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Day 218

Habits:

  • Positive: (Walk/Run:83**, Morning Workout:81**, Floss:48**)
  • Learning: (Russian:125, Stats/Coding:2**, Project work:47*)
  • Negative: (No gaming:207, No gaming videos:192, No porn:1)

Productive time: 08:16:00     Wasted time: 00:35:00

 

Yesterday was great, I had a lot of work early on in the day which I done and then went to the lab later. So overall quite a productive day, on top of that I went for a run in the morning and it was awesome because the weather was just perfect. Bit foggy but sunny as well which made everything look that much better. And in the evening I met up with a friend we went for a walk in the city which was great too because it was bonfire night in the UK so lot of people were firing fireworks. Besides than that it was pretty chill day but I can say that it already feels much better to keep my distance from social media. Now if I have free time I put it into Duolingo. And it is working, I am maintaining the #1 spot in the second highest league, I am sure it will be much more difficult in the next one but this makes me think that I will have a chance at obtaining the Legendary achievement haha. While learning a language in the process haha. 

@TheNewMe2.0I noticed that too, I can watch tv a bit too but sometimes it gets out of control so I feel like I need a bit of a dopamine reset. Daily exercise is a great thing to have, no matter in what form it is but it does feel great if you do something that gets the blood flowing. Oh I see, I guess you there is not much sidewalk where you live? I noticed that in lot of parts of the US that there are just roads. Without any intention for people to walk places, but I might be wrong about the place that you live. How are things where you live? I am glad that this time the lockdown does not affect me too much and I am perfectly fine to have a month without pubs. The more time to focus on the good habits!

 

Thank you for reading and I will see you tomorrow.

Marek

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My name is Marek and I am a University student studying Virology and I am a game addict. I have been struggling with gaming for a long time. It started with World of Warcraft which was probably the fi

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Day 215 Habits: Positive: (Meditation:163, Walk/Run:82*, Morning Workout:80, Floss:47) Learning: (Russian:121, Stats/Coding:2*, Project work:45*) Negative: (No gaming:204, N

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Yes focus on those good habits. Pubs are a big deal in the UK huh. I heard they're common social gathering places that're more like chill than the US's bars. I watch tv whenever I'm free nowadays aside from a few little other things I do. There's sidewalk where I live. I just have a problem with walking by the basketball courts near my house so I only walk the part where there are no courts. If I have the energy I plan to walk it twice to get more steps in. There's a hiking trail about a ten minute drive from me but I don't have anyone to go with so I haven't been for a while. Maybe eventually I'll go by myself for a long walk there. It's nice to be out in nature like that. Things are okay where I live. I get to live with my mom for free and I have a decent tv/couch setup. My new job is starting and I stand to make 45% more money per hour than my last job which is great. It's just taking some doing to get this ship off the ground. But I think we're gonna do it soon enough.

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Day 220

Habits:

  • Positive: (Walk/Run:84*, Morning Workout:82*, Floss:49*)
  • Learning: (Russian:127, Stats/Coding:3*, Project work:48*)
  • Negative: (No gaming:209, No gaming videos:194, No porn:3)

Productive time: 03:16:00     Wasted time: 02:35:00

 

Well, friday was not too bad of a day and I managed to do some stuff done and then I spent rest time of the evening hanging out with my flatmates which was nice. Yesterday I did nothing productive and took it as a rest day but I do not know, even if I just fully rest it does not feel that great. I guess the main thing was that I was hoping to be a bit more productive but oh well. I would still say that I need to get my shit together. 

@TheNewMe2.0Thanks man, I need that. I am so much happier when I am actually improving myself. If only it was as easy as it was in games. I do have that drive but even with it, it is hard to start. I have never been much in US bars so I can't tell but I would say that there is not that much difference between them. Although they are a bit part of the culture here. I see, hopefully you find someone to go on the trail with. That sounds like a good place for hiking. Thats great, once again congrats on the job. Good luck with that my friend!

 

Thank you for reading and I will see you tomorrow.

