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Samon

Daily Journal - Samon

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Hello everyone,

today I saw this forum and I knew directly it can help me to get rid with my problem. Is it just a problem or an addiction? I dont know and I dont really care. Im not the person who is scared to say he is addicted to something like gaming. I am simply not sure, but its not important I think.

I read the sticked thread, templates I can use. Etc. I will see whether I use one of that in the future. But first I want to tell you something about my current situation.

I play since I was a kid. Started with offline games, went to online MMOs soon. I played much, even as a kid. But it was never such a problem, because you had parents who kept you away from gaming too much. So the years went on, and I kept playing games. All those games didnt make me really addicted. It was fun, but nothing serious. But then I started with League of Legends. First I just played it regulary. But as soon as I hit 30, so I could play ranked games(competitive games), I started to play hardcore, whole days... This was still not the big problem I have today. It got more serious when Lol was more like a way to get quick fun, without putting work in it. Im not a native speaker, so I cant express myself that good, so excuse me if my sentences feel a bit "not beauty". You know, everything in life is based to putting work in something to get something lucky out. School(Grades), Job(Not only bur Money), Sports(healty, good feeling after it) etc. But in Lol its different. Sitting on your ass start the queue and the show goes on. It doesnt matter how good your are in Lol, at the end you get matched with people who are on your level, so you will never ever win more games than 6 out of 10(average). So basically you have 50/50 Chance to get the victory screen at the end of a game and so you get a nice feeling without doing shit.  Just some mouseclicks. Lol is no fun for me. The only fun is to get those victory screens, carry a game etc. but as I said you cant win every game, so 50% of the time you feel bad. 

So I knew pretty fast that this game is bad for me. I tried to quit a lot, I forced my friends to quit this game, but no one could. I feel like a big problem is that I dont have alternatives to the game. My whole day is basically at the computer, so if i dont play, i watch youtube etc. so also unproductive things. My friends are also addicted to games, so they are no alternatives. 

 

I think there will be enough time to tell you more about my story. To make it short for now: Today I played some round of league, tilted as usual much and googled lol addiction. I saw guys with literally my story. They gave me energy so I try to quit with this game again. This time forever. I uninstall it today(again).

 

this should be it for now. I will try to write something everyday!

Edit:

 

I want to add that

Goals to reach:

1. 90 Days without LoL, Lol Videos on Youtube

2. Lowing computer Usage in general(need to think how many hours I need to keep me updated and to do my work on it)

3. Practicing my instrument every day

Edited by Samon
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Welcome!

Apparently you already feel the effect of dopamine on your daily life, even if you may or may not know about it. Gaming tricks your brain into releasing dopamine, which drives you into more gaming, thinking that you would feel "rewarded" afterwards. But the real rewards come from real life, like the examples that you listed: good grades, fulfilling jobs with high salaries, health, etc.. You made a smart decision to join this forum.😄 Good luck!

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2 minutes ago, Silverlining said:

Welcome!

Apparently you already feel the effect of dopamine on your daily life, even if you may or may not know about it. Gaming tricks your brain into releasing dopamine, which drives you into more gaming, thinking that you would feel "rewarded" afterwards. But the real rewards come from real life, like the examples that you listed: good grades, fulfilling jobs with high salaries, health, etc.. You made a smart decision to join this forum.😄 Good luck!

Hey Silver,

thank you! Yea, you are right. I just read a sentence here, which is apparently from the admin of this site "Your brain wants the easiest, quickest, reliable source of dopamine without any work or effort which is totally not normal in the past". This perfectly fits why I want to play this game everytime again. I am not addicted to other games, because they arent competitive, they dont give me the feeling of winning. I mean everyone knows that good grades etc. give a way better feeling, but its not as easy as u get it from games. 

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Thank you, Pere!

Day 1/90 without any LoL content | Played Instrument: Yes!

So the first day is done, no problems so far. I practise on my instrument like I want to, and didnt touch any lol content, although my youtube list is full of that.

