Ikar's Diary

[Ikar]

2 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Those are the kinds of events that lead to finding friends and community. I've met a lot of people through meetups and stuff like that. Happy new year in advance. 

I agree. It's a bummer that the event was a bit remote, so I don't think I'll be able to see these people for a while, but it was still good networking on my part. Happy 2020!

[Ikar]

Resolutions!

 

I was never big on them and this is the first time I mean them seriously, to the extent I am even writing them down. They are not completely arbitrary, as I already am involved in most of them, but I think the organization and planning can be improved. Currently, I am using my schedule just to make sure I am not supposed to be in two places at once. 

 

Daily habits:

read (currently: daily with ~ 80% reliability)

journal (daily with 95% reliability)

brush teeth twice (daily with 95% reliability, BUT just once a day)

Duolingo - Russian (daily with 90% reliability)

record data into excel (more diligently)

schoolwork/studying at home (this will get pushed down to weekly after the exam term)

equalize waking up and going to bed (I generally fluctuate between 22-00 and 6-8, so I sleep around 7 fixed hours a night)

 

Semi-daily habits:

work out 4 times a week - 2 times legs and 2 times arms/upper torso (this one is a bit trickier, but I think if I compound all the hikes, jogs and cycling since I got home from Iceland, I think I am there with my legs workout two times a week already)

meditate 2 times a week (I'll rather start slowly on this one)

hot meal prepping (I do this already, but I think I have to do it more and more efficiently; shopping is exactly where I want it)

 

Weekly habits:

write a blog article (I am almost finished with my first one)

plan the week (duh!)

visit either grandma/brother/family (95% reliability)

go out socially/see a friend IRL - other than my job and uni at least once a week (I currently exceed this)

clean my room (sounds sound - perhaps I could organize the room more?)

 

Semi-weekly habits:

masturbate (I got to 11 days yesterday, double digits for the fourth time, so I think I can get to 14 and having the certainty set up will help me - in the future, I want to carry this certainty over into a sexual relationship with a woman)

 

Monthly habits:

monthly reports (to appreciate the progress, I did those more regularly before Iceland and I want to do one for the past month soon)

 

I might come up with more, but I think this is good for the general outline.

I want to teach between 10-20 hours a week, but I have to set that up from scratch for the next year first.

 

I can do this.

[Ikar]

Day 254:

I spent today in solitude and it hit the spot.

I planned my next week, wrote a real ton (here and blog), did Duolingo, read Solzhenitsyn and went for a jog. I really feel I can rest my head satisfied today with all the work I put in.

Tomorrow I am visiting my parents in the afternoon and heading back to the dorms in the evening for a bit of a party.

[BooksandTrees]

7 hours ago, Ikar said:

Resolutions!

 

I was never big on them and this is the first time I mean them seriously, to the extent I am even writing them down. They are not completely arbitrary, as I already am involved in most of them, but I think the organization and planning can be improved. Currently, I am using my schedule just to make sure I am not supposed to be in two places at once. 

 

Daily habits:

read (currently: daily with ~ 80% reliability)

journal (daily with 95% reliability)

brush teeth twice (daily with 95% reliability, BUT just once a day)

Duolingo - Russian (daily with 90% reliability)

record data into excel (more diligently)

schoolwork/studying at home (this will get pushed down to weekly after the exam term)

equalize waking up and going to bed (I generally fluctuate between 22-00 and 6-8, so I sleep around 7 fixed hours a night)

 

Semi-daily habits:

work out 4 times a week - 2 times legs and 2 times arms/upper torso (this one is a bit trickier, but I think if I compound all the hikes, jogs and cycling since I got home from Iceland, I think I am there with my legs workout two times a week already)

meditate 2 times a week (I'll rather start slowly on this one)

hot meal prepping (I do this already, but I think I have to do it more and more efficiently; shopping is exactly where I want it)

 

Weekly habits:

write a blog article (I am almost finished with my first one)

plan the week (duh!)

visit either grandma/brother/family (95% reliability)

go out socially/see a friend IRL - other than my job and uni at least once a week (I currently exceed this)

clean my room (sounds sound - perhaps I could organize the room more?)

