Remember - Keeping the record of quitting games

[remember115]

Day 17

Prioritizing tasks via chart and avoiding procrastination

Yesterday, after journaling, I watched a lot of tv. I was kind of hoping to finish "Breaking Bad" but the last season has more episodes than the previous, so I have to live with that for a few days. I often feel the need to finish things, it is just so satisfying, even if it is something as simple as finishing watching a tv show. That is part of why tv shows have addictive tendencies just like video games.

I wrote a chart with tasks for my studies, which does involve columns for a)the description of the task, b)the priority of the task (in terms of personal interest and relevance for exams, that I summed up to a value of 1-3), c)the date, until the task must be finished (for example, if I have to send the results to a professor) and d) a field where I can mark the task off.

This chart does make me feel a lot better. Turns out, there aren't as many high priority tasks, as it seemed to me. Also, some of the high priority task are really long termed, so I don't have to worry much about the order, in which I do them.

I also will use my breaks, that are scheduled, for physical activities, especially going out for a walk or bicycling, because I figured that those are the activities that are most restorative. I also like to play guitar, write journal or draw while listening to music, but since I do these activites inside and mostly sitting, I just don't get the same refreshing feeling of it. Not only the mind needs variety to refresh, body and perception also do.

I don't feel the need to play video games at all. I wonder, how it will become, when I'm done with tv shows. I do try to see procrastination as an alarm signal, that I have to take care of some need and listen to myself carefully and honestly to see what it actually could be. Because whatever I do for procrastination usually does not forfill that need very good.

Take care,

Remember

Edited May 6, 2020 by remember115

[remember115]

Day 18

The End of Binge-Watching

Yesterday was okay. During Corona-times, days are kind of samy though, which is one things why I was actually starting this challenge. Maybe those two things are linked up, though: Building new strucutures takes time and efforts and it is a step-by-step thing, so I won't cry too loud about that.

I read in another journal, someone complained, quitting games in times of Corona was not a good idea. Unfortunately, I forgot, who did write it. But I remembered that, when I was thinking, that one might say, that quite the opposite is true. Because, if you quit in a situation like this, you will prove yourself, that you are able to keep away from playing video games even in times, when you are practically forced to encounter boredom and lonelyness. In other words, if you are able to quit now, you have a good chance to keep clean in a long run. You will remember, how you were able to resist the temptation later, when you may feel lonely because of an argument or a break up or whatever. You will know, that you are able to overcome boredom inside, when winter or sickness forces you to stay inside. Quitting now means, proving to yourself that you are capable to stay "clean" later, because rough times will always come and go.

I watched the last episodes of "Breaking Bad" yesterday. It was a stunning experience again, even though I already knew most of the episodes, including the ending. Funny enough, it feels like an accomplishment to have reached the end, even though I was actually just consuming. Now I will stay away from tv series, because it is not satisfying for me, to only watch 1 or 2 episodes. It is too hard for me to go back to work or even start work if I'm left with a cliffhanger and have the next episode available. I will stick to movies and only watch series in form of social activity from time to time, when watching is not another way of procrastination or killing time. Consuming tv series in a responsible way (for example 1 episode at the end of the day) requires too much discipline for me and is just not worth it (because after watching 1 episode, usually the urge for watching another episode is actually more more intense than the satisfaction of having just watched one episode. It is pretty similar to my favorite video games, where after 1 game I immidiately wanted to play another round. So, that is that.

Besides, I didn't study as much, but I wasn't too upset about it, because I knew it wasn't necessary. I just did the 2 most important things and was fine with it.

Today I will have my first shift at the new job and hope everything will go well.

Thanks for reading and take care,

Remember

[Realworlder]

@remember115 I share with you the idea that it is an even better time now to quit mainly because if you can do it in these harder times, it will only get easier when things are better. Keep it up, man! Binge-watching is a huge trap. I tend to fall into it way too often. It feels good to finish it just for the sense of completion. But in all honesty, it is the worst when I tell myself, "I will start working once I finish this show." I found that all it does is leads to further procrastination. I struggle with it a lot at the moment, too, and I am trying to be more decisive on prioritizing work and important things over the meaningless easier ones. However, I have not done that well in the last two days. 

[remember115]

Day 19

First Day at a New Job

It has been the first day of my work. During the day I was able to do a little bit of studying. I do realize, that I keep on being unprecisely with keeping record of my actual accomplishments in studies. I might want to take the time, actually. A bit afraid though, that too much measuring and statistics about my life may make me feel like a robot. Maybe it does make me feel more satisfied and calm on the other hand, and helps to concentrate for a limited amount of time and enjoy free time even more.

