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Splitstep

Gaming -> 1 On 1 Time With God

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Day 42 (09/02/19) Saturday

God gave me a Christian Project to help start my gaming cold turkey and then a family holiday shortly after, both kept me well occupied to forget about gaming and instead focus on spending time with God! The days after God gave me a study partner to keep me once again busy and away from the temptations of gaming, but today (Day 42) I reinstalled Overwatch (the only game I play intensively) because I thought that I can finally control myself now so let's give gaming another shot but in a controlled manner. What happened was that PLAYED THE WHOLE DAY. After every match, I instantly queued like I did before I quit, it was muscle memory to me even though I knew that I HAD TO STOP which was the scary bit. I didn't even go through my devotionals :(( nor any of the things on my to-do list! I felt so disgusted and ashamed after. I uninstalled every single gaming-related game and app including steam and discord. I found a gamequitters video, then this forum and then I found Mouxine's journal which really encouraged me because he was also doing it for the Lord. So now I'm writing my first journal! I've also told my brothers in Christ about this relapse and they've been really encouraging so I implore my fellow brothers and sisters to let people know whatever you're going through because they can be there for you, keep you accountable and most of all pray for you! Prayer is an incredibly powerful thing, one of the many things that God taught me on my Project! So yeah, I can't wait to stop gaming and spend that time with God and continue spreading His love! Soli Deo Gloria!

Edited by Splitstep
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I'm glad I could help you by just being myself. There's someone much more inspiring for a believer than I when it comes to addiction : it's saint Marc Ji Tianxiang. There's an good article on Aleteia about his life.

It's good to see you are familiar with prayer. Seriously I get so much meaner when I skip praying, and it's generally the worst thing with relapse : I have much less time for God and my soul, playing 6 hours and giving only 10 min to prayer...

Relapse is not an option for you, not even to play in moderation : Luke 9:62. I very often heard that in my head as I was relapsing...

Anyway, you are on the right path and probably you'll have to struggle with games a long time, but it's easier to resist later on. Just see how you got back quickly from, If I understood well, your first relapse.

I'll follow your journal and, of course, pray for you as I do for everyone here too.

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welcome to the forums, Splitstep

nice to see you, brother, even I have relapsed once last year so you are not alone, its what can we learn from these relapses to help us do better next time so it does not happen again. 

There quote I made last year and sticks with me to this very day and I think it might help you. "Do you want to keep life on pause or do you want to press play on life?" The answer is yours to choose but it helps me along the way.

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@Mouxine @zeke365 I'd like to thank you guys for taking the time to post and to encourage me! That's really nice of you! And thank you for praying for me ❤️ 

Wow, I just read St. Mark Ji Tianxiang's story and that was really inspiring, how His faith in the Lord was unwavering! I pray for all of us that our faith is unwavering just like how God's love for us is that!

Thanks for sharing Luke 9:62, it is such a good reminder. Instead of looking back at the worldly desires and material wants, we should be looking to God because He gives us everything, He made us, the creator of everything and our loving father that loves to give gifts to us as long as we speak up and ask for it in prayer!

Keep going guys, you are doing great! There is so much more to the world than gaming! It's a temporary satisfaction (Ecclesiastes) but it leaves you craving for more 😞,  However, there is God that gives eternal satisfaction and joy and love! God is a good thing to crave for and I deeply wish that for myself. 1 Peter 2:2 - Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation.

Thanks for sharing that quote zeke365, I really really like it!

 

 

Day 43 (42|1) (10/02/19) Sunday

Great day! Started off with some quiet time and devotionals 😄 The Christian university group (Student Life) that I went on their project and now a student leader for, they organised a pancake lunch and that was really cool cause there were Christians and Non-Christians there to chat and get to know! Played Articulate and 4-player MarioKart8, both were really fun! Had a long chat with my best friend and he told me how he has a lot to do, writing and meeting up with friends which are stressing him out on top of a tough time on his trip being around mainly Non-Christian friends was spiritually tough. At church, God gave me exactly what I needed; a sermon about desiring God and how it comes from the HEART. So much about true spirituality is about the heart. Deep affections, the heart being moved and the soul being shaken are good signs that you are knowing God personally. But not solely relying on feeling or only the truth but both equally. And it's not about the warm fuzzies and the emotional buzzes. In prayer and in song ask yourself: 'What is going on in my heart at this moment?' If I feel dull... pray hard for God to awaken my heart. A deeper understanding of the Gospel truths; realising what Jesus has done for us helps align our heart to God. Helped my friend with his writing and then stayed up until 2am because I suddenly wanted to finish off a Overwatch montage that I started earlier... made me realise once again my lack of self-control and how weak I am without God. Sad but sobering way to end off a great day.

