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FIRST DAY

Good things

  • I have finally tidied up room. That took me 3 bloody hours. Who knew my room could accomodate so much dust, Jesus. More than that, I accidentally found the missing part from my MOTTO Racing gear ?
    Spoiler

    why, why now? I could have had so much fun playing my beloved ProStreet with it ? ALAS LOL

    That hit me hard. A sudden wave of playing urge almost overwhelmed me but ya boi stays strong.
    EDIT. Watching video of other people quitting gaming (HOBEDAGA`s story) helped me. especially this guy. He`s a legend
     
  • Spent time with my father. That was endearing really. We talked, played chess. Too bad I`ve wasted so much time digging my head in sand. But look redemption is what matters here right? It was funny to stumble upon my urge to leave as soon as we talked. I understand why. My father was often asking about my grades, plans for future, thoughts, anything, hell, he really was trying. And me being a depressed junkie, hating that sense of guilt, so dense I could touch it, I would crudely end the convo and rush to my messy room playing computer games with lights switched off.
    Spoiler

    I hope I can stop hating myself one day, really, or will it matter down the line, If I wll be always full of rancours, then maybe fuck it lets play until I die

     

Bad things


I feel like shit already. Well it is an indication of me being an addict, right? And I don`t want that. I want to be free.

Thoughts
Does the fact I am quitting mean that I shall not play again anymore? Should it be as fawl and wrong as doing drugs or commiting crimes for me now? What about this time I have spent playing games? Should I blame myself for it?
What if I turn to pro gamer? Like, isn`t it wonderful to be hooked on something and bring bacon home at the same time. But, from the other perspective, say I have managed to become pro, will I be agile? Active? Socially charismatic? Perhaps it`s my brain trying to find a way to play some more

 

Well, here it is, folks! OH! one more thing..

Here it is my visual XP bar for not playing the game ? How do you like it

 

 

Безымянный.png

Edited by Xgamer

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SECOND DAY

Really tired but I wantto get a hang of keeping a journal - that helps me to stay on track

Good things

  • Helped my family to smarten up the house. It all looks festive and stuff now. Went shopping together!
  • Didn`t play!Nono man I ain`t giving up that easy

Bad things

  • Spent a lotta time on utube. But frankly the videos I`ve watched weren`t memes compilations or some silly game montage as I used to watch. I have viewed some of Cam`s videos and some educational one, thoughts provoking like this one (I suggest you to watch it. It is about coping with difficulties). So why is it a drawback then? Well, I have to bite the bullet and find myselfa job if I have made up my mind moving from my parents in a week I have to be conscious about it, innit?
  • Been moody. Not gonna lie,really wanna play. I feel under the weather big time.

Thoughts

I have seen different guys talking about gaming in moderation like this guy(Richard Kuo), for instance. It`s a controversial topic, but in an other video Cam noticed that it is important to complete the detox and then think of gaming in moderation. He`s got the point. Gotta prove myself that I can live without games, that I am not an addict. Perhaps I ruminate over it although I am not ready to ditch games out of my live. Bloody hell, I spent my childhood playing games... I can`t imagine my life without games, frankly, for now, ok ? ?

Bloody moody disposition of mine is killing all the fun. Gotta find a hobby, a job ? Yeah..

Not a movie fiend but damn that girl ( Zooey Claire Deschanel ) is hot.

Kaaching! my xp bar is advancing

 

That`s it for now

Безымянный.png

Edited by Xgamer

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third day

egregious

leaving my home today so I writing now in advance so that you don`t think I quit

good things

Haven`t played

bad things

world is ugly

thoughts

none, headache

Безымянный.png

Edited by Xgamer
  • Like 1

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I have made couple of new years resolutions

1. Develop empathy for my closest ones
2. Don`t take life too seriosuly

And I have also found out about non-euclid geometry and lucid dreaming. That sounds like fun I would like to dig deeper
I have also burried the hatchet with my parents nevertheless I am still moving from my parents` in a week. This is the decision I have ruminated a lot. There are probably a lot of typos but I ll correct them tommorow, maybe

I wanna get my head around all those 101 idioms in english

Безымянный.png

Edited by Xgamer

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still kicking yet I missed daily check in here. Because I have never switched on my pc during all those 3 days!

A lot of things happened and it is already past midnight in Russia.

Compassion, empathy
To be all ears, scale of the situation

scaling the conflict can help to stay level headed for example

Me and my sister bicker a lot (x1)
My sister is having a quarrel with me because I took something without asking (x2)
My sister who has been next to me all my life even the house was broken is upset that i have done something

Internalized? Scaling might be the key of healthy relationships. Overviewing the scene and analysing what is going on. It is hard
 

I quit gaming week or so and tbh I think I want to go on

That is it I guess
Lil bit disappointed nobody called me out during my 3 day gone missing
On the other hand this diary is not for the effect but purpose

Безымянный.png

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life is pain so I don`t want to multiply it

concentration and there is no other way then do it

I am starting life blank page so I need to gain huge potential huge momentum what can i do dto become better

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Hitting a week is a big milestone dude, you can be proud of yourself!

You mentioned you were sad nobody called you out when you were gone for 3 days, it's not uncommon for some people to disappear for a few days on the forums, don't take it personally. I had some rather large gaps in my journal from my first detox. But you said you didn't post because you didn't even turn on your PC for three days! That's awesome! Focus on your own achievement there. 🙂 

Keep it up, I can promise the journey is worth it.

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It`s almost a month since I have quit gaming and out of the blue my cravings struck again! Good thing I have no accessto my old steam accout nor to my old pc but I even started to dream about playing some of these games that drew me around the bend. Tomorrow my work shift starts I hope it can drawmy attention to more serious stuff in my life. But I gotta admit that I am relentless in doing anything AGAIN. 

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