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Ninety Days Worth the Pain


Lea

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Day 8 (January 20th, 2019)

How Are You Feeling?

I feel happy and yet apprehensive about my grandmother coming over, but it's a great day overall.

What Did You Do?

1. I went to church in the morning.

2. I went to meet my grandmother and celebrated my other uncle's birthday in a restaurant.

3. After buying more groceries and a cup of bubble tea, my family and I went home.

4. I talked with my mom.

5. I do some workouts for 30 minutes. I sweated more, which is a good sign.

6. I read some journals and replied to them in the forum. I also spent some more time talking with my mom.

7. I finished writing two chapters (one of them is a short introduction to the book) of my new book. So all of my weekly goals are accomplished. ?

8. I wiped the tables (the ones in the dining and living rooms) and swept the floors with a broom (I usually use vacuum). My grandmother is the one who told me how to do those properly.

9. My grandmother, uncle, and I watched the Australian Open, a global tennis annual competition in Melbourne, Australia. My grandmother is a fan of Roger Federer.

Highs (H) and Lows (L)

- 8th day (and a week since I signed into GQ) of not playing games or watching YouTube. (H)

- I have confidence to sit and talk with my friends in church. (H)

- I actually tried to set my speaking tone and mind my walk, even though I failed at least once. (H)

- I did finish writing two chapters of my new book, thus accomplishing one of my weekly goals. (H)

- I unintentionally talked like a baby in one instance, even though I tried not to. (L)

- I feel like my mind is wandering for a bit while buying groceries. (L)

- I walked like a stomping horse. (L)

What Can You Do Better Tomorrow?

I can remind myself to be more mindful to my speaking tone and my walk. I also should keep up with my confidence and poise in social situations and my pursuit of my interests, like doing calligraphy, drawing, and writing.

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Woohoo! First week is officially over! Congrats on the big win ?

Super happy to hear that you're feeling more comfortable around your irl friends as that has a huge impact in how you feel and think about yourself

Keep up the good work ?

You're in my prayers

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You have been super productive today i must say, good work! Maybe i should convert my journal to your type. It seems to be working out quite well ^_^
You are acctualy starting to remind me that i should and want to go back to church, and start reading my bible once again. I start feeling so wonderful every time i do. But things seems to be in the way all the time. I don't like that.. Maybe i will read some before i go to bed. My hopes are up ?

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Day 9 (January 21st, 2019)

How Are You Feeling?

My feelings are in a roller coaster today. I feel a strange and different, but healthy kind of euphoria at some times. Other times, I feel a bit down, but I am not sad until my aunt's friend came over to sleep in. Moving to another room makes me anxious that I might not continue to put my good habits into action.

What Did You Do?

1. I had quiet time and exercised like usual.

2. I ate breakfast with grandmother, uncle, and aunt.

3. I took a look at the forum for a while.

4. My grandmother taught me how to cook fried noodles.

5. I washed the dishes first after my grandmother demonstrated on how to wash them in her preferred way.

6. I then mopped the floor after my grandmother taught me how.

7. I wrote more of "how-to-do" chores in my phone when my grandmother told me that I forgot to wipe some of the counters.

8. I wiped more of the counters, the table, the fridge, the cupboard, and the tupperware racks.

9. I helped my grandmother with ironing the clothes and my aunt for my aunt's friend to sleep in, meaning I moved some of my clothes and belongings to the room where my grandmother stayed in.

10. My aunt's friend came over. We greeted her as soon as she and her child arrived with my aunt.

11. While they are still talking, I went back to the room (that I mentioned before) for a while. I kept on telling that it will all pass and that it is an opportunity for me to be selfless and creative (about how I spend my morning routine).

12. I talked with my grandmother for a while about me being sad about the room change. She comforted me by saying that they will only be staying here for a week at the most and that this is not something I should be sad about.

13. After dinner, my grandmother, uncle, and I watched the Australian Open again. This time is Novak Djokovic who is playing. I also talked with mom as well.

Highs (H) and Lows (L)

- 9th day of not playing games or watching YouTube. (H)

- I am consistent with my sleep and exercise schedule. (H)

- I started to be more aware of my surroundings while doing all the cleaning. (H)

- I recently learned how to mop the floor standing up.(H)

- I actually tried my best to understand and accept where my flaws at when I cleaned the dishes, floors, tables, and kitchen counters. (H)

- I have the initiative to clean up. (H)

- I have another initiative to spend time outside the bedroom. (H)

- I still walked like I am angry. (L)

- I was still not that aware to my surroundings, even though it is not as bad as last week. (L)

- I disturbed my grandmother while exercising in the morning. (L)

- I was being emotional over just a room change. (L)

What Can You Do Better Tomorrow?

