Hi Everyone,

As you are aware there is a global pandemic with COVID19, a coronavirus, which comes from the same family as SARS and MERS. My strong advice is to stay informed with accurate information from the World Health Organization (WHO), Center for Disease Control (CDC), and your local government and hospital's websites. They will have the most accurate information regarding how to handle the virus.

Please do not use this time to delve into conspiracy theories regarding the disease or blaming politicians. This website should be more about how to handle your gaming addiction and other habits in general. Let's do our best not to share anything that's not pure factual information from that website and focus on addiction recovery.

In regard to addiction recovery, I urge all of you to realize and understand the challenges you might be facing during this pandemic. 

Millions have been told to stay home and start social distancing. This puts people back in front of their computers, TVs, and entertainment centers once again. This may provide a challenging moment for you and many others. 

I invite you all to find another level of strength during this period of time. Gaming urges might become higher because of our environment and increased isolation from social activities and communities. It might lead people to going on Discord more and eventually back into gaming communities. Use this time to reflect on your video game addiction experience thus far. Take some time over the next few weeks to physically write out a list of why you quit gaming in the first place. Write and reflect on how you feel right now and how your recovery has changed your life over this time you've been a member of this community. 

Use this document as a decree of your sobriety. Your tenants for success. This will give you strength.

After that, I encourage you to use this time as an invitation to positively and freely explore new hobbies that could require a computer. @Cam Adair and the Game Quitters have the hobby finding tool on their main website located here: https://gamequitters.com/hobby-tool/

YouTube has a plethora of free tutorials for home body workouts, yoga, meditation, software instructions for adobe video, sound, and photo editing software, 3d modeling softwares like blender that are free to install, arts and crafts, new careers such as IT training and much more. There's also book lists and ebooks you can do. You could also write book and movie reviews or write that hit book you've dreamed of writing.

Just because you have increased isolation time doesn't mean you need to panic or resort to playing video games again. Use this as an invitation to find new hobbies and/or higher learning opportunities.

Thanks and good luck,

Matt

Edited March 22, 20205 yr by BooksandTrees

Thanks for this post!

Got on the forums today for this very reason. It's been hard working from home, especially only 1.5 months into my detox. It's great to have this community to come to when I'm feeling alone in my journey to end my bad gaming habits (solo and all forms of online gaming).

My heart goes out to you all at Game Quitters. It has been a huge facilitator and motivator in this process.

I'll lend my support in any way I can.

-J

1 hour ago, Joesulc said:

Thanks for this post!

Got on the forums today for this very reason. It's been hard working from home, especially only 1.5 months into my detox. It's great to have this community to come to when I'm feeling alone in my journey to end my bad gaming habits (solo and all forms of online gaming).

My heart goes out to you all at Game Quitters. It has been a huge facilitator and motivator in this process.

I'll lend my support in any way I can.

-J

Great job being proactive and coming here. Create a diary and start journaling your thoughts along this time we're experiencing. Also, journal what you are doing and talk about your new hobbies, goals and challenges with them. 

Some of the conspiracy theories are hilarious. I'll leave it at that. 🙂

I have recommended to all of my friends that they should really be getting their info straight from the horse's mouth. The CDC has a YouTube page and all of their COVID-19 videos bizarrely have less than 2,000 views. This is the actual organization studying and attempting to control the outbreak but people are going to places like Facebook and Reddit to get info from people who have no clue what they're talking about. I suppose this is nothing new. 🙂

I work for the government so I have a different perspective than many people I suppose. Our whole job right now is basically to get people to stop touching their faces. Lol

I'm pinning and featuring this topic for the time being. @BooksandTrees you did an amazing job writing this. Thank you.

I've been in this community since almost the beginning and all my recovery process has been about escaping from self-imposed isolation, but this situation is new for me as well. Your reminder is accurate and with great timing. Out there it's just a slightly overpowered flu, not like the end of the world, but we gotta live through this quarantine and that's how things are. This is a great opportunity to support each other and grow, so let's keep it together, everyone! 

