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Was really tempted to stop writing in the journal because I am really not making any progress towards my goals, and I feel pretty shitty and exposed in a sense, but this was one of the main reasons why I started writing and why I promised to myself to continue writing until I finish the journal. While I deleted my steam account, I still find myself pulled to play other games such as strategy card games but without the same level of addiction. I know that this in a way is cheating as well, but I think its a step in the right direction. .

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Hey Sheldon, congrats on keeping on journaling and for deleting your Steam account! Keep at it, and you'll make it to your goals eventually.

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Hey, man. You CAN do this. You have your whole life ahead of you. You don't want to be me at age 36 with your whole life falling apart because you didn't kick the gaming habit when you were younger. I've done lots of things, but gaming keeps haunting me. I could have been much further in many areas had I just left gaming for good years ago. Destroy the habit now and NEVER look back. I have NOTHING real and tangible to show for all my years of gaming. It adds up to nothing in the end.

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Wow, was really nice to log in and see all this encouragement from so many of you incredible humans, thank you! @30_yrs_of_gaming I can relate to not having anything tangible to show from your experiences, its like all the time in the end amounts to nothing. So strange, not even a skill which is built, I used to spend years on PS4 and looking back have maybe one friend to show for it haha. @Natalie I think your right about not giving, I am really good at failing, congratulations to you, I see your on day 15, right off the bat, I wish I had that level of discipline getting to day 7 is huge accomplishment to me haha, but then again its all in my mind. 

So I at Day 4 now, I stopped journaling for a while cause, I didn't want to keep writing about failure, it was kinda crappy. Two weeks ago, I changed my password and email on my steam account and gave it to my GF, so I couldn't access it while its going through the 30 day process to delete it. I ended up creating a new account and playing my faviourite game, but you have to put in 100 games to play ranked and after 30 games, I just didnt want to put the time into it, it felt like a waste having to get all my progress back, so I stopped playing just seemed like a waste of time, I also didnt want to spend any more money on it, cause I just threw out $100's of dollars as I delete my account. 

Yesterday, I wanted to try a new different, game and I ended up recovering my steam account, and I played a solo player game for 10 mins and it was boring so I stopped. I decided to leave the counter on my steam account, so 15 more days till its permentaly deleted. I don't realy feel tempted to play because I bulit a daily routine that has been helping me manage my time, here are my strageties. 

Wake up at 5am - When I wake up early, I have time to exercise and study spanish, this helps start my day right and get my endormphines going, I feel good about myself and can almost preform a handstand for 10seconds now. 

Exercise Every Morning

Learn Every Morning

Plan Day Every Morning

- I have also been eating very clean and plant based, cooking takes up time in my day 

This morning routine has given me consitancy and allowed me to build different interests and make plans for the future, I think before I was scared to make plans because I would ealsiy flake on people or ignore them if I am addicted. 

I definite think making it extremely  painful to access the game, helped a lot, for me. Changing passwords, and emails so I couldn't access it even I wanted to was very important. I guess I will keep trying to go for 7 days.

Thanks for the support everyone! 

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Day 9

I had an interesting weekend, this was the first time I had to decide whether I was going to carry my new routine into the weekend, this included exercise, practicing Spanish,  and waking up at 5am. Ultimatly, I decided to give myself a break but learned some valuable things about the need or consistency when building a routine. Furthermore, I learned that when I over eat I cause suffering for myself as I feel to mentally groggy to think clearly and accomplish what I want to accomplish.  

On Friday I had gone out for sushi and felt absolutely drained after eating for 3 hours with a friend, all you can eat sushi of course. While I enjoy meals with my friends, I realized that not listening to my body and consuming in such large quanities that I feel tired and drowsy afterwards is not the realtionship I want to have with food. After telling myself that would be the only meal I would have that day I countine to eat dinner when a friend ordered a pizza. This caused me to feel heavy in the morning and not able to do my exercise setting my day up for failure. 

The poor eating countined over the weekend as a reslut of being lazy, as did the drowsy feeling and with it the desire to do mindless things such as watch Game of Thrones and Game. Which I did. I still havent removed the countdown to my steam deletion which will take place on the 31st of May, so I will countinue with my countdown to 90 days.

Today I woke up at 8:30 as it was a hoilday but countined with my exercise and practice routine and so far so good. I reviewed my reasons for wanting to quit and am preparing myself to leave thursday to visit my partner in New York! I am really excited to see her!

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Day 10

Focusing a lot building healthy lifestyle habits, counting to wake up at 5am and focusing on exercising. Currently I have been spending my days applying for work and involved in the job search. Really hoping to hear back from someone soon, I have sent out applications to about 5 different positions today.

Fingers Crossed! 

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