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montif16

Hardest but maybe the best thing in my life

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Hi, forums people. My name is Lukas and I live in Denmark at the age of 22. I've been playing video games for more than half of my life. It was always been a huge deal in my life and has filled a gap no matter what that gap was. I started out at a young age playing casually for fun. I got a console from my mother and it was a way to connect with other people for me. I got closer to my stepdad and his brother with video games on my first console. Even though the games I played at that time wasn't the most fun there wasn't really any other things for me to do. I wasn't popular in school at the time and making friends was hard after 5 years in school. I would go to my video game, have fun and forget about those problems.

In the following years, I grew very very close to my cousin. He was my best friend in the whole world and nothing could replace him. Even though he was 6 years older than me, strong as a fucking bison and lived 6 hours on a one-way trip away from me, I would still visit him every single vacation. At a point, I even visited him using weekends even though the full trip took me 12 hours back and forth and I was always alone on those trips. We had one thing in common and it always took most of our time. Video games. We played games like Counter-strike 1.6 and custom maps in Warcraft 3. I was better than him in all the games and every time we played I would usually win. This resulted in him hitting hard as F on my shoulder. Let me remind you that he was strong as a bison and knocking me out of the chair or bruising my arm was not uncommon at all. He was my idol and he was everything I wasn't. Friends would constantly call him to meet and girls would constantly hit him up. Everyone in the small town knew him and everyone loved him. When we played games together I could feel like him and I always imitated him.

One day his brother called my mother. My mother's sister couldn't get herself to call her. He was crying his heart out and it took him more than 10 minutes to finally said the word that would change my world. "Simon is dead" it didn't know it but the same thing happened with my mom. She came to my room and did what my cousin's brother had done. Started crying and couldn't get the word out until finally, she did. My whole world slowed down and I couldn't fathom what just happened. My best friend in the whole world, my idol and everything that was great in my life had been taken away in an instant. We took a plane to be with our family that same night, nothing would stop us being with them at that point. 

After that video games became even more of my life. It was a way to escape all the sorrow, a way to remind me of him and all the good things in life. In between now and then is a lot less blurry but I've been playing more and more over time. 

Finally, we arrive at the present date. or should I say 2,5 years ago? 
 

I got accepted to a school for creating video games. I've always been playing video games and I knew a lot about it. The first half year started out great. I didn't play so many games as I found friends that had other things they wanted to do also. My friend circle expanded immensely and everything was great. I got a girlfriend at that time too and I was so happy this was my first real girlfriend and she meant very much to me. As time passed by I got better and better at my games. More and more time would go to them and I would get better and better. I was playing World of Warcraft in a good guild that could compete with the top raiding teams. My own personal level was even higher. I would be ranked 2nd twice in the world and top 10 multiple times in that period. Unfortunately, this meant I had less and less time for school or my girlfriend. I became so addicted that I eventually broke up with her because I thought she was annoying me and I had to play these games. I hurt her very much because she loved me so much and I loved her too. I realised this after a few weeks and I took the decision to quit World of Warcraft forever. This was all in the summer vacation and I would realise this in that vacation too. I came back to school and I wanted her back so badly. I broke up in a mindset that was clouded by World of Warcraft but I could see my mistake after I quit. This was very hard for me and her. We eventually came back together and even moved in together as everything was better. Unfortunately, I didn't realise, or I wouldn't realise, that World of Warcraft wasn't the real problem. 

I started gaming other games and again grew more and more distant from her once again. This went on for a very long time. More than a year but she stuck with me. She knew the version of me that wasn't addicted, the other version that she loved so insanely much and that she tried to recall in me, telling me to clean my clothes or take a walk with her. All in an attempt to awaken the old me. But I wouldn't listen. Only very little, enough that I didn't have to compromise with my game. She was so sad and eventually took the step to move out and live on her own. This way she thought we could fix it and maybe some distance would help. I was hurt. Bitter, sad and had pride. I started ignoring her. She would send goodnights to me over Facebook but I only replied with Goodnight again. She tried to make it work but I was persistent and said: "well then fuck her". A week after I treated her like shit, more than I've done for a long time, she told me she didn't know if she could continue like this. It made me realise that maybe I should lose this pride, that maybe she was right. We then tried for a few days where I lost this pride and we would pretend to be a real relationship again. After a few days, I could feel everything wasn't as it should. I became desperate and clingy and wanted to be with her but she said she couldn't handle it right now. I went to bed alone. I couldn't sleep and at that time it made me realise something that was hidden very very deep inside of me. My whole mindset changed that night. I realised that my life was falling apart because of video games. I was prioritising video games above everything! I wouldn't clean my room, I wouldn't buy new clothes, I wouldn't get a haircut, I declined all my friends, declined all activities, neglected school and most importantly I shoved everyone in my life that mattered the most, away from me. I told her this and it was very emotional between both of us. I decided that it was time to quit games forever and make a real life. Unfortunately, this didn't just win her back. I had done this before. I said I was better but went right back into the old habits of neglecting everything and playing games instead. She wanted to take it slower this time. We are both interested in each other and want each other but she is afraid to get hurt again like I've done to her before. This is also creating a lot of emotions for me. On one side I have her. She has her own life and doesn't have time for me every day but we have managed to be together a few times over a week now. It also hurts me that it doesn't feel like we are moving forward. We saw a movies yesterday fx. and she would put her leg on mine and allow my hand on her leg or let me wrap my arm around her until it uncomfortable to her like that.

