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Recovering

Multiple relapse last week.

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Hello Cam, Hello everyone,

Last week I went on a full binge playing video games and watching YouTube for more than 8 hours a day. I like strategy games and playing strategy games helps me to escape from reality. I'm average in school and I don't really know what to do with my life. I'm not very motivated neither. I feel like my parents are disappointed even though they didn't tell me how they feel. They know I have greatness within me, that I can do great things. I also know that I can do great things but I feel like I'm not feeling confortable with my current situation in school. I like History and Geography tho and it seems that my Geography teacher has ambition for me.

I don't know why but I'm a very anxious and stressed person.. especially about the future. I don't know what is made of. I can't control it, everything could happend. Will I found the one? Will I get a decent job ? Will I feel happy and proud ? I lack self-confidence and self-esteem too, feeling like something is wrong with me, that I'm an anomaly, that something is missing. I'm 20 years old and I never have a girlfriend before whereas all my friends do. It reinforces this idea that I basically suck IRL. "There's no other way, right ? Since they do have one and you don't that means that something is wrong, that you suck, you stink, you're bad." Meh... A part of me know it's wrong because I know plenty of people don't have one... but this is how I think. That's weird right ? Have you guys ever believe that your mind voluntary wants to destroy you, to take you down ? I call it tyranny of my own mind.

So...Yeah... Being in a world where you can control every piece of units and buildings, where you can win, where you can destroy your ennemy, where people tend to tell you what went wrong, where you see guarantee progress help to deal with frustration. 

 

Edited by Recovering

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