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LordFederickRamsay

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Hi,

In the past, I've chosen to comment on journals rather than write my own. However, I am nearing the end of my 90-day-detox and thought it fitting to write an entry. To quell curiosity, I will have succeeded in not playing a game or watching anything game-related come the 1st April.

I'd like to direct my next point at people who have only just begun their 90-day-detox, and at those who are mid-way through, experiencing limited urges to relapse and generally feeling better. I found the beginning extremely hard, the urges in my hands and arms were almost tangible. However, as the days drawled by, my brain returned to a chemical equilibrium and the urges to game subsided. I experienced a period of moderate peace, internally and externally, in regards to gaming.

Only in the last week, have I experienced vivid dreams of gaming and the return of those uncomfortable urges to relapse. But I persevered. I have jumped the last hurdle and I can see the finish line.

The message I'm trying to convey, is that never give up, even if you start experiencing urges 80 days in to your detox.

This forum has essentially saved my life. It might sound melodramatic but I am sure there are some forum users who will understand where I am coming from. If I never happened across Cam Adair's Tedx talk, I'd be stuck in that same loop.

Although, I have invested many hours into therapy and re-organising my thinking patterns which has obviously helped a lot. I feel so hopeful and happy. 

In an effort to raise awareness of the effects computer-game addiction has on people, I've written and directed an original play that will be performed on the 7th May in Cardiff, Wales. So, if there are any users who'd like to come and see it, message me and I'll provide the details. 

Thanks,

George

Edited by LordFederickRamsay
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I finished my detox today. Hooray. 

But...I'm panicking. I'm still dreaming of playing video games such as, PubG etc. I don't know why, it seems like it's gotten worse just after my 90 day-detox has ended. I won't relapse but I have very strong urges to do so. I'm so lost all the time, I don't know what I'm genuinely interested in. I try and do stuff creative but nothing is as rewarding as shooting someone on PubG lol. These urges are meaningless and ephemeral but even if you're aware/mindful of the chemicals and sensations in your body, it doesn't mean they're any less effective. I suffer from really bad thoughts so without video games, I'm not distracted and my brain implodes. All the thoughts come crashing down like a wave on a beach...

Anyway, I know I've just gotta survive and not give in but it's so so hard. Especially when you just want to run away from everything in your head. I can almost feel an urge to play in my tongue.

We're not addicted to video games, we're addicted to the feelings we experience when we play right? So that's why my tongue feels tingly when I think about shooting someone on pubg, I just want to feel alive/energised. I have such bad psychological problems and the one thing that'll convince me I don't is video games. 

Like if you had rly fucked up thoughts you'd just want to NOT have those thoughts right? Simples lol(?) 

I get it if you're addicted to video games and you stop and everything gets better but for me, I've stopped...and everything has gotten worse. That's not entirely true, things have gotten better but yesterday was super shit. I'm a coward, ashamed, sad and I just want to forget about all the stuff in my head. I'm too cowardly to kill myself and I don't want to make my mum sad. I'm too cowardly to self-harm or get addicted to heroine so I go for something that isn't physically demanding. 

Gaming could be the worst addiction out there. [email protected] 

HEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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I AM ON THE VERGE OF RELAPSING 

Guys...I haven't played a game in so long or watched ANYTHING game-related BUT i'm struggling, like HELLA struggling right now. I want to play a game so fucking bad. I want to feel that feeling again in my body, i want the dopamine rush i want to not give a shit about anything in the world but the game im playing, i want to forget everything that stresses me out and just plug in to Fortnite and fucking pwn everyone.

I was so fucking good as well.

I haven't played a game in like 120 days straight but i stilll want to fucking play so bad man. I hate how my dad makes me feel, i feel so stupid

 

ive got ADHD so my head is SO painful to live in. 

 

Please someone help me. 

 

What do I do? 

 

 

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Hey bro, I’ve had a strong craving like that recently and thinking back to my relapse and how I felt even more empty after playing helped me to deal with it, as well as going for a walk; keeping my mind occupied and process how I’m feeling and rationalising my thoughts is helpful, because feelings can sometimes influence your brain to making unwise decisions. Also, asking yourself the WHY, as in why are you feeling this strong craving can be helpful too. You’re doing really well to not give in! Hang in there mate, take it one step at a time 😊

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I didn't relapse. It's been four-five months since I gave up, and my brother said something worrying to me the other day. He's a clinical psychologist, 'there is a possibility that the cravings won't ever go away.' 

That is a good point - about feeling more empty once you've relapsed - I'll keep that in mind.

 

 

 

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17 minutes ago, LordFederickRamsay said:

there is a possibility that the cravings won't ever go away.