However my third target, to low my online time in general is my biggest problem. I have absolutely no clue how to get on without it. News, entertainment, studying... Everything happens online. I know I cant stop online time totally, because its a part of our current society. But i want to do only(or better mostly) productive things. No hours on youtube, no hours on wikipedia reading things which are interesting, but I have no direct usage for it, no games etc. 

My whole friends are addicted to online things or they are on drugs and do 24/7 party. I like to do sports, but I dont have people to go with. I was never the guy who said to friends "no i dont come with you", just because i wanted to play online. But I play online, when there are no friends and I need to forget my problems.

I dont know. First I need to think about: How long can I be online a day, and how much of it should be freetime and how much should be used productivly. Then I need to find other hobbies to use my freetime better. 

Thats all for today, see you tomorrow guys

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Did you read Cam's 60+ new hobby ideas? Maybe it could be useful for you.

And it's probably also a good idea to make some new friends 😄 People make new friends through sports all the time.

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Thank you Silver! I think I already know much stuff I can spent my time on. My problem is to get started with it, because the beginning is tough. I want to get into a sports club, so I dont have to rely on my friends, who doesnt leave the house anyway, doesnt matter how I often I ask them to come with me. I want to learn programming, but I am not sure about it, because I think its a bit risky to get new hobbies which happen ar my PC. After that I have my instrument, which i want to practice with. Or even learning a new language would be super cool for me... All these things would be totally enough for me, because I also have to keep up my work for university. It will definetly take the major place in my life, and thats ok.

Day 2/90 without any LoL Content | Played instrument: Yes!

As I wrote already, I play other games beside league too. But all those games never made me really addicted. But now since I dont play league anymore, I see how more I play those other games. Thats why I will stop with that too. I already read it here in many posts,what I need is a daily routine. What purpose has a no gaming day, when I just sit around and do non productive stuff like youtube or something else? So thats why I want to reduce my computer time in general so I force myself to do other things. I feel like that is the toughest part.

Today I understand one more reason why I game much. I played LoL with friends, but until lvl30(then ranked matches begin)I didnt play it much. As soon as I hit it I played hardcore, because I wanted to be better than my friends or other players in general. However I am not that sure about this fact. But I am sure that I played more since I knew I could get e.g. One of thebest 0.1% players and earn my money with it. And when the fact money gets in, I totally tryhard. But its dumb, i dont care so much on money, and who wants to play24/7 at the computer without social contacts? Because thats what I had to if i wanted to get up there. Yes, it would be nice to be the best player instantly and earn money without learning to play much, but thats just an illusion. And now while I write this, I got very clear about the fact,. How stupid it is to think you will be the best in a game, without investing your whole day for it(thats what they all do, and what i dont want to do. 

My dinner is ready, so I stop here. I have a lot to say, and it feels good to write it finally down.

Thats all for today, see you tomorrow guys

Edited by Samon
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Hey everybody,

3/90 without any LoL Content | Played instrument: Yes!

Today was a really bad day. I really just wanted to sit down and play some league to forget all that. If I would have no youtube and surfing in general as replacement I would have relapsed for sure. Its easy to stay on your detox as long as everything goes good in your life, but the real challenge is to stay strong when you have a really bad day. The good thing other people have is that they have other dopamin sources, so even if their day suck they do productive things(sports or so), or more: they just dont escape from their problems. I know, these day pretty much everyone at 16-25 years use a lot of social media and internet in general, so nearly all of them use it to run away from their problems. But yea, there are other ppls who dont run away. 

I nearly didnt practise my intrument today, but yea I did it anyway. Feels better than dont doing it for sure, the time would be wasted on youtube or stuff anyway. 

Today I dont know what to write more, so ill stop here.

Thats all for today, see you tomorrow guys

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4/90 without any LoL Content | Played Instrument: Yes!

