't know how to live without video games before my first-ever detox (which had lasted 30 days) and after returning to moderate consumption, my relationship to games was permanently changed. An entire year without gaming has shown me that there is so much more to life beyond games, and I never have to go back to my old way of living!

> This is my 3rd? detox. My first was 30 days, the second was 60+ (I was shooting for 90 and gave up some point along the way.) After reaching 90 days this third time around I decided to shoot for the moon and go a whole year. The success has left me wanting more, more and more time without gaming.

> My recovery from drug addiction through Narcotics Anonymous is what allowed me to realize gaming was a problem in my life. Being clean from games feels a lot like being clean from drugs! It goes to show, it's not about what you use, but your reaction to it. I cannot game and have a stable life, in the exact same way that I cannot use mind altering substances recreationally and have a stable life.

> Despite art-making being my biggest passion, when I game it's the first thing to go out the window. I only have so much time in a day, and especially now that I have a family, I have to be really mindful about how I allocate my time.

> I'm a better partner and a better mom when I don't game. Gaming pulls me away from the people I love and makes me aggressive when I'm interrupted. When I'm gaming all I can think about is video games, so it distracts me even when I'm not playing too!

> I thought winter would be harder. And yes I did watch a lot more TV and use my phone a lot more in the winter, but I didn't game. Previously that was unthinkable! Turns out, I actually love winter. I went into it with a mindset of hibernation, I allowed myself to slow down and prioritize rest. And when I did go outside and do things? Turns out I even enjoy the way the snow alters the landscape in every way, even influencing how I navigate my city! I paid a lot more attention to winter this year, and there is so much to enjoy about it that I previously wrote off.

> I know there's a bunch of money that would have gone towards gaming that instead went to better things! We even sold our consoles, which meant more money in our pockets! Gaming is an expensive addiction!!

> I've felt isolated when other people game around me. Rather than relapsing, I excused myself and went for a walk, and reflected on my thoughts and feelings. I don't drink even when people drink around me, and I don't game when people game around me, either! It can be hard, but it's worth it.

> I still have relapse dreams. I still find myself nostalgic for games that I deeply loved. But the same is true for drugs, and I don't do either anymore. Thoughts aren't actions! The dreams are a wonderful reminder of why I don't do these things in waking life anyway, they always leave me feeling super relieved when I wake up!

> Honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. These things don't just keep me from using vices, they improve my quality of life all-around. I don't tell a bunch of little white lies anymore, I don't spare feelings just to spare feelings. Telling the truth is scary and sometimes difficult, but I've found it's far more satisfying. I used to be a people-pleasing compulsive liar, but very recently I've sworn to stop and it's already made a huge positive impact on my life.

> I believe in myself more than I ever have before. I never thought I could do this. This is the longest I have ever gone without gaming IN MY ENTIRE LIFE since I started, and I started when I was like 5? or maybe even younger! I wonder how different my life would have been had I never started. But now I have a chance to make up some of that lost time, and I'm gonna hold tight to it.

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Still haven't tried building in The Sims, I'm too attached to my "clean time" to risk it turning into a relapse!

I've realized recently that in our community, having a whole year without gaming makes me an "old timer". Old timers prove it can be done, we are living proof that a life after gaming is possible.

As a substitute I got ahold of a isometric dot notebook so I can quickly and easily draft isometric room drawings! This has surprisingly actually worked well as a replacement so far.

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I've been curious about Gaming Addicts Anonymous for a while now, I want to try one of their zoom meetings. Maybe today, we'll see.

Getting a whole year feels like a really big deal, and while I do share this with my other recovery communities, they don't quite understand the way y'all do.

I feel an obligation now to share my accomplishment with other gaming addicts, we need more role models in this community, I want to show people that it can be done.

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I did, in fact, go to a GAA Zoom meeting tonight!

Probably due to being location-specific, it was a small meeting, only 5 people +me. But I like small meetings, more time to share, more close-knit feeling too.

I really loved it. The familiar 12 steps format helps a lot, and it was so cool to hear other recovering gaming addicts share their experience, strength, hope, and struggles!

It was so cool to be able to share about getting a year without gaming, and to have people who really understand what that's like celebrate it with me.

There was a guy there with over 3 years clean! What a miracle, what an inspiration!

Just so cool to see the faces and hear the voices of other recovering gaming addicts! The forum is so amazing but it felt even more real to have such personal interaction, next best thing to in-person.

I recommend it to anyone who thinks it might be for them!

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6 minutes ago, GrainSiloEnthusiast said:

I did, in fact, go to a GAA Zoom meeting tonight!

Probably due to being location-specific, it was a small meeting, only 5 people +me. But I like small meetings, more time to share, more close-knit feeling too.

I really loved it. The familiar 12 steps format helps a lot, and it was so cool to hear other recovering gaming addicts share their experience, strength, hope, and struggles!

It was so cool to be able to share about getting a year without gaming, and to have people who really understand what that's like celebrate it with me.

