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James Good

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My advice for you this time around is simple and I think it's about making an effort and prioritizing your hobbies. Start scheduling your work and hobbies and making it a priority to stick to the schedule. Keeping busy and learning to enjoy things made me too busy to play games and I enjoyed the new activities more because of the social aspect and less stress. 

Don't focus on days without gaming and trying not to game.  Just commit to the schedule and activities. Focus on weeks not days. 

Good luck

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Its been a long time since I posted, mostly because I haven't really felt like it. But also because I've been sharing my thoughts every day on my YouTube channel.

I've uploaded a video every day since I started the 90-day detox again, which has been 10 days in total. I'll be honest, it feels like I've been going a lot longer than that but when I think about it, I'm over 11% of the way through. Just over 10 weeks to go until the 3 months are over. Which, in the grand scheme of things, isn't much at all.

What's been happening in these 10 days? The usual, really.

  • Cravings
  • Replacing gaming with my phone + social media
  • Headaches and other withdrawal symptoms
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Struggling to enjoy my hobbies

and more!

What about some of the positive things that have been going on? Well, fortunately, there's plenty of those:

  • Regularly going to the gym
  • Getting a lot of work done
  • My Thai language class is going great and I've improved so much in just a few weeks
  • I'm slowly pushing myself outside of my comfort zone
  • My personal relationships are going really well

All in all, I'm so happy I embarked on this 90-day detox again.

The funny thing is, it doesn't feel like a detox. I don't know what it is about it this time around, but I think not putting so much pressure on myself, and focusing on each day at a time, has been really helpful.

It just feels natural to me. Like, this is what I'm meant to be doing. Not playing video games is my default state now.

That being said, the cravings to watch YouTube/Twitch are incredibly strong,  but I've managed to keep away from both of those the entire time too!

I'm looking forward to how things progress in the future. If you want to keep up with what I'm doing don't forget to check out my YouTube videos, as I'll be uploading 90 videos in 90 days to document the journey!

 

Peace.

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1 hour ago, James Good said:

The funny thing is, it doesn't feel like a detox. I don't know what it is about it this time around, but I think not putting so much pressure on myself, and focusing on each day at a time, has been really helpful.

It just feels natural to me. Like, this is what I'm meant to be doing. Not playing video games is my default state now.

Man, this sounds awesome. You seem to make good progress. And don't worry about the youtube cravings. I think everyone to some degree gets influenced by that. I mean, those algorithms are specifically designed to activate this binge watch mode inside of us. What I am right now doing, is to make differentiations between videos. When youtube recommends stuff to me, which I consider not meaningful, I am immediately blocking it, so that I won't get more recommendations from that particular channel again. Every time, youtube decides, what I might like, I therefore start blocking stuff. It gives me a feeling of control. That I am in charge, when I want to watch something or not. Maybe you have a different strategy.

Regarding your twitch account. Are you not considering to delete this one as well or are there other areas besides gaming, which are of interest to you, like art stuff etc? For me, it was helpful to put twitch in the same category like gaming/steam etc. and never opened it since.

Edited by Alexanderle
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That's a bit how it's been for me, I think. Even when I did slip up and play video games in the beginning... it didn't feel like it was this crushing craving I was giving into anymore. I just played for an hour or so and then stopped and did something else. I slowly weaned more and more off of gaming (bolstered by a woman I know and am fairly attracted to who in passing said that every guy who plays video games, no matter how much or how often, is a loser lmao) and now I'm deep into music theory and piano instead.

I watch YouTube a lot before bed but I justify it because I'd just be watching Netflix instead and at least the videos I watch are educational and relate to my hobbies. I don't watch gaming channels or anything like that anymore.

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Hey, good job sticking with the detox. I'm glad to hear your hobbies are going well. Listening to your podcast made me want to learn a language too and I was focusing on learning Japanese to more fully enjoy anime, but I had to return the cd's to the library. Once I get to check them out again (probably like 1-2 months) I'll be sure to get through them this time so I can move onto disc set 2/8 from the library. It must be cool learning Thai and knowing people who speak it. I really like Thai food and can cook a Thai curry and stir fry I learned from a Thai cookbook. What do you do to take breaks and relax?

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@Alexanderle Not quite sure what you mean by the Twitch thing. I quit Twitch at the same time as gaming and have made as much of an effort to stay away from it as I have everything else. I haven't bothered deleting the account, that never works for me, I just decided that I'm not going to use it.

