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CalmCactus

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Today is the start of a better me. I'm tired of having all my mental focus being wasted thinking about games. Life is beautiful and I loathe the thought of staring at a screen for endless hours now. I want to think clearly and feel liberated for the first time in a long time. Reading other users journals motivated me to make an account and actually record my process of starting over. I have relapsed in the past and I sure as shit don't want to do it again.

Red Dead 2 was a big issue for me, but I'm starting to see how big of an illusion the game is. I was starting to realize that everything was fake within the game, but I had seemed so realistic to me. Sure it seemed like birds are actually singing, the horse is actually living, and the stream is actually flowing... but it is not. It is all implanted sounds and textures giving you the illusion that you are outside in another world.

After I realized the fact that the game was an illusion, I couldn't look at RDR the same way. After replaying the story mode for the third time, I asked myself why. If I've already played the game and experienced every mission and quest, why do I need to play it again for more endless hours? I'm not experiencing anything new.

I think my craving for RDR comes from the fact that I would love to go outside IRL and explore the nature around me, but I am scared to go alone. I also really love horses and the fact that the game allowed me to have my own horses was thrilling, and I even started considering the fake pixel horses as my own.

As of right now I don't regret anything, but I know as the week continues I will be craving games again. It will be hard but this is the start of a new beginning!

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