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Circadian Rhythm

CR - When do I level up outside?

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DAYS 9, 10, 11, 12 and 13

It's amazing how you can sometimes just get so busy that an entire week goes by just like that. I'm all of a sudden coming back here clocking up another week's worth of days.

I really feel like I'm starting to make strides forward. My nightly routine is really working and it's really being reinforced by having Atomic Habits by my bedside. It's not feeling uncomfortable anymore and I'm feeling the benefits in myself and how it's going to make up my goals. Let's keep this up!

On the back of this I'm going to paste in my original list of goals. As I think I'm doing pretty great by them. I'll put next to them what I'm doing to achieve them in bold.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A sub 20 minute 5km run - Getting better all the time. My 18:17 last week probably translates to about 22 minutes on an easier course. So 40 seconds down from the beginning of the year.

To play on stage as part of a band this year - Happening on the 10th March

To take on extra responsibilities at work as part of my ongoing development (including additional training) - Not happening yet, but I've asked about it and am pushing to do better. Not 100% happy with my performance right now though.

To find other hobbies that aren't either escapist, or feel like a massive amount of work like my current ones* - Still working on this. There's a book club I could join but I'm not sure about it.

To fix my sleeping routine (proper sleep - 9:30pm - 10pm bedtime + elimination of bad habits) - Really getting this right at the moment.

No gaming for 90 days (duh) - In progress

Limit my YouTube time to a maximum of 2 hours. (will review this) - I'm definitely watching less. Still would like to use it better though.

New wardrobe and equipment for running - I've got a couple of new running shirts and have cleared out my wardrobe ready for new stuff.

Take more responsibility for my own resources instead of just going along with what my parents provide - I'm buying the odd thing here and there. I'll keep this up.

Have made a full/detailed plan of what I want saved up by the end of the year for my house deposit - I'm writing the full plan tomorrow. I've weighed up the difference between the help to buy ISA and a LISA and I just need to do final calculations on whether my decision to try and do both cleverly will work.

On the whole. Very happy with my progress so far. I'll review again after an appropriate amount of time.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Positives: The band is finally coming together. We just need some more practice. The guy I formed it with completely agrees with me where it's working and where it isn't and wants to keep writing with me regardless of what happens with the band. I'm finally getting my guitar sorted out by a tech as well, who taught me a hell of a lot about taking care of it better. All big things for the future if I'm ever forming a band I'm proud of.

My running is also great and saved me from being miserable about a week of work I didn't enjoy. The 20 lap challenge really pushed me in the right way. My half marathon training probably couldn't be going much better.

Negatives: I'm still relying on my phone too much for entertainment sometimes. I read something midweek about it being the equivalent of junk food in terms of entertainment and it really resonated with me. I'm pretty strict on my junk food consumption in life as it will make me a shit runner. So I just have to treat this as the same.

My social life is also in the crapper. I knew this was inevitable as I'm in a big period of transition at the moment where I'm trying to leave a lot of my old habits, and it means old friends with it. I'm not resisting the change but it's very difficult, and I'm finding myself much more bitter and upset about it than I'd like. I really miss how social I used to be and hope that I make some new and more suitable friends soon. I think this will come down to finding some more hobbies come March when my immediate short term goals are done.

Work isn't much fun at the moment either. My work isn't my ideal career path and I'm very aware of that sometimes. So it's likely a longer term goal to work out how to make my career a bit happier. Even if that's a career change somewhere down the line. Or maybe this clears up and I'm fine. You never know. We'll see.

My final long run for the marathon tomorrow. Other than that I might look to try and establish some more new hobbies tomorrow.

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DAY 14

A good day on the whole! I did my furthest and farthest run at 12.2 miles in 1:42:51. So I reckon I'm well on for a sub 1:50 in the half marathon next month. Bloody hard one today though. I'll need to wind down the miles a bit a think now so I can properly rest up my muscles for next month.

My guitar is back with me as well having picked it up today and everything seems completely fixed and ready for the gig in a couple of weeks time. I now will likely only be using it for rehearsals and the gig itself now to keep the new strings sounding half decent. There's another one I can use for general practice.

Some other things. I've reorganised my phone so the distractions are much harder to reach and any social media is hidden away. Just being able to instantly click on it at the touch of a button has been a big problem and making such an instant reaction harder to do seems to be limiting my time and interest toward those apps. Perfect!

Same went for any links to porn. Anything bookmarked is now gone and my laptop has been cleaned of any cookies of searches that would lead me towards it, with a block on the obvious ones. Again will make it much harder to slip accidentally.

I've did my research today on how I'm funding my house deposit as well. It's really just a matter of double checking everything in the ISA I'll be setting up now and calling them up to confirm it! Ideally I get this done tomorrow but I have time.

I also got a little bit of work done but quite slowly. I need to keep working on some new systems so I can ideally perform my job a bit better, and build in those good habits. It's been hard but if I keep up.

I potentially may be looking at a book club to join as well as a more relaxing hobby. There's one that runs monthly on Mondays and it'll probably be good for me to have more of an incentive to keep up my reading before bed hobby.

I may potentially go to a gig tonight. I've done the marketing for it at work so it might be nice to go along and support it. I've gotta decide in the next few minutes though.

So yeah. Basically lots happening. Plenty more to come hopefully.

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DAYS 15, 16, 17, 18 and 19

And just like that another week goes by. Plenty to talk about and catch up on.