@ceponatia My relationship has definitely helped me with quitting, not many girls are going to be attracted to a guy that's gaming for hours every day haha!

@Erik2.0 Thanks! That's great to hear. Its made the language learning experience much more rewarding being able to practice what I'm doing every day, as opposed to just following random online resources and books when I was back home that I'd never get to put into use. In terms of taking breaks and relaxing, right now I have no idea. I'm in a big slump and I'm struggling to find much semblance of peace in anything. I guess the main things I do are spending time with my GF, reading a book, or watching a movie. However, I can't shake the idea that doing those things is wasting time. It's ridiculous, I know, but that's how I'm thinking right now.

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EDIT: Shortly after writing this my mood definitely improved, and I've taken some steps towards improving my state of mind. However, I'm going to leave it here as a reminder for myself.

I'm writing this post in the hopes I can start to process some of the things I'm feeling (or rather, not feeling).

Where I'm at right now in my life with a remote job, a girlfriend, living in Thailand with everything I need, I couldn't feel more dissatisfied with every aspect of my existence.

Nothing is bringing me joy. I constantly feel stressed or anxious that I don't deserve any of this. This causes me to not do any work which then just adds to the overwhelming pressure that I feel.

My job doesn't feel like a job. It doesn't even feel like a chore. At least with chores I get a noticeable sense of satisfaction when I complete a task. But right now, I'm getting nothing.

The reality is that my job isn't as complicated, overwhelming, or as difficult as I convince myself it is. But I still can't shake the feeling that I'm trying to force myself to do something I don't want to do. Then when I think these things I just tell myself I'm only feeling it because I'm not working hard enough.

I don't know what to do.

I can't seem to follow an actual work routine each day in order to get stuff done e.g. dedicating 3 hours twice a day for work or deep work or 9-5 schedule or whatever. I just open my laptop and spend hours mindlessly doing nothing and with each passing hour I get more stressed and more anxious by my inability to get stuff done. I get it done eventually, but that's beside the point. I shouldn't have to be forcing myself to get everything done at the end of the day at the expense of everything else in my life.

I keep getting incredibly strong feelings that all I want to do is develop games play D&D with some nerdy friends, or another part of me just wants to escape into the wilderness forever and live in a cabin. I want to be anywhere apart from where I am right now, and in my heart I know that these feelings are just me wanting to run away from my problems again.

I can't afford to do the things I want to do, I can't afford to take a holiday (even with corona prices), and yet I'm not working hard enough or providing enough value in order to earn more money.

I broke down into tears the other day, and I had the urge to do it again today.

The only constant in my life right now is the gym, my girlfriend, and an overwhelming dissatisfaction with everything I do. Oh, and the daily VLOGS that I've been releasing on my YouTube channel.

What's the answer? No idea. Every person that went on to be successful or happy or fulfilled no doubt went through similar emotional states and experiences, but how long is this going to go on for? Is it worth it? Again, no idea. 

I keep telling myself that I just need to keep pushing myself a little further, a little harder, get this done and then you can get to work on that. But it never comes. Not because I become inundated with things to do, but because I'm so incapable of getting things done before they need doing, saving myself time and stress as a result, and causing my progress in every aspect of my life to be 5x slower than it should be.

I want to be back in the Yukon. I've never experienced the same peace and serenity than I did on that trip. 3 weeks of camping, hiking, and absolutely no technology with the nearest human miles away.

Now, I will say that I'm almost 2 weeks into my 90-day detox, and a lot of the things I'm struggling with could be coming up as a result of that. I haven't watched any gaming related content, and I haven't played any video games. 

But I don't know. Honestly, I have no freaking clue about anything that's going on and yet I'm trying desperately to understand the situation. I have no purpose. I wake up, do nothing, worry, lift weights, and go to sleep. Even then I barely sleep.

I'm gonna be blunt. I really f*cking hate myself right now. Is that normal? Maybe. Am I depressed? Possibly. Although it doesn't feel like the depression I've had in the past.

To anyone that has read this far in my horrible mishmash of thoughts and ramblings, thanks I guess. Comment if you like. Whatever. It'll take me days to reply anyway despite me looking at the comment 3x a day. Same as every other thing I'm responsible for like e-mails.

Peace.

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I'm not sure whether or not the journal helped or prompted me to make the decision, but I'm going to stay off social media for the foreseeable future.

No more:

  • Reddit
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Facebook
  • News

YouTube, Netflix, and whatever else will be kept to the bare minimum, and I'll likely be more active on these forums as a result. But I hardly think that's a bad thing.

