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TwoSidedLife

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@BooksandTrees I've got a bunch. Definitely too much to focus on at once. I'm able to focus on two at a time as i've learnt. My layout for review and completion doesn't satisfy me though, so I end up redoing the layouts a lot. Two at one time is good for me and I usually phase them in one at a time after a week of staying to the habit. Layout has been my biggest downfall honestly. Not a lot of info out there on how (layout wise) to set the goals and where to write them exactly. Definitely overthinking it too much too. Could be simpler, but i'd love to get a sense of achievement from ticking off when I get to a milestone or finish a goal. So far I just write the date next to the milestone.

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Day 10

Last Night's Dream #8:  I was watching a video game stream on a TV at a school. I was really interested in it and wanted to play it. Before I did I watched to see what game it was. It was a racing game. There was a car and menu screen, the option to customise cars. (Idk cars well, but F1 style car). There was a commentator speaking about the gameplay of a 'pro'. It was a 'pre game' kind of speech about the player, all that was on the screen so far was just the car. A specific thing I remember hearing was "This is Billy(?), and he's been playing this game since he was only 10 years old! That must mean he really does believe in space!" (In a way that this is his passion and that he may believe in human expansion into space or aliens). The game was a racing game set in space. This was an interesting dream that got cut off / interrupted by someone knocking on the house door.

Today's Progress

  • Feels like time is flying! I'm not thinking about games or craving them. But I want to actively resist them still so I can improve myself.
  • Been encouraged by someone to learn more things w free courses (Since I have a passion for learning)
  • Feel more incontrol of my life and decisions. I get to choose my path for studying again. Researching schools. Will likely do a course online since open enrollment and self paced. Attempting to go to a real university (Yeaaah! This is a dream that could come true!!). It means a lot to me since gaming stopped me from really learning in school (Always skipping to game) and later on drugs alongside it made it worse. Otherwise I can get accepted as mature age next year. Im really happy right now about it :)
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Day 11

Today's Progress

  • I wish I had more energy. I'm not sure if i'm just unmotivated or if i'm physically tired. So far i've just planned to work on eating healthier. Specifically, I want to quit sugar again (Not just ice cream and chocolate, but there's a lot of sugar in food in general. Eg. Most sauces are all sugar).
  • Still been drinking at night-time. It's become my new 'cool' activity. I probably won't stop till it's all gone (1L gone finally). Since I want to improve my chef skills + trying to stay lowkey about drinking (Soda disappearing is shocking lol), gonna make some soda free drinks using fruits, vegetables ect. All that fancy stuff.
  • Basically just mucking around. Still have no cravings or desire to play games at least. I 'have' the opportunity in front of me with a ps4, but I will PASS! I'd much rather watch an MMA fight video on youtube for example. It's the little things I miss when i'm addicted to gaming.
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Day 12

Today's Progress

  • Despite hardly doing anything, I feel amazing overall in my mood!
  • I've been eating healthier (Getting up and actually cooking food + making salads)
  • Feel like i've got more energy.
  • I've been drinking everynight. But I spent a good portion of my daytime searching for 'how to format' my goals. Finally found something that might work for me! Writing the goal as a yearly, writing monthlies, weeklies and dailies related to it. Perfect for me, an amazing way to be able to organise my days!
  • While being drunk i'm sorting my goals and making steps towards them because it's fun!
  • Looking forward to having lunch w my parent tommorow (all you can eat buffet!!)
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16 hours ago, TwoSidedLife said:

Day 12

Today's Progress

  • Despite hardly doing anything, I feel amazing overall in my mood!
  • I've been eating healthier (Getting up and actually cooking food + making salads)
  • Feel like i've got more energy.
  • I've been drinking everynight. But I spent a good portion of my daytime searching for 'how to format' my goals. Finally found something that might work for me! Writing the goal as a yearly, writing monthlies, weeklies and dailies related to it. Perfect for me, an amazing way to be able to organise my days!
  • While being drunk i'm sorting my goals and making steps towards them because it's fun!
  • Looking forward to having lunch w my parent tommorow (all you can eat buffet!!)

