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Kaleidoskope

Starting My Journey

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Hello, I was brought here from the Module 1 video and I would love to introduce myself along with my story.

Brief History:

My first video game was Super Mario for the SNES when I was 3-4 years old and continued gaming frequently for most of my life until I was 17. I played the NES, SNES, N64, PSX, PS2, Xbox, Xbox 360, and PC Gaming on Windows 95-XP. Xbox is when my gaming addiction started with Halo until I decided to stop on the Xbox 360. Then, I got back to gaming after graduating from high school and attending college.

I've Been Through This Before:

Believe it or not, I used to quit gaming 10 years ago when I wanted to improve myself (2009ish) and I got into interests such as art, music, and movies. I was more active with life and learned all kinds of topics within those interests I mentioned. Then after graduating high school in 2012, I went back into gaming by playing a third-person shooter game on the PC and binge played all day every day. Around 2015, I stopped playing that game when my friend said he would sell me his PS3 for a very low price, so I bought it. The problem got worst since I was taking three classes and dropped one class just to make room to play on the PS3. One of my relatives gave me his PS2 and Wii to include with my PS3. In other words, I played a plethora of video games just to catch up with all those years of missing out on video games. However, I played Halo 3, ODST, and Reach during the late 2009-mid 2012 period but occasionally because I was still focused on avoiding video games.

How It All Started:

(2016) When I used to binge play on the PS3, my friend who then owned a PS4 convinced me to get the game Overwatch. I didn't want to believe him until I checked out the trailer. The graphics, the animation, and the story trailers all hypnotized me into buying the game. I didn't have a PS4, so I ended up borrowing it from my friend since he was going to Chicago for 2 weeks. I bought Overwatch from my last paycheck from working at a fast food restaurant which then leads me to make one of the worst decisions to be made. I bought the game a month after it was released, so I bought merch and other goodies with it. Since I had to work almost daily for 10 hours a week with low pay, I decided to send a resignation letter to my manager just so I could play the game all day every day. Since my friend got his PS4 returning from Chicago, I ended up selling all the consoles I owned along with the games I had for each console just so I could buy a PS4 from the Pawn Shop to play Overwatch. While the job I had wasn't one of the best ones on the planet, it leads me to stay unemployed for nearly 2 years.

(Late 2016 - mid 2018) During these 2 years from, all I ever did was binge play on the PS4 along with Overwatch while unemployed. How I had income was from donating plasma and receiving money from my parents. I bought loot boxes which leads to a gambling problem adding to my addiction and other games to keep me occupied. My friend gave me this speech about focusing on life and goals around October 2017 since he was going to move, so I was inspired to sell my PS4 along with all the other games. However, this only leads me to replace the PS4 by playing mobile games. When Black Friday came around, I bought a gaming PC which is I am currently typing with. However, I don't use it for gaming. When I got this PC, I went back to playing Overwatch but for a brief amount of time from December 2017 to August 2018 until I bought another PS4. I was happy to buy the PS4 again since I get to reunite with my high school friend who lives a long distance away from me. This was short-lived when he displayed toxic behavior when I was only trying to have fun with the game which he then passed that behavior on to me. All of this continues until we decide to cut communication for a month.

(January 2019-April 2019) I had no one to play with and I was the only one by myself. I put the controller down deciding to go live life by hitting the gym, eating at restaurants, traveling to a different country, and going to the beach to enjoy life. I never felt so joyful and free. A month later, my friend comes back to me apologizing about everything. Still, he was the same person. He loves to game to this day, but I don't plan on cutting him off yet unless he becomes a real problem to the goals I want to achieve. My friends who do not game are busy living their life to the fullest and transforming into great people which made me feel somewhat envious, lost, and worthless. My room wasn't clean, gym membership being wasted, not helping my roommates with the house, sedentary lifestyle, and falling behind on my assignments trying to turn them on the deadlines were all due to my gaming habits. I put the controller down once again and decided to get my life back on track this time starting...

 

Today:

The reason I decided to quit gaming today is because I work a full-time job for 44 hours a week. On my days off and coming back from work, all I would do was binge play on the PS4 to relieve the stress. I reached a boiling point last week on Tuesday at 3:30 in the morning when I started feeling lost, hopeless, depressed, and useless since I was not getting anything done in real life despite unlocking achievements online. I was watching and hearing about all my non-gaming friends on social media living their life and progressing ahead of me which lead to the boiling point since I was getting nothing done in the meantime. I am 27 years old and my life's time clock is ticking. Gaming is not how I want to live for the remainder of my life. I could die tomorrow, right now, later, this week, next week, this year, etc. Having my last moments on a controller and video game playing on the screen is not how I want it to end. I realized that I got more joy by being adventurous and doing activities that benefit myself along with everyone in my life. However, I am going through the urge of wanting to play a video game real bad and feel a bit depressed about it. Right now, I am giving it my best throughout this journey.

 

Edited by Kaleidoskope
I was so into writing this, I forgot to include some sentences.

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Yeah, memento mori.

You have this friend of yours that plays and is the one who is still next to you. I tell you what, getting success in leaving gaming behind might help him. You don't need to say anything, but only living better will serve as an inspiration. I wish you the best on your journey.

Edited by puckspock
grammar
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