I've grown a lot on here. I never was able to quit gaming and was hopeless to quit before I got on game quitters. It's given me a better life where I'm not controlled by addictions anymore.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-51907663

Now this might divide opinion and I know that Cam's approach, probably the best way of looking at it, is that gaming isn't inherently bad...

But I find news articles like this, that actually appeared on the HOME PAGE of the BBC website, not just the news, entertainment or newsbeat section, but the root page...incredibly irresponsible.  I guess it's more aimed at people who might otherwise have control and not spend hours upon hours gaming, or be trying to quit.  But surely this outbreak is the perfect time to discover something new, something you haven't already tried or done.  Spend more time with your family.  I'm worried that people who do have control and aren't addicted might just end up gaming for hours because they have nothing to stop them, then struggle to make the transition back to everyday life after weeks at home used to not having any routines.

I mean...the writer even uses the word obsession to describe how they feel about the new CoD.  C'mon.

I guess my message to people would be to not let things like this be the permission you have to slip back, give in and blame a major world event as an excuse to break your word to yourself and those around you.  Stay strong, be vigilant and write about everything you've learnt about gaming, yourself and the world around you since you started this journey.

6 hours ago, Talby said:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-51907663

Now this might divide opinion and I know that Cam's approach, probably the best way of looking at it, is that gaming isn't inherently bad...

We have a certain reaction to articles like this given our history but to ordinary people this isn't really that bad. "Obsession" and "addiction" are just words people throw around that don't have any inherent meaning for them. When I first got out of rehab I got pretty annoyed when someone would say something like "I got so drunk this weekend oh my gaawwwd I'm such an alcoholicccc" but I got over it in time. People don't generally think about what they say, and as we've seen with the current situation journalists often don't think about what they write (shots fired).

You're spot on though that we shouldn't use this as an excuse to "isolate" and play games all day. I'm not even isolating, to be honest. If I get sick, I get sick. I'm doing everything I can to not be around people who might be vulnerable to it but honestly most of us are just going to get a cold from it. Considering I'm still forced to go to work at a government office where the dirtiest, mentally ill people come in and out all day, I've basically just accepted that I'm going to get sick sooner or later. Lol.

11 hours ago, Talby said:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-51907663

Now this might divide opinion and I know that Cam's approach, probably the best way of looking at it, is that gaming isn't inherently bad...

But I find news articles like this, that actually appeared on the HOME PAGE of the BBC website, not just the news, entertainment or newsbeat section, but the root page...incredibly irresponsible.  I guess it's more aimed at people who might otherwise have control and not spend hours upon hours gaming, or be trying to quit.  But surely this outbreak is the perfect time to discover something new, something you haven't already tried or done.  Spend more time with your family.  I'm worried that people who do have control and aren't addicted might just end up gaming for hours because they have nothing to stop them, then struggle to make the transition back to everyday life after weeks at home used to not having any routines.

I mean...the writer even uses the word obsession to describe how they feel about the new CoD.  C'mon.

I guess my message to people would be to not let things like this be the permission you have to slip back, give in and blame a major world event as an excuse to break your word to yourself and those around you.  Stay strong, be vigilant and write about everything you've learnt about gaming, yourself and the world around you since you started this journey.

Exactly my point. This person might also be an avid gamer undecided whether it's bad for them. I have done this with porn saying it's not hurting me and I can do it while I'm single and it just ruins my life completely. We know better and that's why I wrote this post. We can be strong and keep our streak.

19 hours ago, Talby said:

I'm worried that people who do have control and aren't addicted might just end up gaming for hours because they have nothing to stop them, then struggle to make the transition back to everyday life after weeks at home used to not having any routines.

Honestly, I am not sure if most people actually have this kind of control over their lives. I think that if they had, what you are describing wouldn't happen. I'd even argue the weakness of the whole system as it is is that once we turn 6, we are forced to spend an increasing time at school and later on at work. But except for a few people, nobody makes that decision consciously. I think part of being a true adult is being able to redirect those 40, 50 or even 60 hours of extra waking time towards something meaningful, but also reasonably fun, even if you didn't ask for them. Survive and adapt!

