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Mario10001

Journal to freedom

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I'm a 24 year old male. I'l treat this journal as a venting place where I go when I'm about to relapse, so no everyday posting. I will purposely never write any game's names because I don't wanna trigger someone's addiction.

DAY 3

3 days ago I started with all this by deleting all my games. Yesterday when I was practiceing Freerunning with my friends I experienced a very powerfull drive to do a hard move/challenge which I have not had for over a year. I refused to give up, my friends eventualy had to go home and I stayed to practice that move, I didn't manage to do the exact jump that I wanted, but I did a lot of work towards getting there. So for a start, I'd say extremely amazing effects on my psyche 😄 ! 

Problem is that now I remembered that a week ago I agreed to go play at a video game tournament this saturday with my friends. They are so hyped up for that and I agreed to go(and play) and a part of fun for everyone is that I play because I'm good. Noticing amazing results from yesterday I relaxed too much and decided not to screw up that adventure and go play there since I would only be at day 5 by then. So now I started rationalizing: Since I'm gona play games and relapse at saturday, why not just go play other games now aswell. So I ALMOST installed back the most addictive game of my life which would of been much more hours wasted again before I would find the strength to delete it again. Going here to write this and remembering damage to my life and brain caused by it is what prevented me from doing that.

Idk if it is right to relapse at saturday, but I would surely look as asshole if I did not. Maybe depending how I feel I will decide to just watch.

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I think your friends will understand if you explain to them that you aren't playing games.  And from personal experience, you will feel better if you don't relapse.  

At one point I played a few games of Super Smash with my cousins, who had just come in town, and thought I wouldn't be affected. (it was day 3 of giving up gaming)  I ended up playing for a couple hours and went home after that.  I didn't continue to game after that, but I had a few urges I think.  So I reset my streak to day 1.

It's all up to you thought, it could be a fun way to have your 'last' gaming session with your friends before you quit.   Good luck.

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DAY 4

Yeah, I thought about it and It's not worth it to relapse. My brain reward circuit is fucked up from video games and needs strict time off to heal, that is way more important. Because I can't build a business the way I am right now.

So I told my friends about my decision to quit games. Tournament organization today was handled poorly so in combination with that I said I'm not gona relapse for some half-assed event.

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