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My Progress Record uwu


LucyInTheSky

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DAY 1, Thursday, 11th of July

My first time doing one of these, hope the writing turns out well hehe.

Today wasn't too eventful, something layed back since tomorrow I'm headed to the neighbouring city for a concert (David Bowie tribute group). Didn't feel any cravings to game, which is nice.

Recently I've been watching my brother play FIFA, a.k.a a soccer video game. I don't have any desire to play it with him, but I find it interesting that it attracts me while real sport is a complete disinterest of mine. Probably just that the video game version is really fast paced compared to the real thing, which, while making it fun to watch, would be rather addicting... A reason to steer clear of actually having a go heh.

I also started work on a song for my album (which I guess I could describe as being sorta vaporwavey but not exactly). Music production is a very engaging and creative hobby hehe. As of the moment, there's only one other song completed, so there's a long way to go.

I'm really looking forward to the concert tomorrow.

To keep a positive attitude as I go about this, I've decided to leave a little reminder in each entry of all the nice things in the world to help lift my spirits ehe. So...

Today's slice of happiness:

How remarkably cute seals are (especially the fluffy white pups uwu).

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Congrats on starting your journey to recovery. One piece of advice I might want to give you: I think it might be wise that you stop using what I'll call "weeaboo language" for lack of a better term. Randomly interjecting phrases like "hehe", "ehe", or "uwu" makes it hard for me (and maybe for others, I haven't heard anyone else nag on this so I don't know) to take your post and you as a person as seriously as I would like to. 

 

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Sorry about that Cammy, it's become almost instinctual. I'll try my best to cut down on it!

DAY 2:

Morning was generallt uneventful. I went for a walk. I've sort of made it a daily thing now to go on a walk in the morning, the fresh air and movement is great for both my mental and physical health.

My computer, which had broken down last night, was working again. I'll be able to get back to work on music when I arrive back home, as I am now in the other city, to see that concert tomorrow, and return home the day after that.

A good thing about this is I can't play any games lol. Doing stuff while I'm here in the city is a great distraction from boredom, so I'll definitely talk about what I do tomorrow!

For dinner we had Japanese. I don't know why but my favourite part is always the Edamame, green beans that you just squeeze out of their pods. Tasty and salty.

I ended up spending a lot of time in my hotel room unfortunately. They have TV but I haven't watched TV in so long it felt awkward. I ended up watching Cartoon Network since I literally haven't really uded TV since I was like 13. Interesting to see which cartoons have gone and stayed, sort of a nostalgia thing.

Overall mood is happy and confident however, and tomorrow is looking great!

Today's slice of happiness:

The feeling you get after eating a big dinner and then stand up. Not sure how to describe it but it feels great lol.

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28 minutes ago, LucyInTheSky said:

Sorry about that Cammy, it's become almost instinctual. I'll try my best to cut down on it!

 

Popping in here real quick to say I strongly disagree with Cammy's sentiment. 

Do what you feel is right for you. I'm a huge fan of changing and growing your personality, but change should be motivated by internal consideration. Never change just because someone said they don't like something. ESPECIALLY from strangers on the internet. DOUBLE-SPECIALLY in your own journal. TRIPPLE-SPECIALLY when it's something as petty as not liking you writing "hehe". I mean come on.

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39 minutes ago, JustTom said:

Do what you feel is right for you. I'm a huge fan of changing and growing your personality, but change should be motivated by internal consideration. Never change just because someone said they don't like something. ESPECIALLY from strangers on the internet. DOUBLE-SPECIALLY in your own journal. TRIPPLE-SPECIALLY when it's something as petty as not liking you writing "hehe". I mean come on.

Alright, hehe.

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First and foremost, I'm sorry if what I wrote a few days ago or am writing to you today seem like attacks. I really don't mean for them to come off that way, it's just hard for me to consider the way someone might interpret my writing. That said:

I'll agree with @JustTom in that if you believe your usage of what I called "weeaboo" language is okay, you should continue doing so. Your opinions and perspectives, so long they are founded on reason and have been carefully considered, should always trump that of other people, especially concerning your own well-being. That said, I stand by what I said and still think you shouldn't use it.