Marek

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I took Thursday off and it feels like not as good as getting two days off like a regular weekend. I think something about getting two days off in a row helps recharge us. Yeah improving ourselves in real life is a much slower process than in games. It takes years to save money for anything major not just months. Oh yeah hiking, maybe I could go do that today. Thank you. I hope to get going on the job as I haven't gotten any hours yet. It's based on my psych today profile generating traffic for me. So hopefully I can drum up some customers. Good luck to you too, enjoy your time off and self improvement.

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Day 221

Habits:

  • Positive: (Walk/Run:85, Workout:83, Get out of bed on time:0)
  • Learning: (Russian:128, Stats/Coding:3**, Project work:48**)
  • Negative: (No gaming:210, No gaming videos:195, No porn:4)

Productive time: 05:04:00     Wasted time: 02:38:00

 

Oh boy, these last few days feel like such a struggle. I don't get it. I am getting cravings to play games, I am unable to get the fuck out of bed in the morning and be productive. Then as it gets later in the day I struggle to leave the house to go to the lab. And in the worst case scenario I just gave up on the whole day and say to myself that tomorrow will be better. Which it might be but the chances are that it will follow this same fucked up patter too. I think that the biggest issue that I have is getting out of the bed. I do not have problem with waking up early even getting out of the bed to get water, brush my teeth but then I just end up lying back down and falling asleep again. It is so frustrating. I think that I need to make journaling a first thing that I want to do once I wake up because it's easy enough so that I won't procrastinate and it will force me to get out of bed and wake up some more. I am thinking also about getting a box of red bulls for next few days to have one in the morning to wake up even more because coffee does help but I found that I am able to stay in bed and sleep even when I am sipping on coffee ... I might need to make it stronger, idk. But besides waking up late, yesterday was an alright day, I did most of the stuff I wanted to besides one experiment for which I wanted to go to lab but then I just left that for today. 

@TheNewMe2.0Well if you think about it two days are twice as much as one day haha. That's true, everything is so much slower but well it is what it is. I guess that is one of the things about games that is so appealing that even though you have to grind for hours you see results fairly quickly even in the slower paced games. To do the same in life you need months/years. Thanks mate! Now that I think about it I feel a bit silly because oh strong of a hold gaming has on us. It has been quite a while since we have not gamed and yet the urge is still there. 

 

Thank you for reading and I will see you tomorrow. 

Marek

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Oh yeah, two days is twice as much. Yum. I totally get the gaming urge too. I don't know if it will ever go away. I don't think so. Being on here helps me stay clean though. I gotta keep off the games and keep posting. It's what's best for me. I'm starting a new job and have zero hours of work to start with I'm hoping to grind up clients off my online profiles so it's looking like slow going in the real world. Hopefully I get more soon.

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Day 223

Habits:

  • Positive: (Walk/Run:86, Workout:84, Get out of bed on time:0)
  • Learning: (Russian:130, Stats/Coding:4, Project work:49)
  • Negative: (No gaming:213, No gaming videos:198, No porn:7)

Productive time: 01:04:00     Wasted time: 02:00:00

 

Last three days were pretty awful. I feel like I got stuck in such a rut these last few day. And one thing that makes me the most sad is that I do not think I can read the Witcher series anymore. It makes me want to game too much. I used to play the single player games based on the book as well as a card game based on it and it just brings back way too many memories.  I just requested gog to delete my gwent account which is the card game so even if I am tempted I do not have the resources to play it. Finally now I think I am about to get back into a good routine again. I have to, this doing nothing is way too destructive. Just constantly looking for excuses and postponing things and I hate it. I am going to cook meal which I wanted to do two days ago. And then get to bed early and start reading something new. And hopefully I will be able to get out of bed early and got on with my day... Wish me luck! 

@TheNewMe2.0That is good to hear. I have been struggling lately. I need to get my shit together once again. Best of luck with your new job! 

 

Thank you for reading and I will see you tomorrow.