First day at work was a horror. Neither am I used to work at night, nor expected to have so much responsability that early.

Colleagues were nice, though. Not sure, how long I'll stick to the job.

Take care,

Remember

[remember115]

Day 20

Second Day at New Job

Turned out my first day was an unusual busy and stressful one. The next day was much more quite and I did learn how to handle things better, already. It is still going to be very challenging to manage my studies while working a lot. Not a better option available at the moment, though. After getting home and sleep, I did watch a movie and eat a self baked pizza. An hour later I had to go to work again and then be free for a few days.

Looking forward to spend more quality time with my girl friend and live more conciously. Having less time means, I really want to use it wisely and enjoy free time more. I want to be more concious and reflected when using my free time instead of acting automatically, which often tends to lead to apathic moods.

Take care,

Remember

[remember115]

Day 86

Almost there (?)

In the last weeks I sometimes thought about how many days I was acutally away from gaming, but I never took the time to make a count. Sometimes I read journals of the people I was in touch with in the forums, when I was on a train and got a reminder on my phone. But I never took the time to comment.

Looking back, it was a good decision to start my gaming-free life in this community. I got quiet some motivation and encouragement. Really, I'm mostly back here to say: "Thank you!", to everyone in the forums, but especially to Marek, Booksandtress and Erik2.0, who inspired me the most.

The reason I stopped journaling, after a few weeks, was mostly because I was lacking the time. Looking back, it is really no wonder, that I was unmotivated and dissatisfied with my life, when I wasted that much time with video games. Video games are so time consuming, while in reverse - long term - not rewarding at all! (Actually often enough, vice versa: Especially when I was with people, who had not much to do with video games. It was super embarrassing for me to admit, that I played for 6, 8 or 10 hours just video games, when someone asked a normal question to me like how my day was... it almost always ended in general statements by me, like "I didn't do much, a little bit of this and that, but mostly just relaxing..." How painful it was to hide so much of myself! But who am I telling that? I'm sure, you all know, what I'm talking about.)

Anyway, I'm into my studies, I have a new job, I am working on my relationship. The hardest thing was not so much to quit gaming again, but to adjust and manage my actual life under very difficult conditions, which to a major part resulted from excessive video gaming. Looking back, the last episode in my life, where I was playing so much video games, was more of a longer relapse, because I hadn't played for many month before that and then got back again for 4 or 5 month or so. The relapse came from difficulties in my life, which I wasn't able to deal with. When I quit video games for the first time, it wasn't that much of a problem, because I was rather unambitious and didn't try that much to live a good life. I was still anxious and passive and in that state it was easy to live a quiet and simple life without gaming, because I am not a person that is bored or doesn't find things to do without gaming. I needed gaming almost exclusively to overcome stress and anxiety and avoid making important decisions and efforts in real life (or, in the words of Cam, I was using video games as an intense form of "temporary escape").

A few weeks ago, after I stopped journaling here, I got back to playing the guitar and I'm trying to practice everyday for 1/2 an hour or so for 3 weeks now. Also, I am looking forward to paint/draw, write short stories and play more board games (as soon as Corona is out of the way) and work on my social skills and overcome anxiety.

Actually, all that is already A LOT to arrange and manage and maybe I have to prioritize, which is something I have difficulties with (video games helped me to "escape" the uncomfortable process of "prioritizing", which is just a specific way of "making a decision" which I, as I said, find difficult, because I tend to think of it as a "loss" because I often fear to make wrong decisions).

The most challenging things are still to overcome anxiety, to be brave enough to make decisions and to find a balance between activities for recover, inspiration and the duties and necessities like working and studying. Often enough, when I'm doing hobby things, I find it hard to tell, if I really need recovery or inspiration, or if I just try to avoid making decisions or efforts. One important thing for me to do, is to find more faith in myself, to be open minded and get truly in touch with people around me. Feeling comfortable in company requires to feel comfortable with myself and confident about myself.

I will give short updates here from time to time, if possible, but for me it's not a priority at the moment.

Thanks for reading and have a nice day!

Remember

 

[remember115]

Day 92

Just for the Record

I made it and kept away from Video Games and Video Gaming Streams for over 90 days now.

I did not expect my life to become more stressful and exhausting after i quit gaming, but thats what happened. I also expected life to become much more rewarding, which actually didn't happen.

It is more like if you take the red pill in The Matrix. There is a lot, that is challenging and I can't win them all and I have to face actual problems and adjust my mindset to the dirty real world. But what I find, is worth fighting for. And, yes, "fighting" and "Matrix" sounds just so much more "exciting" than this actual real world szruggles turn out to be.

Thanks for reading and take care

Remember