I'm feeling a lot better, and don't really hate myself like I pointed out in the previous post, but I'm going to leave it up as a reminder for me (although I will make a note at the top).

Thanks for reading.

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Day 14

>Game-free: 14 days
>Gaming videos: 14 days
>Social Media: 1 day

 

Journal

I've decided to make this journal one of the first things I do in the morning. After I wake up, brush my teeth, wash my face and get changed into my gym gear. I think it'll be a nice way to start the day while drinking my coffee, instead of what I was doing before.

If you haven't seen it, I released a video on my YouTube channel about why I've decided to quit social media.

Basically, since quitting gaming I pretty much replaced one bad habit with another, and I think this constant over stimulation and time-wasting has led to the feelings I've been experiencing of dissatisfaction in my life and work.

I slept great last night, for the first time in a while. So that's definitely helping today. But, I can already see that this is going to be the right choice.

My first instinct when I opened my laptop was to check Reddit, Twitter, Facebook and BBC News while drinking my coffee. There might not be too much wrong with that if I do it for 20 minutes over lunch, but first things in the morning puts such a huge damper on my ability to work. Not only that, but I always find myself not being able to stop, and ending up wasting the entire morning.

Which ultimately contributes to the cycle of shitty feelings:

Have work to do -> Don't want to do it -> Go on social media -> Waste time -> Get stressed that I haven't done work -> Escape with more mindless browsing -> Get angry at myself -> Another wasted day -> Feel overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do

And so the cycle repeats.

This is the foundation of every negative feeling I've been having recently of not feeling good enough, feeling like I have too much work, being overwhelmed and stressed in all areas.

I know this is the right thing to do.

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On 3/12/2020 at 10:12 AM, James Good said:

D&D with some nerdy friends

Do you consider it a negative thing to play something like D and D with friends? I was lately thinking that his might be a fun activity for me to do, maybe to meet some new people. Of course in real life. But unfortunately, I did not have an opportunity like that so far. I don't know anyone playing these roleplaying games. ^^

 

7 hours ago, James Good said:

Man, I will probably watch that video. I can so relate to that. Especially facebook made me feel so miserable. Good decision.

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39 minutes ago, Alexanderle said:

Do you consider it a negative thing to play something like D and D with friends? I was lately thinking that his might be a fun activity for me to do, maybe to meet some new people. Of course in real life. But unfortunately, I did not have an opportunity like that so far. I don't know anyone playing these roleplaying games. ^^

 

Man, I will probably watch that video. I can so relate to that. Especially facebook made me feel so miserable. Good decision.

Not at all. I played D&D a lot last year with a great group of friends, but we had to stop doing it due to me moving out to Thailand. It's more to do with the fact that a) it's difficult to find people out here that play b) it takes up a lot of time as a DM c) there are other things I could be doing and finally d) I've had certain expectations of the kind of person I want to become, and what sort of hobbies and interests that kind of person has, and I just can't see D&D being one of them. I'm trying to break away from this kind of thinking, but it's so difficult. What's to say I can't accomplish everything I want to and still play D&D? Nothing except my own internal voice telling me that it's a waste of time.

That last one is definitely a much bigger reason than the rest of them haha.

Although, I am considering writing a fantasy series/novel/book/short story which might help to scratch that kind of itch.

 

And yeah, totally agree on the social media front. Especially for people that struggle with things like gaming, adding in another level of endless stimulation can't be good. Not to mention constantly comparing yourself to others and the anxiety that comes along with that.

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7 minutes ago, James Good said:

I've had certain expectations of the kind of person I want to become, and what sort of hobbies and interests that kind of person has, and I just can't see D&D being one of them.

Interesting. Yeah I am also thinking about my identity now, which is very focused on university and sports, but I am just trying to look out for social opportunities. Parties are something that I am not interested in. I also feel that I just can't connect with certain people. Those people playing D and D might be people, I would connect with. It is just important that it is happening in real life, since this whole problematic like porn, social media, gaming can all be summarized as some kind of screen addiction. It all starts with that damn screen. ^^

9 minutes ago, James Good said:

writing a fantasy series/novel/book/short story which might help to scratch that kind of itch.