 

Semi-weekly habits:

masturbate (I got to 11 days yesterday, double digits for the fourth time, so I think I can get to 14 and having the certainty set up will help me - in the future, I want to carry this certainty over into a sexual relationship with a woman)

 

Monthly habits:

monthly reports (to appreciate the progress, I did those more regularly before Iceland and I want to do one for the past month soon)

 

I might come up with more, but I think this is good for the general outline.

I want to teach between 10-20 hours a week, but I have to set that up from scratch for the next year first.

 

I can do this.

Good vision. I think it's a good idea to record all of it so you can look at the progress you've made when you're feeling down as a motivator, and also look at it as a comforter when you're feeling good and want to reflect in a positive way. I think it's all well balanced.

[Icandothis]

I am just so proud of you. 
 

Little by little you are achieving all of your goals. It’s such a privilege to watch your journey. 
 

You can do this! And you ARE in the very present moment creating a beautiful life. 

[Ikar]

Day 255:

Good day. I got most of my assignments done in the morning, even though it was a bit of a struggle. I visited my parents and afterwards went to the New Year's Eve party.

Day 256:

I took today off, because the party dragged on till morning, so I just read a little, did my languages and slept. Getting back after it tomorrow.

[Ikar]

Day 257:

I read, did some paperwork, borrowed new books, wrote emails, studied a bit for the upcoming exam, worked on my monthly report and worked out in the gym. I also posted an article on my blog a couple of days ago and worked on another post today already.

[ElectroNugget]

Duuude it's so awesome to see people with these huge numbers on their diaries, really inspiring. ? Keep it up! Know you're inspiring people.

[Ikar]

6 hours ago, ElectroNugget said:

Duuude it's so awesome to see people with these huge numbers on their diaries, really inspiring. ? Keep it up! Know you're inspiring people.

Cheers! Welcome back to the forum ?

[Ikar]

Day 258:

I feel like today's been a bit slower and off focus. I have exams coming up on uni and I have to clear up a situation with one girl (I think that's a good issue to have though), so at least I know the causes of being somewhat nervous.

I did Russian, worked through mail, read a lot of GA, worked out, worked on my monthly report, went to the shop, to uni and also went for a lunch with my brother.

[Ikar]

Day 259:

I tried meditating today, because I still feel somewhat restless. I also feel like my creativity took a hit, but at least I get less distracted while doing some more of the "boring" tasks. I visited my parents, cooked, worked out and studied.

[Ikar]

Day 260:

I studied, read, worked out and cleaned my room and I'll finish the rest of it tomorrow. I have an exam tomorrow afternoon and I'm gonna talk to the girl in the evening. I felt more at ease, especially the second part of the day. I feel my ability to create/think of things and ideas is bouncing back.

[BooksandTrees]

4 hours ago, Ikar said:

Day 260:

I studied, read, worked out and cleaned my room and I'll finish the rest of it tomorrow. I have an exam tomorrow afternoon and I'm gonna talk to the girl in the evening. I felt more at ease, especially the second part of the day. I feel my ability to create/think of things and ideas is bouncing back.

Good luck on the exam and talking to the girl.

[Ikar]

Day 261:

I read, cleaned the rest of my room, did the groceries, took the exam, worked out and then wrote.

No Ejaculation: 0 days (anywhere between 9-12 days sounds probable, but I didn't write it down anywhere since the last time)

[Ikar]

I'm using the template I used the last time for the big summary. It's been about 6-7 weeks since then.

"L" will stand for the plan last term for this term. "T" will stand for done this term. "N" will stand for the plan next term.

Books:

L: Keep on the habit of spending at least an hour a day with a book. Re-read some bits of “Models” and finish “Gulag Archipelago”.

T: I read "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr. Glover and a few days ago, I finished "Gulag Archipelago" volume II. I already got the last volume III. I think I read a bit less than an hour daily, but the habit is ingrained at this point.

N: Finish “Gulag Archipelago”. I got my hands on a printed copy of "The Game" by Neil Strauss, so I will probably get after that and then glance over "No More Mr Nice Guy" and "Models" by Mark Manson, to make sure my philosophy/psychology/dating game is up to speed.

English - Personal:

L: ---

T: Teaching 10 hours/week.

N: I plan to study the materials my mentor gave me a couple of days ago, as I feel I need some of the academic knowledge of English, as the next logical step in my effort to further improve my English.

English - Teaching:

L: I’m up to some 10 hours a week, split into two days. It’s paid well enough, so I can live off that without going into negative numbers, while having accommodation, food and some fun.

