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James Good

James's 30-day confidence journal

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Yo.

A lot of you will have seen me wondering around the forums, working on GQ, running our podcasts (Gaming the System and Life Unlocked) and whatever else.

I moved to Thailand a couple months ago to work on Game Quitters with Cam and things have been going great. However, recently I've been feeling out of touch with myself. 

It's hard to explain. But it's basically a mix of impostor syndrome, low self-confidence, and a lack of determination.

In the past I would have labelled myself as depressed and just accepted that things are going to get better. But I'm not going to do that this time.

I want to work on what I feel is my biggest flaw.

My main focus for creating this journal is to work on my confidence.

My whole life I was the quiet kid in school. I was afraid to speak up and I never complain. Literally every teacher's report said "James should show more confidence in class".

Playing video games non-stop may not have been the best solution for that 🤣

But here we are. I'm 24, I'm a freelance marketer that can travel the world, and now isn't the time for me to fall back into my shell.

I have exactly 30 days until I leave Thailand for Vietnam to reset my VISA.

In this time I'm going to make it my mission to approach one girl every single day.

I've never really had an issue with girls, but I've always been in one relationship or another so I never had to go through the tedious dating stuff. I'm not unattractive and being a musician and photographer definitely makes girls more receptive to me, but I really suck at approaching.

I've approached one girl in the middle of the day once in my entire life, and that was 2 weeks ago.

Hence why I want to give it a go.

I downloaded Tinder but after getting way too many matches and not bothering to message any of them, I found I was just using it to build false confidence. It was definitely not good for my mental health.

As of today my Tinder account has been deleted permanently.

I've always preferred talking in real life anyway, so here we go.

I'm also going to be talking a little about my productivity for the day, any notable feelings and anything else that pops up. But they're secondary to the whole confidence thing.

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Thanks for reading, and I'll see you again tomorrow!

Peace.

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Hey I did it! (kinda)

As the day went on I kept telling myself "oh you can talk to a girl later there's plenty of time". However,  work got busy and before I knew it I was walking home at around 8pm without having completed my goal.

So, what did I do? 

I went to the 7/11 next to me, stood near the snacks and waited a few seconds for a girl to come. The conversation was a little rocky, mostly due to the language barrier, but I asked her which candy was best because I can't read Thai. She laughed and just shrugged and pointed to one, so i say "aroy" which means "delicious?" she just nods and then walks off.

*shrugs*

Regardless of the outcome, I did it. It was kinda nerve-wracking but whatever.

1/30 days complete.

Here's to another 29! 

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Day 2.

I'm writing this at 12pm the day after, and I'm struggling to remember what I did yesterday on account of having a painfully bad hangover. But I had a great night, so it wasn't all bad.

Celebrated Cam's girlfriend's birthday which was a blast and got to meet a bunch of new people. From there I headed to my favourite bar to chill, and it soon turned into a pretty full-on night, ending up in a crowded club full of good looking women.

 

I had a strange moment during my time at the club where I was almost getting too much attention from girls. It sounds crazy, or braggadocios, or whatever. But I went into a state of overload, which is the only way I can describe it.

In Thailand, eye contact is a huge deal. So when you look at a girl, if they keep their eyes fixed on yours for a longer time than normal it usually signals they're into you. So, when I'm standing in the club or walking through, almost every single girl is holding eye contact with me. 

I feel like I should enjoy it. I like being in the spotlight or getting attention, but in the moment it felt like too much. I used it to justify why I wasn't talking to women.

I thought to myself: 

"Hey, why would you talk to that girl when you can hold off and find someone really attractive."

However, after thinking about it a little, I realised how little it's worth thinking about. It's what I'd call a non-issue. 

It's one of the reasons I'm doing this 30 day challenge, to reduce my uncertainty and improve my confidence in making decisions. It doesn't matter if I talk to a girl who is kinda cute and nothing happens. I should talk to people for the sake of talking to people. To have fun and just treat them like a normal human being. Instead of always chasing that end-goal of taking them back home.

Regardless, I had a great night partying with Thai people and talked to a few girls here and there. Finished the day with 2 IG contacts, who are definitely interested in meeting up in the future. 