Just wanted to update everyone and give an example of how I'm spending my days:

Monday-Friday

• Wake up at 6:45, Breakfast/weigh myself
• 7-11 work, 11 Lunch, 12-4 Work
• 4-430 exercise/stretch, 4:30 shower
• 5 cook and eat dinner, watch a tv show
• 6:30 practice a hobby or two
• 8:30 relax for an hour then read and in bed by 10:45

Saturday and Sunday

• Wake up at 6:45, breakfast/weigh myself
• Go for a walk or do some yoga
• Study for 2 hours, watch a tv show for an hour or maybe watch a movie
• Do hobbies for at least 4 hours the rest of the weekend total, not each day. I don't want to stress out learning new stuff
• Talk to family and friends on the phone for 1-3 hours
• Read/draw/cook some meals for meal prepping

50 minutes ago, Rualani said:

Cool breakdown of the day. I definitely need something like this. I have a few questions.

15 minutes straight from bed to work is pretty amazing. Do you have breakfast and lunch prepared for the next day in advance? 

No, but eggs take 2 minutes to cook and toast takes 5 minutes. I eat in 5-10 minutes and I'm ready to go. I'm working from home right now so I don't have to commute. If it was at work just add commute time + 5 minutes to get dressed. I shower at night. I meal prep for lunch and dinner is all.

9 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Just wanted to update everyone and give an example of how I'm spending my days:

Monday-Friday

• Wake up at 6:45, Breakfast/weigh myself
• 7-11 work, 11 Lunch, 12-4 Work
• 4-430 exercise/stretch, 4:30 shower
• 5 cook and eat dinner, watch a tv show
• 6:30 practice a hobby or two
• 8:30 relax for an hour then read and in bed by 10:45

Saturday and Sunday

• Wake up at 6:45, breakfast/weigh myself
• Go for a walk or do some yoga
• Study for 2 hours, watch a tv show for an hour or maybe watch a movie
• Do hobbies for at least 4 hours the rest of the weekend total, not each day. I don't want to stress out learning new stuff
• Talk to family and friends on the phone for 1-3 hours
• Read/draw/cook some meals for meal prepping

Sounds like you've got your routines sussed quite well even before Covid! You're at a place I'm working towards 😁

On 3/19/2020 at 9:31 PM, ceponatia said:

We have a certain reaction to articles like this given our history but to ordinary people this isn't really that bad. "Obsession" and "addiction" are just words people throw around that don't have any inherent meaning for them. When I first got out of rehab I got pretty annoyed when someone would say something like "I got so drunk this weekend oh my gaawwwd I'm such an alcoholicccc" but I got over it in time. People don't generally think about what they say, and as we've seen with the current situation journalists often don't think about what they write (shots fired).

You're spot on though that we shouldn't use this as an excuse to "isolate" and play games all day. I'm not even isolating, to be honest. If I get sick, I get sick. I'm doing everything I can to not be around people who might be vulnerable to it but honestly most of us are just going to get a cold from it. Considering I'm still forced to go to work at a government office where the dirtiest, mentally ill people come in and out all day, I've basically just accepted that I'm going to get sick sooner or later. Lol.

 

On 3/20/2020 at 1:54 AM, BooksandTrees said:

Exactly my point. This person might also be an avid gamer undecided whether it's bad for them. I have done this with porn saying it's not hurting me and I can do it while I'm single and it just ruins my life completely. We know better and that's why I wrote this post. We can be strong and keep our streak.

 

20 hours ago, Ikar said:

Honestly, I am not sure if most people actually have this kind of control over their lives. I think that if they had, what you are describing wouldn't happen. I'd even argue the weakness of the whole system as it is is that once we turn 6, we are forced to spend an increasing time at school and later on at work. But except for a few people, nobody makes that decision consciously. I think part of being a true adult is being able to redirect those 40, 50 or even 60 hours of extra waking time towards something meaningful, but also reasonably fun, even if you didn't ask for them. Survive and adapt!