I really have no statistics or names of psychological conditions to back up my claim that it might be negatively affecting your growth, but I can't help but feel as if it is. For one thing, anecdotal as this is, every person I know that uses language like you do is legitimately socially stunted. I am not joking. The people I've met at school that use language like yours are the people who never raise their hand in class, never communicate with anyone outside their 2-3 person friend-group, never really grow as a person. Perhaps using such language is a symptom of a larger issue and not the cause, but I'm not sure what the cause would be.

Another thing I have against language like that: the gamequitters philosophy is really based on becoming less "escape" prone in your life. We are here because we use video games to escape from problems we have in real life. Your language is a reference, I can only assume, to anime communities and anime itself. I know this is a controversial opinion, but I think by using words like yours you're subconsciously indulging the fantasy of anime worlds. You're "escaping" in a sense to a universe that's brighter and simpler than the one we know. By using the language as if it is a standard, you're getting away from your real-world mindset, if only while writing your post. 

I could be completely off. I don't know you in real life. I don't know how you feel or if you have fantasies of living in an anime world. However, if you can relate to at least one piece of my thinking, take some time to consider why you use words like "uwu" and "hehe". Think about how you feel when you write those words as opposed to how you feel writing more accepted words.

On 7/12/2019 at 7:05 AM, LucyInTheSky said:

Morning was generallt uneventful. I went for a walk. I've sort of made it a daily thing now to go on a walk in the morning, the fresh air and movement is great for both my mental and physical health.

It's awesome that you've decided to take up a walk in the morning. For the first time in a while, I went on a bike ride this morning before work. It was really refreshing and nice to appreciate nature and to feel so connected to the world around me. Fingers crossed that both you and me can keep it up.

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Thanks for the feedback, @cammyhammy, I understand where you are coming from. I could spend a while talking about each point in your post, but I guess I'll just quickly say that my use of them isn't an attempt at escape and is just sort of a part of my online vocabulary, and I don't even really watch anime or chat with weebs lol, just ended up picking it up from some non-weeb friends. And I put my hand up in class a lot. Again, you've made a great point and I appreciate it.

DAY 3:

We didn't end up going out during the daytime like I said. It was super damn windy and was 14 degrees Celsius (57 Fahrenheit for all you Yankees), which is super cold, at least for our climate lol. To someone from New York or England, it might seem like an average day, but just remember that us Australians see your "heat waves" as nice warm beach days uwu

So I ended up staying in my Apartment, watching TV and making a bit of progress on ideas for writing (the writing stuff is just a hobby, probably won't share any final products, it's still in planning atm anyway lol).

We ended up going to the show, which was at some pizza place. There were a couple of people we ended up meeting, and we all really loved the music being big fans of Bowie. The pizza was kind of shit, but that was okay haha. Really, the band was amazing, the drummer, guitarist, keyboardist were all incredibly talented (and multi-talented, a couple songs had them switch instruments).

That was pretty much it.

DAY 4:

We went back to our home city. Nothing of note happened. I did do a tiny bit on writing and music, but barely anything. A little every day or two piles up over time, so it's fine. I really should study more often, as we're entering into the second of the two week holiday now.

Everytime I feel a desire to game, I always think, aside from the fact that I won't really get any enjoyment out of it, that if I feel that I might be able to enjoy it and keep it in moderation (which I was already alright at) once the detox has passed and my brain is adjusted properly. It isn't really any sort of urge aha.

Overall, still feeling confident in ability to not game, but am sometimes worried about whether or not I study enough.

Today's slice of happiness:

The fact I haven't had to do Mathematics since the end of last year

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Every time you have a craving, remember. Gaming will never bring you the happiness you use to have. If you relapse it might seem like you're fine, but after 1 week or so you'll have the same shitty feeling you had while gaming. So, just dont listen to your head too much. Keep yourself occupied and I also recommend writing daily here, dont skip days.

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8 hours ago, Sarma said:

Every time you have a craving, remember. Gaming will never bring you the happiness you use to have. If you relapse it might seem like you're fine, but after 1 week or so you'll have the same shitty feeling you had while gaming. So, just dont listen to your head too much. Keep yourself occupied and I also recommend writing daily here, dont skip days.

Well said. As for the daily writing, I was planning to do an entry after getting back from the show but felt too tired, so i did it the next day.

DAY 5:

Uneventful once again, but more active i guess. This morning's walk saw me go further than usual; instead of circling the block twice, I walked down to the beach. This sin't much longer of a walk, but it was nice to have something to look forward to, got me excited. But it was cold and windy when i got there. Still beautiful though, and it made me feel independent walking all the way there by myself.