This is a longer post.  I apologize.  If it is unhelpful I truly apologize for wasting your time.  I wanted to elaborate on a goals post that I didn't have time to talk about earlier in the week.  I had a huge goals list prepared for myself that covered the next 5 years.  It looked like this:

  1. Write a cartoon
  2. Write two books
  3. Create a podcast
  4. Create a website for my internet hobbies to make money
  5. Perform standup comedy
  6. Buy a house
  7. Get a girlfriend
  8. Get in shape
  9. Find meaningful friendships
  10. get a daily routine
  11. be more connected with family
  12. treat myself better
  13. quit porn and video games for good
  14. find more hobbies

I then got depressed at how stressful this list was.  Inside each of those 14 bullet points were 1-10 sub-bullet points detailing my goals.  It was so daunting to me.  I felt like a failure when I wasn't doing something right.  What helped me was color coding these goals to put them into time frames.  Blue was something that I'd do in the future, but didn't want to erase it, green is stuff I'm currently doing and succeeding at, which will eventually be removed from the list once they become a lifestyle, and grey is removed altogether because I've lost interest:

  1. Write a cartoon
  2. Write two books
  3. Create a podcast
  4. Create a website for my internet hobbies to make money
  5. Perform standup comedy
  6. Buy a house
  7. Get a girlfriend
  8. Get in shape
  9. Find meaningful friendships
  10. get a daily routine
  11. be more connected with family
  12. treat myself better
  13. quit porn and video games for good
  14. find more hobbies

The color codes made me less stressed out because I was currently doing all of the ones in green, but I was also making money to save up for a house, planning out the content from my writing to put on a website, writing for comedy, and bettering myself in all aspects of life and doing new things which might lead me to meeting a woman and getting a girlfriend.  I changed my mindset and felt better after it.  

A new iteration of my goals list has future goals, current goals, and lifestyles.  The lifestyles are detailed versions of the green text bullet points so that it reminds me of the life I want to live when I feel like relapsing and giving up.  It motivates me and also makes me feel secured in my new way of life.  The blue is just future things that I'll work towards so I always feel like I have options in my future.

This took the stress out of my life, allowed me to have fewer immediate goals, and let me breathe.  I can now do fun hobbies and activities with friends, be healthier, write, and relax.  This all lets me treat myself better, be more connected with my family, take up my time so I don't play games, and lets me balance my stress levels so I don't crave escapism.  This works for me, but not others.  I only wrote this long post because I saw you were talking about the bullet points.  I hope this helps and if my post was annoying then as I mentioned before I apologize for the long post lol.

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@BooksandTrees

Thankyou for your info! I feel stressed over not being able to do lots in a short amount of time. It'd definitely be very helpful if I apply a similar format using timeframes and the 5 years in the future concept. I don't want any of my goals to slip away or be forgotten for the most part. Time overall is an entire piece i'm missing to my goals. That'd be really damn helpful to solve a lot of roadblocks. Time management has never been my strenth hahaha. I'll definitely be reading up more about time with goals. This has been a great insight! I like to apply a bit of everything to whatever I do. Personalised systems work best for me.

I appreciate long detailed posts actually lol. I love learning about everything. It was a realisation I had that pulled me out of my pot addiction (At that moment I immediately began to binge learn online lmao). Eventually started withdrawing and got sober cause I was more addicted to learning. A few months later gaming started to get in the way of my learning. It also felt like the chore that smoking pot was, it just annoyed me. I looked back on my past and realised gaming had affected me a lot more than pot did. I researched game addiction (and now here I am!). Before finding gamequitters I read multiple studies about gaming. The best material you can ever get though is from someone else directly sharing their own knowledge. Sharing knowledge is an amazing and powerful thing!

Thankyou again for taking the time to share your knowledge.

