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Gaming the System 005 - The Link Between Gaming and Depression

Adminiculum

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Hello,

my username is ‚Adminiculum‘ which means ‚support‘ in English. Support is the thing that I search here.

I am a medicial Student who has Problems with his Internet consumption in general. A year ago I had a major Problem with League of Legends. Thanks god that I get rid of this game. Currently I have not a big Gaming Problem, I am just playing some mini Games from time to time. What I want to get rid of is my YouTube/Surfing consumption. 

 

While I am writing this I am thinking whether I even have a problem for which I need help or I am just having a bad day and I want  to be a Perfect Person again. To underderstand that you have to know, that I had also kind of a problem with watching movies/series etc. those fake storys, fake characters etc gave me a feeling of you could be a perfect person - which is absolutely wrong and thanks god I got rid of this too. No one can be perfect an thats absolutely fine. I cant push every part of my life to the fullest. Thats just true and OK. Its only important to keep trying to improve, doesnt matter whether it works or not. So do I need this journal currently, although i fixed already many things in my life? Man, lets try it, as far as I know it doesnt harm to open a journal(I hope thats true^^)

 

My problem is simple: too much screen. I am a medicial student and so I am daily 5-6hours at my computer to learn stuff. After that I dont want to be at the computer anymore. I want more social contacts which I lack currently of. I could - probably - just stop being at the computer after my work. But I think this is just hard and will not work. Back ago I stopped with series/games when I had an alternative. I started doing actutally work for medic school, did my workout and stuff. Still works. So this sounds all good. But like this i have not much social contacts and i dont feel that good in this way.

 

So my major aim is to do more things with people. I need a time to rest after learning for university and when I sit infront of m computer I am just overfloat my head, although it needs a rest. I feel like I am thinking all the time about stuff I read/watched in the internet. Thats not healthy for myself I feel like. For many people this will sound probably like a good routine learning - sport - chilling. It is way better what I did before ( gaming - youtube - netflix). But I feel not so good. I need the social contact more. I have a great family this helps. But i also need to get in touch with new people because I only had fake friends in my life. Of course I am searching real friendships, but thats not the major goal. I just want people to hang out and do sports together, which not doing 24/7 party and drinking/drugs

Also I want to stop to have this FCKING information overload. Watching a video, checking news, checking forum, checking games etc etc I want to be calm without electronic I want a FRESH dopamin system, which doesnt need 100thibgs to be happy. I know it will be not super easy, but when I dont forbid those things for myself rather I do alternatives which take place over internet time, then it should be possible 

Last but not least I want to be more calm with my med school. I dont want to stress myself although Its extremly much work.

 

After writing this I am already feeling a bit better again. 

Thanks all who read till now!

Edited by Adminiculum
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Hello,

so the last two days my pc consumption was <1h due to some kind of new activity. The classic FOMO is there, basically I think those days are ‚wasted‘ without enjoying a bit of internet. But I already mentioned that in my start post. The dopamin system needs a fresh restart. Its like drinking a lot of coca cola, so natural water or drinks with less sugar taste tasteless. 

However I am bit more at my phone. Checking Worldnews etc. thats ok. I had the last two days a learning break, I want to start again tomorrow or so(not sure). Its probably even harder to stay away from the thing I get usually pretty easy dopamin push(PC) when I had a tough day. 

 

But I will see.. Like I mentioned I need first some new activitys I can do permanently in the next months, so I dont miss watching youtube etc Otherwise it is pointless and will result in a relapse. So I am searching something in this way, maybe joining a sport club so i can meet new people. 

 

 

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Lately I have some trouble to stay focused while learning for med school. Normally I get tired while learning, but I can still go on pretty well. Yea but currently its harder, not so concentrated etc. -> sucks, but the show must go on

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On 8/9/2019 at 11:24 AM, Adminiculum said:

Currently I have not a big Gaming Problem, I am just playing some mini Games from time to time. What I want to get rid of is my YouTube/Surfing consumption. 

My problem is simple: too much screen. I am a medicial student and so I am daily 5-6hours at my computer to learn stuff. After that I dont want to be at the computer anymore.

Hey! First of all, big props to being a med student. I respect that so much man!

I'm with you and your problems. I haven't actually had a heavy gaming problem in the last few years. I used to play an insane amount of League and Smash Brothers Melee, but quit league like 4 years ago and cut melee out significantly. However, after quitting league I discovered the world of Twitch, youtube gaming channels, and gaming social media following on twitter. I quit gaming for the most part, but began to binge watch gaming content for insane amount of hours each day. I thought I was moving forward by cutting gaming and didn't draw the correlation between gaming itself and watching gaming content for a while. I think it's even possible to argue binge watching gaming content could be worse for you than gaming itself.

I'm currently studying Computer Science, so I can relate to you when you say you spend 5-6 hours a day staring at a computer screen for school related purposes. I too didn't want to be in front of a computer screen after my studies due to eye and mental strain and what felt like isolation from the normal world. The crazy thing is that I got used to it after a while and when you're addicted to gaming and watching gaming content, it just becomes easy to go from studying on your computer straight to those activities. My life became being in front of a screen for 5-6 hours programming or studying, then spending the rest of my time in front of a screen again gaming or watching gaming content.