I dont have to say much about today. Its freaking cold here, so I cant leave the house for sports so often I would like to. Yea, however played my instrument, no much relapse struggle with LoL. And in general less mindless surfing today. So everything good!

Ill keep you updates guys. Try to write more in next days, because I think it helps me(and maybe it helps some people here too)

Thats all for today, see you tomorrow guys

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5/90 without any LoL Content | Played Instrument: Yes!

Overall a good day I think. Did my sport, didnt surf soo much and played my instrument. I really make a good progress by playing every day, that makes me happy.

tomorrow I will open a new target. I want to learn to code and I want from tomorrow on start with it. Every day a bit of learning for it. 30-60min is ok I think.

Thats all for today, see you tomorrow guys

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6/90 without any LoL Content | Played Instrument: Yes! | Coding: Yes!

Overall a very good day! Started like promised my coding training again and I had a lot of fun while doing it today. i hope I can keep it up this time. After that I played as usual on my instrument, was fun too. Here and there a talk wirh the family and there we go. It was overall a productive day, but I definetly feel like I have to be more outside. Otherwise I feel not so good like I could. But yea, not sure what to do, friends are gaming and its cold anyway :/. Sportclub would be good, but I have some struggle to start with it.

Also it feels like I didnt play Lol for a month or so, because usually when I quit this game I kept watching lol content, but this time could turkey, and I dont think so much on it, so its like I didnt play for months now.

I always want to write more, but then I dont know anymore what to write. Maybe a list over the day helps when something comes in my mind.

Thats all for today, see you tomorrow guys

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7/90 without any LoL Content | Played Instrument: Yes! | Coding: Yes!

Another productive day I had today. No much pressure so far to play lol again, but I saw again some videos in my youtube list from Lol and wanted to watch it. But yea, didnt click on them anyway. All good. Practicing with my instrument goes very well I think, I see my progress day by day. It motivates me to keep going on, but I know its not about progression to stay motivated, sometimes I will stuck for sure and then I need to keep going on too, not just in good times. Like I mentioned already its simple to keep your hood habits up as lomg as your day goes good. But as soon as you have trouble, you want to escape again. This should not happen.

The coding covers the biggest part of my day now. Maybe its because I just started, I dont know. I really dont want to sit the whole day at displays, but at least coding is productive. But in the future I want to get on max 1-2hours of coding per day. 

Next step is that I start again more with my university work. Also I want to try to get more out of the house, like already said. For that I prolly need new friends. Lets see...

Thats all for today, see you tomorrow guys

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8/90 without any LoL Content | Played Instrument: Yes! | Coding: Yes!

So what can I say about today. I had an important meeting but I thought its today although it was yesterday. Need to take more care of such things. I tried today to stop mindless surfing at least for half of the day, worked, but not soo good I wanted too. Instead I practiced a bit more with my instrument. Didnt make much progress today, was a tough part I had to play today. Will try it tomorrow again. I didnt code today, instead I informed myself about new modules etc. so I think thats all right too. Need to find another project I want to make. Most of the things I have in mind are too hard for me currently. But I do a lot of research like today to keep getting infos how to do it.

Yea at the evening it was pretty much only browsing, youtube, some chats etc. nothing productive :/ This has to be my next target.

Thats all for today, see you tomorrow guys

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9/90 without any LoL Content | Played Instrument: Yes! | Coding: Yes!

Really short today, because I am in bed already. It was a good day I again overall. Today I decide to do my driver license in the next months, so need to start with studying soon. I want to start tomorrow, so this will be a next key element of my future days. The more I fill my day the less i waste time on computer. So its a good thing. Furthermore I want to teach my parents in some stuff, because they didnt get much education back in their childhood. And you are never too old for education, you know? So I want to do that everyday for 30-60min. So I doesnt remember anything else what I wanted to say, just thanks to whoever reads my journal :)!

Thats all for today, see you tomorrow guys

ps: I should start to write Journal: Yes/No in the head of my posts, because its a target too. So here the reminder for tomorrow

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6 hours ago, Samon said:

The more I fill my day the less i waste time on computer.