There was a guy there with over 3 years clean! What a miracle, what an inspiration!

Just so cool to see the faces and hear the voices of other recovering gaming addicts! The forum is so amazing but it felt even more real to have such personal interaction, next best thing to in-person.

I recommend it to anyone who thinks it might be for them!

I didn't know such a thing existed. I'll t@ke @ look!

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An actual *Journal* entry for once, wow! Here I will talk about my other goals and such that aren't directly related to not gaming but wouldn't be possible if I was still gaming.

--

Not using Reddit has become such a normal thing for me now that I don't even need a daily goal tracker for it anymore. I marked in my calendar when a year will be, and deleted my tracker goal to make room for more! I still keep my website blocker up, in order to avoid accidents. There have been a few! The blocker is a life saver.

July is going to be a ridiculously hard month financially. Thank god I quit gaming, such an expensive hobby. But I'm going to be doing a "No Buy July"... Mostly because I have no choice in the matter! Absolute necessities only. Everything else goes on a wish list.

I've actually kind of already started, I've stopped eating out entirely. A LOT of our money has gone to eating out. I don't exactly regret any of it tbh but it's the first thing to go when money gets tight. Since we receive food stamps and have access to a food bank, my goal is to not spend any cash money on food whatsoever. I've been doing this for 9 days and have only failed twice, both purchases being very small and easy to validate.

(The first was getting my wife some hot chicken strips from a grocery deli because we were having a horrible day and she was super hungry, she deserved it. The second was a Starbucks drink that was only $2 with a coupon, but I let myself get it because my birthday 2 days prior had been TERRIBLE. Total cash food spending since goal started: ~$7)

Since my birthday was so terrible, (Long story don't want to get into it,) we stopped at a thrift store on the way home. My wife had offered to take me out for ice cream or something, and I decided if she was gonna spend money on me I'd rather it be something more functional. I really am an adult now... It really was a better use of $10 though! (My wife and I keep our finances separate, so my goal of not eating out is entirely on me. She is generally on board though.)

Anyway I got 2 Zentangle-related books for my birthday thanks to her and I started tangling. I am not new to drawing or even abstract meditative doodling, my main thing was mandala for a long time, but I'd never followed the Official Zentangle Method™ before lol. It's great fun and I like that it gives some structure to an otherwise unstructured activity, which helps me to just get started.

I get blank page paralysis a lot and generally I draw something from life in front of me to get started, but I get bored of that sometimes and just want to draw from imagination. This allows me to do that!

Here's something kinda funny: I've taken on catching the flies in our house with a bug net, Animal Crossing style. This $1.25 dollar tree bug net is one of the best things I've ever bought, I've been able to eradicate the flies while hurting none of them in the process!

So at least a little bit of those THOUSANDS of hours playing Animal Crossing was of some benefit to my real life lol, otherwise I probably never would have thought to do this! And the best part is that it's even funner to catch them in real life than in a video game, I actually get excited when I see flies now! How ironic!

While writing this I've started going on an Animal Crossing nostalgia trip. It makes me really sad how that game was one of the best parts of my childhood. If I had to live my life over... I'm sad to say I'd probably do it all over again. Unless it was a new version of my life where my dad actually left like he should have...

I have no doubt in my mind that being abused/neglected is a super common cause of video game addiction in children. Lacking control over my real life is absolutely what lead me to run away to a video game world. If I had to live through that hell again but I had video games as an option... Unfortunately that's the kind of reservation I still have.

I think it's important for us to acknowledge our reservations. Like I still hold the reservation that if I end up completely bedbound there's a very good chance I'd go back to gaming. But if I'm not in that situation, I don't have any excuses. I'm not going to worry about crossing that bridge unless I actually come to it!

Reservations are not something to run away from and pretend we don't have, they are something to be honest and up front about. Because sometimes that situation comes up, and we don't relapse! If we hide our reservations until we have to face them, the likelihood of relapse is much higher. There's also the potential for better damage control as well even when we do relapse.

Well I better quit writing and actually get ready for the day, I have to go help my mom with her volunteer work at the food bank!

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Yet another gaming dream, and this one was about my primary Game Of Choice... Animal Crossing. 🙄

Haven't been so triggered by a dream in a long time, but as usual I was relieved when I woke up to find it really was just a dream. It irritates me that I find a way to waste even my dreaming time on games! Better than a nightmare tho, I'll give it that.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Something I've learned through my No Buy is that food is far too ephemeral to waste half my check on.

I can easily spend anywhere from $5 to $30 at even cheap fast food places... Regardless of how much I spend it's gone in about the same amount of time.

It's inevitable that I will eat out again in my life, but I'm not going to give into cravings and do it several times a week anymore, no matter how cheap each meal is. It adds up fast!

Three $8 fast food meals (after tax... and that's still really cheap!!) Per week, multiplied by 4... Easily $96 a month down the drain.