I'm a month into my detox and the experience feels like it has really, 'refreshed my dopamine' substantially and feels like I've limited myself from that, 'information overload' you'd mentioned. You're not alone man and I hope we can keep it up! You're doing great man! Also, thanks for the comment you made in my journal the other day at a rough time for me. Meant a lot man.

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On 8/17/2019 at 6:49 AM, RB1 said:

 

I'm a month into my detox and the experience feels like it has really, 'refreshed my dopamine' substantially and feels like I've limited myself from that, 'information overload' you'd mentioned. You're not alone man and I hope we can keep it up! You're doing great man! Also, thanks for the comment you made in my journal the other day at a rough time for me. Meant a lot man.

Thanks for your post man 🙂 

I am somehow successful with not being that much in front of my screen, but I somehow feel I have to stop completely. Its like you drink a bit alcohol everyday. Your dopamin system cant restart, it still wants to chill with youtube etc. So most of the other things arent so fun anymore. But I am not sure how to do that

The good thing is that I personally never ever put the internet above real contacts with people. When some friends call me I love to do something with them. Sadly I lost nearly every friend(well I doubt I had a ‚real‘ friend) with the start of med school. And in med school everybody just learn for it. So its hard to get new friends. And this is the point. I think I would feel a lot better with friends. Even just fun-friends not the ‚real‘ ones. I have to see how I get those back

 

RB ill try to follow your journal 🙂

 

Lately learning goes better again, thats good. Yea otherwise not much to say currently. Ill try to post more frequently

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Hey, 

days are filled mostly with work for medical school. Learning currently for physiology and biochemical stuff. But it goes good I think. Just have to keep the pace up

After those mornings/afternoons I spent in the library I feel exhausted and so obviously I want to chill infront of the computer. Thats also the point that I am a bit unsure if reducing online time maybe will lead to lesser efficiency for university stuff because I doesnt ‚rest‘ as usual. It probably will, but just for some days. Then I would be prolly even stronger.

 

Dunno. As long as the med school runs fine and I am healthy, I feel happy. For that I also need again to start some sport and more socialize. Thats important for me.

 

 

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Argh. Yesterday got mad a bit, because I saw some lazy friends which usually waste their time with useless stuff and they are kepp saying that they are ‚working‘. They are friends so i care that all goes good for them. However it wouldnt bother me much, but I am angry with myself, that to some part I am also not giving my best.

 

You know the feeling, browsing in the internet, or playing a game. You see random people which are just writing dumb things to you/anyone else or they grind you in a game and you want to compete with them or argue it out. Then you realize: mate this guy you are talking too is probably a no lifer, sitting in his room 24/7 is playing a game all the time, or writing bs on reddit. Why do you do the same thing like him? I usually say to myself then: I am NOT like him and I NEVER want to be one of them.

 

The truth is: 90% is thinking like me. They dont want to be the loser which sits in front of his computer all the time, doing meaningless thing. They think they are not ‚like them‘. But they are probably.

 

And this is such a bad feeling. I wrote that down because its related to what i wrote at the beginning. Im mad about my lazy friends, because myself also isnt perfect. I can surely say I am not like them, but I am not near my limit of what I can and want to do.

 

I want and have to change my habits, although its hard. This is my major goal. 

 

Right now on the way to library. Want to crush that day.

Edited by Adminiculum
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Re-thinked my post. I tended to react on short and impulsiv motivation moments. Above post is again a bit in this direction. Its not helpful. The good thing is I changed that long ago, I stopped living after those small motivation kicks. Life doesnt work like that and thats good.

 

Just because I get the motivation because of one thing to give now 1000% to change everything is just selfdestructiv. Thats why  I stopped watching motivation videos and stuff(anime, movies which give fast motivation peak). Progress is slow and steady, not once and fast. You are just frustrated after those motivation peaks because you end up doing nothing again most of the times.

 

So, yes I want to change my habits. Its no magic. Search hobbys, search alternatives. Till I dont have them or dont do them Its meaningless to try to quit with bad habits. No need for ‚motivation‘ in this case. I know what I have to do, and I hope that I will do it soon. There is not one game changer moment. Just daily hard work!

So learning went good, not perfect, but thats ok! Will now see what I can do else, some sport etc

Edited by Adminiculum

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Last days went ok, I learned good. Its pretty hot here this week, so i didnt start with my sport routine again. But I will for sure.

However I had a meeting today so i didnt went to library(first day off since 2 weeks or so). I was maybe 1 hour busy, all rest of the day were in front of my computer doing useless stuff. Well, most of the time I was thinking how to make money without much input via internet. I know there are a lots of ways which are not public, you just have to find them. I found something in which i worked all day for. Still feeling like shit. You know this feeling when you are in front of your desktop for some hours, and you notice that you want to to do something else now but you just continue because you are familiar with the fact that you will have fun in some minutes again(doing other useless stuff in internet).