Yeah, Cam said the same thing. And it sucks, but that's ok. I still have cravings for a cigarette some times, and it has been over 2 years since I quit. Some times they are quite strong, but that doesn't matter, I am not a smoker anymore. So I will not smoke, the cravings are just noise, a reminder of what I did right, and how strong I can be. It would be interesting to change the perception of cravings, as reminders of strength and success, rather than weakness and dependence. 

Great to hear that you made it!!

 

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@Splitstep

How long has it been since you've played games?

Update on me -> The cravings are coming and going but they are still very strong (?)

I'm having vivid dreams of playing games and have watched one or two Fortnite YouTube videos to appease myself (I know this doesn't work, it only maintains the addiction). 

I want to play more than I ever have before. And it has been such a long time since I gave up so this is understandably demoralising. 

There are a few simple reasons as to why I'm having such strong cravings;

- I'm currently at home which is where I used to play games, so my computer is a couple of feet away from me

- I'm in a revision period for university exams so I am very bored 

- I don't have anything to consistently do, i.e. a job (because I am only at home for a few more days before I return to university)

- The cravings have been very strong since I returned home (so for three weeks they've been addling me) 

I've creating a word document listing all the reasons why I gave up games. That has helped a little bit. 

 

 

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Hey Man, how have you been doing since your last update? Did you keep up the streak or did you go back to gaming? If you went back, were you able to integrate it in a healthy way?

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Hi guys,

I ended up relapsing for 2 months in Summer but I'm attempting to live life game-free once again. 

So just to clarify; I got home from Uni in May, and played Fortnite for two months straight. Gave games up again, went to University, have been struggling ever since I got here (anxiety, nausea, low mood) and I've had one near relapse since I've been back about a week ago. But I got through it. I feel like that was the final blip for a few reasons. 

However, at the moment I don't feel myself. My dad is shutting me out because I'm not as open as I once was with him. But I have OCD which means the thoughts that I have are really fucked up and I don't want to tell him about them in fear that they'll pollute his image of me. 

I had a really fucking weird day today. Holy shit. I was shopping in a supermarket when I got the feeling this guy was watching/following me. He was really jumpy and odd looking and he kept on turning up behind me or in front of me. I was so scared, I made sure I walked out a different exit to him but lo and behold he was standing across the street from me! He must've run around the shop because I saw him leave the opposite exit to me. I decided to walk in the opposite direction of my residence in fear that he would follow me home and find out where I live. So I walked into a crowded area but when I looked over my shoulder, there he was staring at me. I lost him and ordered an Uber. I was so worried at this point that I started coming up with some crazy theories for why he was following me. And the weirder thing, when I got into my Uber, this random guy, not the original dude, claimed that he had the same serial number as my Uber (which is impossible) and proceeded to go to the front of the car and look at the number plate in a position which strongly suggested he was taking pictures of it. It was such a weird day and I had to call like three people to calm myself down. 

It wasn't very well placed either, I have a lot on my plate at the moment. 

I feel so clogged up at the moment. Like I can't think straight, I don't really 'think' anymore, I just do. It's really weird. I'm so lost in my own pointless introspection that I leave no room to learn or explore. Actually, I'd say that I'm not as introspective either, it feels like I'm a potato at the moment. 

I'm missing classes and I've got lots of assignments coming up. I think everything will be better when I leave for the Christmas holidays. I don't think University suits me one bit. 

I'm constantly anxious here, on edge, vigilant, I just want to chill out but I haven't been able to for a while. I'm seeing my therapist on Thursday, I'll talk to her about all of this. 

I'm just feeling a bit hopeless at the moment, I don't have the energy to talk about my issues and I seem to be going in circles. I don't feel motivated to do anything, and I'm a part of these huge theatre productions that are emotionally and physically exhausting. 

I think it was a bad idea to take on so many co-curricular activities because I can't really function at the moment. 

As I said, I just feel exhausted, on edge, self-critical, unmotivated, scared, nauseous, shameful, guilty (OCD related), deceitful. 

Man, I wish this would all just leave me alone. I don't even think this post has done me justice I'm just too lazy to put in any real effort. 

I'm doing exercise at the moment, running and using the rowing machine, I eat homemade food, I socialise etc. I think I could improve these things but I'm still doing them. I'm doing a lot of exercise actually. That's one thing I don't really need to increase. 

I think I neglect my responsibilities and the sooner I pattern up and get on with the shit I've got to do, the better. 

 

 

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5 hours ago, LordFederickRamsay said:

I'm missing classes and I've got lots of assignments coming up. I think everything will be better when I leave for the Christmas holidays. I don't think University suits me one bit.

Hey man, yeah definitely break will do you some good. I've been through college and it was tough for me. It definitely didn't fit me like some of my friends.
You'll get through it I know you will!
Try and relax anyway you can. Be with those who are most empathetic to you, can listen, and help act as a counter weight to all your doubts and fears.

I'm really wishing you all the best. Keep going!

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