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TheNewMe2.0's Journal - A Better Life


TheNewMe2.0

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9 hours ago, TheNewMe2.0 said:

Positive: I get a half day today

So it's nice to get a half day. Although today's a weird day because I'm taking my clients mom to the hospital for her carpeltunel surgery. That'll be interesting. Hopefully no fireworks go off. My client is a real handful and you kind of can't take him anywhere without him doing something that pisses people off. Like we went hiking and he started beating a metal sign with a stick and almost hit me with the stick too then refused to leave unless I played tic tac toe with him which I didn't want to do so I refused. And he tells people what change to give him back when he buys things from them. My main concern is he'll talk at the laptop while we watch it in the waiting room together and disturb other people at the hospital. Yeah that's probably going to happen and I don't think I can make him stop. He won't stop when I tell him to he just keeps talking at the TV while it runs. Maybe I could tell him we're not watching unless he's quietly watching.

I smiled at the day

I accomplished fixing the fire alarm

I am grateful for the day, fire alarm, new battery, mom, ttt, fireworks, people, car, cold weather, calm,

God bless

 

Unfortunately we all have to work with difficult people sometimes, there isn't a lot we can do about it besides having patience.

Just hold on strong and don't let people 'get inside of your head'.

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@dasvira Thanks. I'm trying to only think positive thoughts about other people. Even if they don't always make that easy. I'll do my best not to think about them anymore than I have to in order to get by at work.

Positive: still trucking

With the new job I got that isn't giving me any hours so far, looking for new jobs and getting a new supervisor who I don't think I'm going to like. I've been really anxious and overwhelmed lately. So much so that I just feel like kind of dead and anxious all the time. It's really exhausting. My mom tried to give me a pep talk I guess and said to be tough and get through it until a new job appears. The job I already got was looking so good as I'm getting plenty of supervision hours, but now I'm not getting any client hours because I'm supposed to attract clients with my psych profile. And no one has responded to it yet. So I'm not exactly inspired by this job to think it's going to pan out and grant me any hours at all really. It'll probably just crash and burn from what I can tell so far. Yeah that's too bad. Anyways I have a few people contacting me about interviews so maybe I'll get a new job that'll give me hours.

I smiled at power strip

I accomplished yoga

I am grateful for power strip, yoga, charger, tv, roku, remotes, lamp, bible, ramen, don buri,

God bless

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10 hours ago, TheNewMe2.0 said:

@dasvira Thanks. I'm trying to only think positive thoughts about other people. Even if they don't always make that easy. I'll do my best not to think about them anymore than I have to in order to get by at work.

...

Keep on with the positive thinking! We can't know what is going on inside anyone else head, but our own. It is easier saying than doing, but the least we can do is try to be understanding and patient.

Most of the times you won't be able to help and show the the mistakes of your clients and coworkers. Actually, even comenting about it with them rarely ends well. You should do your best to remain calm and tolerant.

Avoid having fantasies that there will be any work in which you will not have any kind of problem with anyone. I know it is not the answer you want to hear, but (in my limited experience) most of the time it is wiser to just "suck it up".

Bellow is a passage of Marcus Aurelius that I find helpful when dealing with "difficult people":

"[1] (1) Say to yourself first thing in the morning: I shall meet with people who are meddling, ungrateful, violent, treacherous, envious, and unsociable. (2) They are subject to these faults because of their ignorance of what is good and bad. (3) But I have recognized the nature of the good and seen that it is the right, and the nature of the bad and seen that it is the wrong, and the nature of the wrongdoer himself, and seen that he is related to me, not because he has the same blood or seed, but because he shares in the same mind and portion of divinity. So I cannot be harmed by any of them, as no one will involve me in what is wrong. Nor can I be angry with my relative or hate him. (4) We were born for cooperation, like feet, like hands, like eyelids, like the rows of upper and lower teeth. (5) So to work against each other is contrary to nature; and resentment and rejection count as working against someone."

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@dasvira That was very wise of Marcus. Nice quote. Thanks for the good advice. It really isn't going to ever be a perfect no difficulties day at work and that's okay. I'll just keep doing my best to cooperate and get by with everyone in my life. Things have gotten a little better with the client.

