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Ikar's Diary


Ikar

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On 3/12/2020 at 7:52 PM, Empathy said:

Day 327 looks like more than 24 hours! How have you made it?

Eventually, there was just too much evidence piled up that gaming was hurting me in more ways than it was helping me. Once I understood that, it wasn't too difficult for me to stay away.

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Day 328:

Yesterday we had quite the party, as it was the last one that could be legally held for the next several weeks. Going out thrice in three days in such a passion was quite the feat. Cold approaches, connecting with people and having fun - I did all of that. Now I am going to work on myself again in the upcoming days.

I took a walk outside, took my car to the paint shop, had a light workout, read "The Red and the Black" and caught up with the GQ forum too. I did all that even though I felt hungover after yesterday and catching up on sleep during the day.

These days I am especially grateful for my stalwart mindset and my ability to detach and also that I do not take myself too seriously. I even saw some sensible-looking posts on FB with people expressing gratitude for this newfound situation, so they could find time to go out into the nature, work out or meet the people closest to them. Life's good after all.

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Day 330:

I read, did Duolingo, worked out, planned events for the next week, took a walk and went to the groceries. I also got my website up, even if it took me a while to get a handle on the registration, FTP server and whatnot. I went to play chess and talked with one guy I know on the dorms in the evening.

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Day 331:

I went to a job interview to work on a summer camp, but halfway on my way there they called me that it's cancelled, because of the even more restrictive quarantine issued by the government. I was on my bike, so I took the opportunity to stay outside for a bit longer and cycled around a bit, as I just got my bike here and I do not know the bike routes here yet.

I then read and laid in bed in a state of vigilance. I did German in Russian on Duolingo and sorted out mails. I had a good arm workout and I also did squats for the first time, although it was fairly easy, since my legs were always strong. I read a part of a long article on family, messed around with my web and cooked dinner.

I also felt bored during the day. I think I need a bit of time to re-adjust to the newfound situation of being less social than before. I'll figure something out.

---

It is a year since my ex and I split up. While it sucked in the moment (or a few weeks), it led to a chain of events where I understood as to why the relationship ended in the way it did and where I reconsidered the very axioms of how I go about my life. That eventually brought me here about a month later. I'm grateful for that realization.

Spoiler

KCV0Etn.jpg

I'm gonna keep on working out even after I start having sex again!

 

Edited by Ikar
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Day 332:

I watched a video about the climate change and its implications for my country, did the groceries, Duolingo, finished reading the article about "nuclear family", worked on my web, watched a lighthearted improvisation show with a philosophical overreach about the current situation, wrote on my blog and went outside for a walk. I didn't work out, since the gym at the dorms is closed since today. I'll start using my expander tomorrow and will try to seek some public workout playgrounds outside.

---

I have to admit that the current situation is difficult for me. Therefore, I'm convinced there is a lesson in it. Not because I could get ill, but because I can't be social as much as I would normally be. I'm gonna give my social life a thought.

My social life has transformed slowly. From the beginnings of confiding to my family members, through living together with my coworkers in Iceland, teaching English after my return and finally moving to the dorms in the city center. Each step brought me closer together with other people in the society. It even got to the point of me writing this earlier today:

21 hours ago, Ikar said:

I actually wanted to write some people yesterday, yet I felt weird as to why would I write them if I normally meet them. I actually got myself into a point where I do not want to write with people I meet regularly, because the interactions are so much better in person.

Currently, there are two guys I am aware of that I know at the dorms; the rest of the students went home, except some of the Erasmus ones. I could technically go home to live with my parents for a few weeks, but they already had flu/cold when I visited them over the weekend for lunch. I don't have my car since Friday either, because I put it into the pain shop and I'm not sure when is it going to be finished, otherwise I'd probably go a circle grandma-blood donation-brother and then headed back home with the notion of day well spent.

Quote
I also got the thought of getting back on the dating apps again, because I have to spend more time inside... but then I realized I'd need to go outside into the ghost city even if I managed to set-up a date :V
though I actually find that idea appealing, I like the atmosphere of some unconstrained danger being out there
it gives me stability and courage
I do not like being locked down because of it though :V

 

Quote
but really, my biggest worry in all this is that I want to go out and talk to people, but I can't do it as much as I'd want to :V
there are actually some quarantined villages in the country and I remember a fragment of a dream that I was actually in that area
I also thought I'd go to the army regional headquarters that I'd volunteer in case they needed me somehow
and while I think sowing respirators is admirable and all, it's just not dangerous/adventurous enough for me
I'm a wild breed I guess

I wrote the above quotes to my friend yesterday afternoon. I afterwards decided to sign up for volunteering in my area in case anyone in the higher-risk groups needs to get their shopping done or babysit their kids, just to make sure I channel my energy in a constructive way.