On the other side, I'm overwhelmed by trying to find head and tail in my new life without video games. All my emotions are now surfacing and I can no longer dull them with videos games. But she fills my head with so many thoughts and it's only first today that I realise I have so much more than her I need to make better.

Sorry if this was a really long rant, if I lost the red line somewhere or if it wasn't the intention of this forums. This is just an insane step for me and I think I need all the help I can get in this journey.

 

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On 3/1/2019 at 4:22 AM, Cam Adair said:

Hi Lukas! Welcome to the forums. 

Do you even read the introductions?

I appreciate that this comment is a little unfair although, I received a similar response to my introductory post. You have changed my life Cam, I mean it! Inspirational. But to offer some constructive criticism, the activity of the forum is severely lacking. People's comments need to be reciprocated otherwise they'll convince themselves that joining the Game Quitter's community is pointless. 

To Lukas - I read the entirety of your post. You are not alone in your suffering. I have had a hard time adjusting to life after giving up games, it's been around 4 months. I'd strongly advise you to reconstruct and remould your interests on various social media sites to avoid adverts of games and game consoles. It is a tough road ahead, a cliched saying but it is true. You must regularly remind yourself that you were open minded enough to realise games were the route cause of your problems. Therefore, you are a person of significant value and you are making the right decision! I am proud of you Lukas!

 

Keep us updated. 

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19 hours ago, LordFederickRamsay said:

Do you even read the introductions?

I appreciate that this comment is a little unfair although, I received a similar response to my introductory post. You have changed my life Cam, I mean it! Inspirational. But to offer some constructive criticism, the activity of the forum is severely lacking. People's comments need to be reciprocated otherwise they'll convince themselves that joining the Game Quitter's community is pointless. 

To Lukas - I read the entirety of your post. You are not alone in your suffering. I have had a hard time adjusting to life after giving up games, it's been around 4 months. I'd strongly advise you to reconstruct and remould your interests on various social media sites to avoid adverts of games and game consoles. It is a tough road ahead, a cliched saying but it is true. You must regularly remind yourself that you were open minded enough to realise games were the route cause of your problems. Therefore, you are a person of significant value and you are making the right decision! I am proud of you Lukas!

 

Keep us updated. 

Hey thanks for actually reading the full thing. I didn't really expect anyone to read the full thing since it's really long but thanks. I'm trying my best to not end up the wrong places on the internet. Unsubscribed from gaming on youtube, never look over someone shoulder if they are watching, closing my eyes if an ad plays on Facebook. Although I'm doing all these things to avoid cravings for gaming it's actually not hard for me at all at the moment. I don't even think "Man I wish I could play right now" not even when I'm the most bored possible. 

This might come from something that is bad too but at least this is probably way more normal. I have a lot of thoughts about my "Girlfriend", "ex"? I don't even know what to call it. Things are going really great there but I can get a lot of emotions and thoughts when it isn't moving forward, even though it's not moving backwards. 

I should maybe share my journal instead of having it on a word document on my computer. I think I will do that now

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On 3/3/2019 at 12:58 PM, LordFederickRamsay said:

Do you even read the introductions?

I appreciate that this comment is a little unfair although, I received a similar response to my introductory post. You have changed my life Cam, I mean it! Inspirational. But to offer some constructive criticism, the activity of the forum is severely lacking. People's comments need to be reciprocated otherwise they'll convince themselves that joining the Game Quitter's community is pointless. 

Yes I read all of the introduction posts. Unfortunately my schedule is very busy now and I try to pop in and say hi at least when people join. It's very difficult for me to interact in journals and so forth as I did for years before. To be honest, at this point it's up to the community itself to engage and be active with each other. Would love to encourage you to take a leadership role in getting the community more active on here. Or to share ways I can support you in being empowered to do that. Not trying to throw shade but you have 6 posts on the forum.  

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On 3/4/2019 at 8:38 AM, montif16 said:

Unsubscribed from gaming on youtube, never look over someone shoulder if they are watching, closing my eyes if an ad plays on Facebook. Although I'm doing all these things to avoid cravings for gaming it's actually not hard for me at all at the moment. 

These are all good steps to take. Some days will be easier than others, either way focus on continuing to take positive action and over time you'll feel better and better.

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Welcome to the club!

I have had my fair share of relationship hardships because of games.  Many times I HAD to play instead of being with her.

Are you playing at all, in moderation?  Do you still have your PC / systems?  Get rid of them.  If it is a PC, get one that isn't good enough to run games or install Linux.

My number one suggestion to anyone struggling is "Get rid if it".  You can't tell an alcoholic to drink in moderation just as much as you can't tell a game-aholic to play in moderation.  Just get rid of it.  I tried moderation.  I tried putting it away.  I always spiraled back into them.  Sell them and never look back.  It is good.

What will you do?  Try doing nothing and truly being bored.  Sit on the couch, TV off, doing absolutely nothing.  To quote Winnie the Pooh, "Sometimes doing nothing leads to the very best something."

One suggestion is to check out "Coach Red Pill" on YouTube.

Q

 

 

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