 

Day 44 (42|2) (11/02/19) Monday

Awesome day! Did my quiet time and devotionals and then did all the errands I could and then met up with high school friends, had a good chat and even shared the gospel with one of them! I am so thankful that God used me and gave me the Holy Spirit to guide me. However I have realised that I play Christianity off too lightly, make it seem like a good extra thing in life. I know that it is not true and it's not just a club at university or a cool hobby but a radical, life-changing way of life that has nothing but goodness! God wants me to let my passion and adoration for Him go out to the world! It was a huge learning experience and I am so grateful to God for allowing me to do His work. I'm also so thankful for God's amazing power, that he can destroy sin in a blip because these past few days God has extinguished my desires of gaming and poured petrol into the flame of desiring Him. I feel a lot closer to Him; in His loving arms ❤️ 

Edited by Splitstep

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Keep up with your resolution. And don't forget, it's not having no cravings which makes you being a good man, it's resisting them because you know have to. It's your free will which is to most important, desires are a part of them, but pure Love is also pure Will, just like in the Saint Trinity where there's no emotions but only pure Will.

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@Mouxine yeahhh soo trueee! That completely went over my head! Thanks for reminding me of that! God is making it easy for me right now because I am weak but I know He's gonna ramp it up, give me trials to test my heart and faith and yeah I have to resist those desires! And about free will and love man you're so right! Thanks Mouxine that was really insightful!! Thank God for your wisdom!

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Day 45 (42|3) (12/02/19) Tuesday

At around 2:30am I woke up and checked my phone, talked to a friend and then browsed the forum and ended up reading the entire journal of Deku. It was so entertaining and so real, his life struggles and successes were so heartfelt and it was so inspiring that through all this with his hectic schedule he has kept on going to bible study! My timetable is not as busy as his so I don't really have a reason not to attend my bible studies and commitments. I pray that he could continue seeking God and develop a personal relationship with Him and put Jesus first in his life because it would be the best and greatest decision he is ever gonna make!

Slept at 6am and woke up at 10am, prayed, read scripture and did devotionals.

I realised that Matthew 18:15-20 could be also talking about the power of corporate prayer. And Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." is Jesus saying that we can lay all our fears, sins and what we are worried about before Him, they belong to Him and he is in control! He takes our burdens for us because He loves us! And we don't have to worry about doing good to get into heaven; we are with Him already and our sins are forgiven, past present, and future! What a wonderful gift!

Played tennis with a church friend in scorching 32°C dry weather! The sun sapped the life out of my legs and biking home was a mish! My friend has improved dramatically since the 2 months, his forehand, backhand and serve all are a lot faster and accurate! I think it's because he's really getting under the ball on his groundstrokes. Watched Overwatch YouTube videos for 30 mins 😞 I think it watched them because I was so physically tired I thought it would help me relax but it made my brain tired so I had a nap and that was good. I left for the Student Leader Retreat and got the T-shirt 😄 I'm paired up with Renzo this year!!!! We prayed hard about the campus, our sins and for miracles! Jason, Toby and I had a very deep meaningful conversation (dmc) about suffering and it was soooo holy and when we prayed I could feel God's presence and the Holy Spirit talking through us ahhhhh it was wonderful!

No cravings for gaming today!

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Edited by Splitstep
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Day 46 (42|4) (13/02/19) Wednesday

Had a lot going through my mind so I slept at 12:30am (wish I wrote it down because I forgot :/) Woke up at 8am (7.5 hours) Had a lot planned in the schedule, a lot of talks regarding outreach (jandals) and getting our hearts aligned with God's. In the evening we prayed together a lot and for a long time! Sooo goood is fervent prayer!

I finally truly realised that even though the suffering in this world is terrible, (domestic violence, injustice etc.) it is NOTHING compared to eternal separation from God. And our time is so precious! Every second minute or hour. I've been so selfish and lax, even though I've been saved I've been spending my time on gaming, YouTube and social media (worldly stuff for my satisfaction).. time well spent rather on eternal things like talking about Jesus to someone. People's lives are at risk here! Thankfully it breaks my heart! I am forgiven for my sins because of Jesus dying on the cross and rising back to life!

