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Rude

Social skill "achievements"

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I'm kinda winging this here. I joined this site¬†yesterday and since then I spent every waking moment playing games until midnight.¬†Hopefully a few journal entries from now I'll have some progress made ... ūüėĪ

My main hurdle is that even though I'm married and have plenty friends, my wife is the only person I feel very close with. Everyone I know is kept at a pretty safe distance. I'm often fake nice to a lot of people. Not that I secretly hate everyone, but I really admire people who are genuine about how they feel, and after long gaming sessions I feel pretty emotionally desensitized so I'm nice to people so they can't tell i'm dead inside. I don't like that I'm not honest with people in that way, even though i've never had any consequences for it. I'd like to be someone who makes friends easily and holds really fruitful friendships with other people my age.

I spent an hour coming up with 20 social skill related "achievements" that would assist in shifting my focus more on helping the world with my presence and less on escaping it with games. 

Easy (5/5)

1. Give a compliment to a stranger.
2. Make a stranger smile.
3. Make a stranger laugh.
4. Text someone to ask how they're doing.
5. Make three original posts on social media in one week

Medium (2/5)

1. Perform an unasked favor for someone.
2. Give a compliment to three different strangers in one day.
3. Keep a texting conversation going for at least two days.
4. Ask a friend for advice about a problem I'm having.
5. Text someone I haven't spoken to in months

Hard (0/5)

1. Give a surprise gift or offer to buy lunch.
2. Call a family member just to talk.
3. Hang out with someone for a day w/o weed or alcohol.
4. Trust someone to keep a secret about myself.
5. Ask someone for a favor

Nightmare (3/5)

1. Roast someone! (two compliments followed by one jab)
2. Give a compliment to my boss
3. Talk to a stranger for more than a minute who isn't currently working (not a coworker or a customer service person)
4. Talk to a male friend on the phone for >30 minutes (for some reason its easier for me to hold a conversation with a girl than with a guy)
5. Talk to someone in private about something they do that bothers me or other people (people often prefer to gossip about other people)

Edited by Rude
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Hi Rude. I know where you're coming from. Even my wife has called me out on the fact that I don't really socialize with others or have close friends I can go hang out with. I am a big homebody and my wife is probably the one person like I can be completely transparent with.  

 

You got a great list, knock out one or two of the easy ones and the momentum will start to build.

 

Best of luck. ūüôā

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14 hours ago, Rude said:

Still feeling kinda antsy. I've got my list on my mind and I'm in no rush to bang them all out immediately.

I wouldn't sweat it in terms of trying tonget them all some at once, I would just pace yourself over the next few weeks and try not to rush it , one step at a time.

Is there anything else you would want to do as well ? 

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Made some progress over the weekend. Only played games for a couple hours. Got some achievements. 

Feels pretty good. That feeling of wasted time after the weekend was over hasn't manifested too hard! 

I went to a party and got to meet some new people which was nice. I got to make some people laugh -- and not even the kind of "polite laugh" just to be nice, i mean like good belly laughs and inside jokes. Felt great!

Edited by Rude

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Making some good progress. Generally feeling more engaged with people. I'm finding it really fun to strike conversations with people. I like the challenge of seeing someone who doesn't look like they want to be bothered and making them feel good about themselves. It's become a game in itself -- the game of being quick with words, changing the energy of the room, and making everyone feel included.

There's some achievements on this list that I don't feel a lot of motivation to pursue. It would be cool if I did them but I'm having trouble deciding if these were just filler or if doing them will really make me feel better about myself. Hard #1, Offering to buy someone lunch is cool and all but right now, im living in a single-income household and were having trouble getting by as it is. I don't even buy myself lunch. Hard #4, I can't even think of a secret about myself. Hard #5, asking for a favor is a lot harder than I thought! I'm a pretty independent person that rarely asks for help. My life has generally been pretty comfortable so far so I haven't thought of anything to ask. But it's been on my mind in the form of the "Benjamin Franklin Effect," which is that if you ask someone to do a favor for you, the feeling of being trusted to perform a favor makes the person like you more. It's a win-win except that a part of me wants to never rely on people to do things for me. I can't seem to figure out if it's a problem or not.

Coincidentally my PC has been experiencing some random crashing and I've decided to wait a while before getting it repaired or replaced. I recently bought Dragon Ball Fighter Z to host a little mini tournament with my family on Christmas. It was a fun family gathering and social experience. I haven't felt any addictive pull towards the game after christmas like I do for most other games.

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Hey Rude, thanks for posting on my journal earlier today! I really like the idea of 'social skills achievements.' It sounds like a fun way to challenge yourself and grow as well. Hard #4: have you thought about telling someone that you're a gamer? Personally I feel embarrassed to tell people about it, which makes it hard to be open about. I've found that my mind does all kids of mental gymnastics and predicts apocalyptic scenarios that often don't turn out to be true. Hard #5: Right on, man. Asking for help is hard. Maybe start small with it - ask for help to lift something heavy... who knows. 

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Although helping others feel better is a nice indirect way of feeling good about yourself, it's still a filtered way towards self esteem. I would suggest a balanced approach in how you spend your free time, half of it being for activities that make you have fun and like yourself more, half of it for activities that make other people feel better. You don't want to only depend on others for those good feelings I think, and practicing self esteem via doing things that you satisfy the self helps with that. Check out the Six pillars of self esteem book if you care about the topic.

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