SO all in all I'd call it a success!

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Howdy doody day three!

Today I got asked by a friend of mine to edit some photos he took due to him being busy. For those that aren't aware I got into photography around 4 or 5 years ago, had my first pro gigs within 3 months, and then about 2 years ago put my camera down for good.

I'd lost interest in it.

I've taken the odd photo here and there in Thailand, but it's nothing compared to what I used to do.

However, editing these photos really inspired me to get back into it. So I packed my camera away into my bag, and planned to go out and take pictures of the city. Which I did!

You can see the photos I took here if you want, but the best thing was I felt like a different person with the camera.

I was easily able to approach girls or make small talk "can i take your picture?" "oh you're a natural, are you a model" blah blah blah. It was great.

The conversations didn't lead anywhere, but it made breaking the ice so much easier and acted as a softener for the entire conversation. It usually makes people laugh and it gets things off to a great start. Especially due to the crazy photography culture in Thailand.

So today was very much a success! Here's to tomorrow.

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14 hours ago, seriousjay said:

Damn James nice work! You'll be the talk of the country in no time. 😉

Haha let's hope so!

 

12 hours ago, CornishGameHen said:

Good work, James!  You seem like a warm and easy-going person!  I can sense that right away. Everything you're doing is great!  The use of a camera is a clever way to interact.  

Thank you! That means a lot 😄 I agree, the camera has been a game changer haha!

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Hey James! I've been thinking if you'd get back to journaling again. Not only that you did, but with an ingenious idea alongside it! Good luck!

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Knock at the door, day 4!

Once again, the camera did its work. Although I didn't actually need it today.

I've found myself being more receptive, friendly, and open to everyone I meet - especially women. I'm finally starting to see them for what they are. 

A human being.

You might say duh, of course they're just people. But how many of you, or those you know, have a girl talk to them (or vice versa) and instantly start trying to compliment them or get something out of them or see them in a different way.

Hey men, surprisingly women enjoy it when you're just normal. How did it take me so long in my life, with over half a dozen fairly long relationships and just as many short-term, to realise this. 

I barely even hesitate any more if I want to ask someone something, or try to make small talk with a girl.

Exposure therapy is damn powerful haha. Who'd have thought?!

 

Anyway, onto today.

I took a bunch more pictures out and about, I'm really loving the ability to express myself through a medium I'd forgotten about for a long time. To go with this, I also performed a gig at my local bar.

ALL THE CREATIVITY!

Unfortunately it was quiet, but it still gave me the opportunity to talk to some girls. Now that definitely didn't come as a surprise, that women like musicians. I think that's a thing in every country.

But, when it's a white guy in Thailand playing music who then gets out his camera to take photos? They loved it.

The conversation came easily, jokes flowed, and fun ensued. 

All the girls around the table I was at were taken, but whatever. It was fun to just chat with them. Language barriers always make things difficult, but you can get around it. 

 

I'm slowly starting to see myself transform, and it hasn't even been a week of this challenge, ad 8 weeks in Thailand.

Gahhhhhhh I'm so excited for the future.

Such an unprofessional way to sign off a post, but whatever. I feel like laughing out my balcony. It's so hard to explain.*

An entire life spent as the shy guy. The guy that never had any issues with women, but had all of the issues at the same time. I'm finally coming out of my shell, and the person I've become over these first 2 months travelling solo and being a digital nomad in Thailand have definitely changed my life.

I'm so, so grateful to everyone in my life right now. 

Peace.

 

*ELATION! That's the word I was looking for 😄 

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3 minutes ago, Ikar said:

Hey James! I've been thinking if you'd get back to journaling again. Not only that you did, but with an ingenious idea alongside it! Good luck!

Ha, yeah! I kinda neglected the other journal. Things got ahead of me and I didn't really have a reason to carry it on. Thanks for reading (and remembering)!

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5 hours ago, James Good said:

Knock at the door, day 4!

Once again, the camera did its work. Although I didn't actually need it today.

I've found myself being more receptive, friendly, and open to everyone I meet - especially women. I'm finally starting to see them for what they are. 

A human being.

