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James Good

I finally relapsed

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This isn't a post I wanted to have to write.

8 months I ago, after returning from a 3-week expedition to the Canadian Yukon, I told myself I'd played video games for the last time.

Within 6 months I became a full-time freelance web designer, enrolled on a personal training program, started working with Cam on Game Quitters in a variety of ways, I'm also potentially going to be earning a great wage freelance writing on the side. The future was super bright.

However, 2 weeks ago I took on a lot more work and ended up developing intense cravings to play.

I was trying to escape from hard work in the only way I knew how - gaming.

I resisted for as long as I could, but alas I'm only human. 

I eventually gave in.

I installed my old favourite games, standalone as I'd deleted Steam, and managed quite well initially.

I still got most of my work done, except in a couple of cases, and I wasn't experiencing too many negative effects.

Unfortunately, that changed rapidly.

Fast forward to today and I'm dreaming about these games, thinking about what I'm going to do once I get to my computer, the characters I'm going to make, and how I can optimise my builds as much as possible.

I haven't exercised in 2 weeks due to a broken car and an injury (thanks, David Goggins), my diet has deteriorated, I don't see anyone irl aside from my parents/cousin, and I'm running on autopilot.

The annoying thing is, I want to change. To be better.

But whenever I try to imagine a different way of life it's as if there's a thick cloud hanging over everything. All I can think about is gaming.

Just as everything was picking up, I let it all come crashing down.

The only thing I have to look forward to right now is that I've booked my flight to Thailand in August in order to become a 'digital nomad' and start working remotely and travelling Asia. This actually does make excited thinking about it.

 

I don't entirely know what my goal is with this post, I just wanted to throw up some words on the screen to clear my mind.

I'm going to start writing a daily journal, as I try to bring myself out of yet another pit and to keep myself accountable.

 

If anything it's a great reminder that we're often at our most vulnerable when everything seems to be going great.

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25 minutes ago, James Good said:

If anything it's a great reminder that we're often at our most vulnerable when everything seems to be going great.

That is the truth. Don't worry about it too much, You had many many months of amazing productive life, and just a few weeks of weakness. Its seems to me that mostly you are still winning on the long run. So don't linger too much on it, and get back on track!

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Thank you!

Today I've definitely noticed a huge shifting point in my mindset. I'm starting to gain some clarity, even after only a couple of hours, and I've gotten straight back to work on my important tasks. 

I don't intend on stopping any time soon, I just need to learn to manage the downfalls and make use of the up-falls(??)

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Shit man, that’s rough. 

Honestly weirdly enough today I was having some intense cravings again, imagining that I could play Destiny again part time with my friends, someday in the future. “Just one Sunday every month.”, my brain said. I guess we both know that’s not how it’s going to end.

As dahankus said, don’t be too hard on yourself. A relapse is a setback, sure, but it’s not like you’re back to square one. If you look back at the sum total of time you saved this year compared to previous ones, I’m sure it’s still a massive improvement. And you’re already taking lessons from this relapse. So, just make the most of it. We got your back!

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On 5/29/2019 at 12:18 AM, James Good said:

However, 2 weeks ago I took on a lot more work and ended up developing intense cravings to play.

James you have a lot to be proud of. You found your strength and made something of it.

It just sounds like you fell into the same trap as many people do. Taking on too much and losing your sense of balance. You are a human being brother, not a robot. Schedule some much needed downtime when you need it. 

You got this! Time to put on the boxing gloves and get in the ring again with the addiction! 

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Kind of late to the party but meh.

Relapse happens. That's not important. The important part is what you're going to do about it.

I too found that taking on too much at once eventually leads back to old and comfortable habits. I've since learned that it's best to make something as mind numbingly easy as possible just to get you to actually do the thing consistently. You train yourself to do the thing more and more and eventually it becomes a way of life.

I'm just starting to listen to the Life Unlocked podcast. Looking forward to getting through it. 🙂 Keep up the fight!

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