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MtkMan

An Allegory of a Dream (Self-Improvement)

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This is my first post on this website, yesterday I finally uninstalled all my games after reading Cam's article and browsing the StopGaming subreddit. I did all this in the early hours of this morning (around 2 am) after getting off a 12+ hour video game binge which I am sure all of you are familiar with. I felt the strain in my eyes, I couldn't understand how the day slipped away from me, and before I knew it, I was uninstalling my all my video games from my computer yet again. I don't know if this time it's going to last or not, but I hope some change can be made, especially after such an interesting dream and experience I had.

To preface this dream so it makes sense, I have been dealing with self-improvement for a long time. I've been trying to quit porn since I was 16, weed since I was 17, and video games, well, I have been playing video games impulsively my whole life; I am almost 20 years old. There have been moments where it seems that I was doing everything right in these past few years then there are moments like how I felt yesterday where I can't seem to not dig myself into a hole. So when I encountered this dream last night, It struck me as I never really interpreted my struggle in such a manner before.

In my dream there was this city, a city full of vice, old-friends, my old-girlfriend who now seemed to love me again, and seemingly unlimited video-game like things to do for quick fun like rob stores, explore abandoned buildings, run around the empty streets, ect. However, the city was old, the buildings dusty and the streets empty besides just me and my band of friends and girlfriend from High school. The city was fun at first, but after being there only for a short while I realized that this city is something from the past, it was not where my future belonged. In my dream I got a strong urge to flee and leave this city, but not without the desire to bring some of the old remnants of this city with me. I brought my friends and past-lover to the one and only exit of this city which had a large, stone arch covered in cobwebs giving way to a black single lane road. There was this thick layer of fog that rose from this road, obstructing my view of what may lie further down its path. I take the first few steps towards leaving this forsaken city before I realized that none of my companions were following me, they didn't plead me to stay but only stood there watching, there souls bounded to this city and the arch they stood under acting as a impermeable wall in which they cannot go through. Bearing this truth I continued to follow the road, I did not know where the road lead but I knew it was a path that I must eventually walk on. Not long before starting my walk I came across a dog, a ferocious looking beast of a dog that resembled a hell-hound from myth, its bark and growl sparked great fear in my heart and I had an immediate urge to turn back to live the rest of my days in the city of past. I did not run however, instead I noticed that there was a large mound of boulders on the side of the road where the dog stood and I decided to take an alternative path around the beast. I climbed the boulders to only find that I was struggling immensely, the hound now launching at me and attempting to scale the rocks himself in order to take me on. Soon I was at complete exhaustion, the dog was too dangerous for me to take on and the boulders too large for me to scale. I was in relative safety at this point but I realized I was stuck on this mound, there would have to be some sort of miracle in order to get me off alive let alone be able to continue my path down the black road. It was at this moment a devil like figure came from the top of the mound and found its way to my shoulder and said something along the lines of "YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO LEAVE." The words of the devil woke me up from my sleep and I found myself back in my bed, breathing heavily as if the anxiety from the dream carried over to my material existence. 

I have analyzed this dream and dreams enough to understand the clear allegory my subconscious is trying to formulate here. The city in this dream is all my vices, all my bad habits, all my past memories that keep me stuck in a hollow state of existence, much like the empty old buildings that make the city itself. The black road is the path of self-improvement and overcoming, the fog is the nature of not being able to understand where big changes in life may take you. The hound is the challenge we must all face when killing bad habits, the impulses that act against our subconscious will to succeed, the impulse to retreat back to a previous state of existence. The mound is the steep climb we must take to overcome, as overcoming is not easy, self-mastery and self-actualization is much like climbing a mountain as it takes time, dedication, and the constant action of moving upwards not downwards. The devil is doubt, the voice in our heads that say we cannot when we have previously have said to ourselves that we CAN. 

I would love to hear if anyone else has encountered interesting dreams or experiences that reflect on the journey of self-improvement. 

Thank you for reading,

Maguire.

 

 

 

 

  

 

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