Cool. Thanks for the discussion folks. I was pretty riled up that day so wanted some clear heads to help calm me down. Good to see different opinions and also hear how some people deal with hearing or seeing things that might trigger negative emotions linked to gaming. 

The problem I have with the tone and nature of it is that the more I get out and about again, the more I see gaming less as a hobby and more like watching TV, just a way of passing time without actually learning anything. So when somebody recommends people use their free time... It's like our national broadcaster just asked some kid to write an article which ended up being "Omg all the time to gamezzz..." and then stuck it on their home page. Grr. Made me angry. 

I also used to be a junior school teacher and met so many kids who just wanted to be a YouTube star and play games when they grew up. I guess my own problems tie into how I dealt with that emotionally as well. 

Thanks again for the counter views and support. You're a great bunch to have around to talk about this stuff 😉👍

1 hour ago, Talby said:

The problem I have with the tone and nature of it is that the more I get out and about again, the more I see gaming less as a hobby and more like watching TV, just a way of passing time without actually learning anything. So when somebody recommends people use their free time... It's like our national broadcaster just asked some kid to write an article which ended up being "Omg all the time to gamezzz..." and then stuck it on their home page. Grr. Made me angry. 

The reason I never liked watching series or even YT videos was that it was too passive, compared to gaming or Twitch. The latter two can have a surprising amount of social interaction tied to them. Tied to that, a self-sufficient and relatively famous streamer actually has a life outside of streaming with a healthy social circle around him.

4 hours ago, Ikar said:

The reason I never liked watching series or even YT videos was that it was too passive, compared to gaming or Twitch. The latter two can have a surprising amount of social interaction tied to them. Tied to that, a self-sufficient and relatively famous streamer actually has a life outside of streaming with a healthy social circle around him.

I also felt like that, however that's where I believe the problem lies. Gaming has become so much more than just a way to unwind and waste time. At least watching TV is passive, I feel like it has an end point, at some point I want to get up and walk away from it all. With gaming once I started I didn't want to do anything else because how can any other activity live up to the promise of a modern AAA game?

I understand the social connection arguments around gaming, but I didn't have that. I shut myself away from people to game because I was escaping from some stuff, not sure what yet cause my counselling hasn't started. I made friends through hobbies outside of gaming when I was younger and my relationships with them only suffered when I retreated again. 

Personally, and this is purely opinion, I don't buy into the career talk and social side of gaming with twitch and YouTube. I know people are making money, I get that because every time I raise a concern I get bludgeoned with the same argument again and again. It feels very Hollywood, where everyone looks happy and putting on an awesome face because that's what they need to do to get the views, sponsors, donations etc. I'm happy for people who make something of it, they've clearly got a touch of the innovative about them coupled with a good support network. But I worry about the greater % hanging on their every word, just as with other celebrities in other industries. 

And that's the key for me. Nobody sees the reality of the rise to fame and glory. If articles encouraging people to increase their time gaming are going to pop up as 'advice' on websites that are supposed to be reputable, it makes them no better than clickbait in my eyes because every person's life is different. It's time you just can't get back and if you don't have families that essentially keep you whilst you indulge then you're risking an awful lot, particularly during a pandemic like this.

I hope nobody thinks I'm being harsh. I'm very passionate about these issues from working with vulnerable kids and adults in the past. I'm happy gaming isn't stigmatised as much as it used to be when I was a kid, however at the same time I do feel that the current trend of it becoming so mainstream and high profile is only sucking more gullible people in with the simple aim of pumping as much money out of them as possible. Creating more addicts and leaving parents, carers, key workers etc at a loss when they're considered less of an authority than some dude on YouTube.

2 hours ago, Talby said:

I understand the social connection arguments around gaming, but I didn't have that. I shut myself away from people to game because I was escaping from some stuff, not sure what yet cause my counselling hasn't started. I made friends through hobbies outside of gaming when I was younger and my relationships with them only suffered when I retreated again. 

