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Hello there!

So first I wanna say, that my school english isn't the best, but i'll try to make it understandable.

About myself:

I'm 18 years old, coming from Switzerland and have been gaming for over 6 years now. the reason why i started was very simple, but also sad. My dad püassed away when i was 12 and just two years later a got i diagnose of an incurable disease, which meant my muscles were getting weaker slowly but steady. So video games were the only place i could get rid of all these very big problems in my life. It was a very rough time since then. I have to mention that I'm super grateful that my marks never dropped and I'm still under the top three in my class. So that's a positive thing, same as my physical health. I managed to do 2x a week therapie and 4x a week fitness and it helps me alot to keep myself up not only that my muscle-strength doesn't fade, but also mentally.

But beside that i also played so much video games. especially on weekends or in holidays. It came thati played like 13 hours a day and I got sick of it really! And i had a few tries getting over this adddiction as many would calll it, but failed and felt even worse after it. Had one year without my computer and smartphone but never found joy in other areas in my life. So I relapsed right at the end of 2018. Since then I sometimes hoped to be able to control my gaming behavior and itt was not even that bad. But just 3 weeks ago holidays started and it was horrible. So I decided to stop this once and forever. As my other tries didnt work out in the long run, I wanna make it public this time and join a forum to motivbate others and also get inspiration on my side.

My goals are these:

  • Quit video games completely
  • reduce the amount of time i spend on youtube to basically zero (only music is allowed)
  • find other hobbis/activities that bring me joy
  • read alot about psychology and philosophy, because it fascinates me
  • keep up the good work in health and school
  • write this journal every day

As this port goes online this experiment or rather this new life begins and I feel ready for whatever will encounter me.

Peace out!

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Day 1

So my first day was pretty good, even though i urged a little in watching youtube. Caught myself in scrolling through CSGO content and i was really tempted to watch the ESL Pro league. Anyways I did some organisational stuff, went to the library, was in the gym and had all in all a very quit day. In the afternoon I slept for almost 6 hours and can now not go to bed because of it. I was not able so far, doing my school work done, but that has some personal reasons I cannot write about, because I don't know them exactly. I just feel blocked inside my head to to anything productive and I hope this will end very soon. Maybe it has something to do, that I watched an almost 2h long interview with Jordan Peterson and then read in his book "12 rules for life" for quite a bit. It really fascinates me, but it's also a lot of brain work and thinking in it. Also a bit concerned I was about my time spending on this forum. I think I'm kinda bored, even though I have many things to do, but i rather see the new post, read and comment. But I shouldn't be online more than maybe 2 times a day, except I havee urges and need to motivate myself.

 

 

Edited by Sapuverell

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Hey man. 

I agree that Jordan Peterson has some great stuff out there, I also spend far too much time listening to his stuff 😄  During my struggles I have found that too much change at once is doomed to fail, always, except maybe if you move to a different country, than maybe its possible, but if your life stays the same, then your habits will most likely come back if you try to get rid of them at the same time. I recommend "Atomic Habits", amazing book about the "how" to change ones habits. You seem to have a good grasp on life already, so you will succeed sooner or later, so don't be too hard on yourself, and remember that success comes from consistency in the small things not from huge decisions.

Good luck.

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9 minutes ago, dahankus said:

Hey man. 

I agree that Jordan Peterson has some great stuff out there, I also spend far too much time listening to his stuff 😄  During my struggles I have found that too much change at once is doomed to fail, always, except maybe if you move to a different country, than maybe its possible, but if your life stays the same, then your habits will most likely come back if you try to get rid of them at the same time. I recommend "Atomic Habits", amazing book about the "how" to change ones habits. You seem to have a good grasp on life already, so you will succeed sooner or later, so don't be too hard on yourself, and remember that success comes from consistency in the small things not from huge decisions.

Good luck.

I will see if this book is available in our local library, otherwise I order it. 

At first I have to say I couldn't change anything. Because I'm still in school, people didn't change around me, I did always the same things I was so used to do for basically my hole life and every try to change something met with effort and work. That's where I learned to start small and also to not be to hard with myself. Through Video Games you really stop being patient so it was really hard at the beginning. I hate it to be slow and not haveing this instant reward-system that games provide. 