T: I'm currently networking and seeing what's available for this year. It might take a few weeks to get this sorted out properly. I am an official entity on the market since this January too, so that might help out.

N: I want to get my 10-15 hours a week, with a higher pay than before.

Dating:

L: I think I am more receptive of the signs women are giving me. I also think I know what behaviors in women I am after and if/how they differ from mine. The action plans/goals described in “Models” seem very solid. I’ll stick to that, as I don’t find anything impossible there.

T: Even though I did not pursue the goals/plans by the "Models" book explicitly, moving to the uni dorms made some of them very easy for me to accomplish automatically. On New Year's Eve university party, I got chatting with one girl, found some common ground and then we touched and kissed. It felt nice to give and receive some sexual energy after several months.

N: We've arranged to talk on Monday. I want to see whether we were just emotionally charged and tipsy or whether there is some rationality and compatibility. The sex has to wait. 6/1 - Got flaked on, but that's not a problem for me. She has the last chance.

Family:

L: I’m sad about the mom/dad dynamic. I’m not sad about how that affected me though. I’m sad about the fact that it seems to me as if they were together only so they are not alone. There’s a walloping difference between that and WANTING to be together. I will maintain the relationships as they are, but assert myself, as I am currently doing by moving. I plan to visit my parents for lunches on weekends.

T: I think I see my parents on average more than once a week. I also see my brother and grandma a few times a month.

N: Maintain the relationships as they are, I'm happy with them as they are!

University:

L: I think the difficulty ramped up a little, but I also got better at managing my time, so I can spread out studying/assignments better over longer spans of time. Finish the degree in about a year and a half. Join the university's social life. I feel like the university plays a staple, but secondary role in my life. I don’t love it, but I also don’t hate it. It’s alright. It will get more important once I am at the dorms, as I'll be more connected in the network.

T: I don't think I am quite there yet with investing time on point into preparing for exams and papers, but I feel more connected with university via living on the dorms (there's a lot of independence I enjoy through that) and I attended a several local events already.

N: Nail the exams and papers the the next couple of weeks. I have to put more time in now the exam term is here. Uni provides me with many benefits and freedom and I don't think I am there yet emotionally/mentally to appreciate it to the full extent.

Being social:

L: I had the intention to move not too long ago after I got back from Iceland.

T: I think by moving, I made it so I go out to an event at least once a week, instead of once a month when I was living with my parents. I don't count teaching here. The proximity really makes a difference.

N: I think I would be okay going out socially every other day, let's say for the whole evening, depending on my current work/study load, as by default I am at mine reading, writing, working out etc. It's work-in-progress to balance this.

Exercise/movement:

L: I’m back on my army weight. I cycle short/medium distances. I am not too inclined to exercise when the weather outside is bad, since I don’t have a strict routine. I know weight is not all there’s to it, but I never set up any other measures to objectively evaluate my fitness. I’m skinny/fit. There is a gym on the dorms, so I will be using that for the winter. I’m also planning on joining some sports team.

T: I managed to hit the gym almost every day the past week and I am enjoying it, simply by riding the bike, doing situps, pullups and pushups. Before that it was (compounded) legs workout about twice a week, but nothing regular.

P: I think I can work out every day. It's about an hour of daily activity that never gets lost. I keep track of my workouts too.

Russian: I am still on track on Duolingo (some 120 days streak), but it feels to be an end in itself, unless I decide to make it social.

 

Thoughts, ideas and additional comments/gratitude:

 

Spoiler

 

I think I have done a good job at incorporating psychology lectures I’ve seen/learnt into my life. I don’t want to re-live the experience I’ve had in March/April, because it could be deadly.

I gained the ability to plan after I quit games.

Regained/new daily habits: I clean my teeth daily, Duolingo, journaling.

Life’s more colorful and more difficult to deal with, but at least I can look at myself in the mirror now and see myself less skewed than before.

I think I give meaning to things that deserve it now.

I am not horrified of free time anymore. This is a BIG one.

I am using my sociability more sensibly. No more trolling in Twitch chat and streaming.

Coming to think of it, I’ve never been overly anxious to begin with, just the normal amount. I asked girls out on dates on high school. I was just totally oblivious to the signals I sent/received.

I’m more conscious of both what I do and how I do it in relation with other people. I still get anxiety, but I act despite it. I stand tall and have my say.

