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Quitting Journal est. 1999


Jonathan Hemlock

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After long campaign since from 1999, I decided to firmly quit gaming today, 2020. 

 

Actually, I had quited 1 month ago and everything was going well, until corona. I relapsed ! And It was crushing.

Let me brief you a little and returned to back, very very back.. 

 

The year 1999, me and my cousin explored a new world : Fifa 1999. This was like a rumour of gunpowder tech in medieval.  A football that you can play on screen. My cousen was playing with a,e,w,s,d for shooting and pass, and I was playing with up and down , right and left for  orientation. Interesting times... Fifa 99 was just and interesting game for me and not in level of woow I have to returned back to game again and again. It was just interesting and riding bicycle and playing football on fields with my friends with lots of sweats/tears was still better for me. 

 

The year 2005 was a starting of a new age for me. Like falling of Constaninople, I falled. Because I was very succesfull student. Then some day, a new gaming saloon opened near my house and school. ''Internet Cafe'' and I met with Grand Theft Auto  and Fifa 2005. Both of them were amazing and not like Fifa 99. They were crazy, I had never felt like that before never in field with my friends never in with my bicycle. I quickly addicted. I was starting with Basel in my career and becoming coach of Arsenal in Fifa 2005 and I was free in GTA and there was lots of fun.

 

The year 2006 was another new age and as you know gaming tech were suddenly changed in 2005-2006. I met with  Medieval 2 Total War and Assasins Creed. I left my school works and my father bought me a better computer with a new graphic card. I was playing advanced gaming now, I left Fifa series and Gta, continuted my gaming journal with Total War and Assasins Creed. As you realise, I played games with a couple : 1) Unlimited senario series gaming (like total war, fifa career)  2) Limited senario series gaming (like Gta, Assasins Creed) 

 

I lost Military High School exam in the year 2006, this was the first loss in my life. and It would not be stop. I was angry and quickyl left games for only 3-4 month and entered in elite Civil High School. But I relapsed and continued to play Empire Total War all of my High School Years, I choosed Foreign Language for just it was easy and for just playing much easier Empire Total War. (Look at that decision!)  

 

The year 2010, I was a wonderkid in foreign language class in High School and theres no need for me to work for becoming succesfull and all of my friends and teacher was looking guarentee for me to enter the best Universities. But what I did ? I chosed to enter the Military School (sergeant school) for  becoming soldier (I always wanted to be soldier) and for quickly gaining money and buying a computer that I can play Empire Total War. I easily passed exams and become soldier.. I continuted playing Empire in Military School in my limited weekend times. And I even couldnt realise that my life is going to up side down from a hill. 

 

The year 2014, I met with Football Manager series and Europa Universalis.... A complete killer for me. As you know, my addictive was same, just becoming stronger with new tech games. The journey had started with Fifa 2005 career then evolved Football Manager series, Total War series evolved Europa Universalis series... A cold blood killer. I was playing Europa Universalis beside of Fm and I was become a level 60 gaming addictive person. I couldnt realise how the life is, where I am and What I m doing .  I couldnt my best potential in my military career . I found myself in conflicts and FİRST I realised its real and life is not gaming when I blasted with armoured vehicle and found myself in a conflict in a terror... I lost my beloved friends in this process.. Painfull still..I was even nearly killed and God saved me.  Even in most dangerous zones, I was thinking to returned back my container and playing Football Manager and Europa. I bought Macbook for not playing advanced video games but , I got used to Fm and Europa and I found myself playing Fm and Europa on macbook. Complete unsuccesfull attemts with lots of money loss. 

 

The year 2017 was a practise of a person of game quitters for me. I resigned from Military for returned back to real life. I realised that I stucked with this gaming life in a very limited career and life. This was not me and shouldnt be... I decided to open a new page and resigned with a radical decision. I was succesfull and brilliant military person even I was a gamer and lazy. Like I become succesful with my %30. When I resigned I had lots of awards one of them from the top of the army, ''A courage and brave Award''  I resigned and entering a detox process. in 3 month, I met with a wonderful girl, I fell in love, we wandered around and I felt the feelings that I never felt... I was in very beautiful city with a charming girl and I realised how the life is good. Then for some drama reasons that I couldnt write here, we seperated. I returned back to Europa Universalis... Bounced back and quit for 1 month again. Then I met with my current wife. I had a child now and in this 3 years from 2017,  I relapsed and quited, relapsed and quited, it was like a eartquake... I passed pilot exams in this time, I passed DLR-1 exam, passed Ielts, passed interview... Lots of victory in a short quitting times they were amazing feelings. I couldnt pass the final interview for becoming a pilot and now , I have a one chance for this. (but a I have discipline problems in military in resigning process that can be effect my chance in document process even I pass that interview) so I returned back to my job, and created a brilliant brand in coffee. I quickly gained money, I was selling with %100 profit margin and it was growing slowly.. I was filling my free times with lots of reading, listening podcasts,  writing notes from videos, all of productive things. I realised I m enjoying better than games.  Being productive is really good feeling. Then I relapsed... Started again. Relapsed... Again.... Then final relapse in corona quarantina.... I have lots of free time in house and I was bored. I couldnt stop myself....

So I m here.. As you shortly read, Games shaped my life directly ! I want to start my real life and wondering where I go in this life.

Life is good.  Thanks God, Forgive us for our sins.

 

DAY : 1, Month : 0 Year : 0 A.D.   Mood : I m in home and suffering severe pain from couldnt play game.

 

 

 

 

Edited by Jonathan Hemlock
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Hello and welcome,

are you in a competitive sports league? It can be a good replacement for gaming addiction. Cam has numerous videos on overcoming laziness and fear, plus there is a good reading list provided by forum members. James Clear’s Atomic Habits is one I am planning on getting.

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4 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Hello and welcome,

are you in a competitive sports league? It can be a good replacement for gaming addiction. Cam has numerous videos on overcoming laziness and fear, plus there is a good reading list provided by forum members. James Clear’s Atomic Habits is one I am planning on getting.

Hello, Thank you, I was an orienteering runner in a competitive league in 2010-2012 and they were the best years in my life. For now, I am not doing anything, You are true, I m thinking to take licence again for next season of orienteering league if that corona curse pass.

I will check James Clear and I will attend Respawn content.

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