Other than reminding myself of what to do and to get rid of my bad habits (e.g. stomping), I can be more aware of my surroundings, especially when everyone is sleeping and when there are things to be cleaned. I also should keep up with the willingness and initiative to do something without being told so by my family.

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I think changing the room can be beneficial, why are you so scared?

Do you think the roller coaster can be caused by the 9th day? 9th day syndrome ?

Congratulations I can almost feel the goodness spreading from inside to your surroundings now!

Quote

6. I then mopped the floor after my grandmother taught me how.

This remind me of when I learned to mop the floor, it's such a funny story!

That day I was at work at a cafe and one of the customers spilled coffee with whipped cream on the pavement, resulting in a huge light-brown mess on the dark paving stones. Of course I had to clean that up so I took a mop and a bucket of water with floor soap and started trying to clean the pavement. With every move I made the stain looked worse and worse, that more with newly added foam from the soapy water it looked more messy than before!

Then suddenly an old lady approached me. She said that she's cleaning woman and she can teach me how to mop properly. I agreed and she wiped part of the pavement for me, and then I tried to repeat her moves to get my part done. While I was busy doing that she sneaked out of my sight. I've never seen her again. That's how I learned how to mop :D

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On 1/19/2019 at 12:46 PM, Lea said:

Day 7 (January 19th, 2019)

How Are You Feeling?

At the morning, I felt anxious because I dreamed about playing a game in which I have the character in a form of a bulldog. Thus, I couldn't sleep, but fortunately, it was only an hour away from my waking time. Then I felt normal and bored, but happier as the day progressed.

What Did You Do?

1. I had quiet time and exercised like usual.

2. I finished my font samples for my writing account (for now because I will add more new fonts in the future).

3. I talked with Eve for a while.

4. I was putting in more characters to my character list for my upcoming Harry Potter fanfiction.

5. I had phone calls with Eve and my grandmother.

6. I went to a shopping mall with my uncle, aunt, and cousin to eat and buy groceries because we don't have food back at home.

7. I had my math lesson with my tutor (usually once every week).

8. Then, I did my laundry with my aunt.

9. I read and replied to some of them in the forum.

10. I played with my cousin on the trampoline. I also talked with mom too.

11. I washed the dishes and helped my aunt to pick up the fish fillets from the air fryer.

12. I made my goals for now and the future. Again, I talked with my mom about how much I progressed since last week.

Highs (H) and Lows (L)

- 7th day (and already officially a week) of not playing games or watching YouTube. (H)

- I am consistent with my sleep and exercise schedule. (H)

- I am more aware to my surroundings. (H)

- I clearly know what I want to do. (H)

- I spend time with my cousin and have initiative to talk with Eve and my grandmother. (H)

- I get reminded for at least once, because my other goal after quitting games and YouTube is to get reminded less and less by my uncle and aunt.. (L)

- I am not sure if I set my speaking tone right. (L?)

What Can You Do Better Tomorrow?

Like I said before, I could keep reminding about the things I supposed to do. At the same time though, I should not beat myself up if I was reminded for only once. I also should keep up with my awareness to my surrounding and be grounded in my plan for the day.

Bonus

These are my weekly goals for this week:

- Finish writing two poems. (Accomplished)

- Finish writing 2 chapters of my new book. (In Progress)

- Finish chapter nine in my math textbook. (Accomplished at least the basics)

- Vacuum Bathroom and Bedroom (Accomplished)

Next week's weekly goals will be similar to this except for finishing a chapter in a textbook.

Nice job on your first week 

How do you feel different than one week before?

 

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Day 10 (January 22nd, 2019)

How Are You Feeling?

It's nothing out of the ordinary, and I am feeling bored now and then for a few times.

What Did You Do?

1. I had quiet time and exercised like usual, but I exercised outside as I might disturbed others from their sleep.

2. After my grandmother went with my aunt to the doctor, I cleaned the windows, took the trash trolleys back in, and made my cousin milk and cereals.