Keep going with that. I was often fantasizing with that, but it is a lot of hard work. Especially writing dialogues has always been a struggle for me. so I was never invested enough to actually learn to get better at it. But more fantasy is always good. 😄

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@James Good

I'd hazard a guess that you deserve your current life as it is. I remember you were talking about living in a way that you were playing StS all day and dumping garbage on the floor. You're certainly better off now! Looking forward towards the interview series 🙂

@Alexanderle

I tend to agree with James on his reasoning about D&D. You just need to figure out whether it's going to be conductive towards your desired lifestyle (goals) or not. In a way, even a D&D session is a kind of a "party" - you meet people and do something central to the event (play D&D in this case).

I'm not much of a fan of parties where I have nothing else to do than to just talk with people. It is eventually fairly exhausting. I think literally any other social activity can become a good one in that case - cards, darts, dancing, karaoke or even some simple tabletop.

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15 hours ago, Alexanderle said:

Interesting. Yeah I am also thinking about my identity now, which is very focused on university and sports, but I am just trying to look out for social opportunities. Parties are something that I am not interested in. I also feel that I just can't connect with certain people. Those people playing D and D might be people, I would connect with. It is just important that it is happening in real life, since this whole problematic like porn, social media, gaming can all be summarized as some kind of screen addiction. It all starts with that damn screen. ^^

I'll be honest, D&D is incredibly fun (as long as you're with cool people). However, I know that the kind of people that play D&D aren't likely the kind of people to quit playing video games. If anything it's quite the opposite. You become very close to people you play with, and it's not unlikely they'll be talking a lot about video games or inviting you to events and so on. Now, if you get people that aren't like this that's fantastic. I played online most of the time so this wasn't a big issue, but it's why I stopped playing in person.

Fast forward to now, and I meet a lot of people interested in entrepreneurship, travel, business, fitness and so on. I can't picture myself having a conversation with a guy making £50k a month and telling him one of my favourite things to do is play D&D. I think there's a place for it somewhere in my future, but right now it's not conducive to what I want to do, and that's what you have to ask yourself really. 

15 hours ago, Alexanderle said:

Keep going with that. I was often fantasizing with that, but it is a lot of hard work. Especially writing dialogues has always been a struggle for me. so I was never invested enough to actually learn to get better at it. But more fantasy is always good. 😄

Yeah it's a lot of hard work for sure, especially because I have to write a lot for my current work. But I got a lot of experience doing this kind of thing while playing D&D, and building worlds, characters, quests and so on. I'm not looking to create a masterpiece, but it'd be nice to be able to say I'm an author haha.

 

6 hours ago, Ikar said:

@James Good

I'd hazard a guess that you deserve your current life as it is. I remember you were talking about living in a way that you were playing StS all day and dumping garbage on the floor. You're certainly better off now! Looking forward towards the interview series 🙂

Huh, you're right. That was pretty much 2 years ago exactly. I'd wake up, eat ice cream, step through piles of trash and start streaming on Twitch until 4am. What a life that was...

I'm definitely a hell of a lot better now haha!

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Day 15

>Game-free: 15 days
>Gaming videos: 15 days
>Social Media: 2 days

Journal

I'm quite enjoying this relaxing morning period with my cup of coffee overlooking the mountain next to Chiang Mai. OH WAIT!

The air pollution is so bad that I physically can't see a mountain that's like a mile away. I'll add a picture for you to see...

Image result for air pollution

Okay so this is a picture of Bangkok because my phone died and I can't take a picture, but this is pretty much exactly what it looks like, except there's supposed to be a freaking MOUNTAIN in the view.

The AQI, or Air Quality Index, measure air pollution for most cities in the world. Chiang Mai has been at the horrendously unhealthy level for a while now.

XSMJs3k.png

Yeah....

I have a powerful air filter in my office which takes it down to around 30-40, which is much more manageable. I wear the correct masks when I go outside, but even so. It's crazy.

For those unaware Chiang Mai is in the north of Thailand, and it's currently burning season. Burning season is where farmers in the north and in the surrounding countries of Myanmar, Laos, and China are burning crops to make way for a new season. Also, we get a lot of pollution coming from China itself as a result of factories and manufacturing.

Now, this wouldn't usually be too much of a problem, but the geography of Chiang Mai and the weather systems in place make it a perfect place for pollution to get trapped. There's not enough pressure to bring in new air, and so it just sort of sits and collects. This is of course extremely bad.

Chiang Mai was the #1 city in the world earlier this week for air pollution. I just can't wait for this season to end.

I hope you enjoyed your geography lesson. Back to the detox, I guess...

 

No social media isn't proving too difficult. I've had the urge to check Reddit, especially with all the Corona Virus stuff going on. I like keeping up with r/Soccer and now that the Premier League has been postponed I wanted to see what people's reactions are.