I'm very lucky to have a mentor in the field I am excited about.

 

I EMBRACE THE FACT THAT ANYTHING I START DOING, I WILL DO IT BADLY. I CAN ONLY BECOME BETTER INCREMENTALLY AND BY PRACTICE.

 

 

I will get a weekly report with the state of my habits done today as well.

[Ikar]

31/12/2019 - 06/12/2019

 

Daily habits:

read - 7/7

journal - 6/7

brush teeth twice a day (morning + evening) - 3/7

Duolingo Russian - 7/7

record data into excel (more diligently) - 5/7

schoolwork/studying at home - 5/7 - might want to increase the duration, so I study for a longer period of time

waking up early and going to bed early - 3/7 - this one is quite a struggle so far, but I need to realize I really need all the time I can get during the day

 

Semi-daily habits:

work out 4 times a week - 6/4 - I really enjoy it, so I could just work out daily

meditate 2 times a week - 1/2 - this is going to be tough

hot meal prepping for multiple days - done

 

Weekly habits:

write a blog article - I have a feeling like all my concepts are not interesting enough, but that's a lie, I just have to get down to it

plan the week - I don't have troubles planning daily ad hoc, but I know this would probably be more efficient, so I just have to get down to it

visit either grandma/brother/family - done

go out socially/see a friend IRL - I oddly enough did not manage this to the extent I wanted since New Year, I do already have an event lined up for the next 7 days though

clean my room (sounds sound - perhaps I could organize the room more?) - done

[Amphibian220]

Its very funny and peculiar to me that a person from the western hemesphere chose to learn Russian and then read Архипелаг Гулаг by Solzhenytzin.

What the heck, have you got a Russian connection Ikar?

[Ikar]

4 minutes ago, Amphibian220 said:

Its very funny and peculiar to me that a person from the western hemesphere chose to learn Russian and then read Архипелаг Гулаг by Solzhenytzin.

What the heck, have you got a Russian connection Ikar?

Haha, I got this idea 2,5 years ago and decided to stick with it, but I am at the point where I would just blurt out some basic sentences. I got to read Solzhenitsyn way later. I like Slavic women though, it just so happened all the Slavic nations got a taste of socialism and the mentality of it for long years after. It's difficult.

[Ikar]

Day 262:

I did my Duolingo, worked on the weekly/monthly reports, cleared my email, scanned for local events, visited my grandma, read and worked out.

It'd all be perfect, only if I didn't I get up about 2 hours later than I set my alarm for. I did all these tasks above and decided I'd rather get caught up in them than to study for the exam on Friday. The mornings are the roughest part of the day.

[BooksandTrees]

2 hours ago, Ikar said:

Day 262:

I did my Duolingo, worked on the weekly/monthly reports, cleared my email, scanned for local events, visited my grandma, read and worked out.

It'd all be perfect, only if I didn't I get up about 2 hours later than I set my alarm for. I did all these tasks above and decided I'd rather get caught up in them than to study for the exam on Friday. The mornings are the roughest part of the day.

Mornings suck for me as well. Just focus on the good parts and slowly you'll start changing your mornings. Stressing out about mornings just makes them difficult. 

[Ikar]

@BooksandTrees I actually had a morning with clear vision today. It was pretty great!

Day 263:

I feel I need to give myself credit for how diverse and well-rounded my days have become. I read for an hour here, work out for another hour there, give my blog a thought for half an hour... honestly, it's great. The downside is I am unable to cram in enough hours of studying for exams during the day, because I have all these other useful activities I don't want to give up. Considering I got myself from 0 to 3 hours of studying for exams a day within a week is impressive. I just need to strike the right balance and feel good about it.

 

[Ikar]

Day 264:

I read, worked out, got through mails and studied. I have several job interviews lined up the next week and (if I end up passing the test tomorrow) no tests, so that works out well. I also went outside to an English conversation class, because I feel out of whack both English-wise and socially. It recharged me and it felt great.

[TheNewMe2.0]

I’m glad to hear your class made you feel better. What level of school and major are you? 

[Ikar]

9 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

I’m glad to hear your class made you feel better. What level of school and major are you? 

I'm currently an undergraduate in economic geography.

Edited January 10, 2020 by Ikar

[TheNewMe2.0]

Sounds interesting. Is it like a history of money in an area?