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Day 13

Today's Progress

  • I find myself questioning if I really didn't game today (Forgetfulness due to dissociative stuff). For the most part, I think I just haven't filled my day with memorable moments yet.
  • Approaching two weeks feels like nothing has happened between then and now. I don't even remember the last game I played though hahaha.
  • I fended off some cravings today. I'm craving a puzzle game (The Black Watchmen), just seemed like something really fun and rewarding to do. I'm in desperate need of a mental challenge where I can just do something and not have to spend the physical effort setting it all up.
  • I'm still bored. I still need to make efforts to find something challenging and 'easy' to start. Essentially thats what gaming was to me. I don't want to game because I crave real achievement now.
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Day 14

Today's Progress

  • Started off a bit lazy, but I feel like i'm slowly building momentum. Somehow when I was waking up, I had a lot of energy and motivation to jump out of bed. I had a false awakening (Where you think it's real life, but it's a dream). I was trying with all my will, motivation and power, I gave it EVERYTHING to slowly get up and get out of bed. It felt like a powerful force pushing against me. When I woke up, it amazed me that I had the willpower to do that. Especially since I thought I was awake.
  • Today, planned my goals as a draft of how to bullet journal them. I'm really liking this new system! I implemented time as an important factor in my goals. Thankyou again @BooksandTrees for giving me the push to do this and a clearer way to structure it! It's been far more helpful than first imagined! I've written down so far for yearly, quarterly, monthy, weekly and daily goals. Daily being my way to review everyday and decide what I want to do on that day.
  • My goals week starts on Friday, since i've always used Friday as the start of my week (Most ppl go with Monday or Sunday as the first day of the week). This gives me time to write it down in the journal, add some future goals and tie up some loose ends around to-do-lists. School at this point REALLY needs to get sorted. I feel like i'm not caring enough that I dropped out and not trying hard enough to pursue another option.
  • Also, AWESOME! I made it to 2 weeks gamefree!
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7 hours ago, TwoSidedLife said:

Day 14

Today's Progress

  • Started off a bit lazy, but I feel like i'm slowly building momentum. Somehow when I was waking up, I had a lot of energy and motivation to jump out of bed. I had a false awakening (Where you think it's real life, but it's a dream). I was trying with all my will, motivation and power, I gave it EVERYTHING to slowly get up and get out of bed. It felt like a powerful force pushing against me. When I woke up, it amazed me that I had the willpower to do that. Especially since I thought I was awake.
  • Today, planned my goals as a draft of how to bullet journal them. I'm really liking this new system! I implemented time as an important factor in my goals. Thankyou again @BooksandTrees for giving me the push to do this and a clearer way to structure it! It's been far more helpful than first imagined! I've written down so far for yearly, quarterly, monthy, weekly and daily goals. Daily being my way to review everyday and decide what I want to do on that day.
  • My goals week starts on Friday, since i've always used Friday as the start of my week (Most ppl go with Monday or Sunday as the first day of the week). This gives me time to write it down in the journal, add some future goals and tie up some loose ends around to-do-lists. School at this point REALLY needs to get sorted. I feel like i'm not caring enough that I dropped out and not trying hard enough to pursue another option.
  • Also, AWESOME! I made it to 2 weeks gamefree!

Congratulations on getting to 2 weeks and I'm glad I could help you. This is exciting to see. You can even tell by the tone of your writing voice that you're doing better. 

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Day 16

Today's Progress

  • Last night I had a nightmare that made me realise unresolved feelings about my past. I think it's time I brought it up with my psychologist. I felt like gaming when I woke up because of it. Instead I just slept again (15 hours tho which sucks). I feel depressed today.
  • I'm gonna keep going despite all the stuff going on inside and outside. My family keep talking about how useless I am because I dropped out and can't communicate or do teamwork easily like them. I dislike that they've never been supportive and instead just makes me feel bad till I do something good (Guilt tripping).
  • Sometimes i'm too afraid to do things because of them judging me. I want to cook something - they'll get mad, tell me to go to school so I can buy my own ingredients. I want to exercise in my room but I don't want to be noisy and draw attention to myself because i'm sick of getting yelled at.

