Hello Game Quitters

[ArcaneCoder]

I've struggled with developmental challenges since infancy. During my childhood, my parents gave me some educational PC games. In the nineties, the notion of gaming addiction was mostly non-existent. These educational PC games likely helped me learn to read and perform arithmetic, but opened me to a plethora of virtual escapes. When I was twelve, I developed an interest in non-educational genres of games, and I became a casual gamer. In my early teens, I struggled for acceptance at school, and I faced increasing social isolation. When you develop a reputation for being a r***** because you are verbally challenged, few people make any effort to befriend or play with you. My casual gaming became a full-time leisure obsession and I began coasting through life.

I'm a federal service brat, so I've had the extraordinary opportunity to live in a couple different countries and visit countless others. I was born abroad in the UK. When I was fifteen, my family returned to the UK. I attended an American high school after spending a significant amount of time in a foreign one. Adjusting to American culture and curriculum was rough. Additionally, the school did not recognize my hidden disability. I created a Steam account and replaced homework assignments with achievements. I became chronically sleep deprived, but I managed to coast through high school to my diploma in 2011.

Stateside, I was a legal resident of Pennsylvania, where I spent a few years of my early childhood. I selected a university there for in-state tuition, failed to get any scholarships and shipped off for my home country; as alien to me as any other. I gamed much through high school, but I decided I needed to prioritize my college experience, so I swore off games when my freshman semester began. I did well the first half of the semester, but I became alienated by my peers and roommate. I failed a class and marginally passed the semester while gaming. I didn't want to go back to college, but my parents prudently offered me few alternatives. Three weeks into my second semester, I felt so alienated by my peers, my alleged countrymen, that I submerged into gaming and failed the semester. I dropped out of college, and after a few years of squandering my time and money, moved back in with my parents in the UK.

In 2014, my family moved back stateside, to the Midwest, and I enrolled in community college. I aced my first semester, but life is a cycle, and I stopped attending after failing my second semester. I gamed and bounced between retail jobs, getting fired for my lack of reliability and divergent emotional states. I returned to community college in 2016, and passed enough classes to reach junior standing. I took my first programming class in 2018 and decided that computer science is the best direction for me. For whatever reason, I took to programming like a fish to water. I've never been able to learn a skill so effortlessly, and I don't know why. I guess it's how my brain works, or something. I was doing so well, I gave up gaming entirely in the autumn of 2018 and stayed off games for almost one year.

I transitioned to a public, commuter university in fall 2019. A large, public institution was a challenging, socially overwhelming experience. I registered with the access center and joined a small program run by a communications professor to help me adjust. I struggled during my first semester because I began casually gaming again to escape from my social discomforts. I did pass all my classes and enrolled in classes for this spring. I had a somewhat productive winter break, practicing my coding skills, reading books and watching movies. I gamed, but it didn't fill my time like it used to. I felt in control.

This semester began as usual. I was doing well and keeping my game time in check. In the middle of March, the week before midterm exams, my university suddenly transitioned online and I found myself cutoff from the accommodations and supportive community I was relying on. Video games trended like never before, so I played copiously through spring break, and I didn't stop until this past Friday. I decided to withdrawal from my courses because I haven't logged in for over a month. Fortunately, the withdrawal dates changed, so I am able to avoid failing the semester. I am upset that I wasted so much time.

The word addiction has come to mind in the past, but I mostly shook it off until now. I have first-hand experience with the likes of alcoholism among relatives, so I had much skepticism of video gaming addiction. Recent experience has changed my mind. I never want to game again. I was able to detox once, but I know I will need support to replace gaming with other activities.

I am reading A Song of Ice And Fire and binge-watching Game of Thrones. I feel an avolition to productivity, but I know that the hardest part is the beginning. I want to start programming again by contributing to free open source software with Git. I did some game programming in the past, but it's best I don't play with fire, so I plan to focus on non-game projects.

I would like to start exercising again, prepare for an entry-level developer job, and finish my bachelors degree. I believe my best chance to break into a programming profession is to focus on web development. I learned some HTML, CSS and JavaScript last year, thanks to freecodecamp.org. I hope I can get a job as a front-end developer. I also plan to investigate independent living options and the possibility of supplemental security income during the meantime. Right now, I should uninstall some software to remove temptations.

Edited May 12, 2020 by ArcaneCoder

[PianoLearner]

Hi ArcaneCoder and welcome to the forum. 

There is so much I can relate here and I am sure many others can. Gaming is such a perfect escape to reality and the brutality of the primitive human behaviors. I feel like you have a good approach to think that you have to replace gaming with other activities.

One step at a time, I trust that you will get there.

Good luck !

[chiliflavor]

16 hours ago, ArcaneCoder said:

For whatever reason, I took to programming like a fish to water. I've never been able to learn a skill so effortlessly, and I don't know why. I guess it's how my brain works, or something. 

I would like to start exercising again, prepare for an entry-level developer job, and finish my bachelors degree. I believe my best chance to break into a programming profession is to focus on web development. I learned some HTML, CSS and JavaScript last year, thanks to freecodecamp.org. I hope I can get a job as a front-end developer. I also plan to investigate independent living options and the possibility of supplemental security income during the meantime. Right now, I should uninstall some software to remove temptations.

Welcome to the forum @ArcaneCoder!

You can do it! How about as a back-end developer, what are your thoughts about it? 😁

[ArcaneCoder]

4 hours ago, chiliflavor said:

Welcome to the forum @ArcaneCoder!

You can do it! How about as a back-end developer, what are your thoughts about it? 😁

Thank you. I haven't thought much about back-end development, but I will look into it.