3. I read journals from the forum and replied to some of them.

4. I studied for a while back in my room while my aunt and her friend were talking about transportation.

5. After lunch, I had a phone call with my counselor for about an hour.

6. I spent some time talking with grandmother, my aunt, and my aunt's friend.

7. I went on to the forum and spent some of my time there. I also talked with mom.

8. I helped taking out the groceries and put them on the fridge.

9. I went to the kitchen and continued on my calligraphy.

10. After talking more with aunt, uncle, and gradmother, I read a few journals and comment on some of them.

11. After dinner, I washed the saucepan, closed the curtains, and took out the garbage.

12. My grandmother and I had a small talk while watching the Australian Open.

Highs (H) and Lows (L)

- 10th day of not playing games or watching YouTube. (H)

- I am consistent with my sleep and exercise schedule. (H)

- I also kept up with my morning routine, despite the room change. (H)

- I have the initiative to clean the windows, take the trash trolleys back, and make my cousin breakfast. (H)

- I am quite aware of my surroundings when I cleaned the windows and putting back the dishes from the dishwasher. (H)

- I have the initiative to spend time in a conversation, even though I have not a lot to say (not because I am not confident). (H)

- I put the iron in the wrong position. (L)

- My hands tend to support my face, which is a gesture that suggests uneasiness. (L)

- I tend to get worried about not being perfect (e.g. the way I talk or walk). (L)

What Can You Do Better Tomorrow?

I can and should be more positive and focus on positive thoughts and perspectives, just like the growth mindset. I will try to be less stiff and more relaxed, a character flaw of my own. At the same time, I want to remind myself to refrain from my other bad habits.

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Hey Lea,

Nice journal, I love how you laid it out.

My little brother (who's 3) is on the spectrum and brother-in-law is clear-as-day Aspie (although undiagnosed). Can't say I have a ton of knowledge about it though. Also, I dunno if that's a good thing to bring up? lol

One thing that seems missing to me from this journal is your overall long-term goal. Maybe it's because you prefer to keep it to yourself, in which case no problem. But otherwise I'd recommend you write about it. It helps to think about where you want to be in a year, 5 years, 10 years, 30, etc. You're a Christian, so you believe in a life after this one. That clearly entails some long-term commitments as well.

Having something to work towards becomes very helpful when your desires for gaming/watching stuff flare up. If you know what you're working towards, it'll be that much harder to jeopardize this long-term vision for some silly games.

Also, it seems that you're quite scared of a relapse. Don't be. Most of us here relapse once or twice, or thrice, or a thousand times. The key is not in not relapsing. The key is using each relapse as a learning opportunity: what went wrong, what will you do differently next time, etc. That way every failure makes you stronger. Obviously you should try to avoid relapses as much as you can. And if you can avoid them completely, that's great! But don't be too afraid of them, because then you'll be very down if it happens and it'll prevent you from getting back up.

As Rumi said (since you like poetry):

Come, come, whoever you are.
Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving.
It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times.
Come, yet again, come, come.

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Day 11 (January 23rd, 2019)

How Are You Feeling?

I am feeling excited about being a Student Leader for the first day of the Orientation Week, which is today. I also feel a bit nervous, but that is not enough cripple my confidence. However, when I talk with Eve, I feel sad for her and what she had gone through (she understands that it is hard to NOT try to please others). Otherwise, I am bored and don't know what to do.

What Did You Do?

1. I got up by 5:30 in the morning to get ready.

2. I went to school to volunteer as a Student Leader.

3. During my volunteering session, I helped with the Parents' Morning Tea and the Treasure Hunt events.

4. When I arrived home, I talked with Eve.

5. I was going to study chemistry, but ending up browsing the Internet mindlessly.

6. I watched more of the semifinals of the Australian Open with my family.

7. I talked with my mom for a while before I returned to the room.

Highs (H) and Lows (L)

- 11th day of not playing games or watching YouTube. (H)

- I am consistent with my sleep schedule, even though I woke up at 5:30 and slept at around 11:30 last night. (H)

- I helped others a lot during the Parents' Morning Tea and the Treasure Hunt. (H)

- I did not forget to ask people if they have trash for me to throw, apart from the bottle incident. (H)

- I was aware throughout most of the event. (H)

- I had confidence when I guided a group during the Treasure Hunt. (H)

- I reminded myself to not put my hands on my cheeks. (H)

- I forgot to keep my volume down when someone was talking to the crowd aloud. (L)

- I took someone's bottle and accidentally threw it away before I found out that it belonged to someone. (L)

- I spent too much time on the screen. (L)

What Can You Do Better Tomorrow?