Positive: I have a big jacket

Well. It's cold, but I have this big jacket. It's so big and warm that I'm apprehensive about wearing it because I might get too warm. Oh well. Anyways. My cravings have been kind of bad lately. I was fantasizing about calling a friend I used to do weed and games with and seeing if he'll play D2 with me. Not a good thought to have. I think it's partly due to my 1 year coming up. Maybe I'm getting nervous about it coming. Oh well, I'll do my best to endure. My mom okayed my idea to buy a bigger tv on black friday. So it looks like I'm going to be getting a 70" Vizio through walmarts website. This is going to be pretty nuts. I hope it's an improvement and I'm able to keep it without any issues. As long as it's an improvement I'll keep it and not return it. I'd always prefer to keep and use a thing than to return it. Well, this will be the biggest tv I've ever owned. It'll be pretty cool to watch my shows on there. I was pretty happy with my 40" and was ready to just continue on with that. But since my mom gave me the green light I guess I'm gonna give the 70" a shot. Maybe it'll be easier to read the subtitles on it.

I smiled at my big future tv

I accomplished texting sup

I am grateful for big future tv, jacket, sup, texting, cold, warm, black friday, walmart, 500$ tv, improvement, metamucil, generic metamucil

God bless

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Positive: Weekend, yay.

Phew. Made it through another week with a brutal ending. I got into my office for supervision and my boss was a total jerk to me followed by my new supervisor being a jerk too. It was a pretty crappy hour of my life and afterwards I just felt intense hatred for my boss and supervisor. It wasn't a good feeling. Then it extended to my mom and I was hating her too and wishing for those mean people to die and thinking about killing them. Yep, pretty normal night for someone who has to deal with this sort of abuse. I have a job interview Tuesday. I was thinking maybe I'll get the job and start next week. Quitting this week and skipping supervision would be so wonderful. Ah. A guy can dream. I don't even know if they'll be able to transfer my clients over. Maybe. Hopefully. They said they can do supervision for me so that's good. And the interviewer Kay seemed pretty nice. Well, nice enough anyways.

I smiled at the weekend

I accomplished eating yogurt

I am grateful for weekend, yogurt, kay, dreams, new job, quit job, good feeling, mom, surviving abuse, nice people,

God bless

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Positive: 2nd day off in a row.

Yeah. It feels good to get two days off in a row. I could feel my anxiety yesterday telling me I had to go back to work after just one day off. But then I was like, no I get Sunday off too because I started working a little less. Go me. I'm still getting 24-30 hours a week so it's not so bad. For therapists that's pretty normal hours more than that is like burning yourself out from what my boss says. I feel better getting two days off though. I really hope I get a job soon. I want to quit and stop having to deal with my mean management at my current job. It's been pretty rough lately dealing with them getting on my case everytime I have to interact with them. I'm planning on working out, walking, journaling, reading a book on Japanese customs that's pretty interesting, and of course watching a bunch of tv. My mom's going to be out most of the day working and visiting friends. So I'm gonna pretty much have a whole day by myself at the manor. I suppose I could try to hang out with my co worker and get lunch or something. But I've kind of had cold feet on doing so for some reason. Maybe I just feel like I want to get a new job before I see her so I'm not in such a bad place mentally. I dunno maybe it'd be good to go see her anyways just to hang out. I could go to costco to get milk and gas. Hm. Maybe I'll go do that before I get started on the tv. I don't think there's anything else we need. Maybe bananas. People coming to our garage sale were interested in my Flash doll but it's not for sale. Good to know I'm not the only one who likes this thing.

I smiled at flash doll

I accomplished eating yogurt

I am grateful for probiotics, flash doll, yogurt, rug we're keeping, yay warm feet on rug, hardwood floor, chairs, caning, jacket and long sleeve t shirt.

God bless

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24-30 hours work week seems great!

IMO many people just work compulsively (and others are forced long workdays by theirs employees). It is much, much better to work less, live more simply and be able to live life at a slower tempo than work like a ass but have no free time and be stressed all the time.

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@dasvira Yeah working less is good for me. 25 hours a week is considered full time for a therapist though.