Thank you dahankus!

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Day 2

Today I found motivation to do some homework and it made me happy. I love to hear no stuff, learning and understanding to quench my tremendous curiosity. So that was good. I slept in the afternoon for about 3 hours and I don't know why. I usually never do this. I think it has to do, that i can no longer turn on my computer and start playing directly. I have to choose an activity. Because I do not have many ideas yet, and I'm kinda tired after school I just lay down. So I'm bored you can say.

Meanwhile all my games are uninstalled. E-Mail notifications are set off. Esspecially before sleeping or when I return home I urge to watch YouTube for fun or any streams to keep me entertained. I don't like it at all, but I also think it's normal.

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I just found out about Jordan Peterson and honestly, this is the perfect way to end my day. Cheers!

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Hey man, welcome to the club.

So sorry to hear about your father and your own troubles with the disease. Life can be really tough sometimes, it's only natural you needed to retreat somewhere. I think it's great you've decided to make this change now, I wish I had done the same at your age. Stay strong!

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17 hours ago, ElectroNugget said:

Hey man, welcome to the club.

So sorry to hear about your father and your own troubles with the disease. Life can be really tough sometimes, it's only natural you needed to retreat somewhere. I think it's great you've decided to make this change now, I wish I had done the same at your age. Stay strong!

Thank you so much. You probably have no idea how much such few words mean to me. Humans need so little encouragement and you just made my day!

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Update

By keeping track of other posts from other users I wanna add something to my daily journal that I think would improve it.

  1. I wanna list 3 things per day I'm thankful for
  2. Record my sleep time

Next to that I saw someone got into "NoFap", and I want to try it out as well, even though the scientific aspect of this detox is lost as it is now more than one factor.

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Day 3

So far my hardest day. Couldn't sleep last night and gym, school and now learning has been very tiring. I feel like i could lay down and instantly fall asleep. Had very much thought about my past and how my life is been so far. Reminded me of the beautiful moments, but also the dark times. Today I feel like killing myself for making space for something new to thrive. Wanna finish my past, but also have the opportunity to ever come back and remind me of these times. Feeling also confused, maybe you can see it in my spelling.

Anyways, I had very good talk with a good female friend and I feel understood by her. On the other side I felt kinda helpless, when I saw her speaking and hugging another guy from my class. I really should work on my social skills and also gain experience in that matter. I somehow can't deal with it, when a female friend is having a good time with other guys.

Thoughts on Gaming are very rare. I caught myself watching 2-3 stupid videos on Youtube that were unnecessary. But then pretty quickly turned it off, when I thought about my goal. The only thing I'm struggling on is having no possibility to hide my feelings anymore. Just have to deal with everything I experience through the day. It feels like my head is always rattling and the only way to stop that is meditating or sleep. I look forward to the weekend and hope I can rest a bit. Also I'm excited about it, though I have no clue what to do, when there is at once so much time to spend/invest. 

I'm grateful for:

  • having the possibility to talk with someone about my problems and feeling understood
  • my intelligence that brought me so far in school and allow me to sometimes do a little bit less investment, when times are difficult
  • the music I find on Youtube that help me relax, fall asleep and process my feelings

"NoFap" is making me look after girls in school, and I don't like it, because sometimes I feel I can't control my eyes anymore. In my opinion I have to get used to all of this, with that I mean handling the fact, that there is no longer this regurarly sexual relief. In seeing ggirls the right way, was never a problem so far, but I definitely feel this kind of urge in my behavior. I will keep watching it.

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Oh, women. Girls! You'll be fine 🙂

Good effort on today, keep it up and hold the line!

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Sapurverell, I think it's good that you are trying to take on NoFap as well. Pornography I've also absolutely had an addiction, or at least a serious problem with, for about 17 years (gaming tops that at 22 though!). I just started thinking about trying a month of NoFap now that I'm nearly a month into my GameQuitters, and I'm more comfortable without games.