Marek

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Because I wrote my entry quite late yesterday, I have already covered the day there. However, I still wanted to write an entry today. I want to get back to daily journaling and meditation. I was a bit inconsistent with both lately, and I felt a lot more stressed and struggled to pursue things that I should and want to. I feel like that my thrive for addiction lies in my fear of reality. I feel only truly happy when I am out of my comfort zone, yet I struggle to get outside of it. Throughout the spring and summer of this year I felt like I made more progress than any other year and felt that much better for it. I thank for that to GQ and quitting games. Even now, I feel like I started to forget how nasty the demons are, now that they were out of sight for some time. And they want to get out, but I mustn't let them. My initial reason for gaming was being bullied in middle school while games provided safe environment as well like-minded people. Most of the time, this is fine these days. Sometimes, especially during the exams with the overwhelming amount of stress, what I did the most was gaming instead of studying. Even though it made things worse, it was a relief at the time. And the further I follow this "escape" route, the harder it is to return. However, things are not as scary as they might seem at first glance. I think I have shared this before, but I needed to get it out of my system again. I believe that this trauma is one of the main things which put me on this path, but after all that was in the past, and I need to resolve it because I do not intend to stay enslaved by it. 

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Oh gosh. The new job turned out to be like a scam/bust whate ver you want to call it. I'm kind of screwed between both my new and old job right now. They're both kind of screwing me over. So I'm looking to score yet another job. So we'll see if that works.

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Day 224

Habits:

  • Positive: (Meditation:166, Walk/Run:86*, Workout:84*, Get out of bed on time:0*)
  • Learning: (Russian:131, Stats/Coding:4*, Project work:50)
  • Negative: (No gaming:214, No gaming videos:199, No porn:8)

Productive time: 06:04:00     Wasted time: 00:00:00

 

Yesterday felt good. I feel like I have finally made some progress after several days of slump. I did not work out or went for run, but I went to the lab did some school work and overall it was a progress compared to last few days. I would like if I can get back into the full routine right away but I might as well get back to it over few days so that I do not over do it and then fall back to the rut I was in last week. 

@TheNewMe2.0I am sorry to hear that my friend. I read some of your last few posts and, I can understand that must be super frustrating the whole thing with this job. Well I hope it will get resolved soon, I saw you mention that there is a third job which might still be open. That would be a good way out of the situation. Stay strong!

 

Thank you for reading and I will see you tomorrow.

Marek

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Sounds like you're putting your routine together and making it modest not too extreme. That's good. Yeah the last few days have been terrible in the job department of my life. I'm kind of getting through it though. The plan is to get a third job even though it's kind of stressful to do so. It seems to be my best option for getting licensure hours. I hope everything works out okay with the jobs and the hours. It's been a long ride so far and there's a much longer way to go. Thanks for reading some of my posts.

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Day 225

Habits:

  • Positive: (Meditation:167, Walk/Run:87, Workout:85, Get out of bed on time:1)
  • Learning: (Russian:132, Stats/Coding:5, Project work:51)
  • Negative: (No gaming:215, No gaming videos:200, No porn:0)

Productive time: 08:22:00     Wasted time: 00:39:00

 

Yesterday was great. I finally got back to somewhat normalized regime. I did all I needed to, finally cooked a meal again after a long time, went for a 8k run and did a short workout in the morning. There are many things to still work on but it is good to be back on the right track. I realized that I just need to get up and do things, even if I was not gaming I was back in procrastination mode and I was avoiding every no matter how small of an obstacle it was, instead of conquering them. My project is moving forward well too, so I am excited about it and a bit scared as well. It will be a lot of work and I need to learn how to do several new protocols but as long as I put the time into it I know I will succeed and feel great. 

@TheNewMe2.0It is slowly coming together, and as long as I do not procrastinate on individual tasks but follow through the motions I will be fine. Thanks for your support. Oh man, that must be rough. How many more hours do you need for the licensure? In fairness that is what life is about isn't it. Just a long journey with ups and downs haha. Welcome, I would have posted too but I felt like I have already replied to you on here. 