And it's not even healthy!! What am I even getting out of it, besides maybe a short lived dopamine rush???

So I take back what I said about not regretting it. It's like, I knew all of this logically... But I just didn't care. At the time I considered it worthwhile. But I've eaten out so many times this year there's times I don't even remember!

When I do eat out, I want it to be special and memorable.

I haven't lost any weight or anything yet, cause frankly my diet at home ain't that great either, and I was already putting in effort not to overeat. But I can tell you my cravings for fast food have practically disappeared now!

I don't want to replace my fast food addiction with buying shit either, I want to save more money. Given my situation (on SSI) that can be complicated, but I know I can easily blow through a few hundred dollars if I actually did go over my asset limits. Plus I am eligible for an ABLE account, so I need to actually get one already.

I want to save money primarily so we can travel and visit my partner's family at least once a year because otherwise we only get to see them over video call and I really want my daughter to have relationships with them.

If you've been considering cutting down on or quitting eating out, this is your sign!

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@GrainSiloEnthusiast I think this is why any worthwhile advice about financial literacy begins with just writing down expenses and incomes. Only then you can begin to evaluate the numbers and try to move them up or down. The alternative for many people is only to work harder on their career and/or to do more of something they don't like so that they can afford a lifestyle they don't care about.

I guess in your situation, you don't even have this alternative, if you are on SSI, so you have to make do with a fixed income and you can only plan expenses. Situations like these are why I want to write the blog about money. I hope my blog will be useful to people, even if it won't be in English 😄

You have a good goal to attain. It's selfless and noble, so I hope it goes well!

Good food can also be cheap. I've been buying various nuts (great for any/all nutrients, granted you're not allergic!) in bulk for the past three or four years. They are normally 30-40% cheaper than in the supermarket. The prices of nuts have actually gone down nominally over the time period in my country.

More people in the world are nowadays obese than hungry. Meaning there are more people who are spending money on being unhealthy from eating too much food than people who can barely afford food at all. I wish more people would think about their food expenses as you did. Good luck with budgeting! 🙂

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On 7/10/2023 at 12:34 PM, Ikar said:

@GrainSiloEnthusiast I think this is why any worthwhile advice about financial literacy begins with just writing down expenses and incomes. Only then you can begin to evaluate the numbers and try to move them up or down. The alternative for many people is only to work harder on their career and/or to do more of something they don't like so that they can afford a lifestyle they don't care about.

I guess in your situation, you don't even have this alternative, if you are on SSI, so you have to make do with a fixed income and you can only plan expenses. Situations like these are why I want to write the blog about money. I hope my blog will be useful to people, even if it won't be in English 😄

You have a good goal to attain. It's selfless and noble, so I hope it goes well!

Good food can also be cheap. I've been buying various nuts (great for any/all nutrients, granted you're not allergic!) in bulk for the past three or four years. They are normally 30-40% cheaper than in the supermarket. The prices of nuts have actually gone down nominally over the time period in my country.

More people in the world are nowadays obese than hungry. Meaning there are more people who are spending money on being unhealthy from eating too much food than people who can barely afford food at all. I wish more people would think about their food expenses as you did. Good luck with budgeting! 🙂

There's so many English language finance blogs, I think it will be even more helpful if it's not in English! Thank you for the lovely comment ❤️

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Our internet is shut off! DIL can't pay the bill from Guam at the moment, the typhoon really messed the place up badly, there's lines around the block to get in the bank. (that's why he's there, helping his family recover from the typhoon.)

The craziest part?
I'M NOT LOSING MY MIND OVER IT!

I have some data on my phone, I get 5 gigs per month. But I'm keeping it shut off most of the time to save that. I'm typing this on a notepad app the night before actually posting it, so I can wait to use free Wi-Fi somewhere. I usually only use data when I'm out of the house, to like WhatsApp my partner or look up a bus schedule.

But there was a time when being cut off from the internet like this would have me extremely suicidal. Having internet access used to literally be one of my top priorities, and I'd have massive panic attacks whenever it was down for a few hours (or God forbid, days!)

It's not like that today. Today I can live without the internet at home and be totally fine. I have better things to do! (Besides, If I really need or want to use Wi-Fi for an extended period of time, I can go to the library or somewhere else with free Wi-Fi. Our nearest library is technically walking distance!)

Thanks to my recovery, I am okay today. We could go until Dad gets back in August without Wi-Fi and I wouldn't honestly care that much. What a miracle, what a blessing!!

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Ok I gotta get honest: after a couple days, NOW I am starting to be bothered. My partner has hotspot, and although the speeds are limited, it does help a lot.

I guess I underestimated how much I use the internet for completely utilitarian things. Entertainment wise I'm fine without it, though there's some things I miss, but it's the little things like not being able to Google stuff that really bothers me!

What a world we live in. What a spoiled generation I was born into.

Thankfully nowadays free Wi-Fi in public is really easy to come by. I'm chilling outside a Starbucks leeching Wi-Fi at the moment lol.

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