I got bored today. Not too bored, but I didn't have motivation to do music, writing, or study, and that made my brain float to gaming. Once again, the most effective technique is remembering the reason I quite in the first place, and that it won't really make me happy. I was able to hold myself back from it without much trouble, but I should definitely add another hobby tomorrow. I'll just go onto Netflix and choose a show to start watching, should be fun.

I'll probably end up studying before going to bed tonight, just to give me peace of mind, but I really can't haha. Just feels so unimportant since it's the holidays, there's no urgency.

Today's Slice of Happiness:

The fact that nearly all solid objects have the potential to be used as percussion

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@LucyInTheSky I recommend running instead of walking. Or just exercise at home. It will reduce your stress levels and your body will feel good. There's an app called 7 minute workout. The workout is literally 7 mins. But there's more intense exercices if 7 min isnt enough for you. Walking is fine, but I think this will benefit you much more. Do a workout then go for a walk, like you would do on a treadmill.

Just doing 1 or 2 consistent habits everyday will help you get through this a lot easier. Just keep true to the process, It'll pay off in the end. 

And that's why I say write consistently. It will remind you to stay on track. 

 

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DAY 6:

Finally! I have studied~

An amount at least haha. Again, it's the holidays, so it isn't too important. However, school starts next week, so tomorrow I'll look at the holiday homework we have and get to work on it. It helps me get back into the feeling of being productive ahaha.

I watched Netflix today. I've chosen the show Aggretsuko. Not sure why, but I've been thinking of it recently, even though I don't know much about it beforehand. Since it's an anime, I'm in slightly familiar ground, as I used to watch anime about a year and a half ago, so that might be why.

It's about these anthropomorphic (think furries, i'm not a furry though haha) animal characters who work in an office, and follows Retsuko, a red panda woman who works there, and her torturous existence working said hellish job (Accountant). In between scenes she sings death metal about all the stupid shit she has to deal with at work. Unsure if my description of the show makes it sound interesting, but it's very entertaining ehe.

When I was watching TV in the hotel room, there was a channel running a marathon of The Amazing World of Gumball, which I watched as a kid, so I decided to watch some episodes for nostalgia (turns out the show still makes me laugh aha!). The interesting thing I feel is that Gumball and Aggretsuko almost feel like counterparts in a way; aside from both following anthropomorphic main characters, Gumball is set in the character's childhood, and hence is rather wacky and the protagonist is carefree and slightly hyper, while Aggretsuko instead tackles adult life, meaning that the main character must take responsibility and vents out all her emotions in private (the death metal). It seems like a simple comparison, but the interesting thing to think about is that, as I will be turning 17 next year, I'm certainly through the cast majority of my childhood. Just the general thought about my future I suppose. I feel this might be what makes Aggretsuko so engaging to me, as life as an adult is something that my mind occasionally ponders.

Maybe I'm just stupid.

No gaming craves today so that's good.

Today's slice of happiness:

Water. Just thankful for water. Sometimes you just want water.

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@LucyInTheSky

I'm glad you're this enthusiastic about quitting and wish you success! About the uwu thing, I always fill my chat messages with a ton of xD's and lols. I don't even know why, I just randomly started using them at some point and still have to watch out for it all the time when I'm chatting. This is a positive vibe forum though, so I wish you use anything you'd like. Don't judge a book by its cover. XD

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Good to hear that @Elite333. Tbh I sort of got the uwu thing from one of my friends who I chat with a lot hehehe.

I had a headache last night, so I'm writing yesterday's entry in the morning.

DAY 7:

It's a week then, ehehe.

I was sick at the start of the day (vomited out breakfast) but it got better so that's nice.

I decided to try Nenad's suggestion of running rather than walking, but I ended up jogging, thinking that would be a nice in-between. I was too tired to jog anymore before I made it halfway around the block. Probably a bit over a couple hundred meters. I'm a very weak girl ehe! I suppose I'll stick to walking for now.

Did some more study, and got some work done on holiday homework, which I'll probably finish today.

Feeling generally confident and happy.

Today's slice of happiness:

The feeling of just stretching your muscles in the morning. Oh yeah haha.

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DAY 8:

Basically the same as yesterday, minus vomiting.