I can think of a phrase that is repeated: "I must be someone who I want to be, not what others think of me." Also, I can be more positive and attentive to what God wants for me in my life.

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Day 12 (January 24th, 2019)

How Are You Feeling?

I am so happy that there are almost no words to describe this day! My friends, asking for balloons, having tattoos, and generally talking with people cheers me up a lot today (maybe even more than gaming and watching Youtube did for me).

What Did You Do?

1. I woke up fifteen minutes later than normal.

2. I looked at some Harry Potter contents.

3. I walked with my grandmother, and we talked along the way.

4. I took a shower, and then a short talk about thinking independently with my grandmother and uncle before having breakfast.

5. I read and responded to several journals in the forum while I was on my way to school.

6. I had lunch there and talked with my fellow Student Leaders, including my friends Jane, Nadia, Bella, and Yuri (I changed their names to protect their privacy).

7. The girls, the other volunteers, and I prepared the Student Fair venue. The funny thing is that Jane, another volunteer, and I arranged the juice boxes into a formation! (Formation can be seen under the Bonus section)

8. We talked, had glitter and henna tattoos, took photos of our balloons (my balloon is a unicorn), and had a great and fun time!

9. I asked my friends for their Snapchat, since I actually reinstalled Snapchat on my phone.

10. All of the Student Leaders (including me) had a photo together.

11. After everyone left, Nadia and I went to where Nadia works before I left for home.

12. I cleaned the dishes in the living room before going back to check out the forum.

13. I talked with Eve and mom again.

14. I ate dinner with my grandmother while watching the Australian Open.

15. I wiped the tables, grabbed the laundries, vacuumed the floors, and took out the trash.

16. I went on to read some Harry Potter fanfictions.

Highs (H) and Lows (L)

- 12th day of not playing games or watching YouTube. (H)
- I am pretty consistent with my sleep schedule. (H)
- I am back with exercising and this time having the initiative to walk with my grandmother. (H)
- I helped a lot during the Student Fair. (H)
- I was confident and not afraid in talking with my friends, although I tried my best to not get too excited. (H)
- I joined in with the fun that my friends and the other Student Leaders are involved in. (H)
- I listened and actually tried to understand what they are talking about. (H)
- I succeeded in not putting my hands on my cheeks, even though there were times where I was about to do so. (H)

- I replied to other people's opinions, comments, and talk too soon about something irrelevant. (L)
- My mind was not working when I took out the trash (the trash cans are not the one I normally use). (L)

What Can You Do Better Tomorrow?

I can cut down more screen time to be more aware and thoughtful about what am I doing. This can help by reminding myself what am I supposed to do and say. Confidence, wisdom, and willpower are some of the keys to success.

Bonus

The formation of the juices in the Student Fair:

 

20190124_131035.jpg

Edited by Lea
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Hi Mea, I just read your entire journal. Just by looking at it I can tell that you're a very creative person. Even the games you were addicted to were all creative. So you couldn't have a hard time quitting them. And you normally get SO MUCH done in your day. When I'm addicted to something, I can't do anything else! And when I'm quitting I can only focus on one thing but you are able to do so many things!

I'm sure you'll be able to quit and achieve so much more. Good luck.

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Day 13 (January 25th, 2019)

How Are You Feeling?

I am feeling very tired and a bit sick, but I would not regret this day because I do some great small things.

What Did You Do?

1. I woke up like normal, but I stayed in bed because I have stomach cramps.

2. I didn't get up until around 7:50. Instead, I read fanfictions.

3. I went to school, but I almost collapsed and fainted along the way in the train.

4. I rested for a while in school before I joined with Jane and the other volunteers for the Peer Mentoring Training Session.

5. Another volunteer and I went to one of the workshops to help out new students connecting them into the college's Wi-Fi and introducing the college's website.