But then I thought, why do I care? What difference is it really going to make if I decide to see the reaction of a hundred people about something I've already reacted to myself? Nothing.

All it's going to do is make it more likely for me to stay on Reddit and continue mindlessly browsing, breaking the detox entirely.

The rest of the platforms haven't been too problematic. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and so on.

I've decided to let myself use the BBC news website again. I think it's just a good idea to keep up to date with current travel restrictions, news in the UK (where my family is), and anything that might affect me while in Thailand. I realised that my problem isn't so much that I go to the news website to waste time, that's pretty freaking hard to do in the same way as something like Reddit, but I go to it because I'm just looking for anything to do. 

I would always open my laptop, go on Twitter, go on Reddit, go on BBC News, go on Facebook, and I'd cycle through each one looking for new things to read.

So, I think without the Reddit and so on to make me go down that cycle in the first place, it's going to be very difficult for me to mindlessly browse news websites looking for something new. 

For example, today I opened up BBC, checked the headlines, did a brief scan and spent no more than 5-10 minutes on it. I don't have any urge to go back on it, and due to my time zone I know that no breaking news updates are going to be released until maybe 4pm my time. I might do another check later on in the day, but that's about it.

 

I'm happy with where I'm at right now. But my girlfriend is going away for work this weekend, so I'll be by myself for a while. I'm trying to decide what to do. All of my friends have gone from Chiang Mai, and I'm a little bit stuck due to Corona + Air Pollution.

I might go to my old favourite bar tonight, chat with some friends. Enjoy a nice Old Fashioned cocktail. I want to read more of my new book, practice some guitar, do a bit of work, learn some Thai and do some goal planning/vision work.

Sounds pretty good to me!

 

Peace.

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1 hour ago, James Good said:

Day 15

>Game-free: 15 days
>Gaming videos: 15 days
>Social Media: 2 days

Journal

I'm quite enjoying this relaxing morning period with my cup of coffee overlooking the mountain next to Chiang Mai. OH WAIT!

The air pollution is so bad that I physically can't see a mountain that's like a mile away. I'll add a picture for you to see...

Image result for air pollution

Okay so this is a picture of Bangkok because my phone died and I can't take a picture, but this is pretty much exactly what it looks like, except there's supposed to be a freaking MOUNTAIN in the view.

The AQI, or Air Quality Index, measure air pollution for most cities in the world. Chiang Mai has been at the horrendously unhealthy level for a while now.

XSMJs3k.png

Yeah....

I have a powerful air filter in my office which takes it down to around 30-40, which is much more manageable. I wear the correct masks when I go outside, but even so. It's crazy.

For those unaware Chiang Mai is in the north of Thailand, and it's currently burning season. Burning season is where farmers in the north and in the surrounding countries of Myanmar, Laos, and China are burning crops to make way for a new season. Also, we get a lot of pollution coming from China itself as a result of factories and manufacturing.

Now, this wouldn't usually be too much of a problem, but the geography of Chiang Mai and the weather systems in place make it a perfect place for pollution to get trapped. There's not enough pressure to bring in new air, and so it just sort of sits and collects. This is of course extremely bad.

Chiang Mai was the #1 city in the world earlier this week for air pollution. I just can't wait for this season to end.

I hope you enjoyed your geography lesson. Back to the detox, I guess...

 

No social media isn't proving too difficult. I've had the urge to check Reddit, especially with all the Corona Virus stuff going on. I like keeping up with r/Soccer and now that the Premier League has been postponed I wanted to see what people's reactions are.

But then I thought, why do I care? What difference is it really going to make if I decide to see the reaction of a hundred people about something I've already reacted to myself? Nothing.

All it's going to do is make it more likely for me to stay on Reddit and continue mindlessly browsing, breaking the detox entirely.

The rest of the platforms haven't been too problematic. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and so on.

I've decided to let myself use the BBC news website again. I think it's just a good idea to keep up to date with current travel restrictions, news in the UK (where my family is), and anything that might affect me while in Thailand. I realised that my problem isn't so much that I go to the news website to waste time, that's pretty freaking hard to do in the same way as something like Reddit, but I go to it because I'm just looking for anything to do. 

I would always open my laptop, go on Twitter, go on Reddit, go on BBC News, go on Facebook, and I'd cycle through each one looking for new things to read.

So, I think without the Reddit and so on to make me go down that cycle in the first place, it's going to be very difficult for me to mindlessly browse news websites looking for something new. 

