Jump to content

NEW PODCAST: Why Twitch Is Destroying Your Mindset and Keeping You from Success

Amphibian220

Amphibian’s journal

Recommended Posts

This isn’t day 1 of detox. But i will treat any time wasting as breaking the streak of recovery

I was going pretty well for the last month. Then a number of health issues cropped up (bad back, tiredness, low morale). Because they are connected with gaming in the past, initially it annoyed me. When i look at it soberly, there is only one solution: to do therapy.

Also I sense self-deception. When i get upset, im ready to just give everything up and say: “I want everything to get better on its own” and feel sorry for myself like a coward does . Just realizing this trick helps a lot.

sometimes i feel tired without even doing any work, like today. Most sensibly, i should focus on low energy tasks and some escapism (maybe visit the local park). My days are very similar, almost identical.

I’m annoyed that people take advantage of my complicity. I dont have that much energy. The good side is that I show enthusiasm. 

Today I was basically doing house errands and driving. Watched boxing for about twenty -thirty minutes. Did not make it on time to the army committee. Will go tomorrow morning. Am about to start my boxing session.

Edited by Amphibian220
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I hope that you get more energy to chase your dreams and that you will be more motivated and fulfilled by life. I know it is very hard believe me my energy is terrible right now. Today is my first day of the detox and it is the worst day ever. Anyways good luck on the boxing sessions. Peace!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tasks

1)Think and grow richer by Napoleon Hill- read the first chapter

2)exercise for the back

3)register for a swimming pool therapy group

4)Return medical documents

I learned from a doctor I have a number of health issues plus I’m very emotional and neurotic. Got pissed off, but my Dad worked with me on that. There is no turning back, just proceed to get your job he said. He himself has issues but is still working.

Thought to arrange rehabilitation for myself, not sure if i should go because I’ve got certain responsibilities I shouldn’t give up.

Did not exercise because i felt ill. Only managed to attend the army comittee. 

Edited by Amphibian220

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello,

Welcome to game quitters. Good job getting exercise and doing therapy. Life is hard when you’re recovering from addiction(s). It gets better with time and persistence. You can do it!

Erik

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

These last three days I have not prioritized my tasks correctly. Mostly did shopping and some household tasks like cleaning, laundry. Have low strength and feel like doctors only exacerbate my worrying problem. Read a journal publication where a film actor stated he never really developed indepth goals and just trusted his gut instinct and intuition.

Need to see a therapist tomorrow first thing in the morning to examine the chronic tiredness issue. Start treatment to get myself moving. Grateful to this community for giving me this great resource.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

These last three days I have not prioritized my tasks correctly. Mostly did shopping and some household tasks like cleaning, laundry. Have low strength and feel like doctors only exacerbate my worrying problem. Read a journal publication where a film actor stated he never really developed indepth goals and just trusted his gut instinct and intuition.

Need to see a therapist tomorrow first thing in the morning to examine the chronic tiredness issue. Start treatment to get myself moving. Grateful to this community for giving me this great resource.

What's your diet and exercise routine like? What is your sleep schedule like? What are your major stressors? Are you facing depression and anxiety?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Exercise is boxing twice a week which is high intensity cardio workout plus working on the punching bag.

Diet varies, fast about twice a week and eat as little sugar as I can. For a time, fruits were the only sweets I ate.

A great sense of achievement for me is work, so being sick worries me that I will not start as soon as I would like to. Some treacherous thoughts surfaced when I was going AWOL (delaying important things), but they went away as soon as I got to doing them.

I used to do back exercises before but have stopped that for now. I’m going to see my GP soon.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Last days i completed my daily errands, but sleeping was rough. Contacted my teacher and am due to resume my lessons.

God bless you all for trying to man up and make this place a better world.

Edited by Amphibian220

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/27/2019 at 12:58 PM, Amphibian220 said:

Exercise is boxing twice a week which is high intensity cardio workout plus working on the punching bag.

Diet varies, fast about twice a week and eat as little sugar as I can. For a time, fruits were the only sweets I ate.

A great sense of achievement for me is work, so being sick worries me that I will not start as soon as I would like to. Some treacherous thoughts surfaced when I was going AWOL (delaying important things), but they went away as soon as I got to doing them.