Played Spotlight and it was funnn! Had no gaming craves today probably because of how packed today has been and the environment I'm in with all fellow Christians. Sleeping at 2:30am writing this out Zzzzz (residentsleeper). Over and out!

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Day 47 (42|3) (14/02/19) Thursday

We had pancakes with peaches, bacon and bananas for breakfast 😍 I was stuffed! Learnt a TON about time management and us guys had a real men's talk about our struggles and stepping up. I was asked to share my testimony at church this Sunday! What a privilege! When I came back from the retreat I wrote out my draft answers to Sunday and chatted to my sister. Twiddled a bit on movie maker with some Overwatch clips.. I want to make some highlights from it but seems like a waste of time to be honest I could spend it on greater things. Could've gone to sleep earlier! However, the gaming cravings arent there.

Tomorrow is our big outreach day (jandals) a EXTREMELY CRUCIAL event of our year. Please pray for us and the students, that God would bring the right people to us, blow us away and that we would do it with the right heart and joy!

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Day 48 (42|4) (15/02/19) Friday

Shortly after writing about yesterday, I realised that I was going against what I learned on Wednesday 'And our time is so precious! Every second minute or hour... I've been spending my time on gaming, YouTube and social media (worldly stuff for my satisfaction).. time well spent rather on eternal things like talking about Jesus to someone. People's lives are at risk here!'   I was spending my time on making gaming videos, doing worldly stuff for my satisfaction! I should've been soberer by being aware that the enemy was gonna attack me in sneaky ways especially after going to Student Leader Retreat. Thank God that he has revealed that to me now! He did it on purpose so that I would learn to be soberer and WOKE.

Waking up today (outreach day - jandals) I was like 'Ughhhhh I am SO residentsleeper!' (7hrs sleep is not enough 4 me :(( ) I REALLY DIDNT want to go! And that was the enemy trying to stop me. I prayed to God to beat the sin out of me and give me strength, joy, and passion and I got out of bed feeling a bit better and went there, started off feeling nervous but then God awoke my heart and then I felt not a care in the world! I was asking EVERYBODY 'Would you guys like some free jandals?' and I absolutely loved it! ' I felt zero shame and it was SO freeing ahhhhhh😄There we setbacks but we worked around that and by the grace of God reached our goal of 1500 by getting 1542 surveys! Over 50% said yes to talking about Jesus! Even though my calves were sore as from standing it was all worth it!

Had to work after that and it was genuinely fun and enjoyable even though it's high-pressure stuff! It's interesting how the moment I am starting to enjoy work in light of God, He takes it away from me because my timetable this year prevents me from being able to work. Seems like He is satisfied with what He's taught me about viewing work!

My calves were dead after all that haha. I worked a bit on the testimony/interview and chatted with friends. Today was so packed that I completely forgot about gaming! I also deleted my gaming videos so I have no future temptations :)) What an amazing day!

 

 

Edited by Splitstep

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Day 49 (42|5) (16/02/19) Saturday

Man thank God that today was amazingly productive! Did so many things on my to-do list! Finished my testimony/interview, texted people, did emails. brushed the dog and I prayed whilst walking the dog! The cup analogy we learnt from retreat really helped me determine my priorities. I'm doing the interview in the evening service! But also my parents have agreed to come to morning church tomorrow 😄 It was a kinda hard decision whether to come with them to church because there is also a breakfast with all the boys so it sucks not being able to catch up with friends but this is much more important! My parents are not Christian yet but hopefully they can learn more about Christianity!

Edited by Splitstep
Not clear enough, that there are actually 2 church services :P

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You're on the good way. Realizing that you have only one life, with time limited and the duty to use it worthly is one big step forward. Being aware that eternal damnation exist, is also great. Here in France, many people forgot about this, or worse, they don't believe it anymore. We had a stupid revolution in the 1960s, and everyone was like "we'll all go to heaven !" and priest saying "we afraid people with Hell but it's finished now". Triple stupid, thinking God doesn't retribute someone with justice, thinking that Hitler or Staline could go to heaven without a proper expiation. God is a Father, and any good father doesn't give gifts to an evil child. Seven years of study for priesthood and some cannot read correctly the Gospel (Matt, 25 v31 sqq). What a shame...

Anyway don't force it too much, there's a time for everything. taking proper rest is truly God's Will when it's after hardwork. It's not only about being productive, it's about being fruitful. It seems you have a lot of energy going, that's so nice to see.

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@Mouxine Yeah bro thanks for sharing! And man that's true our hearts have to break for the lost, man that is unfortunate to hear of France in the 1960s.

