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13 minutes ago, CornishGameHen said:

It's too bad you won't be journaling online, but I understand why you choose a paper journal.  I guess post back here every so often to briefly summarize where you're at.  Congrats on the 30 days of no-gaming too, and your previous successes with going past 90 days.  It's sure a lot farther than what I've done, so kudos!

 

 

Aw thanks that was 30 days without any kind of digital technology, lot of book reading! I will journal here as I get back into the swing of things. 

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Morning 1.

Already hit my first detox symptom lol woke up an hour before alarm dreaming about multiple video games .. yet at the same time I had been neglecting getting up before sunrise when gaming so already off to a great start actually doing more things that are in my best interest. While the brain swimming in dopamine is like, "wtf why did you delete all those games u idiot", it is time for me to focus on the best part of detox - robust uninterrupted morning routines and flow states :16_relieved:

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Morning 2.

Lot of screen time yesterday clearing out the online game scene and still more to go. Just got a telephone interview by hiring contractor at the local army base for entry level HVAC/plumming/etc I am pretty stoked hoping looking forward to hear back from him.

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1 hour ago, goodvibes said:

Morning 2.

Lot of screen time yesterday clearing out the online game scene and still more to go. Just got a telephone interview by hiring contractor at the local army base for entry level HVAC/plumming/etc I am pretty stoked hoping looking forward to hear back from him.

So how did you manage to get back into gaming while you were away? Have you done some introspection to see how and why it happened? I don't mean to be rude. Just checking. It's a good learning experience. 

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8 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

So how did you manage to get back into gaming while you were away? Have you done some introspection to see how and why it happened?

@BooksandTrees  Too much too soon. Being productive does not mean I was building a life conducive to living without technology. No for that to be a success it is necessary to create and connect to an environment without the tech. So local friends, gym membership, exercise class, martial arts, training partners, golfing, hiking, cycling - such things would be a huge added bonus to get your head somewhere else. I did library, calisthenics, and running by myself though biggest mistake was not removing the computer from my bedroom always seeing it there. I suppose while library is educational it might be better to pick more activities that help keep you busy and not think in your head so much. So yeah reading a Wayne Dyer's translation of Tao Te Ching in his book "Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life" next to my computer was a mistake and got my mind rationalizing that I could apply such principles to my old online game while keeping addiction away, well that may have worked for about 24 hours and it was all downhill from there especially when I found a copy of retro console games I didn't know I still had. From there it was one game after another as my mind rationalized to keep doing it to deal with stress, that I needed it. Well the more I thought about it the more I knew how much better my life was without games so here I am again humbly reclaiming my time.

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Looks like telephone interview was as much as they needed - got handed a stack of papers to fill out and told I need to bring a hard hat, reflective vest, and steel toe he will call me tomorrow so pretty sure I got the job. This really kicks ass I missed working maintenance a lot I really suck at retail. :6_smile:

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 Morning 3. 

Filled out employment papers for contractor and picked up all needed supplies yesterday evening. Today moved rain gear, cold gear, and coveralls into car. Living half an hour away with only half hour lunch break with early report to work time I will begin today preparing meals one day ahead. Slow cooker "crock" pots are really good to have here though was totally using it anyway because is less maintenance than fixing food on stovetop and also cooks food gently which gives a better result. Cooking with less metals is a plus too according to Neal Barnard in his book "Power Foods for the Brain" as metals contribute over time to Alzheimer's.

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56 minutes ago, goodvibes said:

 Morning 3. 

Filled out employment papers for contractor and picked up all needed supplies yesterday evening. Today moved rain gear, cold gear, and coveralls into car. Living half an hour away with only half hour lunch break with early report to work time I will begin today preparing meals one day ahead. Slow cooker "crock" pots are really good to have here though was totally using it anyway because is less maintenance than fixing food on stovetop and also cooks food gently which gives a better result. Cooking with less metals is a plus too according to Neal Barnard in his book "Power Foods for the Brain" as metals contribute over time to Alzheimer's.

Keep it up 🙂  Sounds like you're establishing a good routine with cooking meals yourself.  I have a good recipe for slow-cooking Hawaiian Pulled Pork, if you like that sort of thing.  

https://www.theslowroasteditalian.com/2018/08/slow-cooker-hawaiian-pulled-pork-sandwiches.html

 

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@CornishGameHen Thank you very much I do what I can! I'm a fruit and vegetable kind of guy maybe I will take time to convert the recipe with plant-based magic I am learning more and more and no offense taken I totally recognize the majority of people do not eat like me :)  

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Day 11.
Loved the job but quit and applying for work again. I am a magnet for bullying at all these entry level jobs, it seems. Already shared this situation in group therapy so am keeping mind on moving forward and getting job that will work out. Moving along to business. Gamequitter journal comes into play well right now because this is still a stressful time for me and with stress can comes weakness. Having just began VG sobriety again I want nothing more than to make sure to keep myself accountable for that. One of my Youtube channels for Linux&Technology made an entire video about free games. Began watching VG video gameplay for said free games. Began to feel sleazy for watching and said "wth am I doing" then unsubscribed, closed out, cleared browsing history. Have books from library to read up on now, thanks for being here GQ.