However, if there's one thing I've learned in the past from trying to change many habits at once, it's that it's very, very difficult to do so and you may not be 'setting yourself up for success' as Cam recommends. Trying to make a lot of really big changes to your lifestyle all at once can be really difficult and you may fall off the wagon if you're not careful. It takes a lot of willpower to resist the urges from multiple addictions every day.

That might be OK for you! Just make sure that you're aware how hard it is to do, and give yourself some credit even if you do struggle and fail. These changes are important, but they're also big and difficult to do. You may not get it right the first time. Make sure you give yourself credit for each day you do succeed. 🙂

Hope that helps. Keep it up man!

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16 hours ago, ElectroNugget said:

However, if there's one thing I've learned in the past from trying to change many habits at once, it's that it's very, very difficult to do so and you may not be 'setting yourself up for success' as Cam recommends. Trying to make a lot of really big changes to your lifestyle all at once can be really difficult and you may fall off the wagon if you're not careful. It takes a lot of willpower to resist the urges from multiple addictions every day.

That might be OK for you! Just make sure that you're aware how hard it is to do, and give yourself some credit even if you do struggle and fail. These changes are important, but they're also big and difficult to do. You may not get it right the first time.

Make sure you give yourself credit for each day you do succeed. 🙂

Thank you very much for your feedback! Yes I see that problem or danger and I'm a 100% conscious about that. Still though I think I can manage that, through the fact that it's not the first time I quit games nor Pornography. I kinda know how it feels and as a result of that other areas in my life are absolutely great, I'm rather confident.

About giving myself credit: I have no idea how to reward myself, when for all my life it's been gaming for multiple hours and feeling this instant gratification. I though about reading or just sleeping, but I definitely have to come up with some other ideas!

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Day 4

gone to bed: 23.30

woke up: 06.45

It was good! My physics exam went almost perfect and I feel relieeved that I'm back on track in school. Beside that I'm glad to be more calm in school. I do not leave a comment on everything, I'm not that loud anymore and I think I'm more serious right now. I think I can be who I am and that makes me more than happy. Relationships are so going well. I stopped feeling guilty, because I sometimes am not just happy and feeeling a bit in a crisis.

As the weekend started today, I was so bored and still am. I slept for around 5 hours till now and don't feel very good about it, because I would like it, if I did something productive or creative. So far I coulnd't though. I did wanna watch some Youtube or Twitch just so that time passes but then didn't. I also questionned myself, if I really wanna quit video games forever and not just for a time. But all this doubt is just wantring the easy way. I don't wann feel bored, lonely, helpless nor on withdrawal. But I made this decision and if I really ask myself I know exactly that it's right and important for my life.

I'm grateful for:

  • living in switzerland, with one of the best education-system in the world that I am part of
  • having not relapsed till now and feeling pretty far away from games already
  • being on this forum
  • helpful, positive and understanding peoplle around me
  • self-discipline I brought up

 

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Day 5

gone to bed: 00.30

woke up: 07.40

This Saturday has been good. I went to the gym and so did complete my second week of doing on 6 days sports. I pounced on a puzzle and it has been bothering me since then. Also I played some card games with relatives who came by. So no longer this boringsness. Something actually made me think. I know that games trigger many of our needs for feeling accomplishment, progress or confirmation in a way, but something games had always provided was fun. In my previous activities I have to say, I never felt the same amount of fun or joy in it. Not that reading or working for school is a bad thing. But it seems so plain, no such challange like in a video game. I'm a bit scared of this fact!

I'm grateful for:

  • the food I had today
  • the patience I have for tthe puzzle (I post a photo, when it's complete)
  • fun with my relatives
  • spending basically no time in front of a screen, except writing this journal

"NoFap" is making me difficulties. I don't have a problem renouncing porrnography, but renouncing masturbation is hard. It's just that I had some sexual thoughts today, not about anyone I saw. I just thought about good-looking girls and I  dind't know what to do. We'll see!