At least i'm not blocking out these feelings

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1 hour ago, TwoSidedLife said:

Day 16

Today's Progress

  • Last night I had a nightmare that made me realise unresolved feelings about my past. I think it's time I brought it up with my psychologist. I felt like gaming when I woke up because of it. Instead I just slept again (15 hours tho which sucks). I feel depressed today.
  • I'm gonna keep going despite all the stuff going on inside and outside. My family keep talking about how useless I am because I dropped out and can't communicate or do teamwork easily like them. I dislike that they've never been supportive and instead just makes me feel bad till I do something good (Guilt tripping).
  • Sometimes i'm too afraid to do things because of them judging me. I want to cook something - they'll get mad, tell me to go to school so I can buy my own ingredients. I want to exercise in my room but I don't want to be noisy and draw attention to myself because i'm sick of getting yelled at.

At least i'm not blocking out these feelings

You could try yoga or different forms of exercise. It's good that you're discussing this stuff and going to bring it up. I think this website and talking to your therapist will help you with communication and what's important to discuss with your family when you deem comfortable. 

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Day 18 (RELAPSE!)

Today's Progress

  • I've been drinking and this is how I relapsed. I played for an hour before being too bored to continue. Prior to playing, I was so restless to find something physical to do. Even if it was just playing with marbles on the ground (I threw them out a while ago lol). I didn't want to game cause I knew it was boring. It was more of an attempt to really find something to do and cure the restlessness. Before gaming I drew 2 sketches (I like drawing when i'm drunk. It's a lot better that way, because I don't care about perfection and don't take forever drawing).
  • Again I relapsed to a game I didn't want to play. I've had cravings for specific games and haven't played them yet.
  • I feel like everytime I watch my sibling play a game, I end up relapsing. But I don't remember the last times.

I know i'll get back to gamefree tomorrow. The streak doesn't really matter to me. I'm happy that i'm able to get back to stopgaming within the same hour of stopping after a relapse! The first few times, I would let myself binge for a few weeks. I've got some new tactics to put in place to stop the gaming (Place it all on a USB). Along with that, i'd like to just instead watch gameplay to remind myself of the reality of how boring it is. I've never been addicted to watching twitch or gameplays and have always found them insanely boring. I did watch competitive time to time, purely to improve my gameplay (I quit multiplayer for good years ago) and also when I had bets on it. I've got very strong reasons never to go back to multiplayer. I've also never kept up with gaming news, i've always thought of it as really dry and not intellectual enough for me.

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1 minute ago, TwoSidedLife said:

Day 18 (RELAPSE!)

Today's Progress

  • I've been drinking and this is how I relapsed. I played for an hour before being too bored to continue. Prior to playing, I was so restless to find something physical to do. Even if it was just playing with marbles on the ground (I threw them out a while ago lol). I didn't want to game cause I knew it was boring. It was more of an attempt to really find something to do and cure the restlessness. Before gaming I drew 2 sketches (I like drawing when i'm drunk. It's a lot better that way, because I don't care about perfection and don't take forever drawing).
  • Again I relapsed to a game I didn't want to play. I've had cravings for specific games and haven't played them yet.
  • I feel like everytime I watch my sibling play a game, I end up relapsing. But I don't remember the last times.

I know i'll get back to gamefree tomorrow. The streak doesn't really matter to me. I'm happy that i'm able to get back to stopgaming within the same hour of stopping after a relapse! The first few times, I would let myself binge for a few weeks. I've got some new tactics to put in place to stop the gaming (Place it all on a USB). Along with that, i'd like to just instead watch gameplay to remind myself of the reality of how boring it is. I've never been addicted to watching twitch or gameplays and have always found them insanely boring. I did watch competitive time to time, purely to improve my gameplay (I quit multiplayer for good years ago) and also when I had bets on it. I've got very strong reasons never to go back to multiplayer. I've also never kept up with gaming news, i've always thought of it as really dry and not intellectual enough for me.

Good job with your progression. Nobody just quits. I feel like we quit, fail repeat until we start learning and studying why we fail. Then we recognize it's a bad thing, like when our parents taught us touching fire was bad. You're doing this the right way so keep that in mind. 

