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madcam111

Pissed because it hurts. But happy to be moving on.

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Disclaimer: I do talk about a friend I lost due to a drug-related incident.

Dear people of the GameQuitters forum. I am writing today to mark the day where I stand my ground. Against the games that I have used to numb my past. Games that have brought me a sense of joy and accomplishment but have in reality lured me down the dark tunnel of isolation and broken relationships. That being said, not all my gaming experiences I would consider to have brought anguish onto my life. But the matter of the fact is, if I let it, gaming will be the end of me...

But I stand my ground. Now and forever. After many lost battles with this addiction, I finally decided set myself up for success with this program and proper goals.

This goes deep. If you want to know a little about me, I am going to have to tell you about my friend. 
I met him around grade 5. When I moved to his school and joined his friend group. We all played soccer together, in school and on a select team. From there, our friendship flourished. At the end of grade 7, I moved away. And the key ingredient to our relationship was thus, online video games. From there we were tightly knit, a brotherly love. Talked and texted and played.
Fast forward and we decided to go to the same college together! This was the best decision of my life. But also, allowed our video game addiction to grow since we had no parents to keep up in check. He opened up about his depression and his suicidal thoughts, and me, not educated in the issue, tried to help him best I could all by myself. Around the beginning of the second term, I got my friend in trouble for possession of drugs which he was intern going to use to end his life. He was kicked off dorms but could still go to school. His parents moved him into an apartment with the intention of I moving in following the end of the winter to spring term.
When I moved in things were good. We were still best friends and did friend things together. Which unfortunately included many hours of mind-numbing gaming.

That was until June 17th, 2016 when I found him. In his bed. He had overdosed on heroin...
What... The... Fuck...
I had no idea he was using.

My life changed forever after that instance. From being pissy and depressed and dropping out of school, to meeting new people and doing new things and all around bettering myself.
I can honestly say after two years of dealing and grieving and growing. One of the only things that are holding me back from my true potential and self-actualization is the video game we once played together.  I have no friends who play the game but I keep on returning. But not today, not ever! I am committed.


I am done with numbing the pain with a reminder of the everlasting wound that has been opened inside my heart.

 

Since I have returned to school, I'm succeeding.
People like me.
But I don't like me when I play the game.

So fuck it.

RIP Austin (I knew you for 9 years. I know you would be proud of how far I have become and how far I am going to go)


Thank you for reading my introduction. As you can see, video games have not only been an addiction all my life but a PERFECT coping mechanism.

There is always hope.

Peace,

Cameron

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