I'll start with the distractions. My methods are really working on the whole. I'll be interested to see my stats sheet on my phone this week about how much my social media time is down but I bet it's massive. I still do get distracted every now and then but it's still fantastic progress. Sleeping routine is still spot on. The important thing is now that the routine and the new additions to my life feel comparatively normal and right somehow. Like I should have been doing it all along. This may prove to be the best discovery I'll make on this entire journey.

I still get the odd craving to indulge a bad habit (like play a game) but knowing how far I've come now it's easy to see how just one bad thing gets me in a pattern and puts me back to the start. That I don't want.

To more tangible things. I did join that book club after all! I've really liked the reading habit I've developed reading "Atomic Habits" before bed (just finished it last night, full of invaluable advice) and want to keep it up. Through this I'll meet new people and explore new boundaries and books I'd have never looked at otherwise, which I'm really excited about. Everyone seems really nice too, apart from one pompous blowhard, but you can't win them all!

Both running and band practice were awesome this week. The material is coming together for the band and not before time too. Some more rehearsal time and it'll sound really good! Gig is now next weekend! Came around bloody quickly. People are noticing my running improvements at the club and remarking on it, and I really finished my run on Thursday strongly. Can't wait to test this theory tomorrow over a new 5k course to see whether I've really gotten quicker.

The only drawback is I've found work tricky lately. But even this seems to be coming up trumps. I had my review today and my boss told me how well he thought I was doing, how conscientious I was and how he wanted to build the team around my colleague and I. And even topped it by offering me a pay raise. Honestly what a damn week. Couldn't be happier with it.

No LISA opened yet but that'll come. It's been a busy week. This is the first evening I've been home since my last diary entry after all. Honestly long may this continue. If this keeps up this will be an absolute banner year for me.

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DAYS 20 and 21

Good and bad as is standard for weekends. I did a 22:39 over a really difficult new 5k course and finished top 50 for the first time. So so pleased with that. Didn't think I'd start hitting top 50 in races for a while yet. I think that would translate to a 21:00 - 21:30 over a flat course. I'm picking up time really really quickly.

Had a lovely day out in London with a friend of mine again and have got some more read some more pages of the new book for book club. I've been pretty great at embracing new things in general this week and am liking my new attitude.

Today was harder though. I've been running so much lately that today's recovery run I never got going on due to being in pain, so I best rest till Tuesday now. I got some work stuff done, saw my friend and completed some more admin based stuff and chores. Unfortunately I relapsed on porn today. I just had nothing else to preoccupy myself with. My acoustic is broken, my electric is set up for the gig and I don't want to play it for anything other than that and rehearsals. It is at it's most difficult to resist when I just can't find other things to preoccupy myself with. So I need to try and look a little bit harder. Maybe I could have tried meditating? Ideally I'd like to be out of the house more than I already am. Maybe this will be solved once I can play the guitar again after my writing process is finished. Who knows. Sundays are proving difficult right now as I end up having too much spare time.

I'll think of something though. Onto another week.

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DAYS 22 - 29

Gig is done! Man that was an experience. Although I'm kind of suffering from post gig blues (not a pun) since now it's the day after. I did it! I played music at a venue I grew up watching people play in. That's amazing! Everyone seemed to really like it and remarked on how well I played. I didn't feel phased at all. I'd not had the best day up to that point either. I bought an expensive new guitar pedal which then broke during sound check. Awesome. It meant I was a bit quiet in final mix. And I managed to scratch the bumper of my car as I couldn't see out the side window with a bass drum in the front on the way to the venue. It's done now and it'll cost some money to fix, so no point crying over it.

So the week itself was a bit more mixed too. We deliberately cut loose a client at work in acrimonious circumstances. He complained about me and a colleague personally and used it as a justification to withhold payment from our company. Not fun but at least my boss backed me up. The last week was just obscenely busy and not fun for anyone. I'm hoping that I can at least learn some lessons as how to manage difficult clients in the future, and maybe have a an easier week. If not then I'll probably need a holiday before long.

It's meant that certain parts of my routine were a it more difficult with that and rehearsals and running training. I'm still keeping it up mostly though. It's meant I'm a good way through "Americanah" (for my book club) and I'm enjoying it so far. It's been an interesting window into Nigerian culture and subtle elements of race relations I perhaps wouldn't have otherwise seen. Something feels very honest about it and Adichie's very good at identifying the little nuances that make up love, culture and stories.

I am sadly struggling in other respects. My social life feels like it's died a death and this felt confirmed by talking to some of them that came to my gig on Sunday. It was awkward, I felt like I had nothing to say to them anymore. I don't feel like I have a home socially anymore and I find that really difficult. Yes I'm establishing a new identity for myself but it's difficult when I naturally want to bond with others over what I'm doing now and find that I have nobody. I don't know what to do yet really. Maybe there are other things I can still do in addition to my other hobbies that are more social. But I'm not going to rush and decide tonight as I won't solve it. Let's try and enjoy the small victories I am achieving, and hopefully they'll see me through the odd, empty, depressing periods I'm going through at the moment. I'll feel I'm home again before I realise it. I don't want to carry on feeling like this though, in spite of my recent successes.

Edited by Circadian Rhythm
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DAY 29 Gratitude Diary

I have been completely forgetting about this! I am grateful for

  • The gig yesterday going as well as it could have done and just everyone for giving me the opportunity, those that played on stage with me and those that come to see it.
  • My parents for calming me down when I pranged the car yesterday. It meant I regained my composure before going on stage.
  • My boss for allowing me to define my own workload for the week. One of those small perks that I can't imagine getting many other places at my level.

 

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