Personally, and this is purely opinion, I don't buy into the career talk and social side of gaming with twitch and YouTube. I know people are making money, I get that because every time I raise a concern I get bludgeoned with the same argument again and again. It feels very Hollywood, where everyone looks happy and putting on an awesome face because that's what they need to do to get the views, sponsors, donations etc. I'm happy for people who make something of it, they've clearly got a touch of the innovative about them coupled with a good support network. But I worry about the greater % hanging on their every word, just as with other celebrities in other industries. 

And that's the key for me. Nobody sees the reality of the rise to fame and glory. If articles encouraging people to increase their time gaming are going to pop up as 'advice' on websites that are supposed to be reputable, it makes them no better than clickbait in my eyes because every person's life is different. It's time you just can't get back and if you don't have families that essentially keep you whilst you indulge then you're risking an awful lot, particularly during a pandemic like this.

I hope nobody thinks I'm being harsh. I'm very passionate about these issues from working with vulnerable kids and adults in the past. I'm happy gaming isn't stigmatised as much as it used to be when I was a kid, however at the same time I do feel that the current trend of it becoming so mainstream and high profile is only sucking more gullible people in with the simple aim of pumping as much money out of them as possible.

I believe that since addictions are unconscious, then they mirror our unconscious needs perfectly. @BooksandTrees , @James Good or I are former ex-streamers. My real-world social interactions sucked, so I started with a blank slate online, posting on various forums and streaming. Gaming is a world within a world and it really was whatever I wanted it to be. It was a bit different for each of us.

I think we'll pull through. Gaming is living its golden age now. Before that, it was TV, alcohol or tobacco. Are people wasting their time and money and eventually dying? Yes. Is money being made off of that? Yes. It's always been like that and I think it always will be.

I don't think I am being cynical though. I was supposed to be giving a talk in about a month in one community center regarding my gaming addiction (or rather, just talking about my life). I just think that if you "get bludgeoned with the same argument again and again", you're better off finding an audience that might be receptive to the message you are trying to convey.

2 hours ago, Talby said:

Creating more addicts and leaving parents, carers, key workers etc at a loss when they're considered less of an authority than some dude on YouTube.

The sad part is that all those parents, teachers and other people with authority likely did not contribute as much as they could to the development of the child (adult), if "some dude on YouTube" has more influence over the child's (adult's) life. The question should be "How can I become a parent my child could look up to and follow as an example?", not "How can I stop my child from being addicted?"

2 hours ago, Ikar said:

 

The sad part is that all those parents, teachers and other people with authority likely did not contribute as much as they could to the development of the child (adult), if "some dude on YouTube" has more influence over the child's (adult's) life. The question should be "How can I become a parent my child could look up to and follow as an example?", not "How can I stop my child from being addicted?"

Ok. Father is the typical bread winner in the family. As such he spends significant time away from his son. The son is unaware of what the father does beyond his explanations and then it may not even sound so exciting and encouraging. Father’s energy may be lacking at the end of the day (especially if he is pushing his limits to achieve a better well being for his family as a whole). So the television set or the internet will have more time to influence his child. 

So what can this Dad do? If he throws away the tv set and the smart phone, buys all sorts of learning toys and games, teaches the kid to exercise, he will be healthier, but still the father will need to put in a LOT of effort to build trust and understanding with the kid.

The commerce bombards and programs the kid a lot. So it is an uphill struggle.

Edited March 21, 20205 yr by Amphibian220

Sending everyone lots of love! Day 7 of quarantine for me here in Thailand.

12 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Ok. Father is the typical bread winner in the family. As such he spends significant time away from his son. The son is unaware of what the father does beyond his explanations and then it may not even sound so exciting and encouraging. Father’s energy may be lacking at the end of the day (especially if he is pushing his limits to achieve a better well being for his family as a whole). So the television set or the internet will have more time to influence his child. 