I used to do back exercises before but have stopped that for now. I’m going to see my GP soon.

I tried boxing and enjoyed it. It's just expensive and very time consuming at the place I was training. I also didn't really want to do the expensive classes with 50 people in a room, so mine was at like an old gym where people just trained on their own. I've converted to a mostly plant based diet. I think I enjoy it more than when I ate meat. Meat is starting to gross me out a bit for some reason. 

I also take pride in working hard. I know how you feel. If you take a day off or something you feel like the world is going to end and it becomes an anxious period. I think once you start doing other activities outside of work that aren't video games and develop new hobbies you might be more easy on yourself and be less stressed. My diary doesn't sound like I'm less stressed, but I'm way less stressed than I was in October of 2018 lol. 

Happy New Year

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When i was feeling better I sparred and took heavy hits in a number of matches. I felt good after even if I lost because going through something lika that proves to you that you can. It you cannot attend a group, then try shadow boxing, you just imagine an opponent and try different combinations. I do that at home sometimes.

 diary helps me to update and correct my long term goals too and to prioritize correctly.

All the best to you in making a real improvement this year and scoring many small victories each and every day.

Edited by Amphibian220

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Over the last three days I carried out minimal exercise because I was feeling unwell, got my doctor’s appointment arranged, spent some time cleaning the house.

Could not really do my assignment because of inability to focus, but at least I completed 50 per cent of it. 

Reading: completed about 20 pages of the book I am reading 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Electro nugget,

thanks.

From reading Cam Adairs posts, gaming may not be the core problem with many people. Gaming may be an escape from an underlying problem. So to truly recover, as you are leaving games you have to confront threats and weak areas. You have to keep scoring victories, managing conflicts etc. 

Its all the same to me, whether it is partying, alcohol, games or movies. Its indicative that a person does not want to be a man.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Change of tactics

I appreciate the work that was put into this by Cam and his team. I will donate an amount for this cause.

but, I will donate an amount each time I feel i broke any important rule of mine (any time wasting, not confronting important issues)

Hopefully I will not lose a lot of money.

Edited by Amphibian220

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Update

Ok, I feel that I am not abstaining from games or internet at all (although I spend about an hour on this forum each day). I feel I recovered from this some time ago (dont know when).

I never have cravings to waste time. I usually just fill my day with cleaning, doing some mundane work. My issue is different.

Throughout my career, I have a history of worrying and being emotionally withdrawn and absent minded. I was also suffering from some chronic conditions like bad back, irritable bowel and tiredness.

When I married, my spouse supported me to get back on track, but the health issues just remained chronic. Eventually, I was laid off work and couldn’t find a new job, was forced to rely on my parents’ support. Gradually, my spouse became irritable that my mental/ physical health wasn’t recovering and started filling my day with her requests. Relations got worse.

I have been unemployed for over two years now. My health just got worse because of an untimely injury to the neck (playing a sport) and then constantly falling morale. 

I want to fill my day with useful tasks, BUT I really need to fix my health and then a job because without these two I will start taking more hits.

PS: what is this strange thing. Why was I ever worrying and having some bad expectations that materialized? I admire guys that don’t give a shit, its like diseases and failures are afraid of them

Edited by Amphibian220

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Amphibian. Don't feel pressured to answer this if you don't want to, but what do you think is making you feel the most anxious/worried right now and why? One of the things I learned last year, is that anxiety (maybe not so much worry) is like an evolutionary radar for threat detection and prioritizing the most important things. Because of that, the only true way to get over anxiety is by facing it. Perhaps there's something small you can do that would help you to tackle that anxiety?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

DaBest

Right now is the health issue. I was working over the summer and then a neck injury out of nowhere- took two months to recover. Now some other problems surfaced- the only thing I can do is treat them. This (actions directed at therapy) tempers the worrying in me.

The irritation is also based on that I go through therapy and then a year later I am not fully recovered. from time to time I think “ Will I destroy this tiredness, bad back ?” 

I need to change this poor execution this time around. Doctors cant heal you if you dont put the work in healing yourself.

On anxiety, I learnt the same with experience mate. Face the bugger and confront him. I have done some confronting recently and felt better.