Positive: 3 days off this week

I'm taking thursday off for xgiving so this week will be three days off because I'm not rescheduling on saturday. If the client wants to do friday evening we can but he never wants to reschedule and just cancels dead so whatever less hours for me this week. But at least I get an extra day off. I got my interview tomorrow. I hope it goes well. I'll try to remember to wear a dress shirt and my khakis. I gained too much weight to wear my slacks. I need to get bigger pants sometime if I ever have to wear formal clothes again for work that is. I'm almost through season six of the flash. It's about the same watching it through the second time. Hopefully I can keep going. If I can't I don't have much else I can do with my time due to my disorders.

I smiled at progress

I accomplished getting up

I am grateful for progress, waking, xgiving, thursday, saturday, client, slacks, jacket, flash, day off, interview

God bless

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Positive: I get to keep my rug.

Hooray. My giant blue and white rug is staying. Halleluja. It will help keep my feet warm for many a day to come. My mom had a potential buyer but they decided they didn't want it I think they said it was too dirty. Oh well, now I get to keep it. Mhm. I enjoy this rug, it's not only warm, but looks nice too. Now I've just got to put my 40" tv back on it. I'm planning to attempt to buy a 70" vizio tv on black friday sale at walmart. It's 478$ and it's UHD HDR 4k 2160p. So that's a major upgrade on my 1080p 40" vizio I have now. I decided not to go with a Samsung because I had several samsung phones and ended up not liking the company after a while. So I don't really want stuff from them even if it is the best reviewed in the tv world. There are OLED tv's now which are better looking as long as there's not too much sunlight in the room. But they're like 3-4x as much money. A 65" OLED vizio is 1500$. So I'm just sticking with the upgrade I can afford here. Plus they don't do well in sunlight so no daytime watching will be disturbed on weekends. Meh.

Gotta job interview today. Wish me luck. The company has 18 reviews at 4.1 stars average. Which is a really good rating for indeed. Most companies I see are 3 stars. The lady seemed nice on the phone, I hope I do well at the interview. I'll do my best and try to remember to print out and bring resume/references.

I masturbated again last night. Darn it. I think I was under the impression that quitting would be easy so when things get difficult I caved. So I'm going to try to be serious about enduring the discomfort of nofap. That means being okay with just laying there in bed with a boner for like 8 hours with sex on the brain and nofapping. That's pretty much what I've got to do to continue with it. Maybe I could try opening a journal on their website. But I kind of don't have time for two journals. I barely make time for this one.

I smiled at my rug

I accomplished cleaning dishes

I am grateful for rug, dishes, soap, glass tupperware, end table, lamp, bible, string, writing utensils, stand, tv

God bless

CC40BE8B-60B7-4D85-B3A6-B4A2EC68E7DC.jpeg

Edited by TheNewMe2.0
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Positive: New job interview today

So it's sort of a not so great situation with finding a new job because I'm going to probably have to quit within 1-2 years. That's because I'm slowly gaining hours at my side job which I will hopefully eventually turn into a full time job. I guess that's fine and getting a new job is appropriate regardless. I hope this interview today goes well and it's a good fit etc.

I smiled at quitting games

I accomplished eating old spinach gross

I am grateful for GQ, spinach, fresh food, saving money, eating lunch from home, not spending money on pizza, side job, new job, interview and indeed.

God bless

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@Lampshade Thanks so much. I do enjoy this rug a lot. I never knew I could like a rug before this. I've been watching tv with no rug just hardwood floors and didn't know until my mom put this rug in that it's awesome to have a rug around. Keeps my feet warm and looks great. Good luck in your rug search I hope you find a good one.

Positive: 3 days off yeah.

Wonderful awesome stupendous. Three days off this week. I'm gonna watch so much tv, eat food and pie. My mom got this double crust apple pie from costco for xgiving. I'm pretty excited to eat a lot of food and pie then go home and watch tv. Speaking of tv. The black friday sale went off and my card got declined because my bank thought that a tv was too big and random a purchase to approve. So I failed to buy a tv in the literally 1-2 minutes that the tv was in stock on walmarts site before it sold out. However, it said in 30 minutes they'd have more in stock which was weird but I waited anyways. 30 minutes came and no new tv's came up forp purchase. So I messed around on my laptop, prayed to get the tv. And by a stroke of luck happened to notice that the tv's came back in stock 33 minutes into the timer. It said only 3 left so I clicked as fast as I could to try to buy the tv not even noticing that it set my address to a walmart that's like 10 minutes from me instead of setting to my home like I wanted. Good news is it went through and I Got the tv. Bad news is I'm gonna have to pick it up from a Walmart near me. So all in all not too bad. I was lucky and feel my prayer got answered in buying the tv. I'll go pick it up on wednesday. It's a 70" Vizio and it cost 478$ which is like 100$ or so cheaper than the average price for that kind of tv. Yay welcome to 4k UHD HDR. A major upgrade from my 1080p tv.

