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Lea

Ninety Days Worth the Pain

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Prelude

First of all, I am Lea Kales. I was born on August 7, 2000, in Indonesia. I am currently an eighteen years old who is now studying in Australia. I love to draw, write stories and poems, and listening to music, especially K-Pop. Sports aren't really my "cup of tea," but if I have to choose one, it would be swimming. But at a meantime, before I made a decision to quit, I loved to play games. Some of my favorite games I ever played are Bakery Story, Covet Fashion, I Love Coffee, The Sims, Pokemon, and Minecraft. While I obviously love to play them, I love to hate that they are screwing up my life.

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Since I was young, I have a mild form of autism (or Asperger's). I had speech delay (not speaking until I was 5) and not long, I also develop the bad habit of maladaptive daydreaming. Especially as I grew older, I am shy and quiet. Despite visiting the therapists in my younger years, making friends seems to be a gargantuan task for me. As for my previous school, it took years for me to open up to my classmates, whom I now dearly consider them as friends. I may have these issues even before I started gaming, but my gaming and YouTube addictions definitely have exacerbate my problems and hindering me from becoming independent. Like thieves that sneak in at night, they had stolen my joy in my hobbies.

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There have been some points in my life that I want to quit, but I keep on failing to do so. I didn't get to know Game Quitters until I stumbled upon it in the last week of last year. Since a few days ago, something inside me is urging myself to quit games. As a Christian, I do believe and think that God is speaking to me to change. In this case, it is to overcome my addictions. Not long, my uncle and aunt were mad to me about my bad habits. This is only part one of my wake-up call to quit games. I have also other reasons to do: not letting these addictions ruin my life, rekindle my interest in my hobbies, and also out of curiosity. Yes, there will be temptations, but I really want to be more aware, more productive, and be the woman God want me to be in the present and in the future.

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Day 1 (January 13th, 2019)

How Are You Feeling?

Since the day that I quit, I still feel sad. I also feel lonely, empty, and bored. However, I feel a bit better when I played with my uncle and my cousin.

What Did You Do?

1. I played Uno Stacko with my uncle and my cousin.

2. I read parts of a scientific book.

3. I studied the mathematics that will be in my second semester course.

4. I finished my drawing of an elf princess.

5. I talk with mom, my childhood nanny, and my close friend via Whatsapp and Instagram.

6. I signed up for the Game Quitters.

Highs (H) and Lows (L)

- I don't watch any YouTube videos or play any games. (H)

- I finished my elf princess drawing. (H)

- I am afraid to talk with my aunt and uncle. (L)

What Can You Do Better Tomorrow?

I can gather my courage by actually facing my fears. If I still feel afraid, I can talk to mom, dad, Willis (my older brother), Eve (my older sister), and my childhood nanny to dissuade my fears.

Edited by Lea
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You can do it, it's always harder at the beginning but slowly, gradually, if you take actions you will get adapted to living life differently and it will fulfill you. All the best, have a good start!

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Hey Lea! I am a new member myself, who just joined this community and quit gaming yesterday. I ll be looking forward reading your journal and following your path.

Btw, how about introducing sports in your life? I know it is not your thing, but swimming looks like a great hobby you could do or some short training excercises at home. I have started doing pushups daily myself. Only did 20, but hey, progress is still progress, no matter how small it is. Already i feel more confident! Feel free to pm me if you just need a friendly talk.

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Day 2 (January 14th, 2019)

How Are You Feeling?

I am still feeling sad, but I feel definitely better than yesterday because of my cousin's cheeky antics and the jokes in my family chat.

What Did You Do?

1. I jogged for a while nearby my home.

2. My uncle, aunt, cousin, and I went to a shopping mall.

3. I studied mathematics, finishing up the chapter about integration calculus.

4. I spent some time reading and replying to posts in the Game Quitters forum.

5. I watched my uncle and my cousin playing on the trampoline.

6. I read more posts from the forum.

7. I finished up my poem ("Shadows").

Along the Day: I talked with my mom, my dad, my nanny, Willis, and Eve via Whatsapp.

Highs (H) and Lows (L)

- I have the initiative to exercise. (H)

- Another day of not playing games or watching YouTube. (H)

- I have the initiative to volunteer in my college's orientation week. (H)

- I have the initiative to spend time with my cousin. (H)

- I finished my poem. (H)

- When my uncle asked me if I want to go to the shopping mall, I said yes, but my tone wasn't quite right. (L)

- I was rather careless when I walk. (L)

- I forgot to wind the tap after unwinding in the bathroom, which explained why the hose leaks. (L)

What Can You Do Better Tomorrow?

I should be more mindful of my tone when I speak and of my awareness when I walk in the public. I also should keep up with my will to exercise, spend time with family, write poems and stories, and seek volunteer and (possibly) job opportunities.

