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Shelly88

Hi, new here and looking for help/advice

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Hi everyone, I have spent the past couple of days browsing this forum trying to get things figured out.  Was having issues registering so am hoping this post goes through ok.  

A couple years ago, some personal life stressors reared their ugly head and I started using gaming as an escape.  A bit of background, I have always gamed on and off since the days of Atari (showing my age here;)).  It was sporadic and just for fun, but I was always drawn to arpg’s for the most part.   I was a console user until about three years ago.  I then dabbled on and off on d3, but started using it more when my now teen daughter started having suicidal ideations/cutting issues.  Since then, more life stressors are just piling on with my husband hating his job and we barely speak.  My cat has a very very rare blood disease and requires chemo every third day.  I then began playing an additional online arpg’s, and have noticed that I am spending 6-8 hours a day on these games,  more time when there is a new league/expansion/season start.  It feels like this is the only time I can escape my anxious thoughts.

Three days ago something broke inside me, or awakened, and I uninstalled one game.  I started my artwork again, which I had abandoned after having my daughter and have been working on a website for my work.  I think I was looking for games to fill a sense of purpose, as well as being a social outlet and filling my head with things other than anxious/depressed thoughts. But I am still feeling anxious, nauseous, my stomach is in knots.  I still feel like I can’t deal with things in real life in a meaningful way and want so badly to go back to my happy escape gaming place.  But the gaming place was also starting to take a toll for various reasons -physically, mentally, socially. I made good friends there and don’t want to give them up but feel like that is the one main thing we had in common.  I am feeling really alone and isolated.  

 

I have have thought about trying therapy but my husband is afraid of losing his job (his company keeps laying people off) so we have been watching our money very tightly and I am anxious about adding another expense to our budget.  I am not sure what the next steps are I should take.   It would just be nice to know I am not alone in this.  Any advice, suggestions are fully welcomed.

regards,

shelly

Edited by Shelly88
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Welcome, I am also new here. I know what you mean with the sense of purpose. Games can really give you that feeling of accomplishing something. I mean, the developers basically design it that way. Right now, I am really focusing on my studies and work my butt of. When I go to discord, which I do rarely and see all those people playing for 5 hours straight, it really is a slap in my face, considering that I used to do that as well. Now, when I see, how much work I have to do, despite all the additional effort, no wonder I failed so far. All this time was soaked up by these silly games. But it is also hart to give up on my online friends, because it was always a good time, I had wih them. I am not ready yet to do so and quit forever. I recommend to really focus on a real life goal to fill the gap of gaming. For me it is self improvement in basically every area (diet, work ethic and social life (thats the hardest one). I just don´t miss anything, because it is so exciting and completely requires my full attention. 

And since it was also recommended to me to start writing a journal, I think you should do the same. But you are absolutely not alone with your struggles. 

Greets

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Not alone you got this Shelly, one day at a time! The journal section here has been a big help for me. Though I also have a paper journal, I like attracting an element of social scrutiny to keep me honest :)

If you can make that therapy happen do it especially with the stomach knots etc. While a friend can help talk you through things a therapist can also do that while helping discover what all is suppressed along with goals & plans moving forward. Not that they all are that awesome. In my experience I got what I paid for. Lot of stress going on for sure sorry to hear. Lot of crafty ways out there to cut back stress, welcome to GQ!

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