For example, today I opened up BBC, checked the headlines, did a brief scan and spent no more than 5-10 minutes on it. I don't have any urge to go back on it, and due to my time zone I know that no breaking news updates are going to be released until maybe 4pm my time. I might do another check later on in the day, but that's about it.

 

I'm happy with where I'm at right now. But my girlfriend is going away for work this weekend, so I'll be by myself for a while. I'm trying to decide what to do. All of my friends have gone from Chiang Mai, and I'm a little bit stuck due to Corona + Air Pollution.

I might go to my old favourite bar tonight, chat with some friends. Enjoy a nice Old Fashioned cocktail. I want to read more of my new book, practice some guitar, do a bit of work, learn some Thai and do some goal planning/vision work.

Sounds pretty good to me!

 

Peace.

I couldn't deal with that pollution. Looks like LA here. I like the suburbs way more. 

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2 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I couldn't deal with that pollution. Looks like LA here. I like the suburbs way more. 

Yeah it's actually kind of crazy. Fortunately it's only like this for a month or two each year, and I'm hoping it'll be clearing up in a few weeks.

I do like living more rurally, the only problem is that in Thailand that means distancing yourself from every practical thing you can imagine. Not to mention I'd have to ride a motorbike in this pollution for 20 minutes, through horrendous traffic (more pollution), just to get some things. At least here I'm a few minutes walk from my language school, big shops, restaurants, and loads more.

That's how I'm looking at it anyway.

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Day 16

>Game-free: 16 days
>Gaming videos: 16 days
>Social Media: 3 days

Journal

Quick update on the air pollution situation - it got worse.

jZhajSp.png

Ughhhhhhhhhhhh this sucks.

I'm basically self-isolating myself for the foreseeable future outside of going to the gym, my language class, and other necessary things.

I never really took the air for granted back when I was in England. I discovered that the average AQI was around 3-5. Yet now, being in Thailand, all I want to do is escape to a place with better air quality. I can't help but think it's going to get worse before it gets better.

 

Anyway. I released a VLOG on my YouTube channel yesterday and tried a bunch of new things. It was a different style of video than I've done before, and while it didn't turn out quite as well as I hoped, it was a great experience.

While I love this whole "90 Videos in 90 Days" challenge, I'm finding it difficult to put as much effort into each video as I'd like to. As opposed to putting my full creative energy into each video it's more like I'm just doing what I can to get a video out. However, I think in the long run this will be worth it.

By doing 90 videos in 90 days I'm able to improve much faster, and implement new things a lot quicker. Then, once the 90 days are up, I'll be in a better position to create the kind of videos that I'm proud of.

Regardless, I'm really enjoying this new hobby. I'm loving the process of learning and developing new skills, and I'm excited to see how it progresses.

I was worried that I hadn't been doing enough to pursue my hobbies during this 90-day detox, but I was just brushing over the fact that I'd been vlogging. Like duh. That's a hobby. I've had that problem before. Convincing myself that I wasn't doing enough.

I need to give myself more credit.

 

In terms of the actual detox, things are going really well. Getting away from social media was the best decision I made. I'm more focused, disciplined, productive. Everything. I'm no longer waking up and wasting hours on my phone, or checking Reddit/Twitter/Facebook etc as soon as I log on to my computer.

I'm feeling good.

 

Peace.

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2 hours ago, James Good said:

Day 16

>Game-free: 16 days
>Gaming videos: 16 days
>Social Media: 3 days

Journal

Quick update on the air pollution situation - it got worse.

jZhajSp.png

Ughhhhhhhhhhhh this sucks.

I'm basically self-isolating myself for the foreseeable future outside of going to the gym, my language class, and other necessary things.

I never really took the air for granted back when I was in England. I discovered that the average AQI was around 3-5. Yet now, being in Thailand, all I want to do is escape to a place with better air quality. I can't help but think it's going to get worse before it gets better.

 

Anyway. I released a VLOG on my YouTube channel yesterday and tried a bunch of new things. It was a different style of video than I've done before, and while it didn't turn out quite as well as I hoped, it was a great experience.

While I love this whole "90 Videos in 90 Days" challenge, I'm finding it difficult to put as much effort into each video as I'd like to. As opposed to putting my full creative energy into each video it's more like I'm just doing what I can to get a video out. However, I think in the long run this will be worth it.

By doing 90 videos in 90 days I'm able to improve much faster, and implement new things a lot quicker. Then, once the 90 days are up, I'll be in a better position to create the kind of videos that I'm proud of.