You might say duh, of course they're just people. But how many of you, or those you know, have a girl talk to them (or vice versa) and instantly start trying to compliment them or get something out of them or see them in a different way.

Hey men, surprisingly women enjoy it when you're just normal. How did it take me so long in my life, with over half a dozen fairly long relationships and just as many short-term, to realise this.

Yep. It's the phenomenon of pedestalitis. In general, males who get even a hint of interest from a woman instantly do that and put themselves in the friend zone. That's right guys-you are putting yourselves in the friend zone, not the other way around!

Interestingly enough, my little sister helped me with this. Constant exposure to females seems to make it easier to see them as normal humans. I also happen to have quite a few female friends now as well. It all helps!

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Quick update to day 4, a couple hours after writing it I was editing the photos I took at the bar where I played music and ended up spending the night with a group of really friendly Thai people (and one Japanese)!

After I finished editing, I was enjoying the live music in the bar, when I heard them speak Japanese. So, as someone who spent some time learning Japanese and wants to visit next year, it was the perfect opportunity.

I just turned round and looked at them, and before I said anything one of the girls said "Hey, where are you from?"

Turns out that's all it takes to to make you stay up drinking until 3 AM with them on a whim 😄

I didn't get wasted, it was just fun to talk to them and have some fun conversation. One of them is an English language teacher, which made things 100x better as she was able to translate everything.

 

Great end to a great day!

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13 hours ago, awalkingcane said:

Damn @James Good, glad you are enjoying your trip! Its been a blast reading these and seeing your progress, so please dont forget us in all your new found fame :p! Just kidding, but i do hope you keep posting these dude!

Hahahaha thank you! I'll try not to 😉 Plan on keeping these going for the month, and then who knows what'll happen!

8 hours ago, seriousjay said:

Yep. It's the phenomenon of pedestalitis. In general, males who get even a hint of interest from a woman instantly do that and put themselves in the friend zone. That's right guys-you are putting yourselves in the friend zone, not the other way around!

Interestingly enough, my little sister helped me with this. Constant exposure to females seems to make it easier to see them as normal humans. I also happen to have quite a few female friends now as well. It all helps!

Yeah, sounds about right. 100% agree that guys are friendzoning themselves, although there are definitely times where it's just much better having them as a female friend. I've had a ton of female friends in the past, and I've made some great ones since coming here. I think when you're in relationships all the time it's a lot easier to talk to and make friends with women.

On a side not, I don't understand the mentality of a lot of guys online who say "if you have any female friends you're a beta bitch". I mean, you get rid of literally half of the entire world. As a result you miss out on so many rich experiences that would have otherwise been amazing. 

If anything it says a lot more about someone if they're not able to make female friends haha!

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What a time to be alive, day 5!

(yes, this is now a thing)

 

Recovering from the impromptu night of yesterday, today was pretty slow. I did my usual routine of heading out to a coffee shop, but I couldn't bring myself to work.

I had an interview coming up that I would rather have done without, and I felt like I was just killing time until then. Which I did.

I did eventually sort out my lack of work with a 4 hour session of pure focus with Mr Cam Adair at a 24 hour cafe in Chiang Mai. I've never done so much work in my life.

 

Anyway, what did I do during the day to build my confidence? Nothing major. I made a bit of conversation with some girls eating nearby at dinner. I added an extra line or two when ordering things in coffee shops or restaurants.

Like I said, nothing major.

However, it's better than nothing. Every action, no matter how small, will help over time. 

 

I'll aim to do something bigger tomorrow!

Peace.

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1 hour ago, James Good said:

I did eventually sort out my lack of work with a 4 hour session of pure focus with Mr Cam Adair at a 24 hour cafe in Chiang Mai. I've never done so much work in my life.

Here's hoping Cam is a good boss! I guess he knows how to motivate you, if you never worked this hard before. It'd be actually interesting to see how his routine day looks like.

Good work on talking to stranger women!

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6 hours ago, Ikar said:

Here's hoping Cam is a good boss! I guess he knows how to motivate you, if you never worked this hard before. It'd be actually interesting to see how his routine day looks like.

Good work on talking to stranger women!

Nah he's a tyrant and a bully 😉

I'm sure he can talk more about routine, but what separates Cam from a lot of other people is his ability to consistently work on something for a really long time without getting burnt out.