19 hours ago, Mouxine said:

Anyway don't force it too much, there's a time for everything. taking proper rest is truly God's Will when it's after hardwork. It's not only about being productive, it's about being fruitful. It seems you have a lot of energy going, that's so nice to see.

Yeah, thanks man, that is so true and I have to find that balance. It's great that we have the Sabbath to rest! Even God rested after creation!

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Day 50 (42|6) (17/02/19) Sunday

I did not think about gaming once today! And you will see why... praise God for such an amazing AMAZING day! Thank you to everyone that prayed! God listened and worked wonders!

Church day! First was morning church! Even though my parents couldn't fully understand the service because their English is not the best, afterward they had a good chat with a lot of regular attendees and specifically two Chinese families for 1hr 15mins! We were one of the last ones to leave! They talked about general stuff but it was still really good, got them comfortable and a good overall experience 😄 

Next was evening church at a different location! I didn't know that they pack down morning service then bring all the stuff to the evening service! It's quite a tight operation! I helped set up and we did it really fast! We had to set up more chairs because they texted around 200 people inviting them to church from outreach! (Our evening congregation is normally 110). I was a bit nervous about the interview so Pastor Scott prayed for me which was really nice and comforting. And it went really well! Pastor Luke was really good and it flowed nicely. I just spoke lol, honestly and I felt the Holy Spirit guide me which was amazing! A few people said that they could relate to me which was nice.

The sermon in both services was the same; Matthew 8 (Jesus' authority and He changes people). I was never so amazed at a sermon before, God was speaking through Pastor Nick and it's a talk that I just wanted to hear again and again! To put it short, Jesus did incredible teachings in the previous chapters as a man of authority and He backs His words with actions, by first cleansing a leper by touching him (At the time, no one was supposed to come close to a leper, let alone touch one. He must've not been touched in years). Usually touching an unclean person would make you unclean, but the reverse happened! The clean cleansed the unclean! Jesus has authority over sickness! And His word was instantaneous! We are meant to see us in the leper, not necessarily as physically unclean but definitely spiritually unclean.

The centurion, a man who was not a Jew (God's chosen people) with great power with Rome (Julius Caesar) backing him had a servant on the verge of death. Realising that he was hopeless in this situation he did a wise thing and sought Jesus because the believed that He had greater power than he had. The centurion's faith in Jesus was so strong that he didn't tell Jesus to go to his house or do rituals, but to just say the word. Even Jesus was Himself was amazed at His faith! And once again the moment Jesus said the word, the servant was healed. Jesus does not care about who you are or your race, but your faith.

Peter's mother was also similar to the leper, but she didn't have to say a word! And she got up straight away, no recovery required! The power of Jesus' word is incredible! Just to prove that it was not just a one-off occurrence, Jesus cleanses a whole town in verse 16 - "When evening came, many who were demon-possessed were brought to him, and he drove out the spirits with a word and healed all the sick."

In verse 19, this teacher of the law seems promising, he says "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go."  But Jesus tells him that following Him is not easy, it's a long windy road.  In verse 20, a disciple says "Lord, first let me bury my father." This is the number one duty/responsibility at the time, but Jesus says "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.” Pretty brutal but He is reinforcing His authority, how we should 'take up our cross and follow Him',  put Him first place in our lives.

And lastly the story about Jesus calming the storm. It's funny and sad how Jesus' own disciples had less faith in Him than the centurion. Jesus shows His authority over nature! How can you be afraid if you've understood Jesus properly like the centurion!

Knowing all this; that Jesus has power and authority over all, and yet loved us so much that He died for our sins, past present and future. He rose from the dead to prove that He really is God and took our sins so that we are forgiven of them and brought back into a personal relationship with God. Will you place your trust in Jesus and place Him first in your life?

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Amen! All this stuff you've typed about what you've learned reminds me of the following verse from Hosea 4:6

Quote

my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.

“Because you have rejected knowledge,
    I also reject you as my priests;
because you have ignored the law of your God,
    I also will ignore your children.

Those without the knowledge of the scriptures can't become children of God, and I'm so glad you are taking the necessary steps to bring yourself closer to Him. Your detailed post really shows how focused you were on taking in the words of your pastor. Speaking of which, kudos to him for pointing out so many good nuggets in the bible--how the leper disease is meant to be a symbol for sin, and how Jesus tells us to place our faith above the worldly concerns of life through the let the dead bury their own dead verse. I wish I could've been there!

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