6. I cleaned the tables in the living room.

7. I ate out with my family and my aunt's friend outside.

8. I washed my lunch bag because there ants everywhere!

9. I was taking a sneak peek on my school courses for this semester.

Highs (H) and Lows (L)

- 13th day of not playing games or watching YouTube. (H)

- I helped the new students out. (H)

- I won't give up volunteering even if I got cramps and nearly fainted. (H)

- I have the initiative to do some cleaning. (H)

- I made an excuse to stay on bed and read fanfictions. (L)

- I forgot to put away the food from my lunch bag months ago, which caused an infestation of ants in my room. I only realized this after my aunt told me about it. (L)

- I was impulsive in wanting to talk with my grandmother when she was talking with someone else. (L)

- I still mindlessly browsed through the Internet, although not as bad as two days ago. (L)

- I slept pretty late. (L)

What Can You Do Better Tomorrow?

Since school is coming soon for me, I can prepare for my courses by taking a sneak peek and trying out some of the activities. I should also be more mindful and prepared for several situations, ranging from almost fainting on the way to college to the ant infestation, by taking specific steps before they actually happen.

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I'm really bad at the whole not wasting time in the morning thing

I find that almost my whole day goes to waste, and I'm just passing time until my next work shift rather then actually living

Not having games to fill the time leaves me feeling useless the past few days, I find myself watching too much TV

 

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@JPAO I have some suggestions for you to pass the time without playing games or watching TV:

- Maybe you can try some workouts and see if they work out for you.

- You can always curled up to a book of your choice.

- You can also clean anything in your house that you have never clean in months.

I don't know if these are going to be helpful for you, but I hope that you are doing well. ☺

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Day 14 (January 26th, 2019)

How Are You Feeling?

I am feeling normal, not happy or sad.

What Did You Do?

1. I woke up like normal, but I stayed in bed because I mindlessly surfed for a while.

2. I exercised again with my grandmother.

3. After my aunt, uncle, cousin, and my aunt's friend left home, I went to iron the clothes.

4. My grandmother and I cleaned the bathroom counter and the room she stayed in after a short break.

5. I read some more fanfictions in the Internet.

6. My grandmother, uncle, and I watched the Women's Singles Final in the Australian Open.

Along the Evening: I tried to study the latest concept in this year's math course, but I kept on pausing it.

Highs (H) and Lows (L)

- 14th day (or two weeks) of not playing games or watching YouTube. (H)

- I am consistent with my sleep schedule. (H)

- I have the initiative to clean the tables and counters. (H)

- I accidentally made a mess in the toilet. (L)

- I feel not as productive in the evenings. (L)

What Can You Do Better Tomorrow?

As for the latter "low," I can plan ahead of what I wanted to do. Otherwise, I should keep up with my productivity and my initiative to do something constructive.

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Day 15 (January 27th, 2019)

Writer's Note

I actually supposed to write this entry for Sunday, but didn't do so because it was late at night. So this is mine without further ado.

How Are You Feeling?

I am feeling normal, not happy or sad.

What Did You Do?

1. I went to church.

2. My family, aunt's friend, and I went to a shopping mall. My grandmother and I bought clothes together.

3. I washed the laundry.

4. I mopped the floors before my aunt and her friend came.

5. I talked with mom for a while.

6. My grandmother, uncle, and I watched the Men's Single Final in the Australian Open. (P. S. - Djokovic won against Nadal)

Highs (H) and Lows (L)

- 15th day of not playing games or watching YouTube. (H)

- I have the initiative clean up the floors. (H)

- I also asked for a tupperware for takeaway without anyone telling me to ask for it. (H)

- I feel not as productive in the evenings. (L) 

- I slept very late. (L)

What Can You Do Better Tomorrow?

It is similar to what I said in the entry before. I also can and should resist the urge to mindlessly surf in the Internet.

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Day 16 (January 28th, 2019)

How Are You Feeling?

I am feeling excited about school tomorrow. Other than that, I had no particular feelings for today.

What Did You Do?

1. I used the screen first thing in the morning and read something inappropriate.

2. My grandmother and I walked around the house.

3. I talked with my grandmother, uncle, and aunt's friend for a while.

4. I make a schedule for my upcoming school days.

5. I ironed the clothes and towels.

6. I took out the dishes from the dishwasher.

7. I practiced applying make up on my face.

8. I read articles and stories in the Internet.

9. I packed my bag for college tomorrow.

Highs (H) and Lows (L)

- 16th day of not playing games or watching YouTube. (H)

- I am back to exercising. (H) 

- I read something that is inappropriate. (L)

- I used the screen first thing in the morning and forgot to turn on the lights. (L)

What Can You Do Better Tomorrow?

I can put my phone far away from the bed because putting it next to bed distracted me from my morning routine.

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