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30_yrs_of_gaming

Respawning for the Last Time

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I'm starting over again. This time, I am completely alone and it is my fault. 😭

Two years ago, I threw all the games in my house away, but my wife gave in to the children and let them have other devices. I tried to stand against it because I see how gaming affects them too.

I wanted to change the culture of the whole family. I couldn't stand on my own while they continued. I wanted us to do this together.

I remember seeing my parents try to quit smoking, but when one didn't want to follow, the other would lapse over and over again. Sometimes, it would take a week, a month, or even six months.

I'm not saying a person can blame anyone for their actions, but I know how hard it really is now.

My wife let my kids keep playing and six months later, I fell again. I bought a brand new gaming laptop and went whole hog on an MMO-RPG. 

Then, a year ago, I took a job opportunity out of town where I would be on the move a lot. My family was even able to follow, but I would create opportunities to game along the way. 

Six months later, when I returned home, I was back at it again. 

My wife and I have always struggled to get along for our entire 13 years of marriage. Between arguing and pressures from work, I justified retreating into gaming heavily. Originally, I didn't even want to raise my family with a television. My mother-in-law insisted and the wife got her way.

I grew up in a peaceful home. My marriage has been terrible.

I've wasted another two years since I last tried this 90 day detox! I can't believe it has been two years! 

My life is falling apart. Five months ago, my wife destroyed my laptop. A month later, I replaced it. I wanted to quit on my own terms. Plus, she sits on Facebook and Netflix for hours on end. Why couldn't I game?

We tried marriage counseling for 4 months, but it didn't fix anything.

I am getting counseling for myself. I am now living alone. My wife and I have been temporarily separated for 2 months now. I've continued gaming because of the human interactions I have there. I have even been able to talk about some of my problems with people I play with. That is one reason I have been hanging on to it.

I am ready to quit forever this time. I hate my life. 

Gaming is only a part of my life, but it has been the piece that has allowed me fall short of learning some other important life lessons. I need to find out what those lessons are. 

Gaming is a false safety net. It is an illusion that has helped me be weak. I'm done with it.

I want to reclaim my manhood and maybe win my wife back someday. I don't know.

My wife and my oldest son won't talk to me. I have a few friends, but I am mourning missing my family. 

I remembered this place and so I came back. 

That's my story for now. Time to change it.

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Wow, what a story my man!

Truly that made me feel pumped for your progress!

I'm very sorry about your family, and I wish you your family the very best for the future. I'm a single 21 year old so I can't even fathom how that must feel for you but honestly I hope it works for the best.

Some things I can actually speak about though, is what you can do otherwise. If you've read Cam's 'Respawn', you may know about it, but regardless, i'll put in my own two cents. You need to occupy the time spent gaming with other things, other hobbies. Cam has a hobby tool where you can get some ideas, or maybe you have goals you want to meet already and have things in mind. For me personally, I cannot stress the point of investing in yourself enough. I would HIGHLY recommend you read brother, and I have a few recommendations if you want to know where to get started.

Essentialism: Greg Mckeown - i'm reading this book for the fourth time right now. Every time my eyes open to something new. To put it simply, this book is about being an essentialist. The way of the essentialist involves doing less, but better, so you can make the highest possible contribution. The power of this is profound, very highly recommend.

The power of habit: Charles Duhigg - This is a highly recommended book by Cam, too. It goes into the science of habits and how you can use it to change your own. It's very powerful. The tips in here are helping me move past bad habits such as gaming (and helping me formulate new, good habits), it's life changing.

Atomic Habits: James Clear - This book is kind of similar to The power of Habit, but I feel like it's more practical in application and less scientific based. Still a VERY good read, and probably a good follow up book to the power of habit, but you'd be perfectly fine reading either this or the power of habit alone.

7 Habits of highly productive people: Stephen Covey - i'll admit, I haven't read this yet, but it's on my bookshelf. Many have said this is an amazing book and its been a best seller for ages, so I guess it's worth a read, too.

Aside from books, the youtube channel "College info geek" and it's associated podcast (with the same name) has also helped me be more productive, too. (I should note he no longer focuses on college, as he's been around for a while and since graduated, he focuses on a lot of things...he introduced me to this website, actually!)

Again, I really hope things get better for you, my dude. I understand quitting gaming can be a lonely journey, but is it possible you could stay in contact with gaming friends through other platforms such as facebook or skype? Regardless, i'd be more than happy to keep in touch with you, should you wish.

Best wishes,

Toby

Edited by Best Toby Oce

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Thanks so much, Toby! I had only heard of one of these books and am going to be adding these to my list of books to read instead of gaming. That was a very compassionate and detailed reply. Thanks again!

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