I did a bit of music work though. Not much, but managed to get a song that felt lost a bit more on track.

The days are becoming monotonous. I don't have a desire to game though. As I type this, I'm uninstalling Steam. Feeling like I've pretty much moved on heh. That's good.

School starts in 5 days or so, and I'm excited to finally have some order and discipline back in my life. I'll feel productive again.

Today's slice of happiness:

This classic: 

 

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DAY 9, 10:

Each day the same as the last. I'm desperately waiting school's arrival in two days.

If there's anything interesting to talk about, I've been exploring a lot of David Bowie's albums recently, just trying out new music. Diamond Dogs is probably my favourite now, even more than Ziggy Stardust, probably how dark it is while still remaining glam and rocking, while stuff like Station to Station is a bit more difficult to enjoy for some reason.

No gaming cravings. It's nice.

Today's slice of happiness:

Sleep. It's nice.

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DAY 11:

I am suffering. First of all, no desire to game, don't worry, but I've just got nothing to do. I've lost interest in music after realising that to make better music would require more familiarity with chords and keys, which would require getting proper training or classes. I'm thinking of learning the guitar as I feel it would help me get in touch further with my musical side, but that probably won't happen until Christmas.

I might get back to writing some time, but for now there's no big desire.

I might study a bit tonight, but it just feels so pointless after having not been at school for so long.

I still go for walks and watch Netflix but that doesn't fill up an hour of the day when combined.

I just spend my day in my room watching Youtube and chatting to friends through Discord. It's getting incredibly mundane.

In two days, school starts. I need it now more than ever. Just anything to give me order back in my life.

Today's slice of happiness:

Feeling better after writing my woes down here.

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Greatly enjoying the journal so far! I love how you include a little slice of happiness in each post, I think it's super important to remember to be grateful for all the little things even in the midst of tough times. 

I completely understand the boredom that sets in when school ends and you find yourself with absolutely nothing to do. Hopefully life will pick up for you with the start of the school year ?

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DAY 13:

Big day. School was actually pretty nice, good to get my brain working again. After school I had to see a play up in the nearby city which meant a couple trips, and a show in between them. I enjoyed it though. Was far too tired to write anything that day.

I will write about today once I'm home from school, or at night. Dunno.

Today's slice of happiness:

People who don't use emojis and instead use the classic ":)" faces.

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DAY 14:

One of today's classes was horrible, and I just want to talk about it to help get it out of my system. In Art we looked at an artist who's work often involves sexualised pictures with nude female figures. I won't get into the details, but I have a serious repulsion and fear of the nude female body, especially breasts, which I attribute to traumatic childhood events. But it seriously affected me and my mood and by the end of the lesson I was sobbing as I asked the teacher if I could look at a different artist's work for our homework research, which he did fortunately. I cried a lot after that class, it really hurts me even thinking about it, but the next class's teacher was able to help me calm down and i was able to get my mind off of it.

The rest of today was pretty normal. Will do some homework on German tonight. No gaming craves, by the way~

Today's slice of happiness:

Happiness itself, I really value it after what happened today.

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DAY 15:

Life is continuing. We had our first History class of the term which is nice, but gave me cravings to game which I had since forgotten. Just wanting to play strategy games and experience alternate histories and build empires and all that shit. The only thing I can do is remind myself of the flaws in those games for which I stopped playing them, and that works pretty fine.

Other than that, today's the same as it ever was.

Today's slice of happiness:

Fresh air.

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21 hours ago, Deku said:

I can't even blame you for your cravings, Age of Empires was the shit. Maybe you can work out them out by watching a nice medieval fantasy movie, like Lord of the Rings or something ?

Mm sounds like you're more interested in the epic battles aspect of it since you played an rts and suggested a fantasy adventure, I was big on the "bigger picture" (EU4 and grand strategy that simulates hundreds of years of empire building), and generally in the history of countries and yadda yadda lol.

DAY 16:

Friday. First weekend now begins! Not even sure what I'll do. I think my cousins are coming over tomorrow, so I'm hoping maybe one of them can show me his guitar (I'm thinking of learning to play one, and I looked up some stuff on how to play a basic e minor chord lol). Other than that, daily life.

Today's slice of happiness:

Kermit the frog. I don't think I've met anyone ever who doesn'tlike him haha.

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