So what can this Dad do? If he throws away the tv set and the smart phone, buys all sorts of learning toys and games, teaches the kid to exercise, he will be healthier, but still the father will need to put in a LOT of effort to build trust and understanding with the kid.

The commerce bombards and programs the kid a lot. So it is an uphill struggle.

I am of the opinion that father's role in the family is to provide more of the "cold love" (discipline, direction guidance, responsibility) and mom's role is to provide more of the "warm love" (hugs and emotional connection) for their kids. I'm not dogmatic, but I think it works that way in the typical family.

The typical family is also primarily thought of being a father, a mother and their kids. I also think it is correct to say fathers genuinely have less time/more obstacles in spending time with their kids than moms due to work and other activities.

The issue with that is the typical child in today's age, unless they have a caring father that can be there for them every day, has no good masculine model. Primary and secondary schools? Most of the teachers are women. Parents are divorced? Likely spending more time with mom than with dad.

I also like the idea my friend presented that lives of males tend to be more extreme. Most of the famous world-leading personalities are men. Most of the homeless people are men too. I also think it also partly explains why most gaming addicts are males as @James Good pointed out once on a podcast. When I set out to do something, I absolutely love it when I can give it my 150%. Gaming/streaming did that for me. Hunt down the mammoth and then rest, as it used to be in the past.

---

Above are good statistical arguments for how difficult is it to raise a child (boy) in today's age. I'm gonna present you with some questions now based on how you structured your post. Take time to answer them.

Are you sure you prioritize your life correctly, if you are lacking energy at the end of the day as a father? Do you work to help your family? Or do you work to evade your family duties? Do you live to work? Or do you work to live?

Do you think raising a child should be easy, or difficult? Are you willing to let go of some materialistic goods to spend more time with your family?

---

Some other thoughts; I'm writing them down, because I am writing a blog post on a topic close to this.

Gaming addicts tend to not be poor in a way that would threaten their survival. It takes time (and money) to afford the "luxury" of being addicted. It explains why most people on GQ are from the West (USA, UK, Japan, Germany). People in e.g. Chad do not have these issues, because they quite literally cannot afford to have them.

Good after-school activities might help.

Anything that makes sense is an "uphill struggle". You can worry about your child getting addicted to Internet. Your father could worry about you getting addicted to TV. People in 1800s worried about 50% child mortality rate. The parameters of the games are set, but whether you will or will not have kids is your choice.

3 hours ago, Ikar said:

 

Are you sure you prioritize your life correctly, if you are lacking energy at the end of the day as a father? Do you work to help your family? Or do you work to evade your family duties? Do you live to work? Or do you work to live?

Do you think raising a child should be easy, or difficult? Are you willing to let go of some materialistic goods to spend more time with your family?

---

Some other thoughts; I'm writing them down, because I am writing a blog post on a topic close to this.

Gaming addicts tend to not be poor in a way that would threaten their survival. It takes time (and money) to afford the "luxury" of being addicted. It explains why most people on GQ are from the West (USA, UK, Japan, Germany). People in e.g. Chad do not have these issues, because they quite literally cannot afford to have them.

Good after-school activities might help.

Anything that makes sense is an "uphill struggle". You can worry about your child getting addicted to Internet. Your father could worry about you getting addicted to TV. People in 1800s worried about 50% child mortality rate. The parameters of the games are set, but whether you will or will not have kids is your choice.

It is cool that all the valuable things in life require you to work towards them- I mean it hedges you somewhat from the bad habits and gets you to expend your energy in the right way. 

The “energy” - I am in a major fight right now to change my long held views.

From high school people noticed I was too stressed by things without releasing it. this carried on into employment where my employer was throwing work at me without giving instruction or training. Two guys that joined us got into confrontations that they weren’t given training to do the work. This is when I started noticing that fighing is worth it and conflicts are human nature. Yet I persisted and so the worrying took its toll and made me quite drained long term.