Edited by Lea
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@fawn_xoxo Thanks for the support! 😃

@Gaming Zombie Hahaha, thanks for the suggestions. I like swimming, but apparently there are no nearby swimming pools that I can practice swimming on. However, I did plan to do some workouts at the morning.

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Day 3 (January 15th, 2019)

How Are You Feeling?

I feel much better than a few days ago. With all the tension went down, I feel much more peace.

What Did You Do?

1. I do some workouts that are inspired from Instagram in the morning. I do different types of workouts based on the artists or genres of the songs.

2. I write several paragraphs in a new book that I just started.

3. I also planned on a poem dedicated to the Game Quitters.

4. I spent some time reading and replying to posts in the Game Quitters forum.

5. Before lunch, I cooked some rice.

6. I played with my cousin again, but only for a short while.

7. Actually, I studied earlier before I find out that my cousin wants to play. However, after that short while, I was back on studying.

8. I drew an eye and make a random popsicle bookmark.

9. I read more posts here in this forum.

Along the Day: I chatted with my mother, my nanny, and Eve. I also talked with Willis, although only for a short time.

Highs (H) and Lows (L)

- 3rd day of not playing games or watching YouTube. (H)

- I have the initiative to exercise and workout. (H)

- I have the initiative to write. (H)

- I cook some rice when I was alone in the house. (H)

- I feel like that I spent too much time on my phone or laptop (excluding the time when I write and chat with my family). (L)

What Can You Do Better Tomorrow?

While I can't avoid the screen, I can limit my time on the screen by coming with activities that are screen-free. I actually plan on cleaning my room tomorrow and probably spend my time drawing and write more in my books and the poem that I had in mind.

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Day 4 (January 16th, 2019)

How Are You Feeling?

I am not super happy, but also not in a bad mood either. I am bored at some point of the day and bit scared because I dreamed about me watching YouTube videos.

What Did You Do?

1. I did some more workouts for about 30 minutes.

2. I cleaned and mopped my bedroom, the bathroom, and the toilet room.

3. I checked the forum for a while.

4. I drew for a while.

5. I also created fonts and their sample pages.

6. I had a talk with a counselor about my addictions to games and YouTube through a phone call.

7. I talked with mom while having lunch.

8. I studied math by book and chemistry on Khan Academy.

9. I finished another poem called "Survivor." (It is right below in the Bonus section.)

10. I worked more on the fonts.

Highs (H) and Lows (L)

- 4th day of not playing games or watching YouTube. (H)

- I am consistent with my sleep and exercise schedule. (H)

- I have the initiative to clean up my bedroom and bathroom. (H)

- I completed writing another poem! (H) 😃

- My voice tend to sound hesitant and not clear when I speak on the phone. (L)

- I got reprimanded for not making sure that the dishwasher is full (I was about to turn it on). (L)

What Can You Do Better Tomorrow?

I could make reminders for myself on what should I do or do not do, especially in a conversation or a social situation. I also should keep up with my goals, now that I accomplished one for the week (writing two poems).

Bonus

Just like I have mentioned above, I will reveal you my poem (in italics). The title is "Survivor." This is dedicated for my fellow Game Quitters. Enjoy!

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This all started with animations that flicker

On my old school gameboy.

When I was younger,

League of Legends had been my joy.

Like being in love at first sight,

I played with them for all the night.

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I was quickly lifted up from zero,

Battling the monsters that were kept on attacking me,

To being heralded as a pixelated hero,

With garlands and gold raining continuously on me.

After all, real life was not fun

As it was hell under the sun.

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But deep inside my soul,

I really wished that I quit.

I longed to regain my life’s control

And never again to be stolen by it.

I may not had the courage to do so yesterday,

But I am doing it today.

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Even after deciding to quit,

I still have doubts of my own.

Will I ever make it

Without playing more games like a drone?

Oh yes, I will,

As long as I have the will.

Edited by Lea
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Day 5 (January 17th, 2019)

How Are You Feeling?

I am feeling very good and happy. Otherwise, I am a bit bored about what to do.

What Did You Do?

1. I did some workouts after spending time reading the Bible.

2. I turned on the dishwasher.

3. I replied to some of the comments in my forum journal.

4. I went to my university for a training session as a Student Leader and Volunteer for next week's Orientation Week. I also get in touch with one of my friends from last semester.

5. I continued with my font samples and made a request/commission form.

6. I studied chemistry on Khan Academy for a while.

7. I talked with mom, my dad, and my nanny.

8. I planned to do a short Harry Potter fanfiction and already mapped out the main characters.

P. S. - I almost do mindless browsing on the Internet.

Highs (H) and Lows (L)

- 5th day of not playing games or watching YouTube. (H)

- I am consistent with my sleep and exercise schedule. (H)

- I talked with more than one person during the training session. (H)

- I made a new friend during the training session! (H) 😃

- I have confidence in talking with my fellow volunteers. (H)

- I forgot to bring my jacket. (L)

- I almost interrupted the conversation when someone was talking. (L?)