Regardless, I'm really enjoying this new hobby. I'm loving the process of learning and developing new skills, and I'm excited to see how it progresses.

I was worried that I hadn't been doing enough to pursue my hobbies during this 90-day detox, but I was just brushing over the fact that I'd been vlogging. Like duh. That's a hobby. I've had that problem before. Convincing myself that I wasn't doing enough.

I need to give myself more credit.

 

In terms of the actual detox, things are going really well. Getting away from social media was the best decision I made. I'm more focused, disciplined, productive. Everything. I'm no longer waking up and wasting hours on my phone, or checking Reddit/Twitter/Facebook etc as soon as I log on to my computer.

I'm feeling good.

 

Peace.

That air quality scares me. I don't blame you for staying inside, even if there wasn't a virus scare. 

90 videos in 90 days is tough. I don't think people here even journal every day for 90 days. Your videos are improving though and I think you've got something there. A lot of youtubers just do 1 or 2 videos per week in their vlogs.  Maybe something like that gives you more time and energy?

Hobbies are tough to learn but worth it.

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Day 17

>Game-free: 17 days
>Gaming videos: 17 days
>Social Media: 4 days

Journal

During a massage last night that I went to with my girlfriend, we had a rainstorm. In Thailand, at least in the north, the seasons are pretty much set in stone. There was no chance of it raining, but what do you know.

Why is this great news? Because rain is the best thing to clear the air, if only temporarily. The AQI is sitting at a paltry 160 today (picture attached).Sure, its' not perfect, but it's a damn sight better than 300+.

imYfonv.png

Anyway, sorry for all the air pollution spam. I find it interesting!

Had a phonecall with my parents yesterday, people are panicking pretty badly in the UK. Shops are running out of food, and they might be implementing isolation for over-70's. This means my grandmother, who lives just a couple minutes away from my parents is going to be forced inside. My hometown is a retirement hotspot, and it relies on the elderly to keep it running.

Not sure what will happen, but I'm obviously worried about my grandmother as I'm thousands of miles across the world and can't really do much to help. I'll send her a postcard, she always likes receiving them.

All in all yesterday was a pretty lazy day. I was stuck inside, and didn't really accomplish a lot. I uploaded my video, did some work, studied Thai, watched more of the Last Airbender (which is great), did some cleaning, played some guitar and that was about it.

It did highlight how I'm not really taking a focused approach to my hobbies. I'm doing little bits here and there when I want to, and I think it's the wrong approach. While it works fine during the week when I have a ton of work to do, and not much free time, on the weekends I get a little stuck. I can't bring myself to get absorbed into my hobbies for hours at a time. I don't know if that's just because of me or it's because of the hobbies I have.

I couldn't see myself sinking in 3 hours into learning new songs on guitar/singing. I can potentially put in the hours with my VLOG, but again I'd rather not spend the entire day with technology.

With my girlfriend here it's difficult for me to zone out and write for extended periods (not that I'm blaming her, I could just go to the coffee shops), and with languages my head starts to hurt after an hour.

Not really sure what to do, to be honest. It's going to be an incredibly busy week or two with work, so I'm trying not to focus on it all too much for now. I've still got 73 days left of the detox, and thousands more after that. There's plenty of time after that to work on hobbies, but right now my focuses are work, money, and detoxing.

Peace.

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9 hours ago, James Good said:

It did highlight how I'm not really taking a focused approach to my hobbies. I'm doing little bits here and there when I want to, and I think it's the wrong approach.

This is an interesting thing, since I struggle with a similar situation. Some hobbies like language learning or drawing are not as appealing right now. I have this goal to do them daily, but it sometimes feels more like work. Like an obligation. If that is the case, it is not really a hobby. I think that the important thing to consider is the "why". That we have a strong reason, why we do it. Could be just fun, helping us to forget something or giving us fulfillment. I am fine with working out, since I feel a lot better and it gives me some purpose. It is not like gaming, where I get overwhelmed with stimulation, it is just something that highly fulfills me. Maybe it helps to ask, why we do certain things. If we only do it for reasons to impress others or something like that, it might be not enough. But I am still working on that. I just started the process to realize certain things.

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@Alexanderle Some really good points. I think that's why gaming is so effective. You don't need to have a 'why' or a purpose or motivation, you can just turn it on and without any effort whatsoever every need you have is fulfilled. I think we're all still learning the process, but your comment has definitely made me think about it a lot more. Thank you!