As to the other questions. I want to work to support my family and to have a meaningful calling in my life. So work serves a dual purpose for me, I will get out of a job that I am not passionate about. I don’t feel like family duties are “hard”, I enjoy them. I have a heightened fear because my parents “missed” my gaming addiction.

The last question is hard to answer because it depends upon the circumstances. My father was quite attached to his friends, which makes me wonder what is the ideal amount of time to spend with a child? Maybe it is the quality of interaction that plays a more significant role.

On 3/21/2020 at 6:05 PM, Ikar said:

I believe that since addictions are unconscious, then they mirror our unconscious needs perfectly. @BooksandTrees , @James Good or I are former ex-streamers. My real-world social interactions sucked, so I started with a blank slate online, posting on various forums and streaming. Gaming is a world within a world and it really was whatever I wanted it to be. It was a bit different for each of us.

I think we'll pull through. Gaming is living its golden age now. Before that, it was TV, alcohol or tobacco. Are people wasting their time and money and eventually dying? Yes. Is money being made off of that? Yes. It's always been like that and I think it always will be.

I don't think I am being cynical though. I was supposed to be giving a talk in about a month in one community center regarding my gaming addiction (or rather, just talking about my life). I just think that if you "get bludgeoned with the same argument again and again", you're better off finding an audience that might be receptive to the message you are trying to convey.

The sad part is that all those parents, teachers and other people with authority likely did not contribute as much as they could to the development of the child (adult), if "some dude on YouTube" has more influence over the child's (adult's) life. The question should be "How can I become a parent my child could look up to and follow as an example?", not "How can I stop my child from being addicted?"

Hi all,

So I was a bit angry when I posted about this initially, and even though I'm here to get help I'm also here to be challenged so that I can think about things a little differently and start to move forward with things.  I wasn't able to respond because I didn't know how people could disagree with how annoyed I was and at first I failed to see how it could be different for other people, but having spent some time away, I'm coming around to seeing how other people's experiences are different.

It was really interesting that you made the point about being ex-streamers, I guess I never grew up with that.  I'm not sure when it really became a 'thing', I only became aware of it back in 2014 when I started teaching junior school and a lot of the kids I came across wanted to be youtubers or twitch streamers.  The social aspect of gaming for me existed for a few years when I  was young, playing Diablo 2 or WoW when it first came out.  After coming to university it vanished almost overnight, something else awoke in me and I've spent years trying to find new social experiences.  Almost by accident I built a network of people I have come to love and respect through running, but we're all a little addictive and geeky in our own way.  None of them game though, and although it eventually came out recently, I used to hide that I did it from friends and family because I was ashamed of it. 

Let me just say now, I don't think anybody should be ashamed of it if it doesn't cause problems with your life.  As with all vices, the question of whether it's an addiction and measure of harm contains such grey areas, it's such a unique and individual experience that I wouldn't even dream of judging other people for their choices.  I've seen some of the successful twitch streamers and they genuinely seem happy and fulfilled.  I hope that they are because it looks like a ton of fun. 

The reason it's so difficult for me to grasp that side of gaming is because I've always had such positive factors in my life outside of it.  Because I only ever chose to lose myself on the internet and in gaming when I was running away from my own fears, I never had a community of people to connect with.  My relationship with gaming was exactly like that of an alcoholic, drug user, gambler...it was too painful and hurt too much to look inside and face my own fears, insecurities and intrusive thoughts, so I ran away from everything and everybody, even fellow gamers.  The funny thing was I actually never felt like I was very good at any games, didn't compete online, didn't really have much success in MMORPGs or join communities...which I know was an extension of the problems I was escaping from.  I'm actually much more competent at life outside gaming because I truly, genuinely care about it, whilst games to be are just a distraction to pass the time.  And again, I'm not passing judgement because if my circumstances were different, if I had a ton of friends who were gamers and had a social side to it, I'm sure it would be a happy distraction.  But I don't, and it's not.