That's absolutely true. And for me, I've seen myself in the past being resistant to change and getting out of the comfort zone alas it's only through the discomfort of change that we can really reclaim our lives. I also don't want to spend time on the computer unless it's for work or education, for that we need to try those hobbies ideas, whatever works for each of us, and to stick with it even if at first it might be boring (compared to the dopamine of gaming real life in general might appear so). It's important to remember that our brain is going to adapt with months passing. You might find useful to look up the resources in reddit under NoSurf.

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10/90 without any LoL Content | Played Instrument: Yes! | Coding: Yes! | Learned for driving license: Yes! | Writing in my Journal: Yes, right now!

What can I say about today? Overall good again, I think. Haha, somehow I cant describe it in another way. Wasted some time at the morning at computer, feel bad about it afterwards. But then I realized it was just 12AM so no reason to stay lazy the whole day. So I tool my instrument and started to play(lol sounds like iam showing of with that, athough its probably the easiest thing for the most of ppl).

In general I have somehow a problem with showing off. I usually doesnt speak much about my succses in life, because I always think it brings me bad charma. Its funny, because I am really not the guy who wants to show off, but sometimes it happens that i talk about positive things in my life and then I ask myself did I really need to say that? Or was it just showing off?, sometimes I am not even sure by myself. 

But back to my day: I play my instrument now since 1-2months I think, and I thought I try to tune it. It was sold to me "ready to use" so I thought its already tuned. But it seems like It wasnt because I tried to tune it with an app and literally every note was wrong. After I made everything correct(tuning is really ez, I thought i could break a string but went all good luckily) the instrument had a totally different sound(in a good way) Didnt play much after thst, so I look forward to tomorrows playing session. 

Yea then some hours later I started to learn some questions for my driving license. There are 1000 questions in total, i made 60 today I think. So I gonna try to push it to 100 per day, so I am done in 10 days. Should be possible.

the teaching my parents part didnt went as I thought, because they were busy. Try to tomorrow again. They need to get routine too :D.

coding: not much today, a friend wanted to give me some informations on a new subject. But still waiting for that. So I judt read some articles about it some minutes ago. I think its ok, didnt sneak my through it, simply had no material. But tomorrow gonna again teach myself.

I think I do good lately. Coding, Instrument, Learning, Teaching... Lets say I do all of that for one hour, that makes 5hours of productive things. Thats great for my standards. I know thats normal for "normal" ppl but not for lately.

Thats all for today, see you tomorrow guys

 

edit

i forget to tell a story, will do it tomorrow but for now i want to introduce a new list i want to keep on

What have I learnt about me today:

- I hate to lose. Sports, Games, Grades, everywhere. In some situations more in some situations less. But I shouldnt get so emotional about it. Instead try to work on me, and improve myself, so next time I can win. And if not, its np anyway, as long as I try to improve me. Thats all that matters

 

Edited by Samon

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7 hours ago, Samon said:

I hate to lose. Sports, Games, Grades, everywhere. In some situations more in some situations less. But I shouldnt get so emotional about it. Instead try to work on me, and improve myself, so next time I can win.

"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, only this time more wisely." Henry Ford from https://www.inc.com/wanda-thibodeaux/25-quotes-that-will-help-you-recover-from-any-failure.html

Edited by fawn_xoxo
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Yes, thank you fawn. I need to use failure as a way of improving and do it better the next time. Its not that I get angry everytime when I lose. Its mostly in some specific situation. Like playing real life games with friends or family, losing there makes me angry. Or losing at sports against them. Of course also in games like LoL etc. thats why I hate lol so much, its no fun, just makes you angry.

Well, back to my day.

11/90 without any LoL Content | Played Instrument: Yes! | Coding: Yes! | Learned for driving license: Yes! | Writing in my Journal: Yes, right now!