Yea so kind of wasted this free day. I need those days to refresh but yea anyway. Good thing: closed pc at 8pm after learning at least a bit for university. So at least I can chill now 2-3 hours till going to bed.

Just wanted to post that here really quick, will try to give my best tomorrow again. My health is my major goal and after that I need to care for my university. Those things need my focus currently.

 

Ill try to post more frequentlY, I am often on this forum but mostly reading instead of posting in my journal, ill try to fix that

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I have a friend on med school. She has it rough. She has to go there for 6 years to get the degree and even after that, she has to do approbations. I also noticed she sometimes has self-worth issues. Another guy I know on med school said med studente need to have the do-or-die mentality. I almost feel lazy by default compared to you all!

Good luck striking a good life/work balance 🙂

 

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Yea, med school is challenging. Though you can do it. You can even have kind of a ‚good‘(well always keep in mind its med school...) time, when you do your work properly over the time and not just when the exam comes. Which I didnt. Now I have to give my best to make a comeback, because I cant change the past. I can just work every day, and then I will pass everything and be successful in med school.

 

Today I realized in the library how serious my situation is. I need to work hard now if I want to stay in med school. The good thing is I have only 1 year in which I really need to push through hard. Then it will become easier. But well anyway, its useless to think that much. Ill just focus ob the next step, next exam. Its useless to think what can happen if I fail or if I succeed. Ill just work and give my best.

For that Ill try again to reduce my display time, so I can refresh more when I am not learning. Also I want to learn a bit more. I am already learning 4-6hours a day, but I think 1-2hours more at the evening would be good to keep things in my memory. But I cant force that, ill see what works for me.

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Hey, just wanted to ask how the detox has been going? Based on your posts it seems like its been going pretty well man! I was wondering what you've been doing to replace the time you used to watch gaming content? I know mentioned this briefly in a comment before, but I was just wondering if you've been able to find anything for you personally that has been able to replace that activity?

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7 hours ago, RB1 said:

Hey, just wanted to ask how the detox has been going? Based on your posts it seems like its been going pretty well man! I was wondering what you've been doing to replace the time you used to watch gaming content? I know mentioned this briefly in a comment before, but I was just wondering if you've been able to find anything for you personally that has been able to replace that activity?

Hey mate, thanks for your post :)!

Its going okay overall, I suppose. You know, I was kind of into LoL one year ago, but I quitted with success. So currently there is no huge problem with gaming. I do play sometimes, but never ever LoL just some mini games and stuff which doesnt lead me too addictive behavior. But I want to quit that too, but Its currently not so important.

I opened the journal because I want to quit on internet in general. I want to get to the point in which it isnt hard for me to do without youtube, surfing etc. I need other things which give me joy so I dont have this FOMO without internet

Since my last post(and also some days earlier) I dont do that much yt and other stuff. I simply eat my food after learning session while watching some videos and then I close it, and chill the rest of the evening. Its way more refreshing. Of course main goal is to do other meaningful stuff in that freetime, but my major goal is just do get this coming year in med school done with succsess. After that university will not be so much stress and so I have more time for myself.

 

to your question: I stopped to play lol and also stopped to watch lol content. Its funny, I always laughed about those lol streamers, and thought how someone can watch them. At the end I watched every video of them. Thanks to god I am out of this shit. Mainly I replaced the time with studying for med school(like you I couldn't do that productive stuff at home, so I am learning in a library)Then I learned to play a new instrument and did every day sport. So kind of standard things you do when you do your detox. Currently I am mostly focusing on the next year med school. So all other things have not much importance for me. But doing sport etc is good for my health, which means is good for my university stuff too. 

 

Edited by Adminiculum
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Ok skipped the last hours of learning day, just didnt feel right today, couldnt get much done.

 

 Crazy how one day you can learn like a machine and the other day it goes slow as fck. That sucks, but I guess thats how it is

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Learning for med school is running good overall. Not that much youtube currently after the learning sessions, mostly just refreshing my brain while doing nothing(chilling with family etc), feels a lot better just to shut up the computer although it isnt already time to sleep. Gives a feeling like ‚hey you have actually freetime‘) 

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On 8/9/2019 at 10:24 PM, Adminiculum said:

What I want to get rid of is my YouTube/Surfing consumption.

I struggled with this as well. I guess we are on the same boat on this matter...

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Yesterday was a pretty bad day, but today again a better one. Yea however Ill try to keep the routine up. Focusing like I mentioned already just on med school currently. Working hard for an exam... After that Ill see what i can improve, but yea university takes the major place in my life currently. Its not bad, because its the main target and so working for it is what I want to do. But of course life is not only work, so ill see how I can get a good balance.

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Daily struggle, not much new. I wonder when I want to start to actually do something to reduce the computer time stronger. Its just that currently med school is so heavy anf time expensive, that I have not the ‚energy‘ to do something else. This is prolly not true, I just have to do the first steps. I mean, I can do that. Why not start today again with some jogging? lets see...

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