Anyways. I'm still looking for a job. The search is going okay. I have a lot of interviews piling up but no good leads so far. Just two interviews where I didn't like what they had to offer. All youth and no adults. Not good energy. Bad company reviews on indeed etc etc. I'm praying that I will get a good job where I feel good with the energy and get hours towards licensure. I had one lead on a client but they haven't gotten their paperwork in or scheduled so maybe they went with someone else I don't know. Yeah that side job isn't looking too good with the whole, zero clients situation I've got going on there. I don't know if it's going to pan out. Hopefully a new job does though.

I smiled at rug

I accomplished filling water bottle

I am grateful for rug, water bottle, water, brita filter, brita jug orange one, white brita, GQ, still trying to nofap even though I'm not doing well at it lately, girls and god.

God bless

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Positive: I'm 1 year free of video games.

Yes that's right. I have not played games for a year now. It's pretty amazing. I don't have much time so maybe tomorrow I'll put up a post where I tag everyone and say, happy 1 year celebration everyone. It's a party. We did it. We made it to one year. That's a huge accomplishment. I never thought I'd make it this far. Whatever I'll just make it this post I have 4 minutes left. Big thanks and shout out to everyone who has helped me on my path to gaming sobriety on here : @Cam Adair @Marek @Icandothis @BooksandTrees @Phoenixking @chiliflavor @ceponatia @Laurie @Lampshade@DaBest @Bird By Bird @Pochatok@dasvira and everyone else I forgot to mention. Thank you all so much for being here for me. Reading your posts and comments has helped give me strength to keep game quitting. And thanks to Cam for creating this site that helped me get clean and stay that way for the first time in 31 years. Thank God I've made it this far. The longest streak I've ever had in my life. I couldn't have done it without GQ and everyone here on the forums cheering me on. I hope many more years are to come.

Speaking of streaks I'm on day two of not masturbating. I feel surprisingly good about it considering I'm no where near the 6 month mark that I was at before. Yeah I kind of just fell off the wagon one day. Oh well, hopefully I'll make it to a year like I did with game quitting. God willing.

So I've had two interviews and didn't get good vibes from either one so far. Hopefully I get good vibes and a good deal at one of my upcoming interviews. Fingers crossed. My mom of course didn't care that I got bad vibes because one of them was a good deal so she said go for it anyways. I kind of disagree. We'll see what happens. Hopefully I get some tv time this weekend. It'll be my last weekend with my 40" tv as next week I'll be picking up my new 70" tv. Hooray. My mom also graciously paid for it which was awesome. Big smiles.

I smiled at tv

I accomplished going to work

I am grateful for everyone on GQ, 1 year, tv, work, new jobs, interviews, 70", 40", turkey sandwich, lunch.

God bless

Edited by TheNewMe2.0
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@Lampshade Thank you very much. I'm glad I made it this far.

@Pochatok Thank you. I will do my best to enjoy it.

Positive: Well. It's my first days after the 1 year mark.

Gonna try to live it up in my game free paradise I've made for myself. I plan to exercise, clean and meditate today. But I'm also trying to watch tv and once I get going with the tv it's kind of hard to stop. So I think I'll just set a timer for four pm and try to do all that stuff then. I'm kind of happily amazed at how I'm still so into watching the flash even though it's my second time through. My client went through it like 5 times or more. He was my original inspiration to re watch shows. I'm happy and excited about getting to a year. I feel like I'm doing good. I still think about games/gaming sometimes, but I know this life free of games is better for me. So i'll keep trying to stay game free with y'all. Maybe gonna buy some pants today from goodwill. Gosh I'm such a like tv bum. I just want to lethargically sit around and stream all day. Oh well. I'll get some stuff done too.