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42 minutes ago, goodvibes said:

Day 11.
Loved the job but quit and applying for work again. I am a magnet for bullying at all these entry level jobs, it seems. Already shared this situation in group therapy so am keeping mind on moving forward and getting job that will work out. Moving along to business. Gamequitter journal comes into play well right now because this is still a stressful time for me and with stress can comes weakness. Having just began VG sobriety again I want nothing more than to make sure to keep myself accountable for that. One of my Youtube channels for Linux&Technology made an entire video about free games. Began watching VG video gameplay for said free games. Began to feel sleazy for watching and said "wth am I doing" then unsubscribed, closed out, cleared browsing history. Have books from library to read up on now, thanks for being here GQ.

This was really fast. What happened? What was the job? Sorry to hear it did not go well. How were you being bullied?

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Much better thank you. Took time and did lots of transparent introspection at my support group forum. I am hopeful and believe I will become stronger from this. 13 days now, detox has progressed smoothly since last post. Have a clear idea what jobs I want to apply for - will do very soon!

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Day 16 moving right along!

Everything going smooth today, tire had blown out last week when coming home from work had been rocking the mini spare since (too long, I know!) Just bought used tire + shop installed to rim & balanced for $35. Walmart was going to charge 70 for a new tire and 20 install to rim & balance. I like saving where I can especially when needed , will do additional maintenance soon :)

Started reading What Color is Your Parachute 2019 edition from library yesterday, amazing first chapter and no wonder was ranked #1 on amazon.com book list for Job Resumes. This book has been around since the 70's and keeps getting updated every year. Already seeing job hunting & hiring procedure much differently. Tomorrow apply for more work.

Edited by goodvibes
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Day 31 no gaming, Day 13 No PMO.

I do intend to stop in at least once a week to journal here and aim to hold myself to that. What Color is Your Parachute is really great at explaining what is effective for job hunters and makes you to look within a lot for what your goals are. Still only 50 pages complete for all my note-taking and priority-graph making.

Reflected on my childhood trauma bonds being addicted to emotional abuse, my addictive personality, along with past & lingering issues with codependency today. This article here broke down a lot of terminology I had not read in awhile, the writer went into a lot of detail about how abused hormones play their part. No one has to agree with it, just an experience I identify with and wanted to share it makes a lot of sense to me. Cortisol regulation is the big offender lately, glad I have been making a lot of lifestyle habits that promote low cortisol I would otherwise be living numb with addiction I have no doubt.

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First ever patch of gray hair about an inch in diameter came to my attention today, the mighty gods have a sense of humor I am too young for this! :221_see_no_evil::222_hear_no_evil::223_speak_no_evil:

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10 hours ago, goodvibes said:

... What Color is Your Parachute is really great at explaining what is effective for job hunters and makes you to look within a lot for what your goals are. Still only 50 pages complete for all my note-taking and priority-graph making ...

Oh whoa I have that book and haven't gotten too far. It's so much writing and I haven't put in the time necessary.
I have a chosen profession currently but need more guidance on what I truly want to do in my career.

Definitely update on your progress with that. I'm curious

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Day 32 no gaming, Day 14 no PMO.

Setting new goal to reach with calisthenics hobby - the one arm pullup! Right now impossible to complete a single rep, will be working progressions hard :D

Gotten to where I just pump out reps of some kind every hour when wrist watch chimes, kind of addictive but in a healthy way. Sometimes go to failure, sometimes add weight, sometimes pushing myself to do something new. I really think home hobbies like this is a great assist to combating the easy access of pornography. Like training the brain there is a lot more that can be done within four walls. Creating new habits help train / rewire the brain.

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Day 36 no gaming, Day 18 no PMO.

These last few days I have advanced much with the art of my stove-top rice it no longer turns out clumpy sticking to everything like the bottom of the pan and clumping up food mixed with, this video's instruction for my 1C. long grain white rice along with all her other tips is to thank!

Today I measured 700 steps to the end of the road and back so made a total of 2800+ today, no need to lug around fancy step-tracking pedometers when you can do simple math =) Read that walking is great for keeping cortisol stress hormone levels normal (considering that true I am doing myself a great service to take a walk every chance living in stressful times here) and hey I feel great and energized after walking too so triple win!! Yes it is said that exercise like running and calisthenics can increase cortisol however that is only temporary and as long as you are making an effort to keep levels normal I think it all works out quite well.

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Day 39 no gaming, Day 21 no PMO.

6000 steps is my daily walking average by my math, went for a walk after sundown well legs wanted to run so had fun running to KSE metal band that album that starts with Numbered Days, quite relaxing 30 min run felt upper 70 degrees f with a very nice gulf humidity, love it. 