 

Thank you for reading and I will see you tomorrow.

Marek

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Good job at your work. Glad to hear it's going well. Hopefully I'll be doing well at a new job soon. I need 3400 hours more for licensure. I need to find a job that will support me in getting hours. My current one has denied my request to earn hours through them. Yeah life really is a long journey of ups and downs. For sure. You reply to me on here yeah. Man I got this presto heat dish next to me on the couch today and it's like really nice. I'm enjoying the space heater life lately.

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Day 227

Habits:

  • Positive: (Meditation:167, Walk/Run:87, Workout:85, Get out of bed on time:2)
  • Learning: (Russian:134, Stats/Coding:5, Project work:51)
  • Negative: (No gaming:217, No gaming videos:202, No porn:2)

Productive time: 00:00:00     Wasted time: 00:00:00

 

The weekend was great, pretty relaxing, I spent a lot of time with friends and did not even have much time to do work but I decided that I will try to keep weekends free but that means that I need to keep up proper work regime during the week. But I think it will be a  nice change because until now I was constantly only studying so there was always something that I need to work on but now I think I can arrange things in more of a 9 to 5 way. Will see how it works. 

@TheNewMe2.0 Thank you, I am excited that things are moving forward. Will be interesting to see how the experiments work out. Oh wow that's quite a bit of hours. What will be the benefits of getting the licensure? That sounds nice, what is the weather like where you live not? It is getting bit chilly here too but it is not that bad yet.

 

Thank you for reading and I will see you tomorrow.

Marek

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Arranging things in a normal daily schedule is nice. I like the uniformity of it all. Knowing what to expect day to day. I like routine. It is a lot of hours, the benefit is once I'm licensed I'll be eligible to work better jobs that pay more money. I really want the license and the higher pay. The weather where I live is pretty cold right now. It goes between like 95 in the summer and maybe 35 in the winter. It snows sometimes in winter. But I've been here about two years and I'm pretty comfortable dealing with the weather changes. I use the AC and heater well and have figured out about where to set them at to get a good nights sleep. The road to licensure is difficult, but I'm doing my best to get to the end of it. What's the weather like where you're at? Are you already at the level you want to be with your career or do you have more education or levels to climb up to?

Edited by TheNewMe2.0
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Day 230

Habits:

  • Positive: (Meditation:170, Walk/Run:87, Workout:85, Get out of bed on time:5)
  • Learning: (Russian:139, Stats/Coding:5, Project work:55)
  • Negative: (No gaming:0, No gaming videos:0, No porn:0)

Productive time: 05:24:00     Wasted time: 02:36:00

 

Here we go again. Back to square one. I played Gwent and watched videos about it the last few days and it is time to start again. I feel much better resetting my streaks than just to keep lying. Last time I almost deleted the account, but at the last minute I canceled the process as I saw one video and it draws me right back. I have been telling myself that I can keep it under control while keeping up with my responsibilities. And to a certain degree I was able to, but that was it. I gave up on exercise, coding, even Russian I just maintained my streak, and I am sure I could do more work in the lab too. The game was on my mind all the time and I cannot afford that. So here we go again, but I am happy. I think I needed this to start again because I was struggling. I realized that my main issue is my fear of reality, it might be because of some trauma from childhood and I am working on it. But I need to push myself, get out there and callous my mind too. Gaming makes the escape way too easy of an option. I adjusted some things within my routine, and the main think now is to keep pushing myself again as I did earlier this year and felt great. And if I did it before, was game free for over 200 days, I can do much more this time!

@TheNewMe2.0 It makes it easier to follow through the motions and I find it easier to get a lot more done during the day when I do not have to waste time trying to figure it out on the spot. Moreover, at that time, it is easy to come up with excuse why relaxing and not doing anything would feel great. I see, that makes sense. Well, as I mentioned before, all the best luck with your licensure, mate! AC and heating make a huge difference. If the systems work it does not matter how hot/cold it is outside, I find it amazing. More so in the winter when its freezing outdoors and you get back into a lovely heated house. It is around 10C on average these days but it is getting colder, and it is raining most of the time. But that is fall in the UK so it is what it is haha. Well it depends on what I want to do, I am considering doing a Ph.D., so that would be few more years in academia but I will see if I decide to go for that or go for a job. 