We had a party last night. It was okay. I didn't really get along with anyone there aside form my mom. So I'm kind of just glad it's over with and my house is quiet again. I think I'm really introverted because I like it quiet all the time. I don't even like music.

I smiled at introverts

I accomplished eating avocado

I am grateful for introverts, introvertedness, avocado, eggs, turkey bacon, toast, cheese, water, yogurt, sugar free stuff,

God bless

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On 11/27/2020 at 10:17 AM, TheNewMe2.0 said:

Positive: I'm 1 year free of video games.

Yes that's right. I have not played games for a year now. It's pretty amazing. I don't have much time so maybe tomorrow I'll put up a post where I tag everyone and say, happy 1 year celebration everyone. It's a party. We did it. We made it to one year. That's a huge accomplishment. I never thought I'd make it this far. Whatever I'll just make it this post I have 4 minutes left. Big thanks and shout out to everyone who has helped me on my path to gaming sobriety on here : @Cam Adair @Marek @Icandothis @BooksandTrees @Phoenixking @chiliflavor @ceponatia @Laurie @Lampshade@DaBest @Bird By Bird @Pochatok@dasvira and everyone else I forgot to mention. Thank you all so much for being here for me. Reading your posts and comments has helped give me strength to keep game quitting. And thanks to Cam for creating this site that helped me get clean and stay that way for the first time in 31 years. Thank God I've made it this far. The longest streak I've ever had in my life. I couldn't have done it without GQ and everyone here on the forums cheering me on. I hope many more years are to come.

Speaking of streaks I'm on day two of not masturbating. I feel surprisingly good about it considering I'm no where near the 6 month mark that I was at before. Yeah I kind of just fell off the wagon one day. Oh well, hopefully I'll make it to a year like I did with game quitting. God willing.

So I've had two interviews and didn't get good vibes from either one so far. Hopefully I get good vibes and a good deal at one of my upcoming interviews. Fingers crossed. My mom of course didn't care that I got bad vibes because one of them was a good deal so she said go for it anyways. I kind of disagree. We'll see what happens. Hopefully I get some tv time this weekend. It'll be my last weekend with my 40" tv as next week I'll be picking up my new 70" tv. Hooray. My mom also graciously paid for it which was awesome. Big smiles.

I smiled at tv

I accomplished going to work

I am grateful for everyone on GQ, 1 year, tv, work, new jobs, interviews, 70", 40", turkey sandwich, lunch.

God bless

Congrats on reaching the 1 year milestone. I'm happy that you have made it to this point and feel good about it. We might not ever have the perfect life, but I don't think there is such thing as perfection in humanity. There's a reason we're constantly evolving, inventing things, and changing. We just gotta stay strong and remain honest with that fact. Keep up the good work. You're definitely in a much better place now than you were last year. Even if you read your original posts you can see a vast difference in behavior.

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@BooksandTreesThanks. You're right about life never being perfect. There are a ton of things that I'd like to have God fix in my life, but for whatever reason those things are just going to remain as they are. I can't do anymore for them than I have already. Maybe in the afterlife all those problems will be solved. Till then I'll just keep working with life as it is the best I can. That's all we can do is our best to get through each day. I feel like I'm more settled into my life than I was in my earlier posts. I'm kind of just doing the same things now and not spending all my time searching and wondering what to do.

Positive: Fireplace is warm

It's always cold in the mornings. But my fireplace is warm. We run that instead of the heater because it supposedly save energy. I don't know if it does or not. But it's nice to have the fireplace on. At least there's a little bit of warmth happening in my freezing cold living room. My mom went to church today. I wonder if she'll enjoy it. Maybe. I can't go though. Church makes me stressed. So none for me...probably forever. Uhm. I'm feeling pretty dead this weekend. Not having good thoughts last night. Feeling pretty dark. I think I'm doing a bit better today though. Managed to workout yesterday and I'm looking to do the same schedule today. Workout, meditate, clean. Journaled yesterday, that was good too. Just waiting to see if my new tv works out. I really hope it's not too low as I'm lowering the height because a CNET article said lower was better. I've got the stand and the living room ready to receive my new tv. We shall see how it goes. Also I've got my first outpatient client wednesday so we'll see how that goes too. Hopefully all goes well. Interview monday for a substance abuse counselor position. I wonder if I could thrive at that job. I wonder if they get a lot of cancellations. As I finish season six I'm looking forward to season seven when it comes out in January. Well it starts filming then anyways, we'll see when it's released. I hope stargirl keeps filming too I don't know when that's set for.

