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JustTom

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Still stuck at the moment and don't want to ramble yet, I'm just opening the thread so that I can post every day even if it's 100% failure reports. I've got the last exam on monday which, if I fail, I will have to re-take the whole course in November sooooo let's not do that yeah? So far it looks very likely, but eh, I've gotten lucky before so I'll give it a shot. 

I'd love to type in here a comprehensive plan and start a detox counter but I would just be lying to everyone here. Hopefully I'll pull myself up soon. 

EDIT: Even though I did go to the uni, I wasn't able to focus at all, I was sleep deprived, my thoughts are flying around, there is a ton of self-hate and on top of that, it feels like my brain is not used to thinking - I literally feel dumb. Communication is at a 0, I pretty much looked exactly how I felt - I'm a mess. I think I studied 2 hours total. 

Edited by JustTom

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I'm glad that you decide to come back here and to make baby steps.

You have been there so you know pretty much everything about quitting. I don't know what to say except to wish you good luck.

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28 minutes ago, Silverlining said:

I'm glad that you decide to come back here and to make baby steps.

You have been there so you know pretty much everything about quitting. I don't know what to say except to wish you good luck.

I honestly really don't want to. That's the worst part, I know I should want to quit, but I don't want to >{ I know my life would be so much better, but just the idea of going into the real life spikes my anxiety so high I feel like I just want to run. 

It's 16:00 and I've finally convinced myself to not give up on the exam and try to cram in as much as I can during the ~12-14 hours of studying that I have left before the exam. There's nothing more I can do at this point. I was considering for a very long time to just give up, which would allow me full two days of gaming. It's a resit so there is a small chance they will leave some portion of the questions the same which gives me some chance of success. Not a big one, but I will try my luck at least.

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28 minutes ago, JustTom said:

I honestly really don't want to. That's the worst part, I know I should want to quit, but I don't want to >{ I know my life would be so much better, but just the idea of going into the real life spikes my anxiety so high I feel like I just want to run. 

I feel you so much, man, I quit once for 3 months and it really did improve my life, but now I'm quitting again and it feels so weird. Btw, I'm having an exam this week too. I'm so unprepared it's unbelievable, but I've retaken exams before and managed to pull through even though I knew very little. I'd advise you to not give up now, what helps me a lot is imagining how I would feel after the exam if I'd given up. Even if you fail, you won't feel as bad because you actually tried preparing for the exam and didn't give up. I know it's pretty basic advice but I wanted to share anyway lol. Good luck!

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21 hours ago, JustTom said:

I honestly really don't want to. That's the worst part, I know I should want to quit, but I don't want to >{ I know my life would be so much better, but just the idea of going into the real life spikes my anxiety so high I feel like I just want to run. 

It's 16:00 and I've finally convinced myself to not give up on the exam and try to cram in as much as I can during the ~12-14 hours of studying that I have left before the exam. There's nothing more I can do at this point. I was considering for a very long time to just give up, which would allow me full two days of gaming. It's a resit so there is a small chance they will leave some portion of the questions the same which gives me some chance of success. Not a big one, but I will try my luck at least.

I understand the anxiety.

But the fact that you are posting here means that you want to get out of this mess. And you know the only way is quitting.

Are you really willing to give up your degree, your career and your social life for gaming? I don't think so, because you are still trying to pass this exam.

If you really don't want to quit, that's fine. That's your life. No one can make you "want" things. However, if you want to quit but can't, then that's something to work on.

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Oh hey! I was going to follow up with you and see where you're at. Glad that you're back (even if just to post).

What is it about life that spikes your anxiety? What are you afraid of facing?

Also, maybe this is a sign that your life goals aren't motivating enough? (Cue my normal pitch for figuring out your metaphysical beliefs since they're at the core of everything, but you know the drill :D)

It can also just be fatigue. I've relapsed myself and I haven't had the energy or motivation to properly re-start my detox. I think I'm just tired of constantly pushing myself. I figure if I get proper sleep a few weeks straight, I should be back in it. So it's just a matter of getting some rest sometimes. Fighting yourself all the time is exhausting.

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