 

Thank you for reading and I will see you tomorrow.

Marek

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Hey, just saw you are learning Russian! Congrats on your progress, I think it is an incredibly difficult and confusing language 😄

I am a native Russian Speaker, and was going to start a Journal here in Russian over the weekend. Seems like I have one more reason to do so now heh..

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Hey I'm glad to see that you're staying with us after resetting your streak. I can relate so strongly to what you said about craving/thinking about the game all day long while you're not playing it even if you are able to keep up with your responsibilities. That's exactly how I felt when I would game and actually do something other than game. It's just a losing battle to try to moderate for us I think. It's pretty much just not how it's meant to be for some people. Staying off games is always a struggle,

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Day 235

Habits:

  • Positive: (Meditation:170, Walk/Run:87, Workout:85, Get out of bed on time:5)
  • Learning: (Russian:142, Stats/Coding:5, Project work:55)
  • Negative: (No gaming:5, No gaming videos:5, No porn:0)

 

I apologize for such a late entry, I wanted to get back to journaling sooner but I would describe this weekend as a hard reset and I am just happy that I quit and avoided gaming. I did not do any of my good habits or exercise, and I know that I should not put it on tomorrow, but I believe in myself that I will be able to push myself again and get back to it. The weekend was overall good, I spend most of the time with a good friend of mine and even though it is Monday now. I am getting things back in order. I am happy that I am back on the GQ journey, and I am going to make it more than 200 days this time. I learned from my mistakes that I need to be more careful about YouTube as well as be completely honest with you and especially myself otherwise there is no salvation for me.

@PochatokHi, and thanks for your comment. I will have a look at your journal, that sounds great. Will be interesting to see how much I can understand. I found that I am not too bad when it comes to understanding spoken word but when I am supposed to reply I am pretty garbage at constructing meaningful sentences. It is definitely not an easy language, but luckily for me there are a lot of similarities with Slovak which is obnoxiously hard as well. That much more rewarding once you learn it though. 

@TheNewMe2.0 Yup, back at the starting line. Before I was only on alert for games like LoL or WoW but now I know that any game is poison to me. I am sure I would struggle to manage my time even if it was a singleplayer game, but I am 100% certain that no multiplayer game is feasible for me. Thus it will be better for me to stay away from them for good. As you said, it is what it is, and I know that if I focus on other things, harder things I am overall happier, and I am moving forward with my life. The stagnation that comes with gaming is just too damaging for me. I truly appreciate your support bud! 

 

Thank you for reading and I will see you tomorrow.

Marek

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Thanks Marek. I appreciate your support too. I dunno if I could handle gaming in any capacity. I think online would suck up all my time and probably to a lesser extent offline. But for me I just don't feel well when I'm gaming. It's like a drain on me. That's what I remember anyways. I'm glad you're moving forward with your life. It's not worth it to go back.

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Day 236

Habits:

  • Positive: (Meditation:171, Walk/Run:87, Workout:85, Get out of bed on time:5)
  • Learning: (Russian:142, Stats/Coding:5, Project work:56)
  • Negative: (No gaming:6, No gaming videos:6, No porn:0)

Productive time: 09:44:00     Wasted time: 02:16:00

 

Yesterday was great, it took me while to get ready for the day and then I was procrastinating a bit too but then I managed to get out of the house and do some actual work which felt amazing. I changed my schedule a bit so that I go to work a bit later but I will try to work on all of my habits before hand. This way I will be back home lot later but I won't have to do anything besides relaxing. This kind of system worked best for me several years ago, the only issue I might run into is that I need to be more active in the morning. On the other hand I will focus on things that I want to do so there's that. Currently I am just happy that I stopped gaming and I need to keep that up, and slowly add my hobbies back into the schedule. 