We got a christmas tree. So that's nice. I like doing festive things. Although parties and social events are kind of draining for me. It's still nice to do something for the holidays.

I smiled at Sunday

I accomplished warming up

I am grateful for Sunday, warmth, shift key, 1 year, people, GQ, plants, mom, me, blanket, end table

God bless

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@DaBest THanks man. I have done well with some things. I'll keep trying

@BooksandTrees Sure I can lookout but nothings gonna fix my tv disorder or my acne probably.

Positive: job interviews are still coming in

I got another interview today but it was not enough money. That's fine. I'm still glad I'm getting more inquiries. I haven't even applied for a while either.

I smiled at my socks

I accomplished calling back a job

I am grateful for socks, job, interviews, hope, chances at a better future, new tv, mom, living room, fireplace and binder

God bless

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18 minutes ago, TheNewMe2.0 said:

@DaBest THanks man. I have done well with some things. I'll keep trying

@BooksandTrees Sure I can lookout but nothings gonna fix my tv disorder or my acne probably.

Positive: job interviews are still coming in

I got another interview today but it was not enough money. That's fine. I'm still glad I'm getting more inquiries. I haven't even applied for a while either.

I smiled at my socks

I accomplished calling back a job

I am grateful for socks, job, interviews, hope, chances at a better future, new tv, mom, living room, fireplace and binder

God bless

You never know. Dermatologists could find something, it might just take time. And maybe you will find something to replace tv like you replaced video games. Like books or something. 

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Something that works really well for my acne is a combination of a sulphur soap every day a + mud mascara (I use a local brazilian vulcanic mascara that is similar in composition to the USA bentonite one) twice a week. The evidence for both of those is kind of anecdotal (there aren't many studies about it), but many people (including me) swear they worked better than traditional first therapies against acne (like topic retinoids and benzoyl peroxides). They are also much cheaper!

Edited by dasvira
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@BooksandTrees Yeah God could use his powers to miraculously cure me but it's probably not gonna hap\pen

@dasvira i see sulphur soap and mud mascara

Positive: rugs still good

Yep, gotta love my rug. It's still good. KEeping my feet warm and eyes please with it's rugged beauty. Pun intended. Looks like I'm gonna be working more in the days to come. Mom's on my case to get more hours in at my job. Yeah. She somehow knows how much I'm working without asking. I guess she does see me at home when I'm not working. I just gotta get a new intensive in home job so I can transfer my clients over with me. It'll take some explaining to the old clients about what's going on but it'll probably work.

I smiled at my phone

I accomplished charging the phone charger

I am grateful for phone, charger, portable battery, car, cables, sun, sky, clouds, trees, grass, birds

God bless

 

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Positive: I still have a place to live

So today I found out that my sister pays the mortgage on the house me and my mom live in. That's not such a good thing to learn because I cut her off for continually flaming me over text every time I unblock her. Something's wrong with her where she just flames me over text every time she gets upset over something which is often. I kind of hope she doesn't come to visit for xmas but I think she's gonna visit eventually and it's gonna suck. Sighs. I had to give my sis access to my Netflix acct to contribute to the household'. Otherwise my mom was threatening to kick me out and take away the things she pays for me. Blegh. Life is difficult.

Oh I got a new job. It pays the same and I'll only be working 25-30 hours a week. So it's kind of like. Uhm. I'm gonna be broke for a long time until I'm licensed then I'll be less broke but still not making that much money. This is the crappy income life of a therapist. Maybe I could've been a computer engineer. Ugh. I dunno how the new job will go. I didn't get the best vibe from them but maybe I can make it work. We'll see if they actually give me hours and hopefully the paperwork isn't too grueling.

I took a new med and it made me feel like I could moderate gaming. Which is probably not true. It's just an incorrect feeling. In the 31 years I gamed I would say it was apparent that once I gamed I was in an intense obsessive addiction to the game. There was no healthy moderating happening.

I smiled at GQ

I accomplished getting a job

I am grateful for GQ, Job, hours, sister ugh, netflix, mona wu, abstinence from games, nofap, sweatpants, and socks.

God bless

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