What Can You Do Better Tomorrow?

I can make a reminder for the list of things that I need to bring in case I go outside my house. I also should see where the conversation is going.

Edited by Lea
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Day 6 (January 18th, 2019)

How Are You Feeling?

I am feeling happy at least once a day. However, I also feel anxious and bored as well.

What Did You Do?

1. I had quiet time and exercised like usual.

2. I scheduled my plans for my days in university that is coming in less than two weeks.

3. I checked out the forum and replied to the comments.

4. I wrote a quote in the fonts I created my own (The quote that I used is under the Bonus section.).

5. I resumed on writing the book that I mentioned in Day 3.

6. I studied math on Khan Academy for next semester, although the teachers never assigned them on the website.

7. I talked with my mom about gaming addiction in general. She told me how I have improved so much, even in less than a week. I told her that now that what I fear the most is to relapse back to my old, bad habits.

8. I went on to read some more journals in the forum.

9. I played Uno with my uncle and cousin. I won a few times, which definitely made me happy. My cousin is funny and cheeky as usual.

10. I almost played Minecraft with my cousin, but I stayed true to my commitment to resume the detox and told to my mom about it. I also talked with my sister.

11. I almost finished with my font samples for my writing account. I talked with my nanny as well.

Highs (H) and Lows (L)

- 6th day of not playing games or watching YouTube. (H)

- I am consistent with my sleep and exercise schedule. (H)

- I finished with my quote. (H)

- I almost completed a chapter in my new book. (H)

- I spent time with my uncle and cousin. (H)

- I forgot put the dishes to the dishwasher. (L; only realized the next morning)

- I am probably rude about me refusing my cousin's offer to play Minecraft together. (L?)

What Can You Do Better Tomorrow?

I can be more tactful, but firm when I said to my family and friends that I am not going to play (video) games. I also must keep reminding myself about what I am supposed to do. I also can keep my "highs" by reminding everyday and every week about the things that I was supposed to do, including weekly goals (which I will post tomorrow).

Bonus

Here is the quote that I have mentioned before. It is by Louis Pasteur.

 

20190118_110916.jpg

Edited by Lea
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Beautiful calligraphy! Glad you're doing well 😊

And congrats on getting the shoutout on the forums page!

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Hi Lea! Glad to see another Aussie on the forums. Our numbers were greater a while back, so time for us to retake the forum :)

 

Glad to see you have started your journey with the right intention! I look forward to following your progress, and if you want to chat to someone who has gone through the detox, I am always here to help and in the same timezone :)

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Day 7 (January 19th, 2019)

How Are You Feeling?

At the morning, I felt anxious because I dreamed about playing a game in which I have the character in a form of a bulldog. Thus, I couldn't sleep, but fortunately, it was only an hour away from my waking time. Then I felt normal and bored, but happier as the day progressed.

What Did You Do?

1. I had quiet time and exercised like usual.

2. I finished my font samples for my writing account (for now because I will add more new fonts in the future).

3. I talked with Eve for a while.

4. I was putting in more characters to my character list for my upcoming Harry Potter fanfiction.

5. I had phone calls with Eve and my grandmother.

6. I went to a shopping mall with my uncle, aunt, and cousin to eat and buy groceries because we don't have food back at home.

7. I had my math lesson with my tutor (usually once every week).

8. Then, I did my laundry with my aunt.

9. I read and replied to some of them in the forum.

10. I played with my cousin on the trampoline. I also talked with mom too.

11. I washed the dishes and helped my aunt to pick up the fish fillets from the air fryer.

12. I made my goals for now and the future. Again, I talked with my mom about how much I progressed since last week.

Highs (H) and Lows (L)

- 7th day (and already officially a week) of not playing games or watching YouTube. (H)

- I am consistent with my sleep and exercise schedule. (H)

- I am more aware to my surroundings. (H)

- I clearly know what I want to do. (H)

- I spend time with my cousin and have initiative to talk with Eve and my grandmother. (H)

- I get reminded for at least once, because my other goal after quitting games and YouTube is to get reminded less and less by my uncle and aunt.. (L)

- I am not sure if I set my speaking tone right. (L?)

What Can You Do Better Tomorrow?

Like I said before, I could keep reminding about the things I supposed to do. At the same time though, I should not beat myself up if I was reminded for only once. I also should keep up with my awareness to my surrounding and be grounded in my plan for the day.

Bonus

These are my weekly goals for this week:

- Finish writing two poems. (Accomplished)

- Finish writing 2 chapters of my new book. (In Progress)

- Finish chapter nine in my math textbook. (Accomplished at least the basics)

- Vacuum Bathroom and Bedroom (Accomplished)

Next week's weekly goals will be similar to this except for finishing a chapter in a textbook.

Edited by Lea
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