@TheNewMe2.0 It is rough. I feel like even if I would get to a point that I could handle it, it would be too draining because most of my energy would have to go to keeping myself in check. Thanks, I am glad too. It just does not make me happy and I know that I was much better off when I was not gaming so I have to strive to get back to that regime. I just hate how it consumes my desire to do literally anything else besied gaming.

 

Thank you for reading and I will see you tomorrow.

Marek

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I hear that. When I was moderating I'd put all my energy just into not binging. I can get kind of bingy with shows but I'm not nearly as bad with those as I Was with games. Yeah don't be too hard on yourself in this process though. You're doing good. It's great that you're still striving to continue abstinence from games. Gaming does not feel good to me either. I'm continuing to resist even though it's difficult somedays. Hey I'm trying to buy a tv for black friday today yay

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Day 237

Habits:

  • Positive: (Meditation:171, Walk/Run:87, Workout:85, Get out of bed on time:5)
  • Learning: (Russian:142, Stats/Coding:5, Project work:56)
  • Negative: (No gaming:7, No gaming videos:7, No porn:0)

Productive time: 00:00:00     Wasted time: 03:13:00

 

Pretty chill day yesterday, although all that I achieved was that I finished rewatching Parks and Rec. Which I am quite happy about because I was binge watching it a lot and now that I got through it, I have no shows that I am currently watching. So I can focus on other things or use them as procrastination instead of binge watching. I think that is the thing that I need right now, just cut down on all screen time because this month I stared at screens much more than other months prior to this one. 

@TheNewMe2.0Yeah, the energy to stop that is insane. It kinda pisses me off that everything just slowed down now again, but you are right! The main thing is that I am moving forward even though it might be slowly but it is still improvement day by day. Now that I have limited my screen time I am happy to get back to reading more which makes me a lot happier and is not as an easy option for procrastination as are shows/Youtube. I am still a bit annoyed that I have not got of my ass and went for a workout/run in about a week but I will get to it too. I am hoping to arrange a run with a friend, which will be great way to get back into it. Good luck with the tv! Hope you get a good deal, I was looking at some discounts but I do not have that much money to spend right now/ I have no idea what I would want to buy. I was thinking about getting some stuff this Black friday but I cannot think of anything haha. 

 

Thank you for reading and I will see you tomorrow

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Yay chill days are the best. They always go by so fast somehow. I guess because there's nothing terribly uncomfortable to deal with. I'm trying to watch the flash supergirl and dcs legends 50 times over each before I die. I think I can do it. It's tragic supergirl is ending, but what're u gonna do. Just got to roll with the punches. Due to my TVD I think I'm eventually going to be an old man watching old shows from decades ago on repeat. There are worse things to become. It's better than being old and addicted to marijuana and video games I'd say. At least I'm not an addict. Yeah less screen time is important though. I want to make sure I still get exercise in. Go reading. Exercise is good. If I can make time for it you can too. That'll be awesome to run with a friend. Thanks for the luck I managed to buy the tv (there were only 3 left when I clicked it). I think I got a good deal. I have money because my mom pays for all my living expenses except my health insurance which is 650$/month ugh. I wish my health insurance was cheaper what the heck. Other than this tv I won't have anything I'm looking to purchase for a while. Maybe another xlong sweater.

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Hey @Marek, have you thought of changing your exercise pattern/mindset to make it a more every-day thing?

I used to lift weights and run a lot, about an hour every day. I would put myself through as much possible, cuz of the "no pain no gain" bs. 

[personal story eeeeeee]This summer I decided to change my view on exercising- I started doing it just for fun, and just for physical health rather than social status or appearance. Ever since, I've been working out much less, but it is actually fun to do now. I stopped pushing myself through as much as possible and instead found exercises that I find fun- I love handstands lol

I recommend that you question your reasons behind exercising and the exercising itself, and that might help you make it a more regular thing.

CHeers,

po

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