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Day 18

>Game-free: 18 days
>Gaming videos: 18 days
>Social Media: 5 days

Journal

Cravings hit me pretty bad yesterday (and today I guess even though it's only 8:30am). I really, really want to play Dark Souls and Path of Exile and every other game that I loved. It's driving me crazy.

For what it's worth, I think the chance of me actually giving in to the cravings is extremely low. Like, almost non-existent. It's more the fact that it's always on my mind and there's nothing I can do to stop the thoughts. It's just annoying.

I'm also having to ask myself some difficult questions about my relationship, my work, and a number of other things. I think that I'm trying to avoid dealing with those problems as much as possible, and that's what is causing the cravings. Gaming was always an escape for me. To get away from my difficulties and explore vast - and often endless - worlds where I can be whatever I want. I think it's why I liked modding Skyrim to make it as immersive as possible. I wanted to feel like I was in a different world, in a different body.

Yesterday I did actually go on Twitter. However, I'm not counting it as breaking the streak because it was necessary for work and I was on the site for roughly 3 seconds. As soon as that was done I clicked off and re-blocked it. Working in marketing sometimes these things are going to be unavoidable, no matter how much I try. 

Also, it was the first time in weeks that I didn't go to the gym 2 days in a row. I don't usually go on Sundays anyway, but yesterday I was just so busy with everything else I had to keep delaying it. All good, I think my body needed a break anyway. I'm not going to go more than 2 days without it so I'm not going to stress over it.

 

If anyone's interested I released a pretty long VLOG about my typical day in Chiang Mai, but due to the fact I'm having to churn out a video every day I'm not able to do as much as I want. However, I think it went pretty well. Link is in my signature just below!

 

Peace.

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I feel like I'm at a breaking point.

It's not like me to post anything, but I've been having the same thoughts running through my head for a long time and no matter what I do I can't seem to shake them. So, I thought I might as well try to write about them.

It goes back to the sense of overwhelm I feel every day. However, more recently I've started to pay more attention to when I'm getting these feelings. It's always the same thing causing the issues. My work.

I had some hesitations about posting this here, especially because I work for Game Quitters, but I don't think it's healthy for me to keep it bottled up. I'm filled with an immense amount of dread, pressure, anxiety, and stress when I think about working.

It doesn't happen every single day, I didn't have it yesterday, In fact, yesterday I was pretty optimistic. Then today it's like WHAM. All of a sudden my day has been completely wasted, which isn't helping with the whole thing as it just makes me regret it and feel like even more of a failure.

It was suggested to me earlier on in this journal that I need a holiday. Some time where I can just think about nothing, as I'm always switched on. But right now I can't afford it. Not to mention with all the corona virus stuff going on travel isn't the best option. Even being reminded that I can't afford it is making me feel like shit. Like I'm not working hard enough to get what I want. Which is true. Because I'm getting so stressed by everything (even my relationship which isn't stressful but I'm becoming easily irritated), I'm only working in spurts. Always rushing to get things completed.

I'm at a loss.

I'm coming up with ideas of what I can do to earn money, different avenues of work, places I can travel to, what kind of work I want to do. But I just feel so stuck.

I read something on an article that summed things up nicely:

"Busyness is a harmful mindset. You work until you can’t take any more responsibilities. You fool yourself by pretending to multitask — you think you make progress though you are not paying real attention to any task. You are regularly checking your phone’s notifications — you can’t enjoy the here and now when your mind is always somewhere else."

I doubt any advice people give me is going to work. I'm not really in a position to take advice from people right now, but I'm not going to stop anyone trying.

I'm not angry at the moment. I'm just stuck. Stuck and confused.

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Alright man, I am not an expert, when it comes to businesses. I am only studying right now. You also have to organise, work hard and you never feel that you are doing enough. That seems to be part of the equation, especially for people like you and me, who seem to be a bit of perfectionists. Not sure, if that is the case for you, but it is for me. So it my not seem like a win right now, but I think it is good that you are starting to be aware of why you are stuck, to analyse, what the cause of the problem is etc. 

16 minutes ago, James Good said:

You fool yourself by pretending to multitask

This sounds like an issue, a head to deal with for quite some time. You work hard, you do a thousand things at the same time, but none of them you do right. Seems like a goldmine for me to ponder more on that idea. Good luck with that process! Maybe this corona holiday period is a good time to figure out some things like that. For me, this is also a test in several areas. Let's see, where it leads us to.

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