Some of my comments, such as "being bludgeoned again and again," or "some dude on youtube" were definitely made in anger, possibly whilst I was drinking on holiday and also without me really proofreading this and thinking about how it came across.  If I go seeking those arguments then of course I'll find them.  And I agree 100% with your statement about role models and parenting.  Many of the kids I taught who idolised youtubers had poor family dynamics and I appreciate that many streamers might be a source of great comfort and joy for children and adults who maybe didn't have those relationships.

 

On 3/21/2020 at 8:37 PM, Amphibian220 said:

Ok. Father is the typical bread winner in the family. As such he spends significant time away from his son. The son is unaware of what the father does beyond his explanations and then it may not even sound so exciting and encouraging. Father’s energy may be lacking at the end of the day (especially if he is pushing his limits to achieve a better well being for his family as a whole). So the television set or the internet will have more time to influence his child. 

So what can this Dad do? If he throws away the tv set and the smart phone, buys all sorts of learning toys and games, teaches the kid to exercise, he will be healthier, but still the father will need to put in a LOT of effort to build trust and understanding with the kid.

The commerce bombards and programs the kid a lot. So it is an uphill struggle.

This I understand, it stirs some feelings in me a little.  The further discussion about what roles people in the family and how this affects family dynamics interests me a lot.

Society obviously dominated the roles of parents within a family unit, what is more socially acceptable is what most people do.  Yet I think the idea of fixed roles runs contrary to everything that is being discovered about the human brain.  Thanks to Neuroscience and Psychology/Psychiatry, we know so much more about the brain and as such the concept of mind, which is really what this all comes down to.  The evidence supports the theory that the cold, discipline focused father and warm, caring mother is essentially the animal aspect of our brain, the part that keeps us fed, watered, reproducing, defending our territory, attacking others etc.  Generally this part of the brain in males is much more geared towards spatial awareness, finding multiple mates, solitude, hunting etc, whilst in females it's much more focused on maternal goals such as securing a strong, healthy single mate, developing relationships, multi-tasking (to reduce threats and risks to offspring) etc.  This brain is extremely powerful and the first to react to challenges, threats and unknown circumstances.  However, we humans have our pre-frontal cortex and related sections that form our humanity centre, where we use logic and rational thinking to build societies, seek alliances and achieve many other dreams and desires.  It's this part that many respected psychiatrists are now claiming is the person we want to be and it's almost impossible to generalise across this aspect of people.

When people break free of stereotypes, whether that be gender, race or age, it's this brain that is the driving force behind that.  Almost counter intuitively, It's the person you want to be and also the person that you are right now.  The problem is, we all have this primal brain that's much stronger, much quicker and much more aggressive that takes control when we often don't want or need it to.  The trick to managing this part is to sit and develop the mind every day to remove the habits and beliefs that have been ingrained over years of nature and nurture.  I believe that's where fixed gender roles comes from.  Ingrained beliefs that have come from accumulated experiences.  Whether people choose to accept them or not is entirely within their control, unless of course they live in a society where to dissent has severe consequences.  Speaking as somebody from a democracy, I get to choose what my fatherhood will be like in the future.  Of course I want to have discipline, security, routine, authority and be able to provide.  But those drives aren't what I see as 'me', they're just the animal instincts that I know will help keep my family safe, teach them resilience and help them to be realistic about life.  I also love to write, read, listen to music, run, debate and think deeply about things, all pastimes many people would describe as being 'warm' or 'feminine', but I'd like to be able to share that side of me with my children, regardless of what gender they are

I could talk about this for hours, particularly as some of the work I've been alluding to is helping me to heal and reconcile the different aspects of my personality, recognising problems but not treating myself as a problem.  I'd be interested to know people's thoughts.

Also how is everybody doing in general?  Learning more about a lot of the stuff I posted above is keeping me very busy, amongst the usual life stuff and work.  It helps me understand how to balance the different aspects of myself and keep to some routines in the hope of staying sane 😄😄

What about corona virus ? 

Personally, I am not a big supporter of the big conspiracy theory, but I think that the coronavirus was synthetically created. Although there are many ways to reduce the population of the planet.