Also, I do the same thing with porn. I'll be fine and then I sit in my room alone and all of a sudden I feel like if I don't watch porn then I'm going to be bored, have an anxiety attack, and the world will end. I'll watch and then get disgusted by it and myself. I then quit for longer periods of time. I did the same with video games. Now I don't need video games and I know I'll do it with porn. I know you can do the same. Keep being a student. 

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@BooksandTrees Thankyou so much for your support. I honestly do struggle w porn aswell (although it's not common to hear w women, it's still a struggle nonetheless). Been a bit of a side goal for me personally to abstain from it. It's very much worth it in the longrun to abstain from porn and gaming. Builds us to be better ppl and channel that energy into much better things. Self discipline is an ongoing game.

I truly do feel a much stronger pull towards my goals. It's more meaningful than games could ever be. As long as I challenge myself, i'll be happy :)

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Ahh, I'm sorry that happened @TwoSidedLife.   Those days are the hardest, when absolutely everything is boring.  I had five or so days in a row like that, where even watching my favorite TV show bored me to death, I could barley get through five minutes of it.

I don't have that much advice in this area for you, because I struggle with it too; It's extremely difficult.  But it really helped to have a good book.  Not a book that you would learn anything from, or a self help book, but a book that is purely for entertainment value.  It helped pass the time like none other.

If you need a suggestion, I loved the book Artemis by Andy Weir.  It's a futuristic, adventure book involving a developing community on the moon.  I couldn't put it down!

Wishing you the best, I'm rooting for you!

Edited by Average_Guy
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1 hour ago, TwoSidedLife said:

@BooksandTrees Thankyou so much for your support. I honestly do struggle w porn aswell (although it's not common to hear w women, it's still a struggle nonetheless). Been a bit of a side goal for me personally to abstain from it. It's very much worth it in the longrun to abstain from porn and gaming. Builds us to be better ppl and channel that energy into much better things. Self discipline is an ongoing game.

I truly do feel a much stronger pull towards my goals. It's more meaningful than games could ever be. As long as I challenge myself, i'll be happy ?

You're welcome!  I believe in you.  Porn and video games go hand in hand.  We gotta stay strong and keep learning from ourselves and others.

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Day 1

Today's Progress

  • Back on stopgaming. Made it one day.
  • I'm considering that I might have a drinking problem now. This morning/maybe last night, I was contemplating how to get more (Even tho I have no money and I need to drop out of my course, stop payments ect.). Basically I get paid by the government to study and that's how I pay for school fees.
  • I managed to jump out of bed. I'm keen to try this new reward system I planned/brainstormed in my head. I heard a bit of the advice elsewhere, but you basically reward yourself when you do something towards your goals and the reward is related to the goal.
  • I haven't been rewarding myself. I slept at 1am or so, set alarm for 10am. I jumped out of bed at 6am, but when back cause 'it's not healthy' to have only 5 hours of sleep. Then I woke up at 7 and jumped out again and the same thought came up, so I slept again.
  • Today I went to the school to drop out (Since they haven't replied by email). They told me I owe nothing and I got to keep my money. Instead I blew it on alcohol after telling myself I was going to quit because I had no money.
  • On a positive note, i'm taking steps to find a new course. I've gotten creative since my city  is small and has little to offer. Ended up finding lots of different online courses in my country.
  • I just feel like shite cause of my family honestly. People are working and one is at uni. I get that. But there's a huge lack of understanding that nobody can accept I have trauma that stops me from going to school easily and normally. At least i'm happy with myself for trying still.
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3 hours ago, TwoSidedLife said:

Day 1

Today's Progress

  • Back on stopgaming. Made it one day.
  • I'm considering that I might have a drinking problem now. This morning/maybe last night, I was contemplating how to get more (Even tho I have no money and I need to drop out of my course, stop payments ect.). Basically I get paid by the government to study and that's how I pay for school fees.
  • I managed to jump out of bed. I'm keen to try this new reward system I planned/brainstormed in my head. I heard a bit of the advice elsewhere, but you basically reward yourself when you do something towards your goals and the reward is related to the goal.
  • I haven't been rewarding myself. I slept at 1am or so, set alarm for 10am. I jumped out of bed at 6am, but when back cause 'it's not healthy' to have only 5 hours of sleep. Then I woke up at 7 and jumped out again and the same thought came up, so I slept again.
  • Today I went to the school to drop out (Since they haven't replied by email). They told me I owe nothing and I got to keep my money. Instead I blew it on alcohol after telling myself I was going to quit because I had no money.
  • On a positive note, i'm taking steps to find a new course. I've gotten creative since my city  is small and has little to offer. Ended up finding lots of different online courses in my country.
  • I just feel like shite cause of my family honestly. People are working and one is at uni. I get that. But there's a huge lack of understanding that nobody can accept I have trauma that stops me from going to school easily and normally. At least i'm happy with myself for trying still.

It's tough, but this journey we're on opens our eyes to so many things that we can improve in our lives. All we can do is focus on a few at a time and just decide whether or not that activity is really the best idea. Be patient and kind to yourself. 

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Day 2

Today's Progress

  • Haven't been pursuing my goals as much as i'd like to. But i've taken it upon myself to take a step everyday to help me get into a school course.
  • I definitely would've relapsed today. However, the games left on my computer are excrutiatingly boring and the lounge has been taken all day by family (I still have a console there). I would've played games on my steam account, but my sibling still has the password with them. They won't give me the password until I pass 90 days and ask for it back myself.
  • I've had a drive to find things eccentric skills i'm interested in and general skills I want to build upon. I realise I want to learn about and be skilled at many things. There's only a handful of things i'd like to keep pursuing to higher levels, but for the most part i'd like to know everything on a basic level.
  • When I get the funds, I really want to take coin collecting seriously. I made a trade with my sibling a year ago for their coin collection they got from a (separated) parent. I have well over 100 doubles i'm wanting to trade for my collection. So far I only need the funds to send these out by postage. It's a pity that I don't want to look at coins because i'm really keen to start this already, but lack the funds.
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Day 3

Today's Progress

  • A lot of my past 'baggage' is coming up. I'm missing my ex a lot. I realise I want to have more friends around me now.
  • I cut off my friends in mid 2017. That's the last time i've hungout with anyone. I don't see any possibility of how to make friends while i'm going to be studying online at home again. I have a lot of anxiety to deal with tied to my disorder. But i'm definitely getting better through the years.
  • I want to build better relations with my family and learn through those relations. My sibling's friend said its cool i'm talking more to them. Though I feel weird being friends with my siblings friends - We're close in age and a lot of them know me through someone else. It sucks for me when they've heard of me, because i'm nothing like that anymore. Any new situation involving a story of past me is annoying because I have explain my life to ppl I just met. Also the added stress of knowing they've already judged me.
  • Wish I was more willing to branch out - but strangers I meet on the street (doesn't matter their age!) know you through someone else. I mainly regret doing drugs for this very reason. I feel like i'm being held as a social hostage.
  • Maybe one day i'll just stop caring about it all. It's mainly just a pain in the arse having to explain.
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Day 5

Today's Progress

  • Slowing down my pace. Maybe i've been drinking a lot cause i'm unsure of my future. Having control and freedom is hard too - huge responsibility on your own part to take yourself forward.
  • For now i'll focus on basic chores and help around the house (Make a habit from it). Additionally, I want to go the extra mile and do things around here nobody has time to worry or think about (Organise things).
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Day 10

Today's Progress

  • Happily still here going strong.
  • I've made great personal progress, but I can still be doing better. I still have basic things to work on.
  • I don't have any urges to game as i've found many other better and more exciting things to do.
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Hey TSL, I'm glad to see you keep getting back up and dusting yourself off after each hiccup rather than giving up, that's great! That's the Aussie Battler spirit ?

If 90 days seems daunting, look at it in smaller chunks. Once you break through ~20 days you'll have a totally new routine that you will begin to wonder where you had time for gaming, and if you maintain that momentum it's all downhill from there.

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