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It depends on the expectations you put into the book. You can be hardly motivated to read some subject you don't care about. Generally, that's not really required on high-school in most subjects, it's more around the time of university/college when that starts to ramp up.

"No Fap" seems odd, I am sure it's not too practical. A healthy male has to "release" at some point, as sperm gets renewed in between some 60-90 days (forgot the exact number) and it goes away when you "release" it.

My awkward story speaks for itself; when I was younger, not "releasing" but activating sexually, I had these "pollutions" every 14 days or so, where I would just wake up wet, with my body "releasing" while I was asleep! Generally with some sort of a sexual dream as well and no, I didn't wet my bed 😛 

I've been releasing on a daily basis consistently for a while, however I imagine the ideal state is to do it 1-2x a week, so I'll have to change the habit too. I've never heard anyone talking about having too much sex though 😄

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29 minutes ago, Ikar said:

It depends on the expectations you put into the book. You can be hardly motivated to read some subject you don't care about. Generally, that's not really required on high-school in most subjects, it's more around the time of university/college when that starts to ramp up.

"No Fap" seems odd, I am sure it's not too practical. A healthy male has to "release" at some point, as sperm gets renewed in between some 60-90 days (forgot the exact number) and it goes away when you "release" it.

My awkward story speaks for itself; when I was younger, not "releasing" but activating sexually, I had these "pollutions" every 14 days or so, where I would just wake up wet, with my body "releasing" while I was asleep! Generally with some sort of a sexual dream as well and no, I didn't wet my bed 😛 

I've been releasing on a daily basis consistently for a while, however I imagine the ideal state is to do it 1-2x a week, so I'll have to change the habit too. I've never heard anyone talking about having too much sex though 😄

The thing is, that I like the book "twelve ruloes for life" and I enjoy reading it. It's just, this isn't nearly as exciting as video games. It's slow, it's silent, you always have to think and maybe reread a section. So in comparison to gaming i wouldn't say I have fun. I see this not as a bad thing, but I have to experience, that real life is not that stimulating and I have to get used to this. Do not get me wrong now, but there are of course activities that make you feel very passionate, but I'm not far enough yet.

In terms of "NoFap", I had this aswell, but it was years ago. Maybe I should consider changing my goal to no pornography instead of no masturbation at all. I'll think about it.

Thank you very much Ikar. I really appreciate your feedback and it's helping me alot! Much thanks!

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Day 6

gone to bed: 23.30

woke up: 11.30

So I've been thinking about "NoFap" and for now I wanna keep it like that. It's all bearable, also to not play any video games. 

Today I was so tempted to watch IEM Sydney of CSGO and I barely held me back. I did some homework then, went to the local sport centre an did some wellness and also cooked something for me, what rarely happens. I feel pretty good and I'm happy with my life at the moment. There is just one thing I wanna change, that's my usage of my smartphone. I normally watch some debates or motivational videos in the evening, but it became too much and I sometimes watched until midnight. I wanna put it away at 22.00, from now on and then go to bed at 22.30. 

I'm grateful for:

  • a relaxing day after my body felt exhausted
  • completing all I had to do for school
  • having little to none urges or cravings
  • feeling good

 

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23 hours ago, Sapuverell said:

The thing is, that I like the book "twelve ruloes for life" and I enjoy reading it. It's just, this isn't nearly as exciting as video games. It's slow, it's silent, you always have to think and maybe reread a section. So in comparison to gaming i wouldn't say I have fun. I see this not as a bad thing, but I have to experience, that real life is not that stimulating and I have to get used to this. Do not get me wrong now, but there are of course activities that make you feel very passionate, but I'm not far enough yet.

In terms of "NoFap", I had this aswell, but it was years ago. Maybe I should consider changing my goal to no pornography instead of no masturbation at all. I'll think about it.

Thank you very much Ikar. I really appreciate your feedback and it's helping me alot! Much thanks!

I think we might be doing what Cam suggested; go out to be productive. I can take a book outside but I can't take my desktop PC outside too easily. In my room, it's not a fair fight between a book and a computer in my eyes.