 

Edited by Amphibian220
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey

you can do @name to mention dabest like you tried to in your previous post. So I’d be @Erik2.0

sorry about your neck and back. I tried to strengthen mine as I got injuries to those too from sports and a car accident. I find anything that builds muscle there to be helpful

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am in a hospital to have my health checked, which got me asking myself what sort of unhealthy way of life led me to have these systemic issues.

I will try to post certain cues that can help me in recovering properly:

I spent a lot of time in my youth passively which impacted mental state. I also got back problems from not exercising.

Step I:

I should find a job asap to become self-sufficient and improve the relationship with my family. 

Enquire with my friends if they have a job that is in my practice area.

Step II

I should do more back exercises (triple the number of repetitions) and join a swimming pool group, when I sign out from the hospital.

Step III

Maintain fasting, but try eating other types of food to see if my stomach feels better. Become vocal about important issues. Confront situations/parents about issues to see if my irritable bowel passes in long term. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Careful not to burn yourself out. I recognize a lot of the things you've said in your posts above as ideas I've had as well and they led me down a pretty dark path for most of 2019. I was always beating myself up for being "tired" and "wasting time" and pushing myself to fill every empty moment with reading, cleaning, working out, etc. I didn't realize, though, that what I really needed was a BREAK. We have a limited well of energy to draw from every day and trying to be "on" at all times might be too much. I still haven't solved my problem but it's gotten a little better. I'm still tired for most of the day despite getting 8-10 hours of sleep some days, eating pretty healthy, and exercising. I'm not sure what the solution is but I keep searching. Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I actually disagree on this one. I constantly challenged myself. And sure sometimes it will be tough. But in order to go somewhere, you have to challenge yourself. It is never easy and you will never be motivated to do so. So sometimes, it is important to go too far. The whole idea of working out in the gym is literally to go too far. Otherwise, your muscles will not grow. Most importantly, it is about leaving your comfort zone. But of course, at some point you should also make sure to have a enough sleep and eat healthy. I don't know exactely, why I am not that tired like many people are. But every since I eat literally no sugar whatsoever, exercise and wake up early quite regularly, I feel fine. The trick with sleep is often to go to bed way to late. Just being in bed before midnight works wonders. It's a complete gamechanger. 

Regarding breaks I only say this: Most of us never really worked. I for myself feel that I never had done anything really in 27 years. And I look at the people in my university and I see them complaining about things and that things are too hard. Well if you would have waked up earlier constantly and worked your ass of over the christmas break, you would also feel fine.

 

Again, overall life balance is important. But keep pushing yourself out of the comfort zone!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
34 minutes ago, Alexanderle said:

I actually disagree on this one. I constantly challenged myself. And sure sometimes it will be tough. But in order to go somewhere, you have to challenge yourself. It is never easy and you will never be motivated to do so. So sometimes, it is important to go too far. The whole idea of working out in the gym is literally to go too far. Otherwise, your muscles will not grow. Most importantly, it is about leaving your comfort zone. But of course, at some point you should also make sure to have a enough sleep and eat healthy. I don't know exactely, why I am not that tired like many people are. But every since I eat literally no sugar whatsoever, exercise and wake up early quite regularly, I feel fine. The trick with sleep is often to go to bed way to late. Just being in bed before midnight works wonders. It's a complete gamechanger. 

Regarding breaks I only say this: Most of us never really worked. I for myself feel that I never had done anything really in 27 years. And I look at the people in my university and I see them complaining about things and that things are too hard. Well if you would have waked up earlier constantly and worked your ass of over the christmas break, you would also feel fine.

 

Again, overall life balance is important. But keep pushing yourself out of the comfort zone!!!

Its interesting - You have to track your diet, working conditions, housing conditions, daily activity, interactions with people and emotions on a daily basis to get on the trail of the culprit. If you still can’t detect it, try a new activity or meet new people.

One thing I’m homing in on is that I am very particular about the way my food has to be etc. I pay too much attention to secondary things and I dont know how to teach myself with regard to this.

I will put more detail in my daily diary. When I powered down (out of work, not communicating), things got easier but they remained sort of bad and the worrying didn’t go away.

Some stressors do the opposite of harm, they make you antifragile. The more you get hit with something , the more robust you become.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...