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AndrewPekarsky

The first journal of an 18 year old university student

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Hey Guys,

My name is Andrew and I've been on the verge of quitting games for probably three years now. I was initially motivated by an understanding that I was a completely dysfunctional 15-year-old, but since then I've improved myself drastically. I started working out effectively, managed to snag good grades for the last two years of high school, and made more friends then I could possibly need, but lately I can feel my old habits creeping back into my life. My main purpose with these journals is to try to revive the initial drive that brought me to this point and I firmly believe that quitting games permanently is naturally the next step. Quitting games isn't the only thing I want to commit to here. I believe that video streaming and pornography are equally as damaging so I'm also committing to life without them. What I want from this endeavor is more focus and a greater quality of life. I'm already firmly engaged in lots of clubs, in a relationship, and doing quite well; I just need to cut these toxic things out of my life because while I can function with them in my life, I can be 100x greater with them gone.

To reiterate I'm cutting out games, video streaming, and pornography. This is a permanent change that I hope can become fundamental for me. 

 

I wish luck to everyone else here, I've tried this detox thing before and I can't remember a streak that lasted more than a month. What makes this different is the stakes are higher (my marks actually mean something now). 

I'll keep this up on the daily, see you guys tomorrow:)

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Good luck man, just remember that its usually more effective to change one habit at a time! If you slip up, maybe consider just quitting video games for now, and once you have a handle on that, go for the porn and videos. 

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4 hours ago, marcopolobus said:

Good luck man, just remember that its usually more effective to change one habit at a time! If you slip up, maybe consider just quitting video games for now, and once you have a handle on that, go for the porn and videos. 

Thanks man; I think I'll cut videos out of the changes for now since it's the lesser of the evils for me but I think the others are too connected to deal with them separately. 

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Today went a long way towards establishing how the future is going to look for me. I was very productive, but with porn and video games absent I can already feel the withdrawal kicking in. Several times today I found my mind wandering in unproductive ways, and while I was able to easily fend off the urges, this commitment is still fresh and exciting. I hope that these journals can keep this feeling from waning, but what can transform this challenge into a lifestyle is concrete discipline. That's why I took the time to vacuum, dust, and reorganize my room. My hope is that if I normalize just doing a good job from the start then it'll brew discipline. Anyways today went quite well, I was mostly focused on my studying, talked to my friends on the phone, and clean up. If I stay on this path I think my future looks quite bright.

Exam tomorrow, gonna get a great night of sleep:)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Day two went quite well. Focus could be improved but other than that I got out of the house and spent the whole day studying. What I noticed today was my emotions felt stronger, an indication that the brain fog is starting to lift and I can once again feel the natural cues that my brain is giving me. I have to seriously watch this because the first week of no fap and no gaming for me is usually characterized by a rise in aggression and irritation. I'll cut this one short because I have nothing serious to report, but I'm feeling pumped.  

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Have to keep this one short because of an exam tomorrow. Today was quite good, managed to get 100% on my last test and spent some quality time with my girlfriend.  I slipped up in the morning by catching up with some of the results from the Cs go major. I can't take this lightly, it's always the esport side of things that triggers my hunger to play so I installed blockers on my laptop. Hopefully it'll steer me clear of danger. 

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I've returned after a hiatus filled with unproductive binges and mental degradation. Seriously I assumed I would burn out after maybe a month, but this time around it only took me a week to lapse back into my old habits. Somehow it hasn't affected my schooling, but I can kind of feel my charisma fading. That's why I really need to keep up this journal, in fact, I'm going to post a daily plan every morning just to hold myself accountable for the rest of the day. 

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My plan for today: Study Geography until I have a concrete understanding of everything on the exam prep sheet, do at least 2 history readings, find an essay topic for modern warfare, and workout. 

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So disaster struck yesterday in a quite monumental way. I was just minding my business, deep in a phone conversation with my girlfriend, and suddenly my knee decided to slip out of its socket. Yep, just bam! I looked down and it was twisted in a 90degree angle. On the bright side it helped with some strong night time urges sooooo I guess I should be thanking my shit knees:) Anyways my plan for today is to get a start on another term paper and study for an exam on Monday.

 

Peace boys

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26 minutes ago, AndrewPekarsky said:

On the bright side it helped with some strong night time urges sooooo I guess I should be thanking my shit knees:)

That is one hell of a silver lining. You mean you put it into the socket... yourself? Or are you already out of the hospital and chilling?

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3 minutes ago, mattso said:

That is one hell of a silver lining. You mean you put it into the socket... yourself? Or are you already out of the hospital and chilling?

I wish I had the courage to put it back in myself. As a consequence, I probably had to endure the most painful experience of my life when being dragged down a flight of stairs to the waiting ambulance. Anyways I'm already out and chilling with my new knee brace. 

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I see. I asked because I've heard stories about some courageous guys successfully putting bones in their place right after an accident, without calling an ambulance. Your case seemed tough, tho.

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Watched some twitch this morning..... Quite disappointed with myself but it's extremely difficult to maintain my discipline when moving a few meters can prove a challenge. Anyways I'm focused now, gonna prepare for an exam tomorrow once again work on a term paper.

 

Don't forget boys morning is often the most vulnerable time for us and it's extremely important to find your goal for the day as soon as possible. 

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Relapsed again...... This leg's really giving me a hard time. Usually when my mind starts to wander I'm able to steady myself with something physical, but since I can hardly move now its become a purely mental battle. What this failure has revealed to me is that I have shockingly poor mental resilience and I probably need to start meditating or something. 

 

Anyways gonna try getting some work done but I'm not optimistic this feels like a losing battle. 

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Alright guys so I think I need to let go of Netflix and youtube if I want to find any success in a gaming detox. The issue for me is that using these other platforms generates the same feeling of self-loathing, and I just cannot respect myself while wasting hours on these platforms and respect is key when changing habits. I'm going to start a new journal with a well-defined challenge and goal. This first attempt has been an epic fail, but I'll come back stronger. 

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Hey man, just caught up with your posts. That sucks trying to work through physical pain and change old addictions at the same time... I had a similar experience with a herniated disc. 

I'm glad to hear you're going to give the detox another go. If you can add in like 5-10 minutes of meditation in the morning, I think it'll really help.  

Edited by marcopolobus
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