His work ethic is super impressive. 

I think in this case we were both just super in the zone, no talking to each other, and knew exactly what we needed to do. 

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5 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Hi!

Thank you for sharing your journey!

I backpacked thru Chiang Mai/ Northern Thailand area and miss it dearly!!!!

Have a beautiful day my friend 😊

Thank you for reading! 

That's awesome. How long did you spend here? Anything you'd recommend? 

I don't really want to leave, but I'm making myself travel Asia a bit more before I truly settle. 

Thanks again, you too! 😊

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21 hours ago, James Good said:

Hahahaha thank you! I'll try not to 😉 Plan on keeping these going for the month, and then who knows what'll happen!

Yeah, sounds about right. 100% agree that guys are friendzoning themselves, although there are definitely times where it's just much better having them as a female friend. I've had a ton of female friends in the past, and I've made some great ones since coming here. I think when you're in relationships all the time it's a lot easier to talk to and make friends with women.

On a side not, I don't understand the mentality of a lot of guys online who say "if you have any female friends you're a beta bitch". I mean, you get rid of literally half of the entire world. As a result you miss out on so many rich experiences that would have otherwise been amazing. 

If anything it says a lot more about someone if they're not able to make female friends haha!

Why is that even a thing? Wtf? And I thought mansplaining was one of the dumbest things I've ever heard about...

Honestly sometimes I do worry about the future of mankind... lol.

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On 10/23/2019 at 10:31 AM, seriousjay said:

Why is that even a thing? Wtf? And I thought mansplaining was one of the dumbest things I've ever heard about...

Honestly sometimes I do worry about the future of mankind... lol.

Don't get me started haha!

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Pick 'n mix, day 6!

(Do you have pick 'n mix in the USA? I have no idea...)

Today I finally managed to do something I'd been trying to do for ages, I've just been a big dummy.

A little backstory. 

Not long after getting to Chiang Mai I went to a bar nearby, and got chatting to the bartender. I knew I liked her pretty much straight away, and it was obvious she was at least semi into me. I always go for the artsy types, not too sure why. Anyway, I always had my suspicion that she had a girlfriend, so I just put it to the side of my mind and kept chatting to her for the following weeks/months while meeting other girls.

Well last night, I finally got her number to arrange a photo-shoot/food/language lessons (we've become pretty good friends during this time) and as it turns out...

She has had a boyfriend for the last 4 years. 

Initially I was a bit annoyed, after all I was really into her. I've also really struggled having friendships with girls that I'm romantically interested in.

But I'm trying not to jump to conclusions straight away. She's super cool, we get on really well, and I'll be moving on from the city at some point so it's not like I need to stay attached to the place forever.

There are other girls, so I'm just going to try and enjoy it for what it is. A great friendship. 

I'm excited to see what happens.

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2 hours ago, seriousjay said:

That's always a good approach. You don't need to date everyone. She might have a really great single friend that you get to meet at some point.

Exactly. Usually the best way to find some of the better girls is through someone else. It's also perfect for the whole "oh yeah my friend's gorgeous and smart and and amazing and you'll love her" when in reality she's nothing like it 😂

 

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Day 7, a fall from heaven.

(idek i'm just trying to rhyme)

 

I'm gonna be honest, I didn't approach anyone today. I had some fun conversations with people, but nothing I would call a 'cold approach'. 

Why? I have no idea. Either I got caught up in everything else and put it to the back of my priority list, or I stopped framing it as an essential thing I need to get done.

I've been super tired recently, haven't been sleeping much and I get to bed at around 3am and waking up at 11am. So last night I wanted to change it. I was in bed by midnight, and I woke up at 7:30 this morning. It's maybe not quite as early as I'd like, as I'm not starting work until around 8:30 (writing this at the moment), but it's a damn sight better than starting at 1pm!

However I think it'll be worth it. Even if today I feel weak and achy. Nothing coffee can't fix! Unless I'm ill.... In which case ignore everything 😄

 

Regardless, I'm gonna try and make up for yesterday's 'failure', and you'll see how I get on tomorrow.

Peace.

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