No problem! Glad somebody is sharing my awkward story 😄

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Day 7

gone to bed: 22.30

woke up: 07.05

Today a little shorter. I had no thoughts about gaming at all. Felt very good during the day, had my fun with friends with card games and worked on my puzzle when I returned home. I could criticize that I wasn't that productive, but there are only things I have to do for wednesday, so it's not that big of a deal.

I'm grateful for:

  • a long phonecall with my friend and her openness to me
  • feeling very fit after a relaxing weekend
  • the lunch break, where some of our class, including me, had a good time and a lot of fun

Until tomorrow!

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Day 8

gone to bed 22.30

woke up 07.10

Today sucked, sorry for that word, but I can't say it differently. School was ok, but I started feeling bored. I also felt tired out of nowhere and I started thinking about relationships and my detox, school and the claims to myself. Also I behaved in a way that I don't like at all. It made me somehow little bit depressed and so I left school. Later in the gym I noticed how good it felt to just move and feel your body after sitting at a desk for a day. That was good and I also gott some order into the chaos in my head. With a good feeling I returned home and did wanna learn for my french exam tomorrow. Sadly this never happened until now. I spent hours on Youtube watching some non-sense videos and felt more and more bad about myself. Anyway, I wanna go to bed at time now, so that I at least accomplished one thing today. If the exam turns bad it's not that big of a deal, it is practically impossible not to come in the next year for me, because I was so good so far.

I'm grateful for:

  • the gym session
  • music, which brought me through the day
  • a good textchat with my mother about change in general
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Day 9

gone to bed: 23.05

woke up 07.05

Good Day! My exam was very easy and I could learn all the vocabulary during lunch break. Afterwards I felt relieved. Today I requested my learner's permit for driving and it will be delivered in a few days. I'm excited about it. I also finished my puzzle like you see on the picture. Just now I agreed with my best friend to meet and watch a film together. I look forward to it.

I'm grateful for:

  • everything worked out after yesterday's failure
  • about 1h screentime only
  • the calm that came from solving the puzzle

"NoFap" became pretty hard. I just want to do it, but then holding me back everytime. But it doesn't feel like il have to.

thumbnail_IMG_20190508_221415.jpg

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Day 10

gone to bed: 23.00

woke up: 07.15

Video Games were not even on my thoughts today. I slept very good and was rather productive. Organized some appointments, for example for my driver's license or coiffeur. I did well in school and a teacher told me how he appreciates the good work I do in class, that made me happy. Nevertheless I thought a lot about my best friend and her relationship to a guy from my class and I couldn't let go from it. She looked so fucked up and I wish I could do something for her.

"NoFap" became eveen worse today. I find myself staring at girls and I don't like it at all. What should I do?

I'm grateful for:

  • good people around me which allow me to change
  • having Youtube or the internet to make yourself an opinion on certain political topics
  • feeling well rested everyday, because of a stable sleep rhythm
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9 hours ago, Sapuverell said:

I find myself staring at girls and I don't like it at all. What should I do?

It's one thing to acknowledge and notice beauty. That's healthy. It is another thing to engage in lustful thinking. That's depreciating.

It may take a while to make progress in this area because your mind will want to replay what you have been feeding it in the past. It is said that images actually take up more space in the brain as opposed to words. It will require consistent time and effort to replace that space in your mind.

I have been separated from my spouse for over 2 months. We have always been fulfilled in the bedroom so the physical loneliness during our separation has been especially difficult after over 13 years of marriage. I will confess that I have to obtain some release once a week at a minimum, but to curb my cravings I practice 3 things:

1.) Cold showers - It's miserable, but also extremely invigorating and I always have my energies redirected afterwards.

2.) Working out - Some days I run the treadmill for about 45 mins. Other days I use weight training. The disciplined time gives me more power to resist temptations.

3.) Time outdoors - It sounds simplistic, but leave the devices inside and go for a walk. Take a hike in the woods, stroll at a local park, or walk beside a body of water. It helps free the mind.

Know that you are not alone in this struggle and that you CAN obtain the mastery you seek. Be strong. Keep up the good work.

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