Overall a good day again, I think. Woke up and did some exercises with my instrument. I am on a good way for a selfteacher I think. I dont take lessons because simply no cash and I think I can do it on my own too. But 1-2 lessons wouldnt be bad I think, because some basics are important. Yea but I am a shy guy, so everything which is new and involves other ppl is a bit hard for me. Not that I have a problem woth socializing, but the first time is always a bit hard for me. We will see. After that I grinded at internet 2-3 hours And I went to learning for my driving license. there are 1000 questions I need the answer to know, so I aim daily on 100. takes me 1-2hours I think daily, its possible. 

Didnt do something in programming till now, but I will at least do something(reading articles etc.) so at least not nothing and I can say I did something :).

Pretty boring journal post today, I will try to write more interesting things which happend during the day next times. Or maybe some gamer stories which show me that I should stop gaming(so somehow a motivation for you guys too). 

Thats all for today, see you tomorrow guys

 

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12/90 without any LoL Content | Played Instrument: Yes! | Coding: Yes! | Learned for driving license: Yes! | Writing in my Journal: Yes, right now!

First day for a long time in which I really feel a bit of "busy". You know, most of the people when you ask them whether they want to meet somewhere and do something will say 'sry I am busy'. Prolly 90% lies at that point I think, I mean who is productive the whole day and has absolutely no free time? However this day I was a bit busy, woke up and played my instrument, after that went outside for some sport actvities. Its cold, so no much fun, but still worth it. After some relaxing, eating etc. I went straight to my drvining license stuff. Right in my learning session I started to learn with my friend french. He is studying it and cant really get started with it. I have time and a bit experience in the language, so I help and we learn together. So every day 1hour there too. Not sure whether I take it in the head of my posts, because its no personal target(i.e. If my friend doesnt want to learn, i cant force him so I dont learn too. But maybe i will do it for myself then I will do it solo too of course, Lets see). After that finished my drving license stuff and watched a vid about coding. Tips in general. Like I said yesterday I still wait for some learning stuff a friend wanted to send me. But I shouldnt rely on that. But today I haf not much time to search for things. So I am just on a low level dose with coding currently. But at least I can say I did something :D.

Thats all for today, see you tomorrow guys

Ps: Just a reminder for me. I wrote some days ago I missed a meeting, I have it this week again, so I need to keep that in mind. So I write here so I check tomorrow the exact time again. :)

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13/90 without any LoL Content | Played Instrument: Yes! | Coding: Yes! | Learned for driving license: Yes! | Writing in my Journal: Yes, right now!

Not much to say about today, did my routine, sadly still no much progress at coding :/. However wanted to play and watch some LoL again, those feeling are not so often, but sometimes they come. Need to stay strong. I will keep going.

Thats all for today, see you tomorrow guys

(hopefully with more text for you!)

Edited by Samon

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I also think about gaming sometimes, it's normal, it's been part of our lives for so long right? In a previous post you said you shouldn't wait for your friend to send you learning material, and I agree. Discipline yourself, force yourself to start doing something for your goal, just for ten minutes. Use it as a trick. Say to your brain that you only need to stay in this task for ten minutes. You'll see you will not only stay for ten minutes , probably but even if you do, it's better than zero!

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27 minutes ago, fawn_xoxo said:

I also think about gaming sometimes, it's normal, it's been part of our lives for so long right? In a previous post you said you shouldn't wait for your friend to send you learning material, and I agree. Discipline yourself, force yourself to start doing something for your goal, just for ten minutes. Use it as a trick. Say to your brain that you only need to stay in this task for ten minutes. You'll see you will not only stay for ten minutes , probably but even if you do, it's better than zero!

Thank you. You are right, I want to achieve my goals so I need to do something for it. Thats true. Its not like I didnt do anything for coding lately, just not as much as I wanted(1-2hours daily). It somehow feels bad that I said days ago that I shouldnt wait for the material but I still didnt manage to search stuff on my own. I doesnt blame myself that much this time, because I used my time for other productive things. But still had enough time to do that too.

yea and you all know, sometimes in life other things stress you also. But I should believe in my own advise I give other people here: Its easy to stay focused when life goes great, but you need to stay focused when its hard too.