My work towards total sobriety is starting to pay off it has afforded me more time spent working my 12 step programs and as a result I have spent more time in the literature and began to understand them in ways I previously did not. These programs are not the most commonly known wisdom but is so essential coming from a life full of addictions I highly recommend anyone with a mind prepared for it to research the literature of the many programs there is so much to it and it continues to grow.

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1 hour ago, goodvibes said:

Day 39 no gaming, Day 21 no PMO.

6000 steps is my daily walking average by my math, went for a walk after sundown well legs wanted to run so had fun running to KSE metal band that album that starts with Numbered Days, quite relaxing 30 min run felt upper 70 degrees f with a very nice gulf humidity, love it. 

My work towards total sobriety is starting to pay off it has afforded me more time spent working my 12 step programs and as a result I have spent more time in the literature and began to understand them in ways I previously did not. These programs are not the most commonly known wisdom but is so essential coming from a life full of addictions I highly recommend anyone with a mind prepared for it to research the literature of the many programs there is so much to it and it continues to grow.

How are you dealing with pmo urges? This is fantastic progress. I struggle with it more than ever. 

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@BooksandTrees Happy to answer man though be warned my answer is likely to challenge modern forms of daily living for some. GQ - This is not a debate of some sort but rather me explaining my point of view so take what you will from it and leave the rest :)  Drama-free zone :) I am happy to answer questions but let us not turn DM's into a debate platform I have no need to debate :)

Still being out of a job combined with more time afforded to multiple daily efforts of stress reduction seems to be thanks for the progress. The urges are infrequent and all I really have to do to shake them is stop and think about something else, do something else. Here is a compiled list of everything I believe is contributing to minimizing my stress:

  • No job
  • GQ Journaling
  • 12 Step Journaling
  • What Color is Your Parachute Journaling
  • No syrup drinks aka Soda / Coke - see "No added sugar" & "Water" below :) Such drinks are laced with addictive sugar, syrups, and caffeine, a most dangerous combination to overworking the pancreas no doubt contributing to type 2 diabetes epidemic.
  • WATER :)  Water is what I drink most the day and I am sure to stay hydrated, dehydration would be a stress to the body. I also drink fruit smoothies from my blender along with a plant-based milk such as almond, coconut, soy, etc have to watch those for added sugar and salt.
  • No added sugar, only sugar from whole foods - though I do put fruits to the blender. Was doing agave and maple syrups but they are way too sweet for me now I can't do them. This is a stress relief coming from using added sugars because you stop overworking your pancreas.
  • Minimally processed food - I don't buy processed it is usually packed with additives and preservatives. Because of this I know more exactly what I am putting into my body. If I consume anything processed, it is because I put whole foods into a blender myself. Sure the plant milks are my one of my few exceptions buying processed though someday I will have a routine to make at home, I hear it taste the best. My other exceptions are condiments like mustard and ketchup - who knows maybe homemade is really darn good and I do that someday. EDIT
  • Whole food plant based, like 100% - I know people will want to call bs on that but really something you won't know until you do it
  • Walking - one of the best things you can do to regulate cortisol, the stress hormone.
  • Body Mass Index (BMI) in the Normal range. Obesity BMI is a constant stress to the body so considering Normal as an opposite reaction in body that reduces stress
  • Lot of nature in my backyard, still lots of green trees and birds.
  • I have an eating routine now that hits every daily recommended nutrient - allowing my body to relax a bit more not living in a state of any known deficiency. I track this for free on Cronometer.com
  • Meditation - helps me come to my senses identifying rogue thinking patterns or unpleasant memories as well as relaxing. With good habits, thinking patterns can be replaced. New and better memories can be made to overshadow bad ones.
  • Calisthenics - while this creates a temporary stress on the body it is not a constant stress. For the simple fact that it gets my body moving anytime and even on a rainy day I feel it contributes overall to stress reduction.
  • Running - while this also creates a temporary stress on the legs, there is just something about getting that circulation pumping that feels so right, it is so relaxing even long after it is done. This can be accomplished with any form of cardio that gets your heart to thumping.
Edited by goodvibes
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Continuing post:

  • No alcohol - less stress to liver and pancreas both because many drinks are heavily packed with sugar especially when mixed with coke. As an addict I would not stop drinking until I couldn't. A year ago I was a few years sober and gave chance to a drink of bourbon cocktail a gamer friend had offered me and immediately craved more, thank goodness I told them to cut me off and they did. (edit) Also Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and working their 12 steps :)
  • No cigarettes - less stress on lungs, use to smoke often. Never hit a pack per day often but abstaining is noticeable difference. Hookah bars I would smoke way too much.
  • No stressful or violent video games - while many games were a way to relieve stress there were some that were so full of stress I would be throwing my controller, biting my controller, and swearing at my television with high blood pressure, red in the face. Was usually the highly competitive PVP gun game multiplayers when losing trying to unlock some stupid weapon camo or gun.
Edited by goodvibes
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