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Day 333:

Today I got into a series called "The Expanse", did Duolingo, got (back) on OKC and Tinder after approximately 6 month hiatus, worked on my web, played chess and chatted with one of the guys and took a walk in the evening.

---

I'm gonna try to reorganize myself for tomorrow. I think the mid-day workout was crucial for me, as I like to start my days off lazy (writing here, reading, eating, Duolingo etc.), then work out, eat (have lunch), take a shower and then I'm ready to roll by mid-day/early afternoon. There's quite a large sparsely forested area I will go to meditate/exercise/walk starting tomorrow that's largely devoid of people. I can also go shopping on my way back. Sitting on my ass all day makes me do nothing all day.

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6 hours ago, ceponatia said:

The Expanse is my jam. Best sci-fi in a loooong time. 

 

5 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

Thought the exact same thing as soon as he mentioned it. 

Having just finished the first series, I actually did get a bit paranoid after coming back to the real world...

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Day 335:

I commented on here a bit, read, went for a walk and did shopping, got Duolingo done, got my website up in a way I can present it already and cleaned my room. I'm gonna play chess in the evening.

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3 hours ago, Ikar said:

Day 335:

I commented on here a bit, read, went for a walk and did shopping, got Duolingo done, got my website up in a way I can present it already and cleaned my room. I'm gonna play chess in the evening.

Website looks more easy to read than last time. What are your plans for its design in the future?

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3 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Website looks more easy to read than last time. What are your plans for its design in the future?

I'm a bit confused, because I am not sure if I mentioned my website here and it's not in English. Which one are you referring to?

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Just now, BooksandTrees said:

The one in your bio.

Oh, that's just my blog. I didn't post anything for quite a while now, but I have an article half-way there. I was writing about a different website 🙂

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Day 336:

I read, did Duo, went for a walk, worked on my blog and went to play board-games way into the night. I gotta call it earlier the next time.

Day 337:

I did Duo, went for a walk and worked on my blog. I also did research into Forex.

---

The past week feels like a blur. Not being able to go out regularly (and to the gym) as planned affected my ability to work during the morning and afternoon. I'm adjusting slowly and I got the website done though. It's okay.

I also notice the difference between being able to socialize in person X using the Internet chats and dating apps. It is a LANDSLIDE. I have a feeling I am just going to hug the shit out of everyone once this quarantine is over.

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Ikar, what army have you served in? Could you give some insight as to how good it was for your personal development.

Is there an opportunity to develop communication skills or is it way too disciplined and strict for that.

Edited by Amphibian220
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1 hour ago, Amphibian220 said:

Ikar, what army have you served in? Could you give some insight as to how good it was for your personal development.

Is there an opportunity to develop communication skills or is it way too disciplined and strict for that.

I served as a student and then I dropped out and became a radio operator. It showed me that nothing good comes without putting in the work. I was obedient for the most part, but I wasn't disciplined and that showed when I quit. I think I talked to people more compared to when I was at high school though; after all, I managed to get into my first relationship during that time.

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Day 338:

I spent most of my day researching into Forex and dating apps/sites. I went for a walk. I also had a workout with 50 pushups, 50 squats and 50 sit-ups. I got fed up, because my back started to hurt, as I have to spend more time sitting. I'm happy I have something to keep my mind busy.

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6 hours ago, Ikar said:

Day 338:

I spent most of my day researching into Forex and dating apps/sites. I went for a walk. I also had a workout with 50 pushups, 50 squats and 50 sit-ups. I got fed up, because my back started to hurt, as I have to spend more time sitting. I'm happy I have something to keep my mind busy.

What is Forex? Are you nervous about dating with the virus going around?

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2 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

What is Forex?

From what I was currently able to gather, it is about trading currencies online. I figured I might start learning something new, given this quarantine will be in effect for at least another month.

2 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Are you nervous about dating with the virus going around?

Not really, it would actually be kind of cool to go on a date in a ghost town 😄

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