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14/90 without any LoL Content |  Played Instrument: Yes! | Coding: Yes! | Learned for driving license: Yes! | Writing in my Journal: Yes, right now!

Day started not so good, was lazy and surfed much. Usually I do learning part, and playing instrument as soon as I can so I am free for the rest of the day. Because you all know, if you have work to do you cant really relax until you do it. So I want to do it at the mornings as soon as I can. However it got afternoon till I started with my things, this lead to the point I couldnt exercise so much on my instrument today :/. Will try to do it better tomorrow, because in afternoon I have a meeting. 

Today I remember a story which is probably 1 year old. I had to learn for an exam and I had done nothing until to 2 days left. I remember that I worked okay on the first day, at the second day I wanted to start to learn at morning right after I woke up. But as always I grinded the whole day in front of league or computer in general. So I decided to not sleep this day. It was no problem, but even then I didnt learn. I made one game after another, so barely learned half of the time I had. So I went into the exam, failed so hard and I thought "this cant go on like this" however it did for 1 more year. And the results are so much worse than one failed exam.

However today I want to do better and those stories remind me of how important it is to dont relapse.

Thats all for today, see you tomorrow guys

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1 hour ago, Samon said:

14/90 without any LoL Content |  Played Instrument: Yes! | Coding: Yes! | Learned for driving license: Yes! | Writing in my Journal: Yes, right now!

Day started not so good, was lazy and surfed much. Usually I do learning part, and playing instrument as soon as I can so I am free for the rest of the day. Because you all know, if you have work to do you cant really relax until you do it. So I want to do it at the mornings as soon as I can. However it got afternoon till I started with my things, this lead to the point I couldnt exercise so much on my instrument today :/. Will try to do it better tomorrow, because in afternoon I have a meeting. 

Today I remember a story which is probably 1 year old. I had to learn for an exam and I had done nothing until to 2 days left. I remember that I worked okay on the first day, at the second day I wanted to start to learn at morning right after I woke up. But as always I grinded the whole day in front of league or computer in general. So I decided to not sleep this day. It was no problem, but even then I didnt learn. I made one game after another, so barely learned half of the time I had. So I went into the exam, failed so hard and I thought "this cant go on like this" however it did for 1 more year. And the results are so much worse than one failed exam.

However today I want to do better and those stories remind me of how important it is to dont relapse.

Thats all for today, see you tomorrow guys

Somehow your posts seem like exactly my life some time ago haha. Keep going, looks like you're doing good overall!

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15/90 without any LoL Content | Played Instrument: Yes! | Coding: Yes! | Learned for driving license: Yes! | Writing in my Journal: Yes, right now!

Hey all,

I think the day went good again. Did my stuff like planned, went to the meeting as mentioned. Today I decided to start now the general detox of surfing in the internet. At least particulary. I plan to wake up and have 1 or 2 hours of free time, where I can do w/e I want to in the internet. After that I want to start my tasks. Most of them happens at the computer, so usually all 5 min I go and do non-work things at computer. Need to stop that, and I will try to. So I want to start with my work and finish it without procastrination. I think I will have a lot of time after that. I am not sure what to do then. I am currently learning a new language, so maybe I invest more time in that. Oh and I definetly need to do more programming. However I will see how to fill my day wirhout surfing/playing/evertyhing else at computer/smartphone/tablet. At the evenings I plan to have then freetime again where I can do w/e I want to at computer(of course no LoL or so, the detox will still going on).

Thats the plan for now. If I make this, i will reduce the time maybe a bit step by step. I dont want to delete the time completely, I think a bit dose of internet is not that bad. Just dont overuse it. But of course u